« PreviousContinue »
fixed on heaven," is the only sure
mode of pleasing all readers. It forms 'the genuine hill and dale of style,
and when bounded by a modern meadow of margin, bids fair to circulate through ten editions.
And now, reader, prepare yourself for a lecture on carving. « Some people,” says our authoress,“ haggle meat so much as not to be able to help half a dozen persons decently from a large tongue or a surloin of beef; and the dish goes away with the appearance of having been gnawed by dogs." Most dogs that have come under my cognizance would be better pleased to gnaw the meat than the dish ; but putting that aside, it must be allowed to be a monstrous thing for the seventh expectant, lo be watching for a slice from a surloin which is destined to be wasted on six persons! Our lady, however, must in this instance be considered, as rather hypercritical, few persons being so uninitiated in the mysteries of the blade, as to be unable to carve a tongue or a surloin : But to be placed opposite a pig, a goose, or a hare, and to possess no more skill in the art than the executioner of the duke of Monmouth, is indeed one of the miseries of human life. I most sincerely wish I could transplant these dainties to the pages of this Review; but, since that cannot be, let me at least do all I can, by extracting the rules for dissecting them.
“ Sucking Pig-The cook usually deco. rates the body before it is sent to table, and garnishes the dish with the jaws and
[If she do not, she deserves to lose her own ears.] “ The first thing is to separate a shoulder from the carcase on one side, and then the leg according to the directions given by the dotted line a, b, c. The ribs are then to be divided into about two helpings, and an ear or a jaw presented with them, and plenty of sauce. The joints may either be divided into two each, or pieces may be cut from them. The ribs are reckoned the finest part, but some people prefer the neck-end between the shoulders.” [Here is a difference of opinion between all people and some people, which is left to the arbitration of other people.]
“ Gobse---Cut off the apron in the circular line a, b, c, in the figure opposite the last page, and pour into the body a glass of Port wine and a large tea-spoonful of mustard, first mixed at the side. board. Turn the neck of the goose to. wards you, and cut the whole breast in long slices from one wing to another ; but only remove them as you help each person, unless the company is so large as to require the legs likewise." [And if the eaters are so many, wo betide the goose ; there will be nothing left of it for the next day.] “ This way gives more prime bits than by making wings. Take off the leg by putting the fork into the small end of the bone, pressing it to the body, and having passed the knife at d, turn the leg back, and, if a young bird, it will easily separate." [Let our army and navy surgeons take notice that this in. struction not meant for them.] “To take off the wing, put your fork into the small end of the pinion, and press it close to the body; then put in the knife at d and divide the joint, taking it down in the direction d, e. Nothing but practice will enable people to hit the joint exactly at the first trial.* When the leg and wing of one side are done, go on to the other; but it is not often necessary to cut up the whole goose, unless the company be very large. There are two sidebones by the wing, which may be cut off, as likewise the back and lower sidebones : but the best pieces are the breast and the thighs after being divided from the drum. sticks."
“ Hare.- The best way of cutting it up, is to put the point of the knife under the shoulder at a, in the figure opposite the next page, and so cut all the way down to the rump on one side of the backbone, in the line a, b. Do the same on the other side, so that the whole hare will be di. vided into three parts. Cut the back part into four, which, with the legs, is the part most esteemed. The shoulders must be cut off in a circular line, as c, d, a; lay the pieces neatly on the dish as you cut them, and then help the company, giving some pudding and gravy to every person. This way can only be
* The clear meaning of this remark is; that, if you are perfected by practice, you will hit the joint eractly at the first trial, though you never tried before.
The impartiality of this hospitable lady, in giving pudding to every person, whether they like it or like it not, is truly amiable, and of a piece with that species of boarding-school benevolence which pla
a Can none
practised when the hare is young : if old, priety that certain ladies and gentledon't divide it down, which will require
men would take their degrees in this a strong arm” (a sly hint at the weakness of her readers)" but put the knife be- culinary college ere they pretend to tween the leg and back, and give it a
carve for themselves ! little turn inwards at the joint, which remember, yes I know all must,” you must endeavour to hit and not to some one of his acquaintance whose break by force. When both legs are zeal to do the honours of the table is taken off, there is a fine collop on each
as intense as that of a missionary to side the back”. [we all love a slice from
visit the coast of Africa, and who is poor puss ;~This is indeed the hare and many friends] “ then divide the back about as well skilled in the science he into as many pieces as you please, and professes to teach ? Give such a man take off the shoulders, which are by many the hundred hands of Briareus, and preferred, and are called the sportsman's he would gladly dissect a whole city pieces. When every one is helped, cut off the head” [and take it to yourself) “put nerosity peculiar to himself
, he dis
feast at a single sitting. With a gejaw, and divide them, which will enable penses the gravy over the faces and you to lay the upper flat on your plate, then waistcoats of his fellow guests, leava put the point of the knife into the centre, ing the poor goose or duck as dry as and cut the head in two. The ears and
a Scotch metaphysical essay. When brains may be helped then to those who
a man of this stamp thrusts his fork like them." By the way, the same individual
into the breast of a woodcock, the has seldom a penchant for both. Our company present express as much noble patronizers of the Italian opera
alarm as if the bird were alive. - Let
no such man be trusted.” What a have nice ears and no brains, and
fine subject for a didactick poem is many a sinister limb of the law has a
carving ! plentiful stock of brains and no ears.
What is Mr. Godwin
about? It is well known he adHere is a body of rules, scientifi
dresses his writs to the late sheriff of cally laid down, like the figure of a country dance, by right and left, London, who, upon such an occasion, leading out sides, and galloping down would doubtless usher the bantling the middle, by a study of which the
to light. It is true the worthy knight enlightened reader, when a goose or
eats no meat himself, since he eat up hare is before him,
the heifer ; but is that a reason why May carve it like a dish fit for the gods, he should be unmindful of those that Not hew it like a carcase for the hounds.
do ? It is to be feared, however, that But as humanity is the brightest this, to many readers, is all Algebra, jewel in a lady's tiara, it grieves me without the aid of the dotted engrav to be obliged to reprehend, in the ings, which, by the way, are so badly most unqualified terms, the following executed, that it may be safely said, receipt to make hare soup-page never were such good dinners served 104 : “ Take an old hare that is good up on such indifferent plates. To for nothing else, cut it into pieces," those, however, who do not compre- &c. Fie, madam! are these your hend them, the utility of the above fine feelings ? Sterne, who wept extracts is too obvious to render any over a dead jackass, like any sandapology necessary; and would to pro- man, would never have forgiven you.
Mr. Southey, mounted on old Poulces pudding as a grace before meat, and ter's mare, will vilipend you through obliges the young student to wade a whole Thalabia. Is this your resthrough a slough of rice or suet, before pect for age? Suppose some giant he can revel in the joys of beef or mut
of the Monk Lewis breed, having ? ton. † A bint from Horace-viz.
penchant for human flesh, were to Sapiens sectabitur armos.
seize you in his paws, and utter this By which we learn that sapieks is batin culinary «lictum : “ Take an old wofor a sportsman.
man that is good for nothing else, dignity of age, his Port wine all the cut her into pieces, Gentle fire of youth. With an anxious forelady, would you like to be served so finger and a disappointed thumb, you yourself?
turn up his fish-cruets one by one, “ Order is heaven's first law," and find that they resemble the quoth the poet of reason ; and as pitchers of the Belides. His cham, good eating is a heaven on earth to pagne is a copartnership of tar-water so many respectable natives of Lon- and treacle, and his lobster-sauce is don, it can excite no surprise that so alarmingly congealed as to be fitour dictatrix from the pantry has ter for Salmon's wax-work than for prefixed to her work an ample and salmon! These are the trials of huwell arranged table of contents, di. man fortitude! Talk of Job scolded viding her subject into thirteen parts, by his wife, or Cato pent up in Utica embracing every dainty that can ---psha! How different the taste and tickle the human palate. She com establishment of the renowned Demences with the scaly tenants of the cius! He is an assiduous frequenter flood, and ends with receipts to pre- of the Tabernacle, where he ponders vept hay from firing, to wash old on the joys to come-when the dindeeds, to preserve a head of hair, and ner hour arrives. His thoughts are to dye gloves to look like York tan revolving, not on the new birth, but or Limerick. What an excursive on the new spit, which kindly roasts fancy are some ladies blessed with! his venison without wounding it. If A limb of the law might call the late the afternoon service happen to exter part of this division travelling out tend beyond the usual period, then of the record, but surely without due may Decius be seen to issue from his consideration.-Tempus EDAX rerum, pew, like the lioness from her den. is a precept, old as the hills. Now Not having the fear of repletion beas it is well known that the old gen- fore his eyes, but moved and institleman will now and then nibble a gated by an overroasted haunch, he lady's glove," then her flowing hair,” darts through the aisle, and knocks or gnaw the title deeds of her hus- down the intervening babes of grace band's estate, why should not his like so many piping ninepins. food be treated of as well as ours? Such is the laudable zeal of a man Nor let any carping critick condemn whose ruling passion floats in a tureen her dissertation on home-brewery and of mock turtle, and yet, so unsatissauces as too prolix. The evils that factory are all sublunary enjoyments, spring from inattention to these ar it may sometimes be doubted wheticles are more numerous than the ther the rearing of such costly pyrawoes that sprang from the wrath of mids of food be worth the founder's the son of Peleus. I will not repeat trouble. Goldsmith somewhere exthe well known catastrophe at Salt- presses a strong objection 10 two hill; death, in that case, was a wel- thousand pounds a year, because they come visiter to'snatch eight unfortu will not procure a man two appetites; nate gentlemen from the calamity of and another starveling son of the an illcooked repast.
But I will put muses, in his fable of the Court of it to the recollection of the majority Death, seems to insinuate, that inof my readers, whether they are not temperance may, in time, injure the in the habit of dining with some in constitution. Certain it is, that three dividual, whom nature seems to have deadly foes to the disciple of Epicumanufactured without a palate. If rus, entitled Plethora, Apoplexy, and you ask the footman of such an un bilious Gout, are often found to lie happy being for bread, you receive perdu beneath a masked battery of something possessing the consistence French paste, and, crossing the course of a stone. His turbot has all the of the voluptuary, like the weird sis
ters in the path of the benighted ney, may give a dinner, but, to give Thane, so annoy him, even when
a proper one, requires both taste seated on that throne of human feli- and fancy; and as those two ingrecity, a tavern-chair, as to make it a dients are not always discernible in moot point whether it was worth his the tout ensemble of a son of Plutus, while to wade through the blood of our authoress has kindly supplied so many animals to attain it.
their place, by inventing a scale of Mark what Alixis, a Greek poet dinners suited to all pockets; loading says:
the stomachs of her readers, as Lock. Oh, that Nature
it clogged the ankles of his customMight quit us of this overbearing bur
ers, with fetters of all prices, from then, This tyrant god, the belly! Take that
one guinea to ten. An abridgment
of this part of the work could only With all its bestial appetites, and man,
have the effect of lopping off its meExonerated man, shall be all soul. rits; I shall content myself, there
A truce, however, to these unpa- fore, with touching the two exlatable reflections, and let us revert tremes; extracting, in the first to more agreeable topicks. The due place, that sort of plain, family dinarrangement of a dinner table is not
ner which a man produces when he so easy a matter as some folks ima means to treat you like a friend, gine. Every one recollects the anec- though, alas! it has more the apdote of the Gray's-Inn Student, who pearance of treating you like an eneentertained his guests, consisting of my; and, in the next place, I shall two pining old maids and a bilious lay before my readers a collection of nabob, with boiled tripe at top, boil- good things, which might compose ed tripe at bottom, and a round of a lord mayor's feast, worthy to be beef, garnished with parsnips, in the given by the late to the present incentre. Any man possessed of mo cumbent.
Knuckle of Veal, stewed with Rice.
Potatoes. Loin of Pork roasted. A very indifferent repast, at all events; but take heed to the roasting of your pork, for Tom Browne, of facetious memory, made a dinner for the devil, in which he gave him undone-pork fo: his top dish.
Long Table once covered.
larded. Mash Turnips. Jerusalem Artichokes fricassied.
Stewed Spinach. Carrots thick round. Cray Fish. Savory Cake.
Dried Salmon Maccaroni Pudding. Ham bruised.
Ox Rumps and Spanish
Cheesecakes. Fish. (Remove-Venison or Loin of Veal.) It is now time to close the present thing but the extreme importance of article, for the length of which, no. the subject can atone. With a trem.
bling pen, I have ventured to touch for seven shillings and sixpence, upon the science of luxurious eating, thou mayest purchase the work of of which, it must be confessed, my which I have furnished thee with a knowledge is derived rather from sort of hashed analysis. Then, if theory than practice, and in which, thou art a man of taste, thou wilt therefore, it is highly probable I have order a dainty repast, after the facommitted some mistakes. Shades shion of one of those enumerated of Apicius, Darteneuf, and Quin, for within the precincts of pages 312 give me if I have erred! Our jourand 320 ; and then, when thy enviney, gentle reader; has been through ous covers are snatched off by a skila delightful country, recalling to our ful domestick, and a steam ascends recollection the juvenile tale of Mi- which might gratify the nose of Jove randa, or the Royal Ram; inasmuch himself, and make him lean from as we are credibly informed, that the Olympus to smell, I hope thou wilt, air within the blissful domains of that as in duty bound, exclaim in the woolly potentate, was darkened with words of the pious king Cymbeline : showers of tarts and cheesecakes. Let me entreat thee to repair, with And let the crooked smoke climb to their
Laud we the gods, out loss of time, to the shop of Mr.
nostrils John Murray, of Flect Street, where, From our blest altars.
FROM THE QUARTERLY REVIEW. Woman; or, Ida of Athens.* By Miss Owenson, author of “ The Wild Irish Girl,"
• The Novice of St. Dominick,” &c. 4 vols. 12mo. London, 1809.-Philadelphia, republished by Bradford and Inskeep, 2 vols. 12mo. 1809. “ BACHANTES, animated with Or
My little works have been phean fury, slinging their serpents in the always printed from illegible manuair, striking their cymbals, and uttering scripts in one country, while their dithyrambicks, appeared to surround him
author was resident in another." on every side.” p. 5.
p• “ That modesty which is of soul, seem vi. We have been accustomed to ed to diffuse itself over a form, whose overlook these introductory gossipexquisite symmetry was at once betrayed ings : in future, however, we shall and concealed by the apparent tissue of be more circumspect; since it is evi. woven air, which fell like a vapour round dent, that if we had read straight for. her.” p. 23.
“Like Aurora, the extremities of her ward from the title page, we should delicate limbs were rosed with Aowing have escaped a very severe headach. hues, and her little foot, as it pressed its The matter seems now sufficiently naked beauty on a scarlet cushion, re clear. The printer having to prosembled that of a youthful Thetis from
duce four volumes from a manuits blushing tints, or that of a fugitive Atalanta from its height,” &c. &c. p. 53.
script, of which he could not read a After repeated attempts to com- word, performed his task to the best prehend the meaning of these, and of his power; and fabricated the rea hundred similar conundrums, in quisite number of lines, by shaking the compass of half as many pages,
the types out of the boxes at a venwe gave them up in despair; and ture. The work must, therefore, be were carelessly turning the leaves of considered as a kind of overgrown the volume backward and forward, amphigouri, a heterogeneous combiwhen the following passage, in a
nation of events, which, pretending short note “ to the Reader,” caught
to no meaning, may be innocently
permitted to surprise for a moment, * For another review of this work, ta
and then dropt for ever. ken from the Monthly Review, and giving a less unfavourable account of it, see vol.
If, however, which is possible, the 1. of the Select Reviews, p. 394.
author, like Caliban (we beg Miss