Quiet in harness; free from serious vice,
His faults are not particularly shady,
You'll never find him "shy'

twice

for, once or

Already, he's been driven by a lady,

Who parts with him

perhaps a poor excuse

Because she has n't any further use for him.

Oh! bride of mine

tall, dumpy, dark or fair! Oh! widow wife, maybe, or blushing maiden,

I've told your

fortune; solved the gravest care With which your mind has hitherto been laden,

I've prophesied correctly, never doubt it;

Now tell me mine—and please be quick about it!

You only you can tell me, an' you will, To whom I'm destined shortly to be mated. Will she run up a heavy modiste's bill?

If so, I want to hear her income stated. (This is a point which interests me greatly), To quote the bard, "Oh! have I seen her lately?"

Say, must I wait till husband number one
Is comfortably stowed away at Woking?
How is her hair most usually done?

And tell me, please, will she object to smoking? The color of her eyes, too, you may mention: Come, Sybil, prophesy — I'm all attention.

I

KNEW a boor a clownish card,

(His only friends were pigs and cows and The poultry of a small farmyard)

Who came into two hundred thousand.

Good fortune worked no change in BROWN,
Though she's a mighty social chymist:
He was a clown- and by a clown
I do not mean a pantomimist.

It left him quiet, calm, and cool,

Though hardly knowing what a crown was—

You can't imagine what a fool

Poor rich, uneducated BROwn was!

He scouted all who wished to come
And give him monetary schooling ;

And I propose to give you some
Idea of his insensate fooling.

To justify their Boards in showing A handsome dividend on shares,

And keep their good promoter going.

But no the lout prefers his brass,
Though shares at par I freely proffer:

Yes will it be believed?

the ass

Declines, with thanks, my well-meant offer!

• You have two hundred thou' or more,"

that he,

how to

spend

it."

With grin upon his face
of poppy,

Declined my aid, while thanking me
For what he called my "philanthroppy"?

Some blind, suspicious fools rejoice

In doubting friends who wouldn't harm them;

They will not hear the charmer's voice,
However wisely he may charm them.

I showed him that his coat, all dust,
Top boots and cords provoked compassion,
And proved that men of station must
Conform to the decrees of fashion.

;

I showed him where to buy his hat, To coat him, trouser him, and boot him But nohe would n't hear of that— "He didn't think the style would suit him!"

But no

duced the
deputation.

the clown my prospects blights (The worth of birth it surely teaches!) Why should I want to spend my nights In Parliament, a-making speeches ?

"I have n't never been to school -
I ain't had not no eddication

And I should surely be a fool
To publish that to all the nation!"

I offered him a trotting horse
No hack had ever trotted faster
I also offered him, of course,

A rare and curious "old Master."

I offered to procure him weeds
Wines fit for one in his position
But, though an ass in all his deeds,

He'd learnt the meaning of "commission."