SPORTING INTELLIGENCE. NICHOLAS TREATS OF POLITICS AND OF THE DRAMA. Ir is quite possible that many of the more detractional readers of this organ may have been writing abusing letters to yourself, Mr. Editor, equally as to the other contributors, than whom I am sure a more affable body of young gentlemen, though a little gay. It may have been-and well am I acquainted with the mean and dastardly nature as would do such, his father, which I mentioned previous, having long been notorious as a butcher in the New Cut; but, sir, it may have been the case that the capacity of your Sportive Editor should be attacked, but, magna est veritas, although it don't prevail a bit, as well LORD WESTBURY knows. And it may, sir, have been insinuated that the only thing your NICHOLAS really understands is the Turf, and that he only gets that from the other sportive papers, and I will frankly admit that I read those vehicles. But it may also have been said by people (especially when their parents breathed the pestilential air of a slaughter-house), that a Sportive Editor ought not to confine himself to the horse alone, nor mares, as in the Oaks; but that he should take what the letter you have kindly handed me calls a "comprehensive view," though well can I remember the time when this "comprehensive viewer was glad enough to take a glass of sherry wine at the expense of your prophet, and may so again, because at present merely envious in consequence of an accidental failure to remit winnings on the part of NICHOLAS at a time of the latter's career which he would rather bury in the vaults of oblivion than absolutely go about carrying it chalked on a board in front. And, sir, I will be sportive in the widest sense of that ejaculationbut this week? No, Mr. Editor, no, no, contributors, than whom I may assert a more affable body of young gentlemen, although a little gay-this week, friends all and fellow sportsmen, is parliamentary and dramatic, and your prophet will hold the mirror up to nature; and writing this in an obscure part of Kent, being tired of Belgravian saloons, will refrain from giving a tip until he sees the other sportive organs when he will boldly step forward and confute them as soon as postal facilities, limited in this neighbourhood, can allow. But, sir, and if NICHOLAS grows parliamentary it does not prove that my heart may not be in the right place, I say the period have arrived when every man of property and position-and please let the printer put this in the form of a tip-should RESIST THE INROADS OF DEMOCRACY AND EITHER OUR HEARTHS AND HOMES, OR ELSE A 1 2 3 Yes, fellow-countrymen. Will you allow the bloated six-pound householder to triumph over the unassuming capitalist? Ain't education nothink? Ain't gentlemanly manners no account? Just see, dear sir, that all this is put right in the orthography; for when NICHOLAS, as a man with a steak in the country, not to speak of sherry wine, really gets in earnest about politics, he is apt to confuse himself with the territorial aristocracy of England; nor he is the only recent capitalist who does so, and, after all, can fairly look down upon the levelling Radicals of the day, a member of his own family having once been in the Custom-house itself. And now with regard to the fête of the Dramatic College, amongst whom it must be difficult to select the winners, even the three year olds being almost as charming as the latest novelties of the present day, and your Prophet has known the drama from a boy. It was then over the water, and many a time has NICHOLAS' father, who was then reduced, taken his little boy into what I will now call the amphitheatre stalls, and I only wish he were still alive to gaze on his son, erected on a sportive pinnacle, and counting unknown friends by thousands, from the letters he receives, amongst his fellow-man. And though the mother of NICHOLAS rather objected to stage-plays, yet as the twig was bent the tree is inclined to be present on Saturday at the Crystal Palace, with a smile of encouragement for even the humble actress, and arm-in-arm with eminent people, who may be recognized by his white hat with a black band (for the late Cæsarewitch, whom you may not yourself have known), a light Derby coat, a pair of lemon-coloured trowsers, lavender gloves, and a necktie to which a rainbow is a fool. "The bakehouse is on a scale for the supply of an army-such as armies were in the time of the Peninsular War, or such a gallant little army as defended the Danish Duppel. Ten regiments could march in here at once, and be handsomely regaled, fed, and satisfied at a minute's notice, with cakes and pastry and bread. The numbers of tons of buns, biscuits, and those delicious Bath buns, that come out of the ovens in savoury abundance, one tin after the other, each with a hundred, are sometimes incredible." This picture of the horrors of war is painted with a firm but feeling hand. The terrific spectacle of the heroic British forces being marched in to browse on acres of pastry is thrilling in the extreme. In speaking of the Luncheon Department, or Sandwich Islands, our author glides gracefully into the architectural: "Here on each morning previous to the influx of visitors the various employes at the counters may be seen busily plying the knife, and deftly arranging with neat hand the several entablatures of ham, beef, and slices of bread and butter into the correctly squared and exactly weighed and measured sandwich. Nor is this a trifling or an easy task." And he then adds with a delicate touch of satire:— "The repetition of the act of slicing becomes a labour." This profound reflection is presently followed by an apt and telling figure-"A sandwich is like a newspaper; it must be fresh to the day." When our author goes into numerical statements he, probably unconsciously, reminds us of MR. GLADSTONE:-"Half a million of plates," "all the aromatic wealth of the Eastern Archipelago," "mountains of sugar," and like terms are almost poetical enough to be excerpts from a financial statement. The account of the Grocery Stores, where "the soul of the purveying department nestles" is very telling, though there is a little confusion either in our mind or the wording of this passage :— "Hither come all orders, and emanating from this reach their ultimate destination," etc. The limited space at our disposal prevents our doing more than making a passing note of admiration on the correctness with which our author quotes "light-handed Phyllis" from MILTON. The epithet is one that recalls light-fingered, and delicately conveys to the reader a hint to take care of his pockets even while regarding "the most lovely prospect of natural and artificial beauty in a garden view which the whole world can produce." With a brief glance at the account of the Soda-water Room, where we meet with "Ginger beer, lemonade, and other delicately flavoured beverages of a mild and talism are wont to love," innocent disposition, such as the votaries of that special temperance hight teeto and after a passing mention of the "Ceramic Washing Court, usually called Scullery," we must bring our review to a close with rather a long quotation from a graphic description of the laundry, in which we meet with scientific information, picturesque delineation, and a really remarkable style of composition: "Here is a steam-boiler which boils the clothes, and a washing-wheel which agitates them in the soap-suds. The same centrifugal force that keeps the universe in order applies itself here, with the humblest condescension, to the homely labour of rinsing and wringing them out. Round they fly, by the natural law, from the centre to the circumference, and there, being bound in with hoops nine times round them,' they remain while the centrifugal force turns its attention to the water contained in them, which incontinently flies off and is carried away through the sides that are perforated with small holes, out of which the clothes cannot themselves make their way, or else they would. Then into tall, thin, iron cupboards, heated with dry heat, on iron horses' that run in on wheels, and come out in a minute or two with the clothes all dry. "In a neighbouring apartment are three mangles, of the ordinary Baker's Patent,' worked by steam. In the next room is performed, by several well-dressed and intelligent females, that important operation described as the greatest of luxuries by Miss Martineau, who once to the astonishment of the natives-Arabs as well as English and Egyptians-drew from her travelling bag a flat-iron, and, after bathing in the waters of the Nile, ironed the female shirt under the shadow of the Pyramids." We cannot, however, conclude our remarks without expressing our surprise that so intelligent an observer and so profound a philosopher as the author of this elegant gift-book should have fallen into the error of calling those lachrymose gatherings, wedding-breakfasts, "the most pleasant of all festivities." But this is hypercritical. MEL.-I give it up. But, come, let us towards the ladies. TIT.-Ha! ha! my MELIBUS is a sly dog. MEL.-Get along with you, TIT. (Digs him in ribs.) THE veteran manager of the Theatre Royal, St. Stephens, has made arrangements to re-open the house as soon as his company which has gone to the country returns from its provincial tour. It is rumoured that a good many old pieces will be revived for the next season. Amongst them will probably be the well-known farce of Reform, or Russell and Bustle, by the author of Box and Cox. Whether this lastnamed farce will be reproduced will depend on whether Cox doesn't get into the wrong box. The famous comedy of Patriotism, or Party Feeling may also be expected, together with Baines and Antidotes, The Peace Society, or Bright-er Days, The Return of the Squires, or the County Crop, Did you ever send your Son to Chester? Fresh scenery is being painted for the theatre, consisting chiefly of new views of England, but we do not anticipate any very startling novelty in this department. The drop is Little Bethell, with a View of the Falls of the Westbury. The John Stuart Miller and his Men has long been in active preparation TIT.-You needn't hit a fellow quite so hard; but, Ómy MELIBEUS, at Westminster. Printed by JUDD & GLASS, 80, Fleet Street, and Phoenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietors) by THOMAS BAKER, at 80, Fleet Street.-July 15, 1865. AN OLD CYNIC. Is CUPID quite the rosy god That poets try to make him out? I know he has his blanks as well; In fact, I think, upon my word, Le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle! IS PLUTUS quite the hero-king That money-worms would have us think? And is there, truly, anything Of music in the metal's clink? Perhaps you have a heart and brain, If not-I tell you yet again, Le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle! Is BACCHUS quite the handsome rake- I rather fancy that you'll say, Le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle! And is APOLLO quite so kind As people say to all his sons? I think that now and then you'll find He rather starves his younger ones. Le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle! Of course you can afford to burn few people every year at steeple-chases and in the hunting field; but he has kindly promised to exercise that privilege only in modera IV. THE SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY tion. TO HUMAN BEINGS. BY AN ANIMAL. THE time happily has at length arrived when philanthropy in the true sense of that much perverted word reigns supreme in every wellconstituted breast, from that of the lion to that of the white-bait. A society has accordingly been formed whose special mission it will be to shield the featherless biped, long known as man, from the outrages to which he has been subjected hitherto. No candid tiger will deny that, pleasant as human flesh may be, if considered from a purely epicureah point of view, the infliction of unnecessary suffering upon the victim is unworthy of any benevolent wild beast. The man our instinct dooms to die to-day, had he our instinct would he skip and play? Let it not be conceived that we advocate the wild theory of such vegetarians as the Cow. Animal nature requires human food, and the writer of these lines will never allow a merely sentimental hypothesis to blind him to the gastronomical merits of a plump baby, raw. No; but let us put our destined meal to as little pain as possible. It is right to gratify hunger; it is reprehensible to mangle and to tear. It is, therefore, with considerable satisfaction that we announce the accession to the Directorial Board of the Lion, the Tiger, the Wolf, the Puma, and the Jaguar. There has not yet been time to receive an answer from the Polar Bear; but there is reason to believe that he will readily embrace the proposal-unless he should have already embraced, a little too heartily, the messenger of this society. Some difficulty has been experienced in dealing with the Horse, who still resents the insults to which he has been subjected, and declines to forget or to forgive the indignities of the whip, the bridle, and the spur. He has accordingly insisted upon retaining his right to kill a The Dog-long notorious as the friend of man has heartily co-operated with the committee. In a very lucid communication he asserts that it really does not give him the slightest personal pleasure to suffer from hydrophobia; that when, during hot weather, he runs about in an apparently rabid manner, it is not because he is ferocious, but merely because he is thirsty; and that if he were less frequently muzzled, he would not so often go mad. He complains bitterly of certain articles that have lately appeared in the columns of the public press; and he declares with truly cynical humour that if he encounters the writers thereof, he will try the effect, upon the public press, of a little private pressure. He will be delighted, however, to dwell in peace and amity with all other mortals; in fact, his ferocity will henceforth be entirely suspended-the public press alone excepted! The Bull declines to join; founding his objections upon the wellknown Doctrine of Design, and pointing (with his hoof) to his horns as evidences that he was meant to toss. On two conditions alone will he abstain from goring; namely, that the human race shall forthwith abandon the culture of horse-radish! and that the town of Durham shall be razed to the earth! The domestic Cat also insists on a stipulation, which will involve the entire suppression by mankind of its police. Too long has Felis, Domestica been maligned for outrages really committed by that Force! And with regard to the Entomological Fellows of this Society, assurances of future good conduct and humanity have been received from one of the most agile, lively, and industrious of their number. ATHER to the surprise of spirit and fun into the performance of their not very prominent duties. To me there is more really comic singing in this than in the coarse buffoonery of many of the stars of the music-halls. THE other day, apropos of music halls, I dropped in at the Olympic, and I am not surprised that MR. HORACE WIGAN finds those places of entertainment dangerous rivals. Despite the prodigal recklessness with which MB. TAYLOR has knocked two novels and a play into one "original" drama, I think The Serf anything but a surfeit of pleasure; and as for Glaucus, it has neither mirth, metre, nor madness even. The Olympic company has no chance with such pieces as these, and such parts as they have in them. SPORTING INTELLIGENCE. NICHOLAS BECOMES DISCURSIVE. BELGRAVIA. have heard of the great Conservative Reaction. THE Haymarket season at an end, Brother Sam takes a tour in the Literature has made its provinces. Brother Sam, like Dundreary, is a creation, and perhaps a mark, however, which is more natural one than the great nobleman. As the embodiment of more than I expected-well-bred ruffianism he has never been equalled, and the way in which JOHN STUART MILL for he is rewarded for his misdeeds at the end, if not poetical justice, is Westminster, and Toм exactly true to life. A fine touch, indeed, is his ordering up breakfast HUGHES, for Lambeth, for himself in another man's house, but sitting down to eat it on his may be taken as fair re- portmanteau, because he hasn't been asked to take a chair! Ease and presentatives of the politeness could not be more happily combined. MR. SOTHERN's bypowers that pen, though play is, of course, excellent, and his finish of the minutest details of I could have wished the the character exquisitely careful. I should think that in the prolatter gentleman had not vinces, as well as in London, the Hon. S. Slingsby will be as popular allowed his friends to as his titled brother, and that is no small pippins of popularity. apply to SPURGEON for a written character. A certain MR. ALFRED AUSTIN, who made himself notorious some time since by some coarse satires on society, in which he did not move, has had the impudence to put up for Taunton, and has issued addresses and made speeches which are no better (they could not be worse) than might be expected of the author of The Season. He must not be mistaken for a representative of literature, which has no more reason to be proud of him than the Conservative cause that he has suddenly espoused. I have had some very funny anecdotes forwarded to me about the election. One relates how a 'long-shore voter was prepared to plump for the Conservative candidate for the excellent reason that waterside work had been improved, and the river better managed ever since the establishment of the Board of Conservancy. You'll hardly ask "What's in a name ?" after that. In another case a coster, who could evidently read a little, addressed a brother-professional who couldn't read at all, in these words :-" Well, I'm blest! Finsbury's a-comin' to summat, here's a woman been and put up for it!" "That be blowed," replied his friend. "Why here's the bill," continued the first speaker, "Vote for ALDERMAN LUSK and Poll Early!" One more election joke and then I've done. A certain MR. REARDEN, in an address to the electors of Galway, has the following fine passage:"But in the meantime, to stem the torrent of emigration, and prevent the further desolation of our country by turning it into sheep-walks, and our noble people into emigrant ships, I should, &c." After that I should think he ought to have had no difficulty in persuading any Hibernian constituency that he was "the man for Galway." MR. PANIZZI retires from the office of librarian and secretary of the British Museum, and if it be true that he has been interfering with the liberty of refreshment hitherto enjoyed by the obliging and intelligent gentlemen who conduct the business of the Reading Room, I can't say that I regret it. The War-office authorities or the Treasury, who treat their servants less courteously, and less honestly, than a tradesmen treats his errand-boy, act according to their lights, but the librarian of the B. M. should know more of that which "softens the manners, nor allows men to be ferocious." I VISITED the Oxford the other evening to hear the new selection of Offenbach's operetta "Sixty Six." It is very charming music, and most creditably performed. The appreciation shown by the audience makes me hope that the managers of the music-halls will find courage to offer the public more of this class of entertainment and less of the dreary "comic talent" of persons like the GREAT VANCE, or MESSRS. RANDALL and SIDNEY, and such smaller stars. Vulgarity and dulness cannot surely have any charm for those who applaud the best passages of "Sixty Six" to the echo, and I feel sure that if the managers would but try it they would find their public better pleased with works like the "Orphée," and "Sixty Six," than with the expensive and nasty so-called comic singing of the day. It is a pity that MR. MORTON has not thought fit to have a better translation in the shape of a libretto. The one used is simple trash-it is difficult to sing, and grossly ungrammatical. With good words the selection would have had additional attraction-and profit. I cannot quit this subject without recommending for a rise of salary three members of the chorus who stand near the harmonium, and who throw infinite HAVING now returned in health and comfort to my home, thanks be, so many subjects present themselves requiring either a prophetic or a retrospective treatment that, remembering the words of MR. DISRAELI, than whom I am sure a more eloquent gentleman, though perhaps 2 little inconsistent, that "there is such a thing as arrangement of subjects." NICHOLAS will act in accordance. 1.-CONCERNING OF POLITICS. O Britain, oh, my country! What a change have come over thee for the worse! The most insidious and democratical notions are abroad; the legitimate influence of position and property is laughed to scorn; the capitalist is clean knocked out of time; and NICHOLAS himself have been insulted in the streets, despite of wealth and age in unison, by a radical mob whom I would not demean myself by answering in the very lowest terms of abuse conceivable, nor touch with a pair of tongs. The Throne is quivering to its roots; the Altar is a-wobbling about just like so much blanc-mange; our Institutions would be dear at eightpence; and our Palladium itself is menaced by the deadly Upas-tree of political sedition. they won't much matter to me. Your Prophet, sir, is an elderly man. Have what changes you like, The British Constitution will last my country, oh, my editor, what will become of your children after time, and can sip my sherry wine in peace; but oh, Britain, oh, my NICHOLAS is gone? Well, my downy birds, my noble sportsmen, my best of all good company, are you getting a little anxious for to receive your tips? All in good time, my brave adventurers. The old man's weather-eye is open, and I will keep it steadily fixed until it lands you in triumph on the safe side of every important event. Deeds, however, and not words, are the Prophet's motto, and such likewise are his recommendations. Who sent you Gladiateur for the Derby? Who stood by that horse through thick and thin, through good repute and evil repute? Was it NICHOLAS or the Pope of Rome? 4.-RELATIVE TO CRICKET. Now then, brother cricketers, look out! The old man is a going to have his innings at last, and may stop a few hours at the wicket, though the bowling is a good deal changed since NICHOLAS' younger days, when it was trundled along in a honest and underhanded manner. The contrary having now become the case, and having a proper regard to my own safety and time of life, your Prophet would much rather run hastily from the field, under the pretence of sudden and severe indisposition, than stand up against an over of JACKSON OF TARRANT. Still, how delighted was NICHOLAS the other day when, for the first time for twelve years, the Gentlemen beat the Players! How it carried me back to old times, having once been engaged as a professional bowler at Biggleswade after misfortunes on the turf, though always sympathising with the upper classes, amongst whom I am now one of them. But will only say that your Prophet never wants to see better play than MR. B. B. COOPER's; that he looks on MR. R. A. H. MITCHELL (whose precise height he does not know, not being able to measure with the naked eye above seven feet two) as a good and great man; and that the HONOURABLE MR. C. G. LYTTELTON is a thing of beauty, and plays the game all around like a Cynosure. As for Eton and Harrow, I was not myself educated at a public school, it having been more of a Sunday tendency, through my father being then reduced; but it did the old man good to see the boys on Friday last, and I may return to the subject. 5.-MY HISTORY OF KNURR AND SPELL. This book is in active progress. Any communications relative had better be addressed, under cover to the office, not having quite got the painters out in Belgravia, though myself returned. I have a good thing for the St. Leger. THE PLEASURE-GARDEN. NICHOLAS. A FRESHER, brighter spot of earth, wherever you may travél, I fancy of a garden that the "lily is a lady;" The queen, there's not a question for one moment, is the rose. No weeds are here. No weeds-egad! With slightly altered meaning, I loll along the mossy turf, and, on my elbow leaning, My attitude recumbent is for once deserving credit, For there's a rule most stringent-as I sauntered here I read it- I'll take another turn, though, for the air is getting chilly. OUR LIBRARY TABLE. 93 ONE would hardly expect to find a book on Finance, not written by MR. GLADSTONE, at all amusing or interesting. But The Bubbles of Finance, by a City Man, is not only amusing and interesting but most instructive into the bargain. In these days, when few people are so fortunate as to be quite free from the importunities of persons connected with Joint Stock Companies of a limited character as regards their genuineness as well as their liability, such a series of papers as this cannot be too widely circulated. The style is simple and straightforward, the humour unforced, and the classification of the varieties of as well as clearly defined. The "bubble bank" chapters are really the genus rogue with which "a City man" has to deal is exhaustively excellent. Those on "borrowing" and "bill-discounting" are capital; they should have been studied by the author of a pamphlet now lying before us, entitled The Vampires of London, in which indignation has outstept prudence, and the writer spends a good deal of CAPITAL and We have received The Lifeboat; or, Journal of the National Lifeboat Italic on the abuse of the vampires, instead of warning their victims. Institution, and take the opportunity of urging upon our readers the great claim which that society has upon the humane. In 1864, and the first five months of the present year, no less than six hundred and fourteen lives have been saved by the society's lifeboats; and it has The cost of this is upwards of two also granted rewards for three hundred and ninety lives saved by shore boats and other means. thousand pounds, and subscriptions are earnestly solicited. We feel sure our readers will not disregard this appeal. There is some pleasing versification in The Lady Ina, though passages, here and there, betray inexperience and occasionally, we fear, a defective ear for rhyme and rhythm. Thus, for instance, on the second page we find "adorn" coupled, as a rhyme, with "lawn," and in third line of "The Reproof," we find the accent falling upon the unimportant little word "on," with jarring emphasis. We point out these failings with the less scruple because there is promise in the book-much "poetry," nowadays, is not worth the trouble of criticism. One of the best things in the volume is "Aspiration," though even in tion is to LONGFELLOW, whom it describes as "a great genius," and this an occasional misplacement of accent mars the flow. The dedicathe writer of "ennobling poems." The author, if she would rise to real poetry, must select a higher model than the gifted and melodious song-writer of America. An elegantly turned-out pamphlet of The Politics of the People seems to have a slight error in its sub-title. It should be "Rhymes by a Radical," instead of "Rhymed Reason by a Radical." The author has forgotten at times that violence is not strength, nor a free selection of epithets satire. In some lines addressed to CARLYLE he is discourteous, and in speaking as he does of LEE and JACKSON untruthful. Yet there are here and there passages of great merit and considerable humour, and evidences of skill which lead us to imagine that though here anonymous the author is favourably known for something better than attacks upon those "whose offence is Rank." He does not appear to advantage in these verses, which will not for a moment bear perusal after the late ROBERT BROUGH'S Songs of the Governing Classes, a work of the same school. We are requested to state that a new book just announced, under the title of Little Songs for Me to Sing, is not to be dedicated to MR. WHALLEY, but to the PRINCESS OF WALES. So TUPPER is henceforth to publish at Moxox's! What has come It's growing late; there'll be a storm. I'll go. What's this? By as any confirmation of an awful rumour we heard lately-that he is heaven! I see the words, and spell them in an irreligious light, "The gates are shut at ten." It's now a quarter to eleven; And I'm locked in, a prisoner, this rainy summer night. "SCOTS, WHA HAE FOR WALLACE BLED!" A CORRESPONDENT, in whose handwriting we detect a strong Irish brogue, and whose animus therefore is evident, states that there is a difficulty about getting enough money in Scotland to erect the WALLACE monument. He says WALLACE could raise the country more easily than his admirers can raise the coin or the statue. We would recommend our correspondent not to call at the office, as one member of our staff is an enthusiastic Scot, and is quite capable of blowing his brains out with a pibroch. going to finish COLERIDGE's Christabel. Objection having been made to the advertising of a collection of MISS EDWARDS's contributions to All the Year Round as a new novel, that lady has written to the editor of the Star on the subject, and a copy of her letter has been forwarded to us. We feel sure no one suspected her for one moment of having any share in what may be described as an advertising dodge. But her publishers who are "not aware "of the form of their own trade announcements, are to blame-Who advised MISS at all events for negligence if nothing else. EDWARDS to alter her proposed title Waste Paper-an unmistakeable reprint, or collection title-for that of Miss Carew, which has a novellike sound? THE BEST TARGET FOR MARINE PRACTICE IN SUMMER.-The waterbutt. |