rifier, a little struck by the folorn expression of my countenance, if I'm in your way I ask pardon, I'll move round a little. Dickens take me though, if the queer-looking fellow didn't tell me you'd be glad to see me, and that I should suit you to a T. If he's sent me on a fool's errand, by the Lord Harry, if I don't darken his peepers if ever I set eye on him again.' After this explosion Mr. Tuttle fell into a brown study, and taking a pen he began writing his name, and making sundry flourishes on the very sheet-the rose-colored sheetimmortalized by the unfinished lines to my cousin This was too outrageous, but what could I do? I tore off my stock for fear of suffocation. At this moment the ogre looked as though a new idea had occurred to him. 66 May be, Mister, you're playing a carlecue to get me cheaper, by falling into the sulks, and pretending you don't want me; but you're mistaken in your chap, I tell you. I won't take a four-pens-appany less than a hundred dollars a year and my victuals. Just think of my experience-two years was I in Deacon Babcock's store, and three years I've peddled here and there from Dan to Barsheba, just as it happened, besides teaching school, and being in the supercargo line pretty considerably. You would'nt like to hear how I got to windward of an old fellow up in 'Sopus one time! I was going along, you know, full chisel, I tell ye with my trunk full of curiosities, when I meets a brother peddler coming out of a rich old Dutchman's lane. Well, Li,' says he, 'it's no use to go in there, the old man is as cross as Belzebub, and the gals are most 'mazen shy too. There's no speculation in there, Li.' Not as you knows on,' says I, and in I goes. There sat the old boy smoking; 'Good morning, neighbor,' says I, and a dl a word did he answer. But I was not to be cowed in a giffin, so says I, any trade to-day, friend? No, not wid a tarnation Yankee.' Well,' says I, 's'pose you've no objection to my resting a minute, while I show the gals a thing or two that's pretty slick? No answer. Down I sets, and all the Dutchesses - looked wild, I tell you, to see what a square of curiosities I had. By and by, I contrives to drop a real cute tobacco box close side the old man. I was busy showing the curiosities, and did not seem to mind the box. By and by he picks it up, looks at it, opens and shuts it, and the like. Thinks I you're hooked, jist as slick as grease, though I did'nt seem to mind him. Last says he, "What may you ax for dis ting?' Four pens-appany, says I, and it's pretty cheap too, I should guess, considering.' "It ish mine den,' says he, and he laughed in his sleeve, but I said nothing. Thinks I, you're hooked, mister. Pretty soon I sold him a jack-knife exactly after the four-pens-appany order. There was no more play-offs about the old Dutchnian; he was wide awake to trade, and so was the gals and the old woman. I knew what was what, so I sold moderate for a while, then raised little by little, gradually, and when I left the house, I was nine dollars and a pistareen better off than when I went in, with a buss from a rosy cheek, and my breakfast into the bargain! I call that trading, Mr. Bored. Now you needn't think to get me for less than I told you; I've been too long in the trading line to be out-Charleyed.' "Mr. Tuttle, I've not the remotest wish to employ you !" said I, as soon as I recovered the use of my tongue. "So far from it, Sir, I assure you (and threw the door open as I said it) that nothing could afford me greater relief than the prospect of never seeing you again. I do desire we may be better strangers, and that speedily." At this crisis a fulminating cigar of enormous size, given him, doubtless, by my quizzical friend, and which he had lighted while recounting his bargaining with the honest Dutchman, exploded like a pistol, just as he had poised himself on the hinder legs of his chair, with both feet mounted on the table. Over he went, and over went the table, with all its paraphernalia of books, portfolio, candles, &c. &c. A solitary lamp, burning on the mantel, escaped the general inversion, and shed a sort of twilight over the disastrous scene. One glance at the rising visage of the revolutionist told me he was shockingly frightened, and a happy thought struck me. "Villain!" shouted I, "do you mean to shoot and rob me in my own chamber?Murder! watch!" Before he had fairly recovered his feet, I snatched up a half charged fowling-piece, which stood near, and bringing it to an angle of forty-five, discharged it into the ceiling. But I might have spared my ears the shock of the reverberation, for a heavy sound at the foot of the stairs informed me that the intru der was "stirring" in that neighborhood; and stepping to the window I caught a moonlight glimpse of a man with a white bellcrowned hat, as he shot like a ghost round an opposite corner of the street, with a brace of watchmen at his heels. I breathed freer, I revived, and, re-collecting my scattered thoughts as well as I could, I succeeded in fulfilling my cousin's request before morning. I have met with many vexations in lifetight shoes, tight gaiters, and bad watches— have been disappointed in love, in friendship, and in my tailor-have been duped, dunned, cross-questioned by a quibbling lawyer--have been jilted in assignations, ridiculed by a flirt ; eyed through a quizzing-glass by a cross-eyed dandy, and publicly collared by Hays! ('twas by mistake, gentle reader)-in a word, I have been bored with a long sermon, by a dull preacher; bored with yesterday's news and last year's anecdotes; bored in the city and the country, by day and night; bored by friends, by strangers, and bored by my own good company-but never in my life before, have my feelings been so outraged as they were by Mr. Elihu Tuttle, of Bethlehem! THE GREY GHOST OF THE MAELSTROM. Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for onc acre of barren ground;' "What have we here?' a man or a fish? I sat on the poop of our honest ship A watching the chrystal deep; Tempest. The whales and the dolphins were looking on At the little fish playing bo-peep, And the sea was so calm and the weather so warm That I well nigh fell asleep. In this abstract mood, like a merry That has fuddled his wits in a bowl, fool Things look'd all aslant, and crooked and odd, And the world seem'd a-losing her soul; Fish stood on their heads, and the ship, poor jade, Crowded sail for Captain Symmes's hole. The breezes blew smoke, like a Dutchman's pipe, The sea-mews and gulls flew about And dash'd to the surface for carrion there As tho' they would knock their brains out, And the sea thicken'd up all greasy and red Like a publican's dish o' crout. My head grew up and my legs grew down "Till they troubled the dreams of the eels That snoozed on the bottom among the grass, And they nibbled away at my heels; But I kick'd the rogues such a hearty kick That they willingly gave up their meals. Alas, thought I, as I looked abroad And across the chaotic waste, "Tis a horrible thing for an honest man In such strange plight to be placed; |