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honour, nor lordship: I never drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef: Ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear; for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay, sometimes, more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my toes look through the over-leather.

Lord. Heaven cease this idle humour in your honour!

O, that a mighty man, of such descent,
Of such possession, and so high esteem,
Should be infused with so foul a spirit!

Sly, What, would you make me mad! Am not I Christopher Sly, old Sly's son of Burtonheath; by birth a pedlar, by education a cardmaker, by transmutation a bear-head, and now by present profession a thinker? Ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if she know me not: if she say I am not fourteen pence on the score for sheer ale, score me up for the lyingest knave in Christendom. What, I am not bestraught:* Here's

1 Serv. O, this it is, that makes your lady


2 Serv. O, this it is, that makes your servants droop.

Lord. Hence comes it that your kindred shun your house,

As beaten hence by your strange lunacy.
O, noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth; [ment,
Call home thy ancient thoughts from banish-
And banish hence these abject lowly dreams:
Look how thy servants do attend on thee,
Each in his office ready at thy beck.
Wilt thou have music? hark! Apollo plays,

And twenty caged nightingales do sing:
Or wilt thou sleep? we'll have thee to a couch
Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed
On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis. [ground:
Say, thou wilt walk; we will bestrew the
Or wilt thou ride? thy horses shall be trapp'd,
Their harness studded all with gold and pearl.
Dost thou love hawking? thou hast hawks will


Above the morning lark: Or wilt thou hunt? Thy hounds shall make the wilkin answer


And fetch shrill echoes from the hollow earth. 1 Serv. Say thou wilt course; thy greyhounds are as swift

As breathed stages, ay, fleeter than the roe. 2 Serv. Dost thou love pictures? we will fetch thee straight


Adonis, painted by a running brook : And Cytherea all in sedges hid; Which seem to move and wanton with her Even as the waving sedges play with wind. Lord. We'll show thee Io, as she was a maid; And how she was beguiled and surpris'd, As lively painted as the deed was done. 3 Serv. Or Daphne, roaming through a thorny wood; [bleeds: Scratching her legs that one shall swear she And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep, So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn. Lord. Thou art a lord, and nothing but a Thou hast a lady far more beautiful Than any woman in this waning age. 1 Serv. And, till the tears that she hath shed for thee,


Like envious floods, o'er-ran her lovely face, She was the fairest creature in the world; And yet she is inferior to none.


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Sly. Am I a lord? and have I such a lady? Or do I dream? or have I dream'd till now? I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak; 1 smell sweet savours, and I feel soft things:Upon my life, I am a lord, indeed ; And not a tinker, nor Christopher Sly.Well, bring our lady hither to our sight; And once again, a pot o' the smallest ale.

2 Serv. Will't please your mightiness to wash your hands?

[SERVANTS present an ewer, basin, and napkin. O, how we joy to see your wit restor❜d! O, that once more you knew but what you are! These fifteen years you have been in a dream; Or, when you wak'd, so wak'd as if you slept. Sly These fifteen years, by my fay,* a goodly


But did I never speak of all that time? 1 Serv. O, yes, my lord; but very idle words:For though you lay here in this goodly chamber, Yet would you say, ye were beaten out of door; And rail upon the hostess of the house; And say you would present her at the leet,† Because she brought stone jugs and no seal'd quarts: [Hacket. Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Sly. Ay, the woman's maid of the house. 3 Serv. Why, Sir, you know no house, nor no such maid;

Nor no such men, as you have reckon❜d up,-
As Stephen Sly, and old John Naps of Greece
And Peter Turf, and Henry Pimpernell ;
And twenty more such names and men as these
Which never were, nor no man ever saw.
Sly. Now, Lord be thanked for my good

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Page My husband and my lord, my lord and husband;

I am your wife in all obedience.

Sly. I know it well:-What must I call her? Lord. Madam.

Sly. Al'ce madam, or Joan madam? Lord. Madam, and nothing else; so lords call ladies.

Sly. Madam wife, they say that I have dream'd, and slept Above some fifteen years and more.

Page. Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me; Being all this time abandon'd from your bed. Sly 'Tis much;---Servants leave me and

her alone.

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Am I or that, or this, for what he'll utter,
That will speak any thing?

King. She hath that ring of yours.
Ber. I think, she has certain it is, I lik'd

And boarded her i'the wanton way of youth:
She knew her distance, and did angle for me,
Madding my eagerness with her restraint,
As all impediments in fancy's* course
Are motives of more fancy; and, in fine,
Her insuit coming with her modern grace,t
Subdued me to her rate: she got the ring;
And I had that, which any inferior might
At market-price have bought.

Dia. I must be patient;

You, that turn'd off a first so noble wife,
May justly diet me. I pray you yet,

(Since you lack virtue, I will lose a husband,)
Send for your ring, I will return it home,
And give me mine again.

Ber. I have it not

King. What ring was yours, I pray you?
Dia. Sir, much like

The same upon your finger.

King. Know you this ring? this ring was his
of late.

Dia. And this was it I gave him, being a-bed.
King. The story then goes false, you threw it
Out of a casement.

Dia. I have spoken the truth.


Ber. My lord, I do confess, the ring was hers. King. You boggle shrewdly, every feather starts you.

Is this the man you speak of?

Dia Ay, my lord.

King. Tell me, sirrah, but tell me true, I
charge you,

Nor fearing the displeasure of your master,
(Which, on your just proceeding, I'll keep off,)
By him, and by this woman here, what know


Par. So please your majesty, my master hath been an honourable gentlemen; tricks he hath had in him, which gentlemen have.

King. Come, come, to the purpose: Did he love this woman?

Par. 'Faith, Sir, he did love her; But how?
King. How I pray you?

Par. He did love her, Sir, as a gentleman

loves a woman.

King. How is that?

Par. He loved her, Sir, and loved her not.
King. As thou art a knave, and no knave :--
What an equivocal companion§ is this?
Par. I am a poor man, and at your majesty's

Laf. He's a good drum, my lord, but a naughty orator.

Dia. Do you know, he promised me mar-

Par. 'Faith, I knew more than I'll speak.
King. But wilt thou not speak all thou


Par. Yes, so please your majesty; I did go between them, as I said? but more than that, he loved her,-for, indeed, he was mad for her, and talked of Satan, and of limbo, and of furies, and I know not what: yet I was in that credit with them at that time, that I knew of their going to bed; and of other motions, as promising her marriage, and things that would

* Love

Her solicitation concurring with her appearance of

Laing common.

May justly make me fast.


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I'll swear, I am a maid, and he knows not.
He knows, I am no maid, and he'll swear to't
Great king, I am no strumpet, by my life;
I am either maid, or else this old man's wife.
[Pointing to LAFEU.

King. She does abuse our ears; to prison
with her.

royal Sir;

Dia. Good mother, fetch my bail.-Stay, The jeweller, that owest the ring, is sent for, [Exit WIDOW. Who hath abu'sd me, as he knows himself, And he shall surety me. But for this lord, Though yet he never harm'd me, here I quit


He knows himself, my bed he hath defil'd;
And at that time he got his wife with child:
Dead though she be, she feels her young one

And now behold the meaning.
So there's my riddle, One that's dead is quick:

Re-enter WIDOW, with HELENA.
King. Is there no exorcistó
Is't real, that I see?
Beguiles the truer office of mine eyes?

'Tis but the shadow of a wife you see,
Hel. No, my good lord!
The name and not the thing.

Ber. Both, both; O, pardon!

Hel O, my good lord, when I was like this
I found you wond'rous kind. There is your
When from my finger you can get this ring,
And, look you, her's your letter; This it says,
And are by me with child, &c.-This is done:
Will you be mine, now you are doubly won?

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Ber. If she, my liege, can make me know | For I can guess, that, by thy honest aid,

this clearly,

I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.

Hel. If it appear not plain, and prove untrue,

Deadly divorce step between me and you :O, my dear mother, do I see you living?

Laf. Mine eyes smell onions, I shall weep anon:-Good Tom Drum, [ To PAROLLES ] lend me a handkerchief: So, I thank thee; wait on me home, I'll make sport with thee; Let thy courtesies alone, they are scurvy ones. King. Let us from point to point this story know,

To make the even truth in pleasure flow :If thou be'st yet a fresh uncropped flower, [TO DIANA. Choose thou thy husband, and I'll pay thy dower:

Thou kep'st a wife herself, thyself a maid.---
Of that and all the progress, more and less,
Resolvedly more leasure shall express :
All yet seems well; and, if it end so meet,
The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.


All is well ended, if this suit be won,
The king's a begger, now the play is done :
With strife to please you, day exceeding day;
That you express content; which we will pay,
Ours be your patience then, and yours our parts;"
Your gentle hands lend us, and take our hearts.

I. c. Hear us without interruption, and take our parta support and defend us,

And therefore frame your manners to the time.
Your fellow Tranio here, to save my life,
Puts my apparel and my countenance on,
And I for my escape have put on his;
For in a quarrel, since I came ashore,
I kill'd a man, and fear I was descried :*
Wait you on him, I charge you, as becomes,
While I make way from hence to save my life;
You understand me?

Bion. I. Sir, ne'er a whit.

Luc. And not a jot of Tranio in your mouth; Tranio is chang'd into Lucentio.

Bion. The better for him; Would I were so too!

Tra. So would I, faith, boy, to have the next wish after,[daughter. That Lucentio indeed had Baptista's youngest But, sirrah,-not for my sake, but your master's, I advise

You use your manners discreetly in all kind of companies :

When I am alone, why, then I am Tranio; But in all places else, your master Lucentio. Luc. Tranio, let's go :

One thing more rests, that thyself execute ;To make one among these wooers: If thou ask me why,

Sufficeth, my reasons are both good and weighty. [Exeunt. 1 Servt My lord, you nod; you do not mind the play.

Sly. Yes, by Saint Anne, do I. A good matter surely; Comes there any more of it? Page. My lord 'tis but begun.

Sly. 'Tis a very excellent piece of work, madam lady; 'Would 't were done!

Rise, Grumio, rise; we will compound this quarrel.

Gru. Nay, 'tis no matter, what he 'leges* in Latin.-If this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service,-Look you, Sir,-he bid me knock him, and rap him soundly, Sir: Well, was it fit for a servant to use his master so; being, perhaps, (for aught I see,) two and thirty, -a pip out?

Whom, 'would to God, I had well knock'd at first,

Then had not Grumio come by the worst.

Pet. A senseless villain-Good Hortensio, I bade the rascal knock upon your gate, And could not get him for my heart to do it. Gru. Knock at the gate?-O heavens! Spake you not these words plain,-Sirrah, knock me here, [soundly?

Rap me here, knock me well, and knock me And come you now with-knocking at the gate?

Pet. Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise

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To seek their fortunes further than at home, Where small experience grows. But, in a few,t Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:-Antonio, my father, is deceas'd;

And I have thrust myself into this maze,

SCENE II.--The same.--Before HORTENSIO'S Haply to wive, and thrive, as best I may:



Pet. Verona, for a while I take my leave, To see my friends in Padua ; but, of all, My best beloved and approved friend, Hortensio; and, I trow, this is his house :Here, sirrah Grumio: knock, I say.

Gru. Knock, Sir! whom should I knock? is there any man has rebused your worship?

Pet. Villain, I say, knock me here soundly. Gru. Knock you here, Sir! why, Sir, what am I, Sir, that I should knock you here, Sir? Pet. Villain, I say, knock me at this gate, And rap me well, or I'll knock your knave's


Gru. My master is grown quarrelsome: I
should knock you first,

And then I know after who comes by the worst.
Pet. Will it not be?

'Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll wring
I'll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.
[He wrings GRUMIO by the ears.
Gru. Help, masters, help! my master is

Pet. Now, knock when I bid you: sirrah!



Hor. How now? what's the matter?-My
old friend Grumio! and my good friend Petru-
chio-How do you all at Verona ?
Pet. Signior Hortensio, come you to part the!

Con tutto il core bene trovato, may I say.
Hor. Alla nostra casa bene venuto,
Molto honorato signor mio Petruchio.

* Observed.

Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home, And so am come abroad to see the world.

Hor. Petruchio, shall I then come roundly

to thee,

And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife? Thoud'st thank me but a little for my counsel: And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich, And very rich:-but thou'rt too much my friend, And I'll not wish thee to her.

Pet. Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends

as we,

Few words suffice: and, therefore, if thou know
One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife,
(As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,)
Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,t
As old as Sybil, and as curst and shrewd
As Socrates' Xantippe, or a worse,
She moves me not, or not removes, at least,
Affection's edge in me; where she as rough
I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
As are the swelling Adriatic seas:
If wealthily, then happily in Padua.

Gru. Nay, look you, Sir, he tells you fatly what his mind is: Why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet, or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her head, though she have as many diseases as two and fifty horses: why nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.

Hor. Petruchio, since we have stepp'd thus far in,

I will continue that I broach'd in jest.


I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife With wealth enough, and young, and beaute* Alleges,

† Few words.

Set the story. No. 39, of "A Thousand Nótallò Things,"

A small image on the tag of a façê.

And brave attendants near him when he | Well, you are come to me in happy time;

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Procure me music ready when he wakes,
To make a dulcet and a heavenly sound;
And if he chance to speak, be ready straight,
And with a low submissive reverence,
Say,-What is it your honour will command?
Let one attend him with a silver bason,
Full of rose-water, and bestrew'd with flowers;
Another bear the ewer,* the third a diaper,t
And say,-Wil't please your lordship cool
your hands?

Some one be ready with a costly suit,
And ask him what appearel he will wear;
Another tell him of his hounds and horse,
And that his lady mourns at his disease:
Persuade him, that he hath been lunantic ;
And, when he says he is-say, that he dreams,
For he is nothing but a mighty lord.
This do, and do it kindly, gentle Sirs;
It will be pastime passing excellent,
If it be husbanded with modesty.

1 Hun. My lord, I warrant you we'll play our part,

As he shall think, by our true diligence,
He is no less than what we say he is.

Lord. Take him up gently, and to bed with him;

And each one to his office, when he wakes. [Some bear out SLY. A trumpt sounds. Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds :[Exit. SERVANT. Belike, some noble gentleman; that means, Travelling some journey, to repose him here.--Re-enter a SERVANT.

How now? who is it?

Ser. An it please your honour, Players that offer service to your lordship. Lord. Bid them come near:


Now, fellows, you are welcome. 1 Play. We thank your honour, Lord. Do you intend to stay with me tonight?

2 Play. So please your lordship to accept our duty.

Lord. With all my heart.-This fellow I remember,

Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest son ;Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well:

I have forgot your name; but sure, that part Was aptly fitted, and naturally perform'd 1 Play. I think, 'twas Soto that your hon

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The rather for I have some sport in hand, Wherein your cunning can assist me much. There is a lord will hear you play to-night; But I am doubtful of your modesties: Lest, over-eying of his odd behaviour, (For yet his honour never heard a play,) You break into some merry passion, And so offend him: for I tell you, Sirs, If you should smile, he grows impatient. 1 Play. Fear not, my lord; we can contain ourselves.

Were he the veriest antick in the world.

Lord. Go Sirrah, take them to the buttery, And give them friendly welcome every one: Let them want nothing that my house affords. [Exeunt SERVANT and PLAYERS. Sirrah, go you to Bartholomew my page, [To a SERVANT. And see him dress'd in all suits like a lady: That done, conduct him to the drunkards's chamber,

And call him-madam, do him obeisance,-
Tell him from me, (as he will win my love,)
He bear himself with honourable action,
Such as he hath observ'd in noble ladies
Unto their lords, by them accomplished:
Such duty to the drunkard let him do,
With soft low tongue, and lowly courtesy ;
And say,-What is't your honour will com-

Wherein your lady, and your humble wife,
May show her duty, and make known her love?
And then-with kind embracements, tempting


And with declining head into his bosom,
Bid him shed tears, as being overjoy'd
To see her noble lord restor❜d to health,
Who, for twice seven years, hath esteemed him
No better than a poor and loathsome beggar:
And if the boy have not a woman's gift,
To rain a shower of commanded tears,
An onion will do well for such a shift;
Which in a napkin being close convey'd,
Shall in dispite enforce a watery eye. [canst;
See this despach'd with all the haste thou
Anon I'll give thee more instructions.-

I know, the boy will well usurp the grace,
Voice, gait, and action of a gentlewoman:
I long to hear him call the drunkard, husband;
And how my men will stay themselves from

When they do homage to this simple peasant.
I'll in to counsel them: happily* my presence
May well abate the over-merry spleen,
Which otherwise would grow into extremes.

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2 Serv. Wil't please your honour taste of these conserves?

3 Serv. What raiment will your honour wear to-day?

Sly. I am Christopher Sly; call not me

* Perhaps.

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