the first scene of the "comic business." But they met with their match. MR. BOLENO, whose intimate acquaintance with the weak points of individual members of the force was remarkable, contrived to cover them with confusion by attacking them severally, and proving that, in one case, the constable wore nothing under his coat but a dickey, in another that his pockets were crammed with gold watches and silver spoons, in a third that a leg of mutton and a rabbit pie were buttoned up in the breast of his coat, and so on through the entire detachment, a course of action which resulted in their complete discomfiture. While they were deliberating among themselves how they should renew the attack, he adopted a ruse which he has never yet taste for aerostatics which invariably characterizes the British policeknown to fail. Being intimately acquainted with the extraordinary he directed their attention to an imaginary balloon, and while they were gazing intently into the blue vault of heaven at the hypothetical phenomenon, MR. BOLENO contrived to escape.

man,

However he was not long at liberty. His depredations reached such a point that several leaders appeared in the Times and other daily papers directing public attention to his heinous malpractices. The London police became the scoff of foreign nations, and the matter was eventually brought before the House by MR. ACTON AYRTON, who put the following question to the Home Secretary, "Whether (and if not, why not?) any (and if any, what?) steps had been taken to apprehend or otherwise secure by summons, writ of fi. fa., bill of indictment, attachment, habeas corpus, rule nisi, with costs against the harlequin, certiorari, ne exeat regno, writ of error, or by any other (and if by any other, by what?) course of legal procedure, the body of the eminent miscreant MR. HARRY BOLENO (and if not eminent, why not, and how otherwise?), whose depredations may, can, might, would, could, and should have attracted the attention of the daily press, and if not, why not, and how otherwise?" The result of this energetic question soon became apparent. SIR GEORGE GREY and SIR RICHARD MAYNE at the head of the whole force of Metropolitan police, attacked MR. BOLENO when he wasn't looking, and contrived to effect his arrest. He was examined on the charge of boiling down the poor old lady, but as no remains of her body were found, he was acquitted on that charge, but was fully committed on a charge of assaulting the police. He was sentenced to twelve months' imprisonment with hard labour, which he said he could (and absolutely did) do upon his head. But constant intercourse with the gaol chaplain had its effect even upon the recreant soul of MR. HARRY BOLENO, and he became a model prisoner. On his discharge, he renounced bismuth and vermilion for ever, and took to street preaching. For some time he did well, but he suffered eventually from the brutal practical jokes of his former collaborateur, MR. LAURI, who as soon as he recognised MR. BOLENO's identity, availed himself of every opportunity of robbing him of his hardearned halfpence, and of publicly branding him as a hypocrite and an impostor. Eventually MR. BOLENO was driven from his new field of labour by his former comrade's annoyances, and now appears at teetotal lectures as a converted clown, by which he earns a humble but sufficient livelihood, for his wants are modest.

I Love Song.

BY A MATTER-OF-FACT PERSON.

Do not say I must not lend
Two and twopence to a friend.
Do not say I may not wear
Stalks of raisins in my hair.
Since you say

That love's insanity,
Let me, pray,
Indulge this vanity.

Do not tell me chalk's not cheese-
I would rather think so, please;
Do not say that faith and truth
Dwell not in a hollow tooth.
Since you cry
That love is lunacy,
These things I

Believe as soon as see.

Let me black my patent boots With the turnip's pallid roots, Let me round my brow entwine Garlands of green turpentine. Since you swear Love's imbecility, I'll declare

My liability.

LITERARY pursuits, however delightful, are not perhaps quite so attractive when a Prophet is basking in the lapse of luxury as when your poor old man is comparatively speaking down upon his luck. From the time when a weekly remittance ceases to be like the liberty of the press and the air we breathe-which, if we have such not, we diefrom the time when the bounty of a relative in return for private tips given in advance have sooth d the path of honest and middle-aged toil, from that instant, Mr. Editor, à Prophet is apt to be irregular in sending of his copy into you. The weather should also be borne in mind, since it can hardly no borne in body, as BEST and BELLINGHAM would say if they could! Not to attempt deceptive treatment of one whose character I admire, he having always paid me on the nail for work done, NICHOLAS will plainly confess that he has been living, so to speak, in clover, and wallowing in refined enjoyments, such as a quiet evening with a little music, to which he had long been comparative a stranger. The Prophet, Sir, has not wasted his time; he and his august Relative, than whom I am sure a better man never drew the breath of retail trade, though a little apt to have forgotten NICHOLAS' existence until he heard, trumpet-tongued, of his literary fame-both of us, Mr. Editor, have made our books. EARLY. They may be subject to modifications. Post-betting is all very well; but it wouldn't suit a Prophet to encourage such.

His opinions of Lord Lyon (whom don't you back), of Student, Rustic, Cardinal Wolsey, and another horse that is sure to ultimately come with a rush, which I put his name in a private envelope, he being now at long odds, so get on him at once, my dear, good friend-his opinions should have been communicated to your readers, than whom, this week, had I not felt bound to take up my prophetic pen and parable against such as have been talking in tones of slight and individuously of the old man in the Northern counties. Well did he know that his fame was world-wide; but he cannot allow of his provincial contemporaries to speak of him in terms of levity. He have been called "an old thief" in your own columns, and also "perhaps a little unprincipled;" but it was always considered in the wages; and gratuitous insult is what no Briton ever would stand.

The Sheffield Independent, Mr. Editor, is a paper which NICHOLAS esteems, with which is incorporated admiration; but when he wrote as follows, on the 10th of February this annum, oh, why did not his heart misgive him?—

"GEORGE MOSFORTH, OF SHIRE GREEN, FORKMAKER, v. WILLIAM CUTTS THE YOUNGER, OF ECCLESFIELD, FILE CUTTER.-In this case, Mr. Binney, jun., was for the plaintiff, and Mr. Chambers was for the defendant. The action was brought to recover 40s, balance of a sum of 50s. deposited with the defendant, as stake-holder, on a game of knurr and spell-a peculiar game, of which an exposition has been promised in FUN at different times for two years past, on the supposition that it is one of those things that no fellow can be expected to understand; and the comic sporting contributor has himself acted on this supposition, for we believe the exposition has never been given. This particular game was played between two men named Ospring and Brown, but the referee was dissatisfied, or aggrieved, and left the ground. The plaintiff, therefore, now sought to recover his stake, on the ground that the match had not been fulfilled. Mr. Chambers, however, upset this plea, and his Honour gave judgment for the defendant, but without costs."

Sir, part of this is true. I admit, in the largest capitals you like. MY HISTORY OF KNURR AND SPELL HAVE NOT YET APPEARED. No, Sir; nor will it if I am thus subjected to intimidation, arising (no doubt) from a very excusable feeling of disappointment.

A work, Mr. Editor, like my "Knurr and Spell" or GIBBOON'S "Decline and Fall" is the fruit of patient researches and of classic lore. NICHOLAS may be led, Sir, but he won't be drove. He is at present collecting of his materials, perhaps nearer Sheffield than the Editor of the Independent is aware; ha, ha, thou provincial contemporary!

But NICHOLAS is sure that the notice is kindly meant, though a little gay. If I thought otherwise, old as I am, would fight him now, catch-weight, for fifty pound aside, if my Relative behaved as I think he would.

Or, secondly, I will play him at the game itself, and you, Sir, shall be umpire, if you are quite sure that you know enough about the rules to enable you to see fair!

P. S. (1).-I have a good thing for the Derby.

NICHOLAS.

P. S. (2). In active preparation, and will shortly be produced, A HISTORY OF KNURR AND SPELL.

Parliamentary Intelligence.

AN IMPORTUNATE CREDITOR.
"The Piper will be paid."-Old Saying:
Nor by any means a stranger
Am I to a debtor's ills,
And I quite admit the danger
Of a carelessness of bills;
Both my hatter and my tailor

Oft have dunned, and dunned in vain.
Various hints at quod and jailor,
I have met with calm disdain.
Constantly I disregarded

Applications by the score;
And forbearance was rewarded
By receiving many more;
Oft by courteous speech and letter
I've the evil day delayed-
Now, I find I am a debtor,
With a bill that must be paid!

My new creditor, imperious,
Puts his claim in such a way,
That, somehow-'tis most mysterious-
Now I positively pay!
Piper, is he? so they call him;
Still I ask, who can he be?
For I ne'er-bad luck befall him!-
Asked the wretch to pipe to me!
Still, whene'er my days are clouded
With remorse, regret, or pain,
When my mind in gloom is shrouded,
If I venture to complain,
With these words my grief is greeted
By my friend, ""Tis nothing new,
For the Piper's never cheated,
And will always have his due!"

Answers to Correspondents.

J. B., Stoke Newington.-Controversial theology, apart from its not being amusing, is not, we consider, a subject to be treated in a comic journal.

SHADKIEL. Your predictions are not half as ridiculous as the original rubbish, and we must therefore decline them.

F. M., Sheffield.-We have too much respect for antiquity to allow you to have your fling at the pottery exhumed at Malton. G. G. F., Manchester.-"The Henpecked Husband" has not sufficient spirit for our columns.

P. D. J., Liverpool.-"Property," say the French, "c'est le vol-auvent." But oyster-patty is such an old joke on a charming singer's name that it is not your property at all events.

J. M. B., Blackburn.-Your "warranted original idea" about a head-scenter has several heads entered long ago! J. V. G., Bradford.-Not if we know it! MACBETH, junr.-"Is this a dagger that we see before us?" No! for it has no point. Why not assume the nom de plume of MCDUFFER? J. P., Bristol.-If he takes in Penny Readings in the shape of FUN, will see that his Penny Readings have been anticipated.

P. M. sends a sketch, and wants to know when his last will appear. He appears anxious to draw for us-what does he say to our truck? We have no other opening suitable.

R. P. T., Southampton, sends us an awful joke and asks, “Will that do, or shall I try again?" We are sorry it won't do, but hope he won't try again. The law forbids two trials for the same offence. JOE MANTON.-Your account of the battue is but too long. ZETA, Union, Oxford, sends us some perfectly serious love-verses. Surely ZETA must be off his Z.

C. P. M., J. W. B., Blackburn, J. W., Commercial-road, and G. F. M., Cheshire, send us a number of unfinished drawings. However we do not complain of their not being finished: the question is whether they should ever have been begun.

Declined with thanks:-G. L., Kensington; L. C., Ashford; F. W., Lee; R. W. B., Wilmot-street; H.; R. C. N., Woolwich; C.; E. R., Harewood-square; A. E., Taunton; J. B. N., Poplar; Lieut. Mc C., Hants; J. W. R., Camden-town; Samoht, Liverpool; H. B., Paris; T. H., Islington; L. B. P., Temple; L. S., Boston; E. B. M., Pimlico; Rusticus; H. S.

Acknowledged with thanks:-Letters from R. Goodfellow, and Psyche.