An Englishman in none, a foole in all : Many in one, and one in severall. Then men were men; but now the greater part of the Dodoniad oakes. Which the inspired Merlin's word fore-sayes; Could no unhusked akorne leave the tree, When dunghill peasants shall be dight as kings, Then farewell fairest age, the world's best dayes, Thriving in ill, as it in age decayes. SATIRE II. When once great Osmond shall be dead and gone: Unlesse be reare up some rich monument, Rex regum written on the pyramis. That never felt none but the feller's stroke. Small honour can be got with gaudie grave; Was then no plaining of the brewer's scape, Nor it thy rotten name from death can save. Nor greedie vintner mixt the strained grape. The fairer tombe, the fouler is thy name; The king's pavilion was the grassy green, The greater pompe procuring greater shaine. Under safe shelter of the shadie treen. Thy monument make thou thy living deeds; Under each, banke men layd their limbs along, No other tomb than that true virtue needs. What! had he nought whereby he might be know tre The matter Nature's, and the workınan's frame; His purse's cost : where then is Osmond's name? Men learn'd to burie the reviving graine, Deserv’dst thou ill? well were thy name and thee, And father Janus taught the new found vine, Wert thou inditched in great secrecie; Rise on the elme, with many a friendly twine: Where as no passenger might curse thy dust, And base desire bade men to delven low, Nor dogs sepulchrall sate their gnawing lust. Tbine ill deserts cannot be grav'd with thee, SATIRE III. The courteous citizen bade me to his feast, “ Come, will ye dine with me this holyday ?» “ Alacke, sir, I were loath ; another day, May dine at home for an importune guest. Oh, Cleopátrical! what wanteth there Beefe, that erst Hercules held for finest fare; Porke for the fat Baotian, or the hare A French head joynd to necke Italian: For Martial; fish for the Venetian; Thy thighs from Germanie, and brest from Spain : Goose-liver for the likorous Romane, Th’ Athenian's goate ;, quaile, Iolan's cheere ; I lookt and laught, and much I mervailed, shade, Or floor-strow'd locks from off the barber's sheares? For whom be meanes to make an often guest, But waxen crownes well gree with borrow'd haires. One dish shall serve; and welcome make the rest. SATIRE VI. WHEN Gullion dy'd (who knowes not Gullion?) And his drie soule arriv'd at Acheron, He faire besought the feryman of Hell, That he might drinke to dead Pantagruel. Charon was afraid test thirstie Gullion Would have drunke drie the river Acheron. Yet last consented for a little hyre, And downe he dips his chops deep in the myre, And drinkes, and drinkes, and swallowes in the streeme, Yet still he drinkes, nor can the boatman's cries, Nor crabbed oares, nor prayers, make him rise. So long he drinkes, till the blacke caravell, Stands still fast gravell'd on the mud of Hell. There stand they still, nor can go, nor retyre, Though greedie ghosts quicke passage did require. Yet stand they still, as though they lay at rode, Till Gullion bis bladder would unlode, They stand, and waite, and pray for that good houre; 'T were sure his best sue for such larger meeds. Which, when it came, they sailed to the shore. But never since dareth the ferryman, Once entertaine the ghost of Gullion. Drinke on, drie soule, and pledge sir Gullion : Drinke to all healths, but drinke not to thine owne, Desunt nonnulla. SATIRE VII. Vaunting himselfe upon his rising toes ; And picks his glutted teeth since late noon-tide ? 'Tis Ruffio : trow'st thou where he din'd to day? In sooth I saw him sit with duke Hamfray. Many good welcomes, and much gratis cheere, Many faire yonker with a feather'd crest, To fare so freely with so little cost, Than stake his twelve-pence to a meaner host. Hadst thou not told me, I should surely say He touch't no meat of all this live-long day. His eyes seeme sunke for verie hollownesse. So little in his purse, so much upon his backe? That his gaunt gut no too much stuffing felt. All trapped in the new-found braverie. 1 The nuns of new-won Cales his bonnet lent, Cease ere you gin, and ere ye live be dead; And dye and live ere ever ye be borne; Then gin to live, and leave when others lust. For when I dye, shall envy dye with me, And lie deep smother'd with my marble stone; If chaunce his fates should him that bane afford. Which while I live cannot be done to dye, All British bare upon the bristled skin, Nor, if your life gin ere my life be done, Close notched is his beard both lip and chin ; Will hardly yield t' await my mourning hearse, His linnen collar labyrinthian set, But for my dead corps change my living verse. Whose thousand double turnings never met: His sleeves half hid with elbow-pineonings, What shall the ashes of my senselesse ure As if he meant to flie with linnen wings. Need to regard the raving world above? Should it not joy and triumph in the sight? Whatever eye shalt finde this hateful scrole After the date of my deare exequies, Like a broad shak-forke with a slender steel. , Ah, pity thou my plaining orphan's dole, Despised Nature suit them once aright, That faine would see the Sunne before it dies. Their bodie to their coate, both now mis-dight. It dy'd before, now let it live againe, Then let it dye, and bide some famous bane. Satis est potuisse videri. SATIRE I. Che baiar vuol, bai. Who dares upbraid these open rhymes of mine Scoring the margent with his blazing stars, Until the maw's wide mouth be stopt with store. And hundreth crooketh interlinears, (Like to a merchant's debt-roll new defac'd, THE CONCLUSION. When some crack'd manour cross'd his book at last) Thus have I writ in smoother cedar tree, Should all iy rage the curse-beat page out rive, And in each dust-heap bury me alive, Stamping like Bucephall, whose slackned raines Search they that mean the secret meaning find. And bloody fetlocks fry with seven men's braines. More cruel than the cravon satire's ghost, That bound dead bones unto a burning post; Yet well bethought, stoops down and reads anew; The best lies low, and loathes the shallow view, Quoth old Eudemon, when his gout-swolne fist Gropes for his double ducates in his chist: To pose the pore-blind snake of Epidaore. That Lyncius may be match'd with Gaulard's sight, That sees not Paris for the houses' height; TO HIS SECOND COLLECTION OF SATIRES, CALLED BITING Or wily Cyppus, that can winke and snort While his wife dallies on Mæcenas' skort: Yz lucklesse rhymes, whom not unkindly spight Yet when he hath my crabbed pamphlet read Begot long since of truth and holy rage, As oftentimes as Philip hath been dead, Lye here in wombe of silence and still night, Bids all the furies haunt each peevish line Until the broils of next unquiet age: That thus have rack'd their friendly reader's eyne; That which is others' grave shall be your wombe, Worse than the Logogryphes of later times, And that which bears you, your eternal tombe. Or hundreth riddles shak'd to sleevelesse rhymes SATIRES. Should I endure these curses and despight Whether his twilight-torch of love do call When all, save toothlesse age or infancy, Are summon'd to the court of venery. Long as the crafty cuttle lieth sure Who list excuse? when chaster dames can hire In the blacke cloud of his thicke vomiture, Some snoît-fair stripling to their apple-squire, Who list complaine of wronged faith or fame, Whom, staked up like to some stallion steed, When he may shift it to another's name? They keep with eggs and oysters for the breed. Calvus can scratch his elbow and can smile, O Lucine barren Caia bath an heir, That thriftlesse Pontice bites his lip the while. After her husband's dozen years' despair. Yet I intended in that selfe device And now the bribed midwife swears apace, To checke the churle for his knowne covetise. The bastard babe doth bear his father's face. Each points his straight fore-finger to his friend, But hath not Lelia pass'd her virgin years? Like the blind dial on the belfry end. For modest shame (God wot!) or penal fears? Who turns it homeward, to say this is I, He tells, a merchant tidings of a prize, That tells Cynedo of such novelties, Or Gades' spoils, or a churl's funerale. Can fit his pander for her paramoure, Ho! all ye females that would live unshent, Until he did a dying widow wed, Fly from the reach of Cyned's regiment. Whiles she lay doating on her death's bed, If Trent be drawn to dregs and low refuse, And now hath purchas'd lands with one night's | Hence, ye hot lecher, to the steaming stewes. paine, Tyber, the famons sink of Christendome, And on the morrow wooes and weds againe. Turn thou to Thames, and Thames run towards Now see I fire-flakes sparkle from his eyes, Roine. Like a comet's tayle in th angry skies ; Whatever damned streame but thine were meet His pouting cheeks puff up above his brow, To quench his lusting liver's boiling heat? Like a swolne toad touch'd with the spider's blow; Thy double draught may quench his dog-days rage His mouth shrinks side-ward like a scornful playse, with some stale Bacchis, or obsequious page, To take his tired ear's ingrateful place. When writhen Lena makes her sale-set shows His ears bang laviug like a new lugg'd swine, Of wooden Venus with fair-limned brows; To take some counsel of his grieved eyne. Or like him more some vailed matron's face, Now laugh I loud, and breake my splene to see Or trained prentice trading in the place. This pleasing pastime of my poesie; The close adultresse, where her name is red, Much better than a Paris-garden beare, Comes crawling from her husband's. lukewarm Or prating puppet on a theatre ; bed, Or Mimoe's whistling to his tabouret, Her carrion skin bedaub'd with odours sweet, Selling a laughter for a cold meal's meat. Groping the postern with her bared feet. Go to then, ye my sacred Semonees, Now play the satire whoso list for me, And please me more the more ye do displease. Valentine self, or some as chaste as he. Care we for all those bugs of idle feare? In vaine she wisheth long Alkmæna's night, Por Tigels grinning on the theatre? Cursing the hasty dawning of the light; Or scar-babe threatnings of the rascal crew? And with her cruel lady-star uprose Or wind-spent verdicts of each ale-knight's view? She seeks her third roust on her silent toes, Whatever breast doth freeze for such false dread, Besmeared all with loathsome smoake of lust, Beshrew his base white liver for his meed. Like Acheron's steams, or smoldring sulphur dust. Fond were that pity, and that feare were sin, Yet all day sits she simpering in her mew To spare waste leaves that so deserved bin. Like some chaste dame, or shrined saint in shew; Those toothlesse toys that dropt out by mis-hap, Whiles he lies wallowing with a westy-head Be but as lightning to a thunder-clap. And palish carcase, on his brothel-bed, Till his salt bowels boile with poisonous fire; O Esculape ! how rife is physic made, Of ridding pocky wretches from their paine, Neighs after bridals, and fresh maidenhead; And do the beastly cure for ten groats gaine? Whiles slavish Juno dares not look awry, All these and more deserve some blood-drawn lines, To frowne at such imperious rivalry; But my six cords beene of too loose a twine : Not though she sees her wedding jewels drest Stay till my beard shall sweep mine aged breast, To make new bracelets for a strumpet's wrest; Then shall I seem an awful satyrist: Or like some strange disguised Messaline, While now my rhymes relish of the ferule still, Hires a night's lodging of his concubine ; Some nose-wise pedant saith; whose deep-seen skill T 2 VOL V. Hath three times construed either Flaccus o'er, What broker's lousy wardrobe cannot reach To proud Sartorio that goes straddling by. But hear'st thou Lolio's sonne? gin not thy gaite Until the evening owl or bloody bat: Never until the lamps of Paul's been light, And niggard lanterns shade the moon-shine night ; Old driveling Lolio drudges all he can Then when the guilty bankrupt, in bold dreade, To make his eldest sonne a gentleman. From his close cabbin thrusts his shrinking heade, Who can despaire to see another thrive, That hath been long in shady shelter pent, Shall call thee cousin, friend, or countryman, Whose mention were alike to thee as lieve Like as the Turk his tents, thrice in a day, As a catch-poll's fist unto a bankrupt's sleeve; And all to sun and air his suits unfold Or an hos ego from old Petrarch's spright As snailes their shells, or pedlers do their packe. And with good grace bow it below the knee, Or make a Spanish face with fawning cheere, That hath his lands and patrimony sold? With th' iland congé like a cavalier, Lolio's side coat is rough pampilian And shake his head, and cringe his neck and side, Gilded with drops that downe the bosome ran, Home bies he in his father's farm to bide. White carsey hose patched on either knee, The tenants wonder at their landlord's sonne, The very embleme of good husbandry, And blesse them at so sudden coming on, And a knit night-cap made of coursest twine, More than who vies his pence to view soine trick With two long labels button'd to his chin; Of stranges Moroco's dumb arithmetick, So riles be mounted on the market-day, Or the young elephant, or two-tayl'd steere, Upon a straw-stufft pannel all the way, Or the rigg'd camell, or the fiddling frere. With a maund charg'd with houshold inerchandize, Nay then his Hodge shall leave the plough and waive, With eggs, or white-meate, from both dayries; And buy a booke, and go to schoole againe. And with that buys he roast for Sunday noone, Why mought not be as well as others done, Proud how be made that week's provision. Rise from his fescue to his Littleton ? Else is be stall-fed on the worky-day, Fools they may feed with words, and live by ayra With browne-bread crusts soften'd in sodden whey, That climb to honour by the pulpit's stayre: Or water-gruell, or those paups of meale Sit seven years pining in an anchore's cheyre, That Maro makes his simule, and cybeale: To win some patched shreds of Minivere; Or once a weeke, perhaps for novelty, And seven more plod at a patron's tayle Reez'd bacon soords shall feast his family; To get a gilded chapel's cheaper sayle. And weens this more than one egg cleft in twaine Old Lolio sees, and laugheth in his sleeve 'To feast some patrone and his chappelaine: At the great hope they and bis state do give. Or more than is some hungry gallant's dole, But that which glads and makes him proud'st of all, That in a dearth runs sneaking to an hole, Is when the brabling neighbours on him call And leaves his man and dog to keepe his hall, Por counsel in some crabbed case of law, Lest the wild room should run fortb of the wall. Or some indentments, or some bond to draw: Good man! him list not spend his idle meales His neighbour's goose both grazed on his lea, In quinsing plovers, or in wining quailes; What action mought be enter'd in the plea? Nor toot in cheap-side baskets earde and late So new-fall'n lands have made him in request, To set the first tooth in some novell cate. That now he looks as lofty as the best. Let sweet-mouth'd Mercia bidwhat crowns she please And well done Lolio, like a thrifty sire, For half-red cherries, or greene garden pease, 'T were pity but thy sonne should prore a squire. Or the first artichoaks of all the yeare, How I foresee in many ages past, To make so lavish cost for little cheare: When Lolio's caytive name is quite defac'd, When Lolio feasteth in his revelling fit, Thine heir, thine heir's heir, and his heir again, Some starved pullen scoures the rusted spit. From out the lines of careful Lolian, For else how should his sonne inaintained be Shall climb up to the chancell pewes on high, At inns of court or of the chancery: And rule and raigne in their rich tenancy; There to learn law, and courtly carriage, When perch'd aloft to perfect their estate To make amends for his mean parentage ; They rack their rents unto a treble rate; Where he unknowne and ruffling as he can, And hedge in all the neighbour common lands, Goes currant each where for a gentleman? And clodge their slavish tenants with commauds; While yet he rousteth at some uncouth signe, Whiles they, poor souls, with feeling sigh complainen Nor ever red his tenure's second line. And wish old Lolio were alive againe, |