JOSEPH JEFFERSON AS "BOB ACRES" From a photograph “Mark me, Sir Lucius, I fall as deep as need be in love with a young lady." ceive answer that the lady is to be otherwise disposed of. This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill-used. Sir Lucius. Very ill, upon my conscience! Pray, can you divine the cause of it? Acres. Why, there's the matter! She has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in Bath. Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom of it. Sir Lucius. A rival in the case, is there?—and you think he has supplanted you unfairly? Acres. Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never could have done it fairly. Sir Lucius. Then sure you know what is to be done? Acres. Not I, upon my soul. Sir Lucius. We wear no swords here-but you understand me. Acres. What! fight him? Sir Lucius. Ay, to be sure; what can I mean else? Sir Lucius. Now I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world. Can a man commit a more heinous offense against another than to fall in love with the same woman? Oh, by my soul, it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship. Acres. Breach of friendship! Ay, ay; but I have no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in my life. Sir Lucius. That's no argument at all-he has the less right, then, to take such a liberty. Acres. 'Gad, that's true-I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius I fire apace! Odds hilts and blades! I find a man may have a deal of valor in him and not know it. But couldn't I contrive to have a little right on my side? Sir Lucius. What the devil signifies right when your honor is concerned? Do you think Achilles or my little. Alexander the Great ever inquired where the right lay? No. by my soul, they drew their broadswords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the justice of it. Acres. Your words are a grenadier's march to my heart. I believe courage must be catching. I certainly do feel a kind of valor rising, as it were a kind of courage, as I may say-Odds flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him directly. Sir Lucius. Ah! my little friend, if I had Blunderbuss Hall here I could show you a range of ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish the New Room, every one of whom had killed his man. For though the mansion-house and dirty acres have slipped through my fingers, I thank Heaven our honor and the family pictures are as fresh as ever. Acres. Oh, Sir Lucius, I have had ancestors too!every man of them colonel or captain in the militia! Odds balls and barrels! say no more-I'm braced for it. The thunder of your words has soured the milk of human kindness in my breast! Zounds! as the man in the play says, "I could do such deeds ". Sir Lucius. Come, come, there must be no passion at all in the case; these things should always be done civilly. Acres. I must be in a passion, Sir Lucius-I must be in a rage!-Dear Sir Lucius, let me be in a rage, if you love me. Come, here's pen and paper. (Sits down to write.) I would the ink were red! Indite, I say, indite. How shall I begin? Odds bullets and blades! I'll write a good bold hand, however. Sir Lucius. Pray compose yourself. (Sits down.) Acres. Come, now, shall I begin with an oath? Do, Sir Lucius, let me begin with a dam'me! Sir Lucius. Pho, pho! do the thing decently, and like a Christian. Begin now-“Sir”— Acres. That's too civil by half. Sir Lucius. "To prevent the confusion that might arise". Acres. (Writing and repeating.) confusion which might arise "-Well? "To prevent the Sir Lucius. "From our both addressing the same lady" Sir Lucius. "I shall expect the honor of your company " Acres. Zounds, I'm not asking him to dinner! Acres. Well, then, "honor of your company |