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my life I do--you've been ill used-very! But, I say, how do you mean to live? You'll forgive my liberty.

Bra. I have youth, health, strength, energy-the world before, and heaven above me !

Spr. Generalities, my dear sir--pleasing generalities. But people don't live by generalities—must stoop to details. See a good dinner all very clear at a glance—that's a generality; but can't fill your stomach except you fix on your dish and take a mouthful at a time—that's a detail, eh? Where will you begin? what's your first dish?

Bra. I have not yet given this a thought.

Spr. (Aside.) Hem !-I suspected as much.-Professions now are genteel--very; but don't begin to pay till about fiveand-forty. It's a long fast from your age till then. Trade wants capital-or credit—afraid you have not got either.

Bra. But I have my education-my talents—my pen.

Spr. (Shaking his head.) Pen! Pen! Could get you writing perhaps in our office--seven shillings a-week, and find everything yourself, except your stool. Ah! I was afraid you would not like that.

Bra. I meant no slavish pen that plies for hire, but that which makes immortal-literature.

Spr. Easy writing—very hard publishing though. The booksellers won't, and you can't. Might write, perhaps, for the magazines and annuals, gratis, if the Duke of This, and Lady Agnes That, and the Honorable Mr. Tother, left you any room : and if you kept it up well for a dozen years or so, you might begin to get known, and perhaps a bookseller would publish for you, then, and share the profits-when you could find them.

Bra. But I have learning, and can communicate the knowledge I have acquired—a tutorSpr. Better be a footman. He has companions, the tutor

The kitchen is too low for him, and the drawingroom too high : and so he flits about by himself in the dusk, like a bat, because he is neither exactly a bird nor a beast.

Bra. Your arguments are sufficiently discouraging; yet I

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has none.

have such a fund of liope and energy within, that, let me but remove this weight of calumny that presses on my name, and all the rest seems light and easy.

Spr. Hem! but that's difficult, sir, very; particularly if the papers have got it. Could not undertake to get it contradicted, except as an advertisement--special paragraph-cost a good deal, and nobody believe it, then. You see a bit of scandal is public property, interests everybody. The contradiction is private property, interests nobody but the one person, and spoils a good story besides. Nothing exciting in a .contradiction--could not undertake it without-I say, you won't think me impertinent, but have you got any--(Slapping his breeches pocket)---any of the ready?

Bra Some ten or twelve pounds.

Spr. (Aside.) Ten or twelve pounds !-Quite a little fortune! My dear sir, my dear Mr. Brandon, this requires every attention. When Mr. Oddington heard the report

Bra. Mr. Oddington! How! Would you tell me it has reached there?

Spr. Bless your heart, the very first place it went to ! That's what I say, you see; the first report is always interesting.–A deputation of Mr. Hardman's servants waited on Mr. Oddington's household—

Bra. This is beyond endurance! I'll fly there this instant.

Spr. (Shakes his head.) No go! Did not I mention it? The doors are ordered to be shut against you.

Bra. Condemned without a hearing! I'll

Spr. Now stop, now stop! you're so impetuous. I had a thought—but you make me quite nervous.

Bra. What is it?

Spr. There you go—no patience--you're putting it all out of my head—(Aside.) Ten or twelve pounds! What a comfortable little sum !

Bra. But your thought?

Spr. Bless me, how it's escaping me! Very odd; but when I want to think, I'll tell you what, I'm always obliged to do

Bra. This is torture !

Spr. First I dine. I never can think, do you know, before dinner. By-the-bye, have you dined yet? That's a capital house at the corner !

Bra. (Impatiently.) Psha! I shall go mad!

Spr. No, don't! because, when you know what Miss Mortimer said

Bra. Miss Mortimer! has she too heard of this villainous invention ?

Spr. Did not I tell you? Bless my heart, there's my throat again ! The most extraordinary complaint in my throat, when I talk much! I can't speak another word till I've swallowed an oyster, and you have not dined, you say ?

Bra. You shall eat, drink, and swill-only tell me what Miss Mortimer

Spr. Upon my life, it's too bad; I would not, on any account, let you pay, only it is not a credit house ; and changing my trousers, I have left my purse at home.

Bra. I will pay anything--give anything! Put me out of

this suspense.

Spr. It's really extraordinary—hem !-hem !-all here ! (Putting his hand to his throat.) All round !-It's only just at the corner.

Bra. Tell me, but in one word

Spr. I can't-upon my life, I can't speak a word—my throat is getting in such a state—I can't utter a single syllable, till I've-There, you see that's the house-I'll introduce you.

(Going. Bra. But, Miss MortimerSpr. The doctors say it's the uvula. Bra. Hang your uvula !

Spr. Oysters, I think, you said, for a whet to begin with ?

(E.cit. Bra. (Following.) Scoundrel !-tell me what Elinor what Miss Mortimer

(Rushes after him.


A DUCK, who had got such a habit of stuffing,
That all the day long she was panting and puffing,
And, by every creature, who did her great crop see,
Was thought to be galloping fast for a dropsy,

One day, after eating a plentiful dinner,
With full twice as much as there should have been in her,
While up to her eyes in the gutter a roking,
Was greatly alarmed by the symptoms of choking.
Now there was an old fellow, much famed for discerning,
(A drake, who had taken a liking for learning)
And high in repute with his feathery friends,
Was called Dr. Drake ;—for this doctor she sends.

In a hole of the dunghill was Dr. Drake's shop,
Where he kept a few simples for curing the crop;
Some gravel and pebbles, to help the digestion,
And certain famed plants of the doctor's selection.

So taking a handful of comical things,
And brushing his topple and pluming his wings,
And putting his feathers in apple-pie order,
Set out, to prescribe for the lady's disorder.

“ Dear sir," said the duck, with a delicate quack,
Just turning a little way round on her back,
And leaning her head on a stone in the yard,
“My case, Dr. Drake, is exceedingly hard

“I feel so distended with wind, and opprest,
So squeamish and faint,-such a load at my chest;
That I'm anxious to get some doctor, or wizard
To spirit away these pains in my gizzard."

* Give me leave," said the doctor, with medical look, As her flabby cold paw in his fingers he took ;

“By the feel of your pulse—your complaint, Ive been thinking, Is caused by your habits of eating and drinking."

“O no, sir, believe me," the lady replied,
(Alarmed for her stomach as well as her pride,
“I am sure it arises from nothing I eat,
For I rather suspect I got wet in my feet.

“I've only been roking a bit in the gutter,
Where the cook had been pouring some cold melted butter,
And a slice of green cabbage, and scraps of cold meat,
Just a trifle or two—that I thought I could eat."

The doctor was just to his business proceeding,
By gentle emetics, a blister, and bleeding,
When all on a sudden she rolled on her side,-
Gave a horrible quackle—a struggle—and died !

Her remains were interred in a neighboring swamp,
By her friends, with a great deal of funeral pomp;
But I've heard this inscription her tombstone was put on,
“ Here lies Mrs. Duck, the notorious glutton.”
And all the young ducklings are brought by their friends
To learn the disgrace in which gluttony ends.


BEFORE and behindbefore and behind !
'Twere well if we often felt inclined
To keep these two little words in mind

That are pregnant with joy or sorrow :
Many a tale of weal or of woe
This brace of significant syllables show,
From which we may all, as through life we go,

Instruction and warning borrow.

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