SATIRICAL AND HUMOROUS POEMS. ΣΧΟΛΑΖΟΝΤΟΣ ΑΣΧΟΛΙΑ. THE INSURRECTION OF THE PAPERS. A DREAM. "It would be impossible for his Royal Highness to disengage his person from the accumulating pile of papers that encompassed it.". Lord CASTLEREAGH's Speech upon Colonel M'Mahon's Appointment, April 14, 1812. LAST night I tost and turned in bed, But could not sleep at length I said, "I'll think of Viscount Castlereagh, "And of his speeches - that's the way." And so it was, for instantly I slept as sound as sound could be. Methought the Prince in whiskered state When lo! the Papers, one and all, As if at some magician's call, Began to flutter of themselves From desk and table, floor and shelves, And, cutting each some different capers, Advanced, oh jacobinic papers! As tho' they said, "Our sole design is "To suffocate his Royal Highness!" The Leader of this vile sedition Or Liverpool's speeches but half a pound lighter What a shock to his old royal heart it would be! No! - far were such dreams of improvement from me: And it pleased me to find, at the House, where, you know,5 There's such good mutton cutlets, and strong curaçoa,6 That the Marchioness called me a duteous old boy, And my Yarmouth's red whiskers grew redder for joy. You know, my dear Freddy, how oft, if I would, By the law of last Sessions I might have done good. I might have withheld these political noodles From knocking their heads against hot Yankee Doodles; I might have told Ireland I pitied her lot, Might have soothed her with hope but you know I did not. 3 The antique shield of Martinus Scriblerus, which, upon scouring, turned out to be only an old sconce. 4 "I waived any personal gratification, in order that his Majesty might resume, on his restoration to health, every power and prerogative," etc.- Prince's Letter. 5" And I have the satisfaction of knowing that such was the opinion of persons for whose judgment," etc. - Ibid. 6 The letter-writer's favorite luncheon. To put the last lingering few who remain, Of the Walcheren warriors, out of their pain. Then how Wellington fights! and how squabbles his brother! For Papists the one and with Papists the other; One crushing Napoleon by taking a City, While t' other lays waste a whole Catholic Committee. Oh deeds of renown! shall I boggle or flinch, With such prospects before me? by Jove, not an inch. No-let England's affairs go to rack, if they will, We 'll look after the affairs of the Continent still; And with nothing at home but starvation and riot, Find Lisbon in bread and keep Sicily quiet. I am proud to declare I have no predilections, My heart is a sieve where some scattered affections Are just danced about for a moment or two, And the finer they are, the more sure to run thro': Neither feel I resentments, nor wish there should come ill To mortal except (now I think on 't) Beau Brummel, Who threatened last year, in a superfine passion, To cut me and bring the old King into fashion. This is all I can lay to my conscience at present; When such is my temper, so neutral, so pleasant, So royally free from all troublesome feelings, So little encumbered by faith in my ings deal (And that I'm consistent the world will allow, 3 "I have no predilections to indulge, - no resentments to gratify." - Prince's Letter. 'T would please me if those, whom I've humbugged so long 1 With the notion (good men!) that I knew right from wrong, Would a few of them join me- mind, only a few - To let too much light in on me never would do; But even Grey's brightness shan't make me afraid, While I 've Camden and Eldon to fly to for shade; Nor will Holland's clear intellect do us much harm, While there 's Westmoreland near him to weaken the charm. As for Moira's high spirit, if aught can subdue it, Sure joining with Hertford and Yarmouth will do it! Between Rd-r and Wharton let Sheridan sit, And the fogs will soon quench even Sheridan's wit: And against all the pure public feeling that glows Even in Whitbread himself we 've a Host in George Rose! So in short if they wish to have Places, they may, And I'll thank you to tell all these matters to Grey.2 1 "I cannot conclude without expressing the gratification I should feel if some of those persons with whom the early habits of my public life were formed would strengthen my hands, and constitute a part of my government." Prince's Letter. 2" You are authorized to communicate these Bigot bird that hates the light,1 to buy for son Dicky some unguent or lotion To nourish his whiskers promotion ! 5 - sure road to |