Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Fab. More matter for a May-morning. There's something in me, that reproves my fault, Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I That it but mocks reproof. Sir And. Ay, is it, I warrant him: do but read. Sir To. Give me. [Reads.] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow. Fub. Good, and valiant. Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't. Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law. Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for. Fab. Very brief, and exceeding good sense less. Sir To. I will way-lay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me, Fab. Good. Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain. Fab. Still you keep o'the the windy side of the law: Good. Sir To. Fare thee well. And God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll give't him. sworn enemy. Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. Sir To. Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; or it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Vio. With the same 'haviour that your passion bears, Go on my master's griefs. Oli. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you: Re-enter Sir TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN. Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end: dismount thy tuck,* be yaret in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly. Vio. You mistake, Sir; I am sure, no man hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man. Sir To. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you : therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal. Vio. I pray you, Sir, what is he? Sir To. He is knight, dubbed with unhacked rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre : hob, nob, is his word; give't, or take't. Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirk.‡ Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing. [Exit. Sir To. Now will not I deliver his letter: For the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in Sir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself the youth, he will find it comes from a clod-out of a very competent injury; therefore, get pole. But, Sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, (as, I know, his youth will aptly receive it,) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. Vio. This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is; it is something of my negligence, nothing of my you, even to a mortal arbitrement;* but nothing of the circumstance more. Vio. I beseech you, what manner of man is he? Fab. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is indeed, Sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal oppositet that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk to. ards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can. Vio. I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one, that would rather go with sir priest, than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle. [Exeunt. Re-enter Sir TOBY, with Sir ANDREW. Sir To. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in, with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on: They say, he has been fencer to the Sophy. Sir And. Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him. Sir To. Ay, but he will not now be pacified : Fabian can scarce hold him yonder. Sir And. Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damned ere I'd have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet. Sir To. I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a good show on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls: Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. [Aside. Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA. I have his horse [To FAB.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him the youth's a devil. Fab. He is as horribly conceited|| of him ; and pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels. Sir To. There's no remedy, Sir; he will fight with you for his oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you. Vio. Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of [Aside. a man. Fab. Give ground, if you see him furious. Sir To. Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't. Sir And. Pray God, he keep his oath! Fab. O good Sir Toby, hold; here come the officers. Sir To. I'll be with you anon. [To ANTONIO. Vio. Pray, Sir, put up your sword, if you please. [To Sir ANDREW. Sir. And. Marry, will I, Sir ;—and, for that I promised you, I'll be as good as my word: He will bear you easily, and reins well. 1 Off. This is the man; do thy office. 2 Off. Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit Of count Orsino. Ant. You do mistake me, Sir. 1 Off. No, Sir, no jot; I know your favour well, [head.Though now you have no sea-cap on your Take him away; he knows, I know him well. Ant. I must obey.-This comes with seeking you; But there's no remedy; I shall answer it. 2 Off. Come, Sir, away. Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money. Vio. What money, Sir? For the fair kindness you have show'd me here, I'll make division of my present with you: Is't possible, that my deserts to you Vio. I know of none; Nor know I you by voice, or any feature : Ant. O heavens themselves! Ant. Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here, snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death; Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love,And to his image, which, methought, did promise Most venerable worth, did I devotion. 1 Off. What's that to us? The time goes by; Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, Vio. Henam'd Sebastian; I my brother know [Exit. Sir To. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend here in necessity, and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian. Fab. A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it. Sir And. 'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him. ACT IV. SCENEI.-The Street before OLIVIA's House. Enter SEBASTIAN and CLOWN. Clo. Will you make me believe, that I am not sent for you? Seb. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; Let me be clear of thee. Clo. Well held out, i'faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither.-Nothing, that is so, is so. Seb. I pr'ythee, ventt thy folly somewhere Thou know'st not me. [else; Clo. Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.pr'ythee now, ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady; Shall I vent to her, that thou art coming? Seb. I pr'ythee, foolish Greek, depart from me; There's money for thee; if you tarry longer, Clo. By my troth, thou hast an open hand :These wise men, that give fools money, get themselves a good report after fourteen years' purchase. Enter Sir ANDREW, Sir TOBY, and FABIAN. Are all the people mad? [Beating Sir ANDREW. Clo. This will I tell my lady straight; I would not be in some of your coats for two-pence. [Exit CLOWN. Sir To. Come on, Sir; hold. [Holding SEBASTIAN. Sir And. Nay, let him alone, I'll go another way to work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Il. *In the reflection of my own figure. VOL. I. F † Let out. lyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that. Seb. Let go thy hand. Sir To. Come, Sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on. Seb. I will be free from thee. What would'st If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, Sir To. Madam? Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains, and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne'er were preach'd! out of my sight! Be not offended, dear Cesario :- Do not deny: Beshrew his soul for me, Seb. What relish is in this? how runs the SCENE II-A Room in OLIVIA's House. this beard; make him believe, thou art Sir ble myself in't; and I would I were the first enter. Enter Sir TOBY BELCH and MARIA. Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, That, that is, is: so I, being master parson, am very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, master parson; For what is that, but that? and is, but is? Sir To. To him, Sir Topas. Clo. What, hoa, I say,-Peace in this prison! Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave. Mal. [In an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit. Malvolio the lunatic. Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady. Clo. Out,hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Sir To. Well said, master parson. Mal. Sir Topaz,never was man thus wronged: good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness. Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: Say'st thou, that house is dark? Mal. As hell, Sir Topas. Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows* transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction? Mal. I am not mad, Sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark. Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled, than the Egyptians in their fog. Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question.t Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl? Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well. Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, Sir To. My most exquisite Sir Topas! Mar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard, and gown; he sees thee not. Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would, we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber. [Exeunt Sir TOBY and MARIA. Clo. Hey Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does. Mal. Fool, Clo. My lady is unkind, perdy. Clo. Alas, why is she so? [Singing. Clo. She loves another-Who calls, ha? Mal. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't. Mal. Sir Topas,~~ Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow.-Who, I, Sir? not I, Sir. God b'wi'you, good Sir Topas.-Marry, amen.—I will, Sir, I will. Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say, Clo. Alas, Sir, be patient. What say you, Sir? I am shent* for speaking to you. Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria. Clo. Well-a-day,-that you were, Sir! Mal. By this hand, I am: Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did. Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit? Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true. Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'ythee, begone. I am gone, Sir, Clo. And anon, Sir, I'll be with you again, In a trice; Enter OLIVIA and a PRIEST. Oli. Blame not this haste of mine: If you Now go with me, and with this holy man, Fab. Any thing. Clo. Do not desire to see this letter. Fab. That is, to give a dog, and, in recompense, desire my dog again. Enter DUKE, VIOLA, and Attendants. Duke. Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends? Clo, Ay, Sir; we are some of her trappings. Duke. I know thee well; How dost thou, my good fellow? Clo. Truly, Sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends. Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends. Clo. No, Sir, the worse. Clo. Marry, Sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, Sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why, then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes. Duke. Why, this is excellent. Clo. By my troth, Sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends. Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold. Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, Sir, I would you could make it another. Duke. O, you give me ill counsel. Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, Sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double-dealer; there's another. Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play: and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, Sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, Sir, may put you in mind; One, two, three. Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further. I come again. I go, Sir; but I would not have Enter ANTONIO and OFFICERS. me. Duke. That face of his I do remember well; i Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio, And this is he, that did the Tiger board, state, In private brabble did we apprehend him. Vio. He did me kindness, Sir; drew on my side; I know not what 'twas, but distraction. Duke. Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! Ant. Orsino, noble Sir, Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you Though, I confess, on base and ground enough, Which I had recommended to his use Vio. How can this be? Duke. When came he to this town? (No interim, not a minute's vacancy,) Enter OLIVIA and Attendants. Duke, Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth. But for thee, fellow, fellow, thy words are Three months this youth hath tended upon me ; |