tion of Wareham.

TOWN TALK.

BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

ES! there is no disguising the fact that things are flat! Although Parliament is sitting, and the weather is most remarkably changeable even for us, there is not much to talk about, with the exception of EARL RUSSELL'S threatened resignation. "The dissensions in the Cabinet have been denied over and over again, but it was clear the Ministry was not unanimous on any subject. What is to be done it is not so easy to

see.

What will eventually happen it is not difficult to foretell. GLADSTONE Will be Prime Minister before six months are over." It was very good of the Times to start this report at a time of such stagnation, but I don't think the goodness was intentional-in fact, The Thunderer was taking a little flight by "Owlslight," and since Cambridge House has been closed, there has been no twilight haunt for the owls, and both they and the Times are at a loss for genuine information on political movements. Hence the Lowe language!

I HAVE been immensely tickled at the sage proceedings of the CorporaThe cupola of the Town Hall at that distinguished town is in a bad way, and it will cost about six or seven pounds to repair it. The spirited body corporate immediately devised the ingenious plan of asking the PRINCE OF WALES, who, of course, has nothing to do with his money, to pay for the job. A most polite note from GENERAL KNOLLYS declines the honour; hinting that "His Royal Highness trusts that the estimated expense of the repairs being only between seven and eight pounds, the good feeling of the inhabitants will, on such an occasion-where the lives of the Corporation are in question-supply the want of any corporation fund applicable for the purpose." I understand the corporation are highly flattered; which I can readily believe of men who were noodles enough to apply to the Prince under such circumstances. A scientific commission should at once proceed to the spot and examine the cupola. It is possible that there is a good deal of lead in it, in which case the laws of attraction and gravity will no doubt make it a source of peril to the heads of the Corporation.

I AM sorry to understand that MR. S. C. HALL's subscription list for the proposed monument to LEIGH HUNT is not filling as fast as it should. Guineas and half-guineas ought to drop in rapidly euough if people would only put into a solid form their gratitude for many hours of delight which poor HUNT afforded them.

THE magazines are out-bless this short month! It only seems the other day that the last numbers appeared. The Cornhill is heavy, but there are two capital pictures to "The Claverings." Temple Bar is good; the Causual on Workhouses excellent, and MR. PARKINSON sound and valuable. London Society is not quite up to the mark; but there is a pretty picture by MISS CLAXTON, with some charming lines attached to it. The Argosy I haven't seen; the Shilling is much the same as usual. The first number of the Little Ragamuffin contains two remarkable drawings by MR. G. THOMSON. They are some of the best things of the sort I have seen for an age, and I think it a pity that he is to give place to PHIZ in future numbers.

THERE is an interesting collection of water colours, oriental views by HERR HILDEBRANDT, the Prussian Court Painter, now exhibiting at the New Water-Colour Gallery. The pictures possess very great merit, not only as transcripts of scenery, but as works of art-sun-light and air they are full of, and they contain some of the best-painted water I ever saw done in the medium.

THE first burlesque to give out is the Africaine, which has been rather suddenly withdrawn at the Strand, where' Ivanhoe is to be revived. The management has by some oversight omitted to give the author's name, so I will mention, for the information of the critics, that it is BYRON'S. 66 'Why of the critics?" Because some of them don't know everything, strange as it may appear. I did hear of one last Christmas who criticised the School for Scandal as "a new piece by a young author of the name of SHERIDAN, who has much to learn yet in the way of dramatic construction."

WHAT is the difference between a singing-bird and the receptacle in which your milk is lowered down your front grating of a morning?One's a canary and the other's an airey-can.

A VERY EASY DESCENT. THE dance was o'er, the hours were small; I waited on the mat Some moments in the crowded hall, And madly stroked my hat. MISS PYм, her snowy cloak to don, Paused on the lowest stairA fierce big brother helps it on,

Nor heeds my blank despair.

Why should he heed? His heart is stone-
(Not so with sweet MISS PYM.)
Could I but breathe to her alone
Words I don't mean for him!
But brothers big have sharpest ears,
And arms of TITAN mould:

(I do not mean they raise my fears,
Or make my blood run cold.)

"The carriage is not come!" they say—
Joy! o'er the oilcloth floor
That dragon brother strides his way-
Goes out, and shuts the door.
Reckless of many a cloud-like dress;
Reckless of all who heard;
Quick to the staircase foot I press
To say my last fond word."

In hurried tones I plead my love-
There was but little time

I swore, by moon and stars above,
She was a queen sublime!

"Ah! now I know you're not in fun :
It must," says she, "be true
That I'm sublime; for there's but one
Short step from me to you!"

TAMING A TRIBUNE.

A FARCE IN ONE ACT.

"Earl and Countess Russell had a dinner party yesterday evening at their resi dence in Chesham-place. Among the guests were the Earl of Morley, Viscount and Viscountess Amberley, Lord Henley, Sir David Dundas, Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Russell, Lady Georgiana Russell, and Mr. Bright." - Times, February 24, 1866. SCENE.-Dining-room in Chesham-place. The ladies have withdrawn. EARL RUSSELL (in continuation).—Yes, I do think-mind, I don't put the matter dogmatically-but I do think you were wrong, you know, in objecting to full-dress at the Speaker's dinners. BRIGHT.-Shouldn't wonder.

EARL RUSSELL (taking courage).-Because, you know, if you come to that, you might as well refuse to dine with me on the ground that a tail coat is a vestige of-of-of, in point of fact, feudalism. BRIGHT.-Exactly. I see it all now. Pray continue.

EARL RUSSELL (triumphantly).—And then, you know, you must wear the Windsor uniform when you go to kiss hands as a Minister of the Crown.

BRIGHT (broadly beaming).-Your lordship is too good.

EARL RUSSELL.-Why, bless you, the late MR. BURKE wore it. AMBERLEY (seeing a chance).-Yes; but I don't think WILLIAM PENN would.

EARL RUSSELL.-AMBERLEY! AMBERLEY.-Yes, pa!

EARL RUSSELL.-The remark strikes me as rather in bad taste. BRIGHT.-Yes, young man, you'd better shut up. As for WILLIAM PENN, he be

EARL RUSSELL.-Really, my dear MR. BRIGHT!

only

The ladies have

the sinfulness of mere forms. He swindled the Indians out of their BRIGHT (sternly resuming).—He believed, my lord, far too much in land, and he was, on the whole, an inf

EARL RUSSELL.-MR. BRIGHT! MR. BRIGHT! BRIGHT (resuming more sternly than ever).—An INFerior sort of man, my lord! And a low Quaker!

AMBERLEY.-By the bye, about the working classes, you know. Pa, you told me to speak to him about them.

BRIGHT.-Never you mind the working classes, young man. You leave the working classes alone. The British workman is a greedy ruffian, always trying to fatten upon the sinews and the life-blood of respectable capitalists.

SEVERAL RUSSELLS.-What a horrible idea! BRIGHT. What this country wants is martial law, my lord, and more peers. Thank you, but I'll stick to the old tap, please. Gentlemen, here's a toast: "May we always have a Friend, and a bottle to give him!" Eh, twig, eh, young fly in AMBERLEY? AMBERLEY. Really, pa, don't you think we'd better join the ladies? BRIGHT.-Bless 'em! (Weeps.)

EARL RUSSELL.-Well, perhaps not that I should like to put it dogmatically-but perhaps if MR. BRIGHT would like to

BRIGHT. All right, my lord. I'll propose it with pleasure. Gentlemen, I give you the Ladies-the Ladies, whose smile is the best encouragement of military valour-the Ladies, whose christening gives invincibility to our wooden walls-the Ladies, without whom this England would be a dull democracy, instead of being what it is, the pride and envy of surrounding nations! Gentlemen,

"The meteor-flag of England,

Shall yet terrific burn,

Till danger's troubled night be o'er" (Pauses) AMBERLEY (anxious to complete the quotation).—

"And the Star of Peace return!" BRIGHT.-"Peace ?" Who dares talk of Peace? "The Star?" My lord, the Star ought to be put down as a low democratic organ! (Sleeps)

A WEAK-MINDED RUSSELL.-What on earth made the earl invite him?

A CLEVERER DITTO.

Well his inconstancy is such

As I cannot adore;

He would not not love JOHN BRIGHT SO much, Loved he not Office more.

MRS. BROWN ON LIVING IN STYLE. WE was a settin' over our tea, me and MRS. CHADWICK, as I was a-stayin' with through Brown's business a-takin' him over to Ostend, as is like our Gravesend, though I have heard as the king of them parts did used to go there and bathe hisself, as is what QUEEN VICTORIA never did at Gravesend, and small blame to her. Well, BROWN was obligated to go over there through bein' on them railways, as is enough to drag the life out of any one, and I come for to stay with MRS. CHADWICK, not as I'm one to stay away from my home in a reg'lar way, but felt lonesome, and she's dull through the family, where she lives housekeeper, bein' away.

Just at tea-time who should come in but young PIPER, as is her nephew in the buildin' line, and as good a son as ever trod shoeleather to his widdered mother, a young man as I honours, with good wages, and never more than a pint and a-half a day summer nor winter.

He's got a good place he has, through bein' under one of them large builders, as is men of weight, as the sayin' is.

Through that young man bein' one of them if you asks a question will give a civil answer, and not snap your nose off, I says to him, "JAMES PIPER," I says, "MRS. CHADWICK and me has been for a walk across the park for to see all them grand new houses as is springin' up, palisses all over what was market-gardens when I was a gal;' for we'd been and pretty nigh walked our legs off that very day all over Brompton, and the houses is that grand as it must cost thousands to keep up, and not one here and there, but rows of them by the hundred. So I says, "And will you tell me how it's ever done?" “Well,” he says, "population will increase."

"Yes," I says, "that's natural, that is; but," I says, "the money is what I looks at; wherever do they get it from for to have such houses?" He says, "Well, it is odd; but, bless you," he says, "best part of them houses is bought on mortgage."

I

"Whatever's that?" says,

bein' pawned."

"Why," he says, "the same as

I says, "Go along with you, pawn a house as you would a flat-iron, why it's out of all reasons; besides," I says, "how could they ever take it in ?" He says, "Why, I means they never pays the money as they gives for the house."

"Well," I says, "I'd buy a house on them terms myself." He says, "So you can, and furniture too, and give parties and balls, and every one think you a swell with your saddle-horse."

66

"No," I says, "thank you, no saddle-horse for me." "Well," he says, a carriage and all on nothin' but kite-flyin'."

I says, "JAMES PIPER, in my opinion you've had a extra half-pint a-talkin' such rubbish." "You may call it rubbish," says he; "but if you was to ask many a one as lives in them grand houses for twenty shillins in the pound, they could no more do it than fly. Why," he says, "it's all credit and devil take the hindmost."

66

Well," I says, "give me a crust come-by honest." "Oh," he says, "that's all very fine in books, and contentment's a beautiful

thing; but what's a tradesman to do, he opens a shop or he builds a house, and he must sell his goods and let his house on the best terms he can."

I says, "That's right, that is." "Well," says he, "then he runs his risks of ever gettin' his money. If he gets paid he makes a fortune; if he don't he's bankrupt two or three times, and generally comes out a rich man in the end. There's hundreds now as holds their heads very high as has been through the hoop two or three times and thought none the worse of." I says,

"JAMES PIPER, no man can help misfortunes, as we are all born to, as the sayin' is; but," I says, "them as goes on like that in my opinion is downright thieves, and I'd tell 'em so to their faces if they was as high as Lord Mayors theirselves a-settin' a-judgin' with their gold chains round their neck a poor fellow as is a thief through poverty and bad example, and is all the while no better theirselves; not as I means to say I'm one as holds with thievin', for I believes as people can get a honest livin' if they works; but it's the same with rich and poor, they won't work and they will have what they like, ana if they can't get it by fair means they will by foul. But all as I says is that it's hard on the man as steals a shillin' or two to be sent to prison, whilst him as has cribbed thousands is considered all right." I says, "I suppose there ain't no cure for it; but, depend on it, as it'll come home some day, and a nice smash there'll be. How people can do it I can't think, for I'm all of a fidget if I owes three-halfpence for manglin', though it was only left from last week, and I don't suppose any one would trust me if I was to want a fine house and all manner; but I knows one thing, when I do have it I'll pay for it, for them's my principles," and JAMES PIPER he woke up sudden and says, “All right," and so I hope it may prove.

READINGS BY STARLIGHT.

THE colour-blindness of the Star, which makes it believe anything bad about a white man, led it some months ago to put out some damaging statements concerning the treatment of a certain New Zealand Chief by the local authorities, and MR. WELD, the late Prime Minister, in particular. It is not unusual for the Star, on ex parte statements, to attack gentlemen who are too far off to have a fair opportunity of replying. In this case, however, MR. WELD does reply, and in a quiet but effectual way, that knocks the Star's highfaluting article into a cocked hat-proves it to be, in short, something which we will call, "at the risk of intruding on our valuable space," with a word of three syllables instead of one, a mis-statement. Whereupon the Star gets out of it with a wriggle-and a kick! The style of the editorial comment is on a par with its taste:

"While the land having been seized under false pretences, it ought to have been returned to the natives and sold only with their consent." What do our readers think of that as a specimen of elegant and editorial composition?

THE HEAD AND FRONT OF HIS OFFENDING.

THE last Dublin on dit is that STEPHENS is disguised as a lady'smaid, and is in the service of a lady at Kingstown. This is rather a descent from a Head-centre to a hairdresser.

A SAFE QUESTION.

CAN MR. CASELEY be considered an adept in the abstract sciences?

FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

THERE is, we believe, no foundation for the rumour that the gentleman who plunged into the liquid "so disgustingly like weak mutton broth," at Lambeth, has been made a Companion of the Bath.

to need a puff.

Answers to Correspondents.

H. L., Camberwell.-Not bad, but an aërated bread company ought not C. U. BLODE.-The fable should have been spelt faible. H. R. sends copy, with this note, "to be paid for if inserted." We could not accept H. R.'s money if he offered us millions to put that joke in. UP TO FUN.-Not a fit name-at any rate the copy is not up to FUN. J. P., Regent's-park.-The lines about beefsteak are not first chop. J. E., Bow. (If he hadn't so dated his letter we should not have had the courage to name the locality to him.) The riddles won't answer. G. S., Dulwich.-You have soared a little too high for a first flight, and as a result over-birdin' us with copy.

PIMPLES. Again declined. Take our advice, and don't woo the muse any more. Pimplea dulcis is not favourable to you.

A. C. R., Tewkesbury; Mrs. H. W., Manchester; R. H., Bayswater; Declined with thanks-W. J. C., Leeds; T. B., Galashiels; B. L. M.; W. S., Bristol; A. L. Č., Russell-square; H., Hackney; H. W.; A Hermit; C. E. M., Shepherd's-bush; W. S. W., Weymouth; Hector B n L.; E. B. M.; G. W. C.

IN the matter of cellar-flap dances and the other amenities of burlesque a transpontine audience is much more difficult to please than one at the West-end, north of the river Thames. A few evenings ago the monotonous aspect of the Middlesex playbills drove us to the Surrey side, and it is only fair to the managers of the Victoria Theatre to inform the British public that we laughed at the new burlesque of Mazeppa till the briny tears coursed each other down our innocent cheeks. The memory of MISS MENKEN has paled within us ever since we saw MISS MARIA DALY tied on the back of an untamed fiery steed-not a clothes-horse, mind-at the Victoria. The awful manner in which that young lady's head was dashed against the cervical vertebræ of the Ukraine-born (anatomists, avaunt!) was a caution to the dyspeptic. A thing of beauty and a joy for at least a fortnight was MISS CLARA MORGAN, and a merrier man within the limits of becoming versification than MR. YARNOLD, our young remembrance will not go out of its way to parallel. Altogether we may thank our lucky stars-the stars at our leading theatres par exemple-for driving us over the water in search of amusement, and we may thank MESSRS. FRAMPTON and FENTON for providing it. The burlesque is indeed capitally mounted, and so is the horse who carries the hero. We must really offer our best compliments to the gentleman who appeared in the character of MR. PAUL BEDFORD. The illusion was perfect.

Married, on Monday evening, 26th ult., at the Gallery of Illustration, Augustus Yeanay, Esquire, to the only daughter of the late Gushington, Esquire. The nuptial knot was tied by MR. JOHN PARRY, and, after a sumptuous déjeuner à la fourchette at the mansion of JOHN PARRY ESQUIRE, composer of "My déjeuner à la fourchette," the happy pair departed for the Continent. (Vide "Anticipations of Switzerland," sung by JOHN PARRY.) The ceremony of throwing the slipper was performed by J. PARRY, composer of "Cinderella, or the Little Glass Slipper," who had previously returned thanks for the bridesmaids. (Song, "The Old Bachelor," executed by the author of "Blue Beard," "Wanted a Governess," &c.) The whole affair passed

off in the most satisfactory manner. The only fault we have to find with the entertainment is the omission of two almost inevitable incidents. No German band came to play outside the house during breakfast, and worst of all, no bridesmaid pulled a cracker and screamed. It is pretty well known, we believe, that MR. JOHN PARRY plays rather nicely on the pianoforte, and is not altogether destitute

of humour.

GROG.

SUGAR and whisky opportune,

The kettle, ready for the brew, sings;
I reach the glass, I raise the spoon,
It stirs within me curious musings.
Says Fancy, giving Thought a jog,
"Life's very like a glass of grog!"
Hot water :-one gets lots of that!
Lemon :-The sour's a certain fixture.
Sugar:-the quod solatium dat.
Spirit:-makes potable the mixture.
It makes heads ache, and palates clog.
Life's very like a glass of grog!

We taste and test-our heads we shake-
Then doubtfully keep sipping, sipping.
At every trial that we make,

The liquor from the glass is slipping,
While round us hangs a steamy fog.
Life's very like a glass of grog!

Half pleased our taste, half slaked our thirst;
Doubt with enjoyment shares the measure.
But when we've finished off the first,
Although 'twas not an "unmixed " pleasure,
We're for a second all agog-

Life's very like a glass of grog!