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havo much pleasure in placing the following fashionable. intelligence from exclusive sources before our readers:—
At S a.m. His Royal Highness Tub Prince Of Walbs kindly consented to be present at the opening of his own eyes.
At 9 a.m. Ilia Koyal Highness superintended the Opening of the bedroom shutters in person.
At 10 a.m. His Koyal Highn»ss opened the Times, and immediately afterwards proceeded toopen an egg.
At 11 a.m. nis Royal Highness presided at the Opening of the gates of Marlborough House. At 12 His Royal Highness honoured with his presence the Opening of two hotels, three main drainage works, a pair of picture galleries, and an infant school.
At 1 p.m. His Royal Highness, whilo partaking of a light lunch, assisted at the Opening of a dozen oysters, a pate de foic gras, and a bottle of Moselle.
At 2 p.m. His Royal Highness was present at the Opening of moro hotels, works, galleries and schools.
At 3 p.m. His Royal Highness looked in at the Opening of a street in tho interests of the water company.
At 4 p m. His Royal Highness expressed himself to tho effect that how he was to get through all the inaugurations which he was called upon to honour was quite an open question.
[We keep our columns open till tho latest moment in case His Royal Highness should attend any more of those interesting ceremonies.]
THE NEXT NEW PLAY.
We are in a position to give the plot and libretto of an entirely original five-net play, in blank verse, which may possibly bo produced on the re-en gagemont of Miss Bateman. It is not unlikely that it will be called
GEMMA DI VERGY;
Alphonzo A wild Irishman, beloved by Gemma.
Cincinnatus Lord of tho Keep of Dolbardern, and father of
Roderick Dhu .... Pope of Rome.
Boccacio A Welsh harper.
Ristolacco .... I Welsh retainers in the pay of Cincinnatcs.
Edwards A Spaniard.
Julia Domna .... A housekeeper.
Act 1.— The Castle of CJiester.
Enter Rimini, Ristolacco, and Spahtivento.
Rimini.—Dolts! Know ye not [something or other.)
The Others.—Ay, marry do we!
Rimini.—Then out upon ye for saucy varlets!
[They out upon themselves.)
Act 2.—The same.
Enter Jumbles and Julia Domna. Julia.—A murrain on thee, thou fool!
Jumbles (sarcastically).—Nay, it is thou that art tho fool, and even I, Jumbles, tho poor jester, am the wise man.
Enter Gemma Di Vesoy.
Gemma [sternly and with purpo.C).—This jester hath amused mo oft with his rare wit.
Jumbles [feeling himself called upon to say something smart).—Then art thou forsworn, and I, the fool, am the wiser of the twain.
Gemma.—Carses! My bitterest carscs blight you both! Wow!
Enter Boccacio with harp. Boccacio.—Shall I sing you something? Gbmma.—No. Move on!
Boccacio.—Then carse everybody! Carsc you, Gemma di Vergy, in particular! You'll see! .
(Six years are supposed to elapse.)
Act 3.—The same.
Gemma.—I have had tho measles, but now, with the exception of a slight hump-baek, I am well again. How lovely is my sister Emily! Would that Alphonzo would return from the wars!
Alphonzo.—Ho is hero!
Gbmma.—Ah! But now that I am hump-backed
Alphonzo.—You aro not hump-backed; at least nothing to speak of. Gemma.—Carses on you! My bitterest carses—(recollecting herself)
I should say " blessings!" but such is the force of habit
Alphonzo.—Don't montion it. We will be one! (They coo.) Enter Jumbles.
J Umbles.—You twain one f Then that ono were twice the fool he was before, and I, the poor jester, am tho wisest. Alphonzo.—Get out!
Act i.—The same. Enter PgpB Roderick Dhu. Roderick.—She little thinks—but soft!
Gemma.—Good father, how sweetly my sister Emily is looking!
Gemma.—Why that "humph?" What mean you? Roderick (whispering at the top of his voice).—She loves your husband!
Gemma.—I'll not believe it. Carses on you for suggesting it!
Gemma.—My Emily! (Theyembrace.)
Enter Edwards. Edwards.—My lord is wounded in tho tournay, and is like to die! Emily.—Oh! poor fellow!
Gemma.—Hah! Sho is sorry! Then she loves him! I will kill hor! Roderick.—Do!
Gemma.—Carscs! May my bitterest carses, &c, &c, Sec.
Act 5.—The same with a sofa in it. Emily on it in evening dress and crinoline as worn by the early Welsh.
Emily.—Not particularly. I like him as a brother-in-law.
Now for it! (Drinks poison.)
Tors.—Is sho dead?
Gemma (with mental reservation).—No; but she will bo soon!
Pope.—I am. Ha! ha! That strikes thee to thy soul!
Gemma.—No, I don't caro. I am about to die, but before tho fluttering spirit hath fled, carscs, my death-bed carscs wither you up into raisins! (Vies.)
Pope.—Horrible! most horrible! Enter all the characters, who curse each other all round (this effect is registered); they then curse themselves, and finally the audience.
Do Your Duty.
We hear that Sir James Ferot-sson, Bart., M.P., intends to move for leave to bring in a bill to ropeal tho duty on marriage certificates. A deputation of married ladies waited on the honourable baronet the other day, and suggested that tho duty of obedience should also bo repealed. Tho deputation tried to persuade Sir James to let them insert their clause into his bill, but he declined to let them have a finger in it.
In composing a round you should always use circular notes. Why is the leader of the orchestra at the opera the most wonderful man of tho age P—Because he beats Time.
By The Sacntehee In Society.
Election addresses aro getting as plentiful as leaves in Vallombroso. I don't know—in the way of fiction—a more amusing style of literature than is to be found in these manifestos. This timo one of the funniest is Loud Ranelaoh's despatch, or bulletin, or whatever is tho military term for it, to the electors of Bodmin. The Alexander of the Volunteer Service, instead of weeping that there are no worlds "to conquer, goes straight to attack Mr. Wild and the ox-globo of Leicester-squaro. Then we have Mb. Hudson, the dethroned Railway King, at Whitby, where he crops up again, after his unlimited cropper, like tho local jet. It is very pleasant to bo set right an any point, and one ought to be glad to learn from Mb. Hudson's own lips that he has been a benefactor of his species, because the general impression has l>een rather tho reverse. Westminster ought to be a very literary constituency to judgo from the fact that two gentlemen connected in different ways with literature are aiming at its representation—Mr. Joun Stuart Mill and Mr. W. H. Smith, who might take a hint from a popular journal, and dato " From our (book) stall."
The reappearance of the Railway King is appropriate at a time when railways are smashing again. This timo, however, the smashing is transitive, and the sufferers pay in person, not pocket. A complaint has been made in the House, and the attention of Government directed to the negUgence and mismanagement which give rise to theso accidents; but, as a matter of course, "Government could do nothing," a fact with which we are all acquainted. Parliament contains too many directors for us to expect any improvement in the conduct of the companies. Until we can bring tho necessity for a change palpably homo to tho railways by making tho compensation thoy have to pay for negligence heavier than tho profits they derive from it—in fact until railway travelling is made a losing hazard to the companies we shall get nothing done.
The Oxford dons are for the most part in a state of excitement at the proposed desecration of the grand old city by tho establishment of tho railway works there. I am inclined to think that they have blundered into the right in opposing it. Tho benefit to the trade of Oxford is questionable, the injury very evident H the University behaves itself prettily in the matter of Mr. Gladstone's return, and proves itself worthy of our support, we'll see what can be dono to transfer the works to Didcot or elsewhere.
London is being beautified by private enterprise. Tho palatial hotels which are rising in all quarters are really great additions to the metropolis in an architectural point of view. The latest, and porhaps the largest and finest of these huge caravanserais, the Langham, was opened tho other day, with a very public private view. The situation is noble, tho look-out splendid, but I don't see what prospect the shareholders can have of seeing their outlay back. The ornamentation is by a public creditor. Wo all owe Owen Jones a debt of gratitude. Tho cost of such adornments in tho style of old illumination must considerably swell tho item of missal-lancous expenditure in the company's accounts.
Tub South Kensington clique have muddled the Miniature Exhibition in their accustomed style. A heterogeneous jumble of good, bad and indifferent miniatures of all periods, as excessive in quantity as it is deficient in quality, is not what should have beon the result of their labours; and tho audacity of charging five shillings for tho catalogue is insufferable. It is simjdy an imposition.
I See a paragraph going the rounds of the papers, and describing the crowds that nightly frequont a certain wood to hear the song of a nightingale May I draw attention to the note—a fifty pound ono— of another Niohtinoalb—Miss Florbncb Nightingale—presented to the National Lifeboat Association? As great a crowd as possible should adopt this as their key-note. Capital embarked in lifeboats is safe to return interest of tho right sort.
It is not always that success attends on merit, but the popularity of Arrah-na-Poguc is certainly well-dcseTved. It is one of the best dramas I ever saw, and admirably acted and put on the stage. There aro some capital characters and clever situations in it. Mrs. BouciCault was as charmingly natural and touching as over. Mr. BouciCault's honesty is consummate acting. Mr. Dominick Murray's villain is a fine creation, and the O'Grady of Mr. Brougham a firstchss bit of character-painting. I hoar, by the byo, that Mr. Brougham is about to return to America, and I regret it. Why did Mr. Fechter part with him? Tho good luck of the Lyceum seemed to be transferred to the Oxford-street theatre when tho author of Bel Dtmonio and The Duke's Moth left tho Lyceum company.
I Camb tho other day on a paragraph in a paper stating that "as Mr. Mkchi was desirous of parting with Tiptree Hall, a number of gentlemen had determined to buy it and present it to him," which reads funnily. Tho oddest bit of questionable writing of this sort was to be found in the Pall Mall GaattU, in a paragraph which it subsequently described as " Bo worded as to convey aa erroneous impression," that impression beiog, in fact, the exact opposite of what wus intended.
THE GRAND PRIX DE PARIS.—ASCOT ANTICIPATIONS.
Paris, The Grand Hotel, Monday, June 12.
Vive La France! Ever since I left my native shore, with the exception of a brief but tumultuous interval of stomachic misery on board the packet, your Prophet has had a remarkably good timo of it, never having been in Paris before, circumstances pecuniary and social being rather against him until recent luck.
Paris—the looteacher Parisionum of the ancients—has been so often described that Nicholas will not detain your readers by details concerning of manners and customs, since such must be expected as different in foreign parts, and which instead of their flim-flam and their kickshaws, give me a honest joint and a good glass of sherry wine!
With a paganism which Nicholas will not attempt to extenuate nor set down in malice, tho Grand Race was held yesterday (Sunday), but am bound to say, in spite of such profanity, and which I am told is habitual, the people were most well-conducted and more sober than is usual on a race-course amongst a contiguous people much given to speak of tho French as " our lively neighbours."
Ah, sir, you should havo heard the old man cheer when Lewis Napoleon came on tho course!" five VEmp'ereur !" cries Nicholas, and " Vive f Empress, et le Infant Prince Imperial, blest his petit exur."
I have always respected that eminent man, looking upon him as a sort of political Nicholas himsolf, which have had his ups and downs, but rote to success, exactly like your Prophet, by his own determination and sagacity. Besides, the French like a strong government. I have now been in Paris two whole days and a half, Bo can speak from personal experience of thoir character.
You will already have heard the result of the race from other and earlier sources of information, and which what I allude to is the electric fluid. The victory again fell to my own old favourite—to that horso which I have stood through thick and thin, regardless of calumny, and too proud to hedge, namely, videlicet,
I think I predicted as much in my contribution to Number Five of the New Serious, but not having a file of the paper by me in this foreign clime, cannot say positive. I know I meant to, at any rate, and, personally, I backed him heavy.
After the race, however, who should come up to Nicholas but your French correspondent, M. Jean Godin, than whom I am sure a more affable young gentleman, though too much given to coloured clothes and shrugging up of his shoulders, and flinging his arms out like a spread eagle, and speaking through Jus nose, and I don't believe could tell a three-year-old from a old cart-horse, but wo can't all bo Nicholases; so off we went to an International banquet, and plonty of champagne, but the old man was cautious, Mr. Editor, and stuck to his shorry wine.
And as soon as tho feed was over, sir, hang me if thoy didn't propose the jolly good health of tho Sportive Men of Angloterro! It says in the paper that thanks was returned by Mr. Morris; but the^iaper must have had too much to drink, or not been familiar with fashion, because, as for Mr. Morris, who is a most respectable man—as for him interrupting of Nicholas, and taking the words as I may say out of your Prophet's mouth, why Mr. Morris would scorn tho action.
No, Mr. Editor; Nicholas returned thanks, as your Sportivo Editor, and well he did it, though your Prophet says so, considering it was in a foreign language with which I am not habitually familiar, though second to none as regards purity of accent.
It was at this dinner that I gave my Ascot tip. Of course time alone can show whether it will prove successful, but you are tolorablj' well aware by this time, I should fancy, that tho old man is not a fool.
This, then, is my tip, and which I hope it will reach you in time to be published in Number Six of the New Serious.
"Messieurs," I said, "unaccoutomu comme jo suis au publique parlant, e'est avec grande emotion quo jo rise. Quant au Coupe do 1'Ascot, lo Genfral Peel est un bon cheval; mais Ely est un meilleur.
II est possible que les deux couriront une morto chaleur, or dead heat, mais jo crois que Ely sera lo vainqueur. Comme pour Fillo de 1'Air, Messieurs, elle n'a pas la fantome d'uno chance!"
Here Godin got noisy, but some of the French bookmakers who had laid heavy against tho General, came up to Nicholas and wanted to kiss the old man on the cheek; but Nicholas keeps his kisses for the maids of merry England—tho maids of merry, merry England. Let the bottle pass, and we'll fill another glass, to tho maids of merry, merry England! Nicholas.
Note.—It will be observed that our esteemed correspondent dates "Paris, Monday, Juno 12," but the packet only reached us on Friday, J une 1 Cth, and it boro tho postmark, not of Paris, but of Windsor. Wc have written to his Bclgravian address for an explanation.—Ed.
A LETTER TO A YOUNG NOBLEMAN.
My Dear Lord Amberley,—You aro young; and you have no doubt often been told by your venerable papa that foreign travel would improve your mind.
Acting, I presume, under your illustrious parent's advice, you went abroad. It was very good of you to do Bo, and it adds another to the long list of priceless services for which our country is indebted to the house of Russell.
Writing in great haste, I have unwittingly used the word " priceless." I beg to withdraw that expression.
For, my dear Lord Amberlet, I find that on Thursday night, the 8th June, 1866, the public were called upon to contribute the sum of forty-two pounds fourteen shillings towards your travelling expenses. t My esteemed friend Mr. La Yard, who could not have felt particularly proud or happy that evening, had to Btate that you wore good enough to tako your passage twice in our men-of-war. You sailed from Corinth to Ancona; you sailed from the Pirtcus to Kallimaki. J 11 Binccroly trust that you enjoyed yourself on both occasions.
But, my very dear young friend, it seems that tho extra expense caused to the captains by your affability amounts to that sum which I have already named; and as those gentlemen, although they doubtless value tho pleasure of your company, might not havo wished to pay twenty-one pounds seven shillings apiece for it, Groat Britain has to dofray twice that amount.
Great Britain can, of course, do so without any danger of becoming bankrupt; but I respectfully submit to you that there was no earthly reason why sho should.
You were not travelling in the public service; and I confess to you that, as an individual taxpayer (to a very large amount), I rather grudge my share of the £42 14s.
I am not aware that when Lord Derby's son goes down for his own purposes to King's Lynn, or young Mr. Gladstone for similar reasons takes the train from London to Chester, those gentlemen aro in the
habit of asking the British Empire to-pay for their railway tickets and their hotel expenses.
I am, as you know, not a fervid politician; but it does appear to me, as a mere question of gentlemanly feeling, that you and your friends have made a slight mistake.
If your own impressions on the subject should take tho form of "Conscience Money," I shall be happy to forward to my valued friend Mr. Gladstonb, senior, the sum of £42 14s., on recoiving your cheque for £42 14s. Id. The difference of" Id. (say, ono penny) I deduct for postage; but I do not charge you anything at all for the present number of my very oxcollent and clover periodical.
Yours, more in sorrow than in anger, • Fun.
By Our Own Babbaok.
It has been observed that two and two make four—but what for t
sea-voyage will do the same. V The conjunction of four and four constitutes eight, but tho union, of
a couple is not always productive of love.
CHORUS OF BARRISTERS
Oh the South Wales Circtiit.
Wretched must other circuits be,
Letters Op Credit.—I. 0. U.