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Silvio (confidentially).—It is all right between Bianca and me, for I am the son of the late Leone Salviati, and she is my mother, and a
man may not marry hiB , but pshaw! [Exit Silvio.
Enter Myst. P. and Leone Salviati, chewing a straw to show that he has been imprisoned for at least Jifteen years.
Mtst. P.—Go and take a casket from Cosmo's sleeping-room, and you shall have your liberty! [leone goes to steal the casket.
Enter Cosmo and Bianca. [Extant Cosmo and Bianca.
Myst. P.—Ha! he comes! [Enter Leonb with casket.
Mtst. P. (taking casket).—Empty! Foiled! And I can establish nothing!
Enter Cosmo and Biaxca. Cosmo.—Somebody has stolen a casket from my room, and I rather think it is Silvie.
Silvio.—Nay, sire, I may have my faults, but (proudly) I am no burglar!
Myst. P.—No. The thief is here! [Fainting to Leone Salviati.
Cosmo.—'Away with him to the lowest dungeon beneath the castle moat. [ They away with him. Exeunt Cosmo and Bianca.
Enter Mr. Widdicomb.
Myst. P. (to Mr. 1friddi<-omi).—Ux. Widddoomb, go to Silvio's chamber—if you do not hear the Watch-cry "archers Of Tub I'alagk, Watch '." in tea minutes, kiH him. If you do, don't.
Mr. Wn>.—'Tie well. [Exit Mr. Widdicomb.
Mtbt. P.—It works brwely! [Exit Myst. F.
Enter Leone Salviati, who is not dumb after all, but (no doubt for some good reason of hie own) has pretended to be so
Lsone Salviati (ta Sentry below ilie Palace, Watch!
ACT III.— The Deepest Dungeon beneath the Castle Moat.
Silvio.—I am suspected of being in love with my poor old Bianca. But a man may not marry his—, but pshaw!
Enter Leone Salviati.
Lbonb.—Escape! I was confined here for fifteen years, and I know every stone in the place. It never occurred to me to do so, although it is the simplest thing in the world; but I had reasons of my own.
Silvio.—But how f
Leone.—You have only got to get out of that window, by tearing your blanket into strips. Notwithstanding that this is the deepest dungeon beneath the castle moat, there is a fall of a hundred feet or so from the window.
Silvio.—But who are you?
Leone.— You are your mother's son!
Silvio.—Then you must be my father!
Leonb.—Yow!!! [They kiss each other frantically.
Silvio.—I will! [Escapee. Enter Cosmo and Bianca. [Exeunt Cosmo and Bianca.
Leone.—My son is safe!
Enter Myst. P.
Myst. P. (aside).—There is a secret trap between him and me, I will lure him on to it, and he will fall in! (Aloud.) Are you aware that / am the cause of all your misery?
Myst. P. (aside).—Good—ho advances! (Aloud.)— I am the evil genius of yonr family. 'Twos / that strangled the family kitten! Leonb.—Yow!!! yow!!!
Myst. P. (aside).—Good — he advances! (Aloud.) 'Twos / that filled your boots every morning with black beetles! Leonb.—Yow!!! yow!!! yow!!!
Myst. P. (aside.)—Good — ho advances! (Aloud.) 'Twas I that blunted the edge of your razors every morning! Lbonb.—Yow!!! yow!!! yow!!! yow!!!
Myst. P. (aside.)—Good — he advances! (Aloud.) 'Twas / that sent organ-grinders to play under your window!
Lbonb.—Too much! too much! (Rustics at Myst. F., but seeing trap avoids it.) No, you don't I Myst. P.—Foiled!
Grand Transformation Scenb!!! The prison wall opens and discovers Cosmo Di Medici and Bianca surrounded by nobles and elderly fairies in white beards. Cosmo (to Leone).—As Bianca is your wife I cannot marry her. But that is nothing. Take her, and be happy. As for you, Mysterious Person, you ought to bo ashamed of yourself!
Catttalists! Now is your tone! Bloated with millions to apare, your opportuni what a Moa or a Dinornis is? No! terrible to think of tho ignorance ui classes!' Out with your cheque-booki then read:
"Egg of the Moa or DinornU, from New Zealand. Mi. J. C Stevens has received instructions to oflfer for sale by sueti&D at his Great Room, Covent-gardcn, on Friday the 24th day of November, 1884, at two o'clock, a specimen, nearly perfect, of this very rare and remarkable egg, the bird of which is Host pretumed to be quite extinct. The egg has just -n i veu, per ahip Ravezucraig, and is probably the DiBomis iageu* of Owen. The egg will be on vie of sale.**
of commerce Do you know ot. Is it not and the wealthy in hand, and
view the day prior and morning
(Here follows an account of the discovery of tho egg, from tho
This egg, the bird of which is presumed to be extinct, which is nearly a perfect specimen, and is probably tho ZHnorni* ingens, whatever that may be, of Owen, has no yolk inside it, and the shell is cracked, which cheering facts arc supposed to increase its value in the eyes of a virtuoso or a collector. It—the egg, and not tho virtuoso or collector— has been insured for a thousand pounds. How refreshing it is to hear that it has "just arrived," per ship Jlarensoraig (this ought to be Kavens(cr)egg), and is probably, &c." The estimated value of this exquisite specimen of what might have been a bird had it been hatched, and lived to have feathers and to moult, is enormous. Ono amiable enthusiast—he is still at large, and treated in the kindest mannor by his family—has offered £260 for it, but that paltry sum has been refused indignantly, and the egg is still open to competition. No" family should be without one, and doubtless the egg, which is "probably the Dinornis ingens of Owen"—remember that—will becomo the prize of some fortunate capitalist. It will be cheap at £500. Possibly if it fetches a decent price it will incite an emulation in tho breasts of the natives of New Zealand to diseovor more Moas—may we say Moa Moas ?—indeed tho sale by auction of the eggs of extinct birds is what London Arabs would call "a new lay."
Poor Seer I
"Professor Gamoee is appealing to any public-Bpirited nobleman, who may be able to spare a deer from his park, to send one or two to the Albert Veterinary College, with a view to determine whether the animal is liable to infection by the cattle plague." Perhaps this is the very coolest "appeal" over made in the interests of (veterinary) science. Cannot Professor Gamqeb rest satisfied with his licence to kill, and to prevent all attempts to cure diseased cows and oxon, without seeking an apology for the destruction of a distinct species of animals, among which no symptom of the cattle plague has yet appeared'( We trust that all public-spiritod noblemen, with more deer than they know what to do with, will hit upon somo better plan of getting rid of them than sending them to try and catch the affection so learnedly and complacently pronounced by Professor Gamoeb to bo incurable. We also trust that our artists will miss the opportunity—valuable as it may bo in an occasional dearth of subjects for the weekly "cartoon"—of depicting Mr. Gamoee, in As You Like It, addressing his "lords," the inspectors, as follows:—" Come, let us go and kill us venison."
BETTER I-ATE THAN NEVER.
The Doncgat* captain was walking tho deck
When he was aware of a certain small speck
The look-out perceived it as well, and he cried
Strange sail!" And soon after she came alongside
S.u'd Waddbll, the captain, politely, "Old hoss,
The Yankees have guv the Confederate goss,
Tho Donegal's captain smiled not in the least,
Says he, "Have you heard that Queen Anne is deceased,
AXY TOUT IN A STORM.
We Boo it announced that the commercial travellers of Great Britain have subscribed the cost of two lifeboats. This is right, for by their old wine rules they must know what heavy losses may accrue on account of a bad port.
A JUDGE OF(F) A HORSE. We are happy to state that Chief Justice Erli has recovered. What has been the matter with him P Didn't you know he was Erled from his horse.
« CONINGSBY HARANGUES."
A courLE of years ago, one "R. Coningsbv" made himself rather I conspicuous by a letter to the Times, in which he declared that the i working-men of England wero indifferent to political reform, and I preferred "reading Plato in a translation."
Mr. Coninosby has since been the manager of what he calls an '" Anglo-French Exhibition," at the Crystal Palace, and he now addresses a circular to the exhibitors, from which we select a few delight! ful morsels. "The exhibition has been financially a failure," he admits. What of that? "I would, however, humbly submit to you that an undertaking like the one in which you, sir, and I, have been engaged, ean scarcely be fairly judged from the pecuniary point of view." Why not 'i "The pecuniary point of view" is a test which we do not sc ruple to apply to Mn. Gladstone, shall we be more squeamish with Mr. Coninosby ?" Under theso circumstances, more especially when 1 the costliness and horrors of war are considered, my committee believe that in this their attempt to celebrate a jubilee of peace by means of an international exhibition, their labour has not been altogether thrown away." We dare say it has not. Mr. Coningsby is hardly a fool. But what is the meaning of the cant about " the costliness and horrora of war't" "Owing to the pecuniary embarrassments of the committee, I regret to have to announce that they will bo unable to give prizes of intrinsic value." Plato, if you like; but not silver plate, oil! Mr. Coninosby, however, is ready to givo "permission to the exhibitor to use the dies of the committee to have a silver modal struck if wished for." There is something rather neat in this idea, " every man his own medallist!" And finally the exhibitor is to be allowed to dine with Mr. Coninosby on payment of five shillings. "Several eminent public men have already promised to attend, and others will be invited." We are rather curious to know the names of the "eminent public men " who are anxious to have anything more to do with Mr. Coninosby.
MRS. BROWN ON FURNISHING.
I Hats, "Brown, do as yon please," for knowin' what a worret he is, and one of those pcculant dispositions, I thought it was as well as he should go hisself, and so he did; but when ho come home and said as he'd gone in for a rosewood Bweet at twenty-two guineas, all 1 says was " Rubbish!"
And true my words was proved as ever the sun set upon, for of all the things as that Tottingcm-court-road can produce 1 never see the like.
When they was brought in, my heart misgive mo for them men's feet, as I know'd must be filthy. So I snys, "Bring 'em as far as tho parlour-door, for bein' on castors me and €>akah can wheel 'em in eaBy." So we did, but, law bless you, them white cheney castors was that brittle as to crumblo like ashes on tho lips, as the sayin' is.
So I says to the young man, I fays, " Them castors must be took off and proper ones put," as promised me faithful should be done the next day followin', as it's now more than a fortnight, and me nevor to set a eye on, as is a young man that conspicuous with coal-black whiskers and a squint as made your eyes water for to look at.
Well, we got the things in, as looked very well on my new carpet, as covers both rooms thro' bein' a large pattern of roses in bunches, with rugs of a Newfoundland and a sleepin' lion, as is Brown's taste; not as I held with furniture thro' its bein' green, as is a unlucky colour, for well I remembers Mrs. Whiteside, as lived near Horselydown, a-havin' on it and her husband thro' the court in no time, and obliged for to go back to her father, as was a bed-ridden man with twins.
Brown he would have green, and if he didn't go and buy curtains with yellow fringe, as was a different shado from the furniture, as was covered in rip, and rip it proved, for I never see such etui! to tear, and them is rips as sells it.
Certainly they was beautiful chimley-glasses, as come to ten guineas thro' takin' a pair, and the young man put up tho front room one, a-takin' off his shoes, as proved he'd a tidy wife, for 1 never see stockings more darned nor neater, but thro' not havin' long nails wasn't able for to fix the back room as he stood agin tho wall, and just as things was pretty straight who should come in but Mus. Brodlixs, as is own sister to Mrs. Yahdley, and her figure all over thro' them a-takin' after the mother's side, as was that lusty as brought on palpitations, as took her sudden, as the sayin' is.
Glad 1 was to see her, for I don't believe there is a fairer-hearted woman out as would give you her last crust, which some begrudges. So I says, "Take a scttin', Mus. Buodlins, mum, on my new sofy, as nobody ain't more welcome."
Down she sets, and I heard a crunch like, as was the back leg givo way, up goes her 'eels, down goes her 'ead with a hollar crash. 1 goes for to save her, and if she didn't pull me right on to her, as was more than that sofy could bear up agin, and away it went back'aids altogether, and I do believe as we should bo in that corner to this very hour if Sarah hadn't called back the men as had brought the things, as managed to pull us up.
Certainly 1 don't see as there was anythink to laugh at, as I told Sarah pretty plain, and them men too, as was a-makin' free in their remarks about 'eavy weights.
As to them easy chairs, they was a mockery, as gave way with Brown the second time as ever he set on it, and one of them six drawin'-room chairs, as was very bowed about the legs, I was a-settin' on it givin' of Sarah a character to a lady, as is goin' to better herself, as I don't see it myself with nine in family, and all the washin' done at home. I was a-sayin' as she was a willin' gal to that lady, tho' required lookin' after, when with no more warnin' than nothin' if that chair didn't fly to bits like splinter b irs under me, there wasn't a bit bigger than my hand, and as to stuffed with horsehair, why it was haybands, as no doubt is the case all round.
Brows he Bays to me, "You're always a-growlin' and a-howlin'," as if castors was trifles as como off everything. So he brings some home for to put 'em on hissclf, but, law bless you, the wood wouldn't hold the screws as he got, 60 ho had for to take 'em all off, as has made that sofy scrape my carpet raw.
Brown he wouldn't hear a word agin tho things, and had the man in for to mend the leg of the sofy, as he said wasn't never intended for to bear two hipplepotumuses, llludin', in course, to Mrs. Brodlinb and me, as brought on words thro' me a-sayin' as it wasn't a epitaph for to apply to a lady.
And glad I was for to see it como home to him thro' his own aunt, as is a elderly party, and that 'ard of 'earin' as sho says thro' a-slcepin' with a crack of the window open as come closo agin her tester; but I say rubbish, for it's my opinion as seventy-eight is about the size on it, as she must be if she's a hour thro' my own dear mothor bein' only two years' difference, as never see bat three score and six.
"Well, the old lady she'd come to tea, and precious cranky too, and made remarks about tho 'ouse as I didn't care for. So I says, " Mas.
Carding, mum, is your tea agreeable?" but law, I might as well aspoke to Aldguto Pump, for she only says, "It must bo gone six," which it were not, Hnd her temper ruffled thro' me not a-tcain' at five punctual, as I should have done if the gal, thro' bein' a stranger, hadn't forgot the kittle.
Well, the old lady she'd got her mouth full of muffins a-goin' to take a cup of tea, when a somethin' give way in that sofy, and shot her up like a oork from a bottle. I never see such a thing. If I didn't think she'd gone sudden mad when I see the cup and saucer fly up, and her give a jump ever so high, o-sendin' the tea all over the place, and her a-gulpin' at that muffin as wouldn't go up nor down.
Cough, I believe she did cough, till I thought as strangulation was to be her end; and when she drawed her brt-ath agin sho did set to and abuse everything, and made Brown cut the sofy open to prove as it wasn't no trick as we'd been and played, as was proved thro' it's bein' a spring as had got broke, thro' that Sarah, I do believe, a-standin' on that sofy for to pull back the curtain, as got hitched the very day before as she was a-cleanin' up afore leavin', as was always too flyaway a gal for me.
It was well as we proved to tho old lady as it was the works as had give way, or I don't believe as she'd ever have spoke to us agin, for sho thought as it was fireworks under her, as has a pretty income. Not as I cares for her money, tho' she can't take it with her, and not a soul but Brown for to leave it to. But she come round agin with a drop of something in her tea for to settle her nerves, as was shook to fiddlestrings I could see, and had give me a nasty all-overish turn as made me feel all of a chill, as something hot is the only thing as will check.
I was that put out with them things, for the weneer on the claw table had bulged up like a human blister, that I says, "I'm a-goin' for to see Mrs. Buodlins, as lives in Monybone, and if I don't givo that furniture man a bit of my mind my mime ain't Martha." So I goes by the 'bus from Eennington, as put me down close by Mrs. Brodlinb, where she appointed for to meet me, and as she was a-goin' shoppin' accoidin' to agreement.
We walks along Oxfoid-strect, and after a-looking at tho shopB I asks her if she'd mind a-steppin' as far as Tottingem-court road, and as soon as we got there I Bee the shop as I r< numbered the name on immediate, and there was a man and a woman a-standin' outside, with walnut sweets in the winder. The man he says to me, "What can I show you to-day P"
"Well," I says, " I wish as you'd show me some furniture, and not the rubbish as you've sent home to me, as is a mass of fragments, and a downright disgrace for any one to look at, leave alone to Bet upon. So ho stares, and up comes the woman a-askin' what 1 was a-sayin'.
So I says, "I can speak agin, tho' pr'aps you mayn't care to hear it, as is a gang of Bwindlers." "What are you a-talkin' about?" says she.
"Your furniture," says I, "as is ketchpenny rubbiBh as you sent to South Lambeth without a castor as didn't scrunch under your own weight." So she says, " You did ought to have cast-iron to bear you; i! but," sho says, " I scorn your words, for I never sent you no furniture, and never see you before," and turns round.
I says, " You'll deny your own name, I suppose." So the fellow as was dustin' with a feather broom he says, "Now stop along, if you please, and don't be kick in' up no row here."
I says, "You take back your rubbish, and give me back my money.'' He says, " Who's got your money?"
I says, " You! for," I says, "I've got the card," as I was a long time a-gettin' out thro' my pocket bein' that deep; ".but," I says, "here it is, deny thatif you can." So he says, " That's not my card;" and if I hadn't been and made a mistake about the name, as it was the wrong shop, and I don't know what would have happened, only Mus. Brodlinb Bhe kctched 'old on me and pulled me on quick, and that man and woman hollared after me as 1 must be mad or drunk, and hooted at us, and I do believe if we hadn't took a cub as wo Bhould have boon mobbed.
And next time as Brow* makes a bad bargain he may get out of it hisself, for the way as he abused me for interferin' was downright outrageous, and all I got to say is no more of your sweets for me, but steady-made furniture as will bear the 'uman form,
The New Judge.
Tin Alliance should greatly rejoice
Since thanks to the Chancellor's choice.
Caution To The Ladies.—A silk dress should never be tat-in.