WHAT SENSATION HAS COME TO AT LAST!

Mamma: "TELL YOU A PRETTY STORY? WELL, WHAT SHALL IT BE?"

Small Child:-"ABOUT A NICE 'ITTLE GIRL WHO HAS MURDERED HER PAPA AND MAMMA, AND ALL HER 'ITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!"

mind the cold a bit in low necks and short sleeves, and it's well it's MRS. BROWN AT THE OPERA. no worse, for some of them foreigners don't wear nothing at all, as I've heerd my own godfather say as is their ways over there. I "Was ever you at the Italian opera, MRS. BROWN?" says MRS. couldn't exactly make out what it was all about, no more couldn't WALTERS to me last week, as I was a-drinking tea along with her, as MRS. WALTERS, as the heat makes sleepy; but of course, thro' it's has a genteel apartment just close by the Middlesex 'Ospital, thro' being Italian, wasn't to be looked for. Certainly I never did see being in the straw-bonnet line, as isn't what it were, when I've give nicer-looking young gentlemen, and dressed for all the world like a guinea for a Dunstable, as was all the fashion, out of my own pocket, Cheyney ornaments-dears, they was. I wanted to ask Mus. WALTERS as would turn to the last, and then dye equal to new. So I says, about them, but whenever I opened my mouth parties hished and "No, mum," I says, "I never were, tho' I've heerd tell on it often hushed dreadful. Well, one young gentleman, with lovely hair, in and often, thro' my dear mother's own sister, as had a husband a fire-particular took my fancy, as spoke out reglar English, and made man there night and day, and I know well as she's often heerd them parties as didn't know theirselves keep busting out a-laughing. I Italians a-doing their music beautiful thro' him. Not as all Italian wonder as the young gentleman wasn't hurt; but no, he kep' on means music, for I'm sure there's MR. JENNINGS, as keeps the Italian a-smiling quite pleasant; and then there come in a young lady-I warehouse next door but one to where we used to lodge, there wasn't won't say a fine gal, but certainly a fine ooman, with a 'cad of 'air as much music in his hollaring at his 'prentice in langwidge as was was wonderful. Well, when she come for'ard I'm blest if they didn't downright low-lived, that it was; and as to Italians I don't hold with clap their hands and roar with laughter. I'm sure if it had been me their ways, as I'm sure had something of a hand in my silver tea- I should have got my temper up, and I wonder it didn't hern, for spoons, as was took, I may say, under my very nose while they was them foreigners is 'ot-tempered and up in a minit, as I've often heerd a-playing of their bagpipes and a-dancing like maniacs broke loose all them say as has been in them parts; indeed, my own aunt thro' over the place; but certainly they must be fond on it as I should say." marriage, as never could a-bear the foreigners, thro' having a niece of "Oh, yes," says MRS. WALTERS, "it's well known as they is, and I've hern eat by them, as emigrated to South Wales, thro' living in a misheard 'em myself and often." "So have I," says I, "and late o' sionary family, as was all eat down to the baby in the cradle, as nights, too, a-playing on their orgins thro' the pouring rain, as nobody couldn't have done nothing to provoke their appetites, being that wasn't a-listening to, so must have been a-doing it for their own tender, as is nat'ral. Well, they all got a-dancing and a-singing, as amusements." "Well," says MRS. WALTERS, "Would you like for to is the ways with them foreigners, and a party come in black, as had go and hear the Italian Opera?" "Won't it be late?" I says. a muff on his head, and looked that solemn as I should say he'd "Oh, no," says she, "we can come away whenever we likes thro' me known sorrers; and then there was more singing and dancing, and a-having of a friend as can get us in, and it's close by, not three one young fellow he jumped enough for to bring the place down, as streets off." Well," I says, "BROWN can't be here to fetch me till was a 'eavenly dancer. But, 'pon my word, my head got a-aching ten at the earliest, and it may be half-past; but," I says, no thro' people a-laughing like mad all about; so I says to MRS. WALTERS, scrouging and pushing, MRS. WALTERS, if you please." "Oh, dear, "Whatever is there to laugh at ?" I says. "I can't hear a word for no," says she. "I'm glad of that," says I, "for I'm not one for no them," for with my velvet bonnet I'm rather hard of hearing. So I crowds, as is a deal too free in their ways for me." So when tea was says to a young chap as was a-setting next me, "I wish as you over, and me being refreshed, as is a meal as will do it when beef and wouldn't keep a-shouting out in my ear. Whatever is there to laugh mutton won't, MRS. WALTERS says, "There's plenty of time, and we at? I can't see nothing to keep a-yelling like that; for, indeed, the won't have no hurry-skurry." I says, "Not if I knows it; for," I place looked solemn thro' being of a bedroom, leastways I should say says, "I'm warm clothed, and the least thing would throw me into a shake-down for a make-shift; and there was the solemn gent that violent glow as taking of a sudden chill on might be the death on a-goin' to bed, when if that fine gal as we'd seen afore didn't come in me;" for thro' the weather a-looking lowery, and being far from settled, thro' the winder! "Well," I says, "I never see such boldness in my and never knowing how to dress, I'd took precautions in my Saxony born days." I says, "MRS. WALTERS, mum, if it don't make no cloth, as look equal to French merino, a black velvet bonnet, and my difference to you, p'raps you wouldn't mind a-coming 'ome; for," I Angola shawl. I was warm, not to say hot. So we was a-chatting says, "it's all very well for Royal families to go on like this," I friendly over a little drop warm, thro' being old friends, as lived says, "but I should say as it didn't ought to be allowed. I'm sure as oncet in a family in the Regency Park, as she married from. I says, no Queen as is a lady wouldn't have such goin's-on under her nose.' "MRS. WALTERS, mum, what is the name of this here Italian Opera So people begins to hollar from behind, "Set down!" "I shan't," I as we're a-goin' to?" "The Prince of Wales's Theatre," says she. says; "I'm a-going." Just then a young fellow reaches over and "Oh, indeed," I says; "I'm sure I hope they don't go on there as they fetched me such a bonneter, as the saying is, that if MRS. WALTERS do at his ma's." "Well," she says, "it was the QUEEN's oncet.' hadn't have ketched me I should have pitched over. I ups with my "Oh, really," I says. "Yes," says she; "but thro' her 'eavy inflictions umbrella for to give him one back, when it missed, and came down on she's give it up to the PRINCE OF WALES along with all the other grand a old gentleman's bald head as was setting by. "What do you mean things as she don't take no pleasure in now; as I can feel for her, for by that?" says he. "I didn't go to do it," says I. "Come out!" when I buried WALTERS it seemed as tho' all was took." "Ah!" I says MRS. WALTERS, "you're a outraging decency." "What," I says, "poor thing! she takes on dreadful, I'm told, as is natʼral. I says, "ANNA MARIA WALTERS, you turn agin me!" I says; and I was often thinks on her when I sees poor MRS. GIDDINGS, as lives at the that 'urt as I busted into tears. I says, "You've been and sent a back of me, as was left with nine straggling infants, with nothin' to harrow thro' me as will kindle in my bussim to the last." Well, cling to but the mangle, as is dragging her into the grave; and lost parties hollared so, and MRS. WALTERS she forces me into my seat, two families thro' taking on and not goin' for the work regular." where I was a-sobbing fit to break my heart, and didn't take no notice Says MRS. WALTERS, "Why, there goes eight. Bless my heart! how of nothing till after a deal more singing and dancing they dropped a we have been a-chattering." So as we had our things on we started large dark thing. "Well," I says, "MRS. WALTERS, mum, if you off, rather too sharp for me, but soon got there, as is a elegant place, please, let me go home." So we was a-going out when the young and ladies a-goin' in dressed like ball-rooms, as we had to stop till chap as was close by he bust out a-laughing, and says to another they was in, and was then showed up two pair of stairs quite genteel, hidjeot, "I'm blest if that old gal ain't took it all in earnest." I and real gentlemen a-standin' about, as was that polite to MRS. says, "You did ought to be ashamed of yourselves a-grinning there." WALTERS as makes me say, "Well, to be sure, it's fine to be you," as I says, "If I was your mother I'd keep you at home; for," I says, certainly as a noble way with her, thro' bein' used to quality in "you ain't fit company for the PRINCE OF WALES, you ain't." But working for West-end 'ouses. So we got comfortable seats, tho' they only grinned the more, and I comes out with MRS. WALTERS, as there was more light than I cared for, thro' having eyes as is easily says, "Whatever made you go on like that? I think you must have infected; but certainly it was lovely-I never see, and the music been a-dreaming." "Well," I says, "MRS. WALTERS, I don't want a-playin', and a sweet pretty picter to look at, and all the ladies and no words with you," I says. "Not as I calls it friendly in you to have gentlemen down below as looked like a flower-garden, and some on took up agin me; but," I says, "certainly that opera was uncommon 'em a-looking out of windows, leastways they was like windows in lovely; and no wonder as princes is took with such a lovely gal as that; having of curtains but no glass. I says, "Are they the singers?" but why ever she should come a-walking about into people's rooms MRS. WALTERS says, "No-the boxes." "Oh," I says, "indeed." like that puzzles me." "Oh," says she, "she's a snambler." Whatever she meant by boxes I can't think, for just then they pulls what?" says I. "Why, one as walks in her sleep." I says, “Oh, up the picter and showed another as was beautiful, the snow a-laying indeed; why didn't you mention it?" "Well, then," I says, "I'd deep, as made it feel quite cool and refreshing where we was, but must cure her quick, as is easy done, thro' a-sewing their bedgowns to the be cold for them as lives there. So I asks MRS. WALTERS, "Wherever ticking, tying of their legs, or even a thorough draught took sudden; is it?" She says, "Over there." I says, "Indeed!" I says; "I hopes but," I says, "in my opinion, them operas ain't much better than not among the Hottenpots, as didn't ought to be showed, as I oncet plays, and I don't hold with them;' and we was home afore BROWN see a Wenus myself of that persuasion as was a sight for quantity; come, and I never said a word to him, for he's reglar play-mad, and but just as I was a-asking, in come a lot of young gals a-dancing like if he was to know as I'd been even to the opera he'd be always mad, as their shoes was noisy, but p'raps they did it for to keep wanting to drag me about to theayters, as don't suit my complaint, theirselves warm, tho' I must say as all the ladies didn't seem to so I don't go.

"A

ROTTEN-BOW.

10

A DAY'S RIDE.

HERE'S a tempting bit of greenery-of rus in urbe scenery-
That's haunted by the London "upper ten;"

Where, by exercise on horseback, an equestrian may force back

Little fits of tedium vitæ now and then.

Oh, the times that I have been there, and the types that I have seen there

Of that gorgeous cockney animal, the "swell,"

And the scores of pretty riders (both patricians and outsiders)

Are considerably more than I can tell.

When first the warmer weather brought these people all together,

And the crowds began to thicken through the Row,

I reclined against the railing on a sunny day, inhaling

All the spirits that the breezes could bestow.

And the riders and the walkers, and the thinkers and the talkers,

Left me lonely in the thickest of the throng.

Not a touch upon my shoulder-not a nod from one beholder-
As the stream of Art and Nature went along.

But I brought away one image, from that fashionable scrimmage,
Of a figure and a face-ah, such a face!

Love has photographed the features of that loveliest of creatures
On my memory, as Love alone can trace.

Did I hate the little dandy with long whiskers (they were sandy),
Whose absurd salute was honoured by a smile?

Did I marvel at his rudeness in presuming on her goodness,
When she evidently loathed him all the while?

Oh, the hours that I have wasted, the regrets that I have tasted,
Since the time (it seems a century ago),

When my heart was won instanter by a lady in a canter,
On a certain sunny day in Rotten-row!

GENT (decisively).-I must give it up. I never could guess a conundrum.

AUG.-No, no, I don't mean that! All I wish to remark isGENT. Oh, don't say all, because I feel that I could go on listening to you for years-for centuries!

AUG.-But how should you manage about food?

GENT (timidly).-I fancy that a half-quartern loaf and a little porringer of water from the neighbouring brook would suffice for my daily wants.

AUG.-It shall be arranged. And now let us return to the breezethe river, the barges, and those few portions of the Thames Embankment which are already visible above the undulating surface of theGENT.-I say, did you ever try to write a book?

AUG. (after a pause).-I cannot remember the incident. Why? GENT. Because-but, no, I never could guess a conundrum. Go home, admirable young man, and write original poems without an instant's delay. Bring me several of them in three days. My name is LONGMAN, or else MURRAY, I forget which, but it's in the Directory somewhere.

Avo. (emptying his pockets).-And I-fool that I am-have left my Directory at home.

GENT.-Never mind, here's my card. Young man, the path to fame lies before you. In three months the whole of Europe will resound with your praises.

AUG.-Oh, horror!-I mean, oh, rapture! My generous benefactor, how can I repay this kindness?

GENT.-By-but, no, I never could guess a conundrum. Now I indeed feel what it is to be a publisher.

TABLEAU.-The boat stops.

Auc.-A conviction once formed is like the South American anaconda, which coils itself into inextricable knots, and then refuses to yield to external pressure.

LADY.-Sir, you have an encyclopædic mind. I once had an uncle whose mind was nearly as encyclopædic as yours. He is gone, though, and I am left alone in the world to be trodden on-especially the corns.

AUG. (passionately).-Is there no remedy? MR. EISENBERG has extracted

LADY.-Your suggestion comes like a ray of light across a path where all was dark before. If the devotion of a lifetime

AUG. (kneeling).-Then you accept the poet's love? My lot is humble, but we will share it together.

LADY.-I will work for you, slave for you. I will take in washing. I will

AUG. (enjoying his confusion).-I can.

STRANGER.-Then do. The information will be considered perfectly confidential. I am rich, but honest.

AUG.-Then make it worth my while and you shall know everything. Listen, old man. This morning I was friendless, hopeless, destitute. I now possess the plighted word of a young and lovely female-at all events, a female-who is shortly to be mine. In three months I shall have achieved a proud position in the world of letters, andSTRANGER.-Hold hard! I've heard something very like this in a stage-play.

AUG. Of course you have. It's the business of the drama to hold the mirror up to nature, to show vice her own image, &c. But let us talk about me. I was thinking that money

STRANGER (smiling).-Come, come, see what it is. Young people will be young people, so I forgive you, Harry; and if our kind patrons will only- Ah, you should have seen JACK BANNISTER, young man. AUG. And the money?

STRANGER (pulling out a pocket-book).-Take it, marry and be happy. Buy a semi-detached villa, and get as much horse exercise as possible. How about London? Shall we soon be there?

AUG. (pocketing the bank-notes).-It strikes me that you're in the wrong train. We are going away from London, liberal but careless old man! TABLEAU.-Train goes on.