pulsion! Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plenty as black-berries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion. P. Henry. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bedpresser, this horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh Fal. Away, you starveling, you elfskin, you dry'd neat's tongue, you stockfish! O, for breath to utter! what is like thee? you taylor's yard, you sheath, you bowcase, you vile standing tuck P. Henry. Well, breathe awhile, and then to't again; and when thou hast tir'd thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this:-Poins and I saw you four set on four: you bound them, and were masters of their wealth: mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four, and with a word out-fac'd you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can shew it you here in the house. And Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roar'd for mercy, and still ran and roar'd, as ever I heard a bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? Fal. Ha ha! ha !---D'ye think I did not know you?---By the Lord, I knew you as well as he that made you. Why hear ye, my master, was it for me to kill the heir apparent! should I turn upon the true prince? why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules; but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince; instinct is a great matter. I was a coward on instinct; I grant you: and I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But I am glad you have the money. Let us clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow. What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore ? P.Henry. Content!---and the argument shall be, thy running away. Fal. Ah!--no more of that, Hal, if thou lovest me, Shakspeare. $25. Scene in which MOODY gives MANLY an Account of the Journey to LONDON. Manly. Honest John! Moody. Measter Manly! I am glad I ha' fun ye.---Well, and how d'ye do, Measter? Manly. I am glad to see you in London, I hope all the good family are well. Moody. Thanks be praised, your honour, they are all in pretty good heart; thof' we have had a power of crosses upo' the road. Manly. What has been the matter, John? Moody. Why, we came up in such a hurry, you mun think, that our tackle was not so tight as it should be. Manly. Come, tell us all---Pray, how do they travel? Moody. Why, i'the awld coach, Measter; and 'cause my lady loves to do things handsome, to be sure, she would have a couple of cart-horses clapt to the four old geldings, that neighbours might see she went up to London in her coach and six: and so Giles Joulter, the ploughman, rides postilion. Manly. And when do you expect them here, John? Moody. Why, we were in hopes to ha' come yesterday, an' it had no been that th'awld weazle-belly horse tired: and then we were so cruelly loaden, that the two fore-wheels came crash down at once, in Waggon-rut-lane, and there we lost four hours 'fore we could set things to rights again. Manly. So they bring all their baggage with the coach, then? Moody. Aye, aye, and good store on't there is--Why, my lady's gear alone were as much as filled four portmantel trunks, besides the great deal box that heavy Ralph and the monkey sit upon behind. Manly. Ha, ha, ha!--And pray how many are they within the coach? Moody. Why there's my lady and his worship, and the younk 'squoire, and Miss Jenny, and the fat lap-dog, and my lady's maid Mrs. Handy, and Doll Tripe the cook, that's all---only Doll puked a little with riding backward; so they hoisted her into the coach-box, and then her stomach was easy. Manly. Ha, ha, ha! Moody. Then you mun think, Measter; there was some stowage for the belly, as well as the back too; children are apt to be famish'd upo' the road; so we had such cargoes of plumb-cake, and baskets of tongues, and biscuits, and cheese, and 1 cold boil'd beef---and then, in case of sickness, bottles of cherry-brandy, plague water, sack, tent, and strong-beer so plenty, as made th' awld coach crack again. Mercy upon them! and send them all well to town, I say. Manly. Ay, and well out on't again, John. Moody. Measter! you're a wise mon! and for that matter, so am I---whoam's whoam, I say; I am sure we ha' got but little good e'er sin' we turn'd our backs on't. Nothing but mischief! some devil's trick or other plagued us aw th' day lung. Crack goes one thing! bawnce goes another! Woa! says Roger-Then, Sowse! we are all set fast in a slough. Whaw! cries Miss: Scream! go the maids and bawl just as thof' they were stuck. And so, mercy on us! this was the trade from morning to night. Manly. Ha, ha, ha! Moody. But I mun hie me whoam; the coach will be coming every hour naw. Manly. Well, honest John Moody. Dear Measter Manly! the good ness of goodness bless and preserve you! $26. The Birth of MARTINUS SCRIB LERUS. This Nor was the birth of this great man unattended with prodigies: he himself has often told me, that on the night before he was born, Mrs. Scriblerus dreamed she was brought to bed of a huge ink-horn, out of which issued several large streams of ink, as if it had been a fountain. dream was by her husband thought to signify, that the child should prove a very voluminous writer. Likewise a crab-tree, that had been hitherto barren, appeared on a sudden laden with a vast quantity of crabs this sign also the old gentleman imagined to be a prognostic of the acute ness of his wit. A great swarm of wasps played round his cradle without hurting him, but were very troublesome to all in the room besides. This seemed a certain presage of the effects of his satire. A dunghill was seen within the space of one night to be covered all over with mushrooms; this some interpreted to promise the infant great fertility of fancy, but no long duration to his works; but the father was of another opinion. But what was of all most wonderful, was a thing that seemed a monstrous fowl, which just then dropped through the skylight, near his wife's apartment. It had a large body, two little disproportioned wings, a prodigious tail, but no head. As its colour was white, he took it at first sight for a swan, and was concluding his son would be a poet; but on a nearer view he perceived it to be speckled with black, in the form of letters; and that it was indeed a paper-kite, which had broke its leash by the impetuosity of the wind. His back was armed with the art military, his belly was filled with physic, his wings were the wings of Quarles and Withers, the several nodes of his voluminous tail were diversified with several branches of science; where the Doctor beheld with great joy a knot of logic, a knot of metaphysic, a knot of casuistry, a knot of polemical divinity, and a knot of common law, with a lanthorn of Jacob Behmen. There went a report in the family, that as soon as he was born he uttered the voice of nine several animals: he cried like a calf, bleated like a sheep, chattered like a magpie, grunted like a hog, neighed like a foal, croaked like a raven, mewed like a cat, gabbled like a goose, and brayed like an ass; and the next morning he Owls which came down the chimney. His was found playing in his bed with two father was greatly rejoiced at all these signs, which betokened the variety of his eloquence, and the extent of his learning; but he was more particularly pleased with the last, as it nearly resembled what hap❤ pened at the birth of Homer. The Doctor and his Shield. The day of the christening being come, and the house filled with gossips, the levity of whose conversation suited but ill with the gravity of Dr. Cornelius, he cast about how to pass this day more agreeable to his character; that is to say, not without some profitable conference, nor wholly without observance of some ancient custom. He remembered to have read in Theocritus, that the cradle of Hercules was a shield: and being possessed of an antique buckler, which he held as a most inestimable relic, he determined to have the infant laid therein, and in that manner brought into the study, to be shewn to certain learned men of his acquaintance. The regard he had for this shield, had caused him formerly to compile a dissertation concerning it, proving from the several properties, and particularly the colour of the rust, the exact chronology thereof, With this treatise and a moderate supper, he proposed to entertain his guests; though he had also another design, to have their assistance in the calculation of his son's nativity. He therefore took the buckler out of a case (in which he always kept it, lest it might contract any modern rust) and entrusted it to his house-maid, with orders, that when the company was come, she should lay the child carefully in it, covered with a mantle of blue satin. The guests were no sooner seated, but they entered into a warm debate about the Triclinium, and the manner of Decubitus, of the ancients, which Cornelius broke off in this manner: This day, my friends, I propose to exhibit my son before you; a child not wholly unworthy of inspection, as he is descended from a race of virtuosi. Let the physiognomist examine his features; let the chirographists behold his palm; but, above all, let us consult for the calculation of his nativity. To this end, as the child is not vulgar, I will not present him to you in a vulgar manner. He shall be cradled in my ancient shield, so famous through the universities of Europe. You all know how I purchased that invaluable piece of antiquity, at the great (though indeed inadequate) expence of all the plate of our family; how happily I carried it off, and how triumphantly I transported it hither, to the inexpressible grief of all Germany. Happy in every circumstance, but that it broke the heart of the great Melchior Insipidus!" Here he stopped his speech, upon sight of the maid, who entered the room with the child: he took it in his arms, and proceeded : "Behold then my child, but first behold the shield; behold this rust,---or rather let me call it this precious ærugo; -behold this beautiful varnish of time, -this venerable verdure of so many ages!"-In speaking these words, he slowly lifted up the mantle which covered it inch by inch; but at every inch he uncovered, his cheeks grew paler, his hand trembled, his nerves failed, till on sight of the whole the tremor became universal: the shield and the infant both dropped to the ground, and he had only strength enough to cry out, "O God! my shield! my shield!" The truth was, the maid (extremely concerned for the reputation of her own cleanliness, and her young master's honour) had scoured it as clean as her hand-irons. Cornelius sunk back on a chair, the guests stood astonished, the infant squalled, the maid ran in, snatched it up again in her arms, flew into her mistress's room, and told what had happened. Down stairs in an instant hurried all the gossips, where they found the Doctor in a trance: Hungary-water, hartshorn, and the confused noise of shrill voices, at length awakened him: when opening his eyes, he saw the shield in the hand of the house-maid. "O woman! woman!" he cried (and snatched it violently from her), "was it to thy ignorance that this relic owes its ruin? Where, where is the beautiful crust that covered thee so long? where those traces of time, and fingers, as it were, of antiquity? Where all those beautiful obscurities, the cause of much delightful disputation, where doubt and curiosity went hand in hand, and eternally exercised the speculations of the learned? And this the rude touch of an ignorant woman hath done away! The curious prominence at the belly of that figure, which some, taking for the cuspis of a sword, denominated a Roman soldier; others, accounting the insignia virilia, pronounce to be one of the Dü Termini: behold she hath cleaned it in like shameful sort, and shown to be the head of a nail. O my shield! my shield! well may I say with Horace, Ñon bene relicta parmula.” The gossips, not at all inquiring into the cause of his sorrow, only asked if the child had no hurt? and cried, "Come, come, all is well; what has the woman done but her duty? a tight cleanly wench, I warrant her: what a stir the man makes about a bason, that an hour ago, before her labour was bestowed upon it, a country barber would not have hung at his shop door!" "A bason! (cried another), no such matter; 'tis nothing but a paltry old sconce, with the nozzle broke off." The learned gentlemen, who till now had stood speechless, hereupon looking narrowly on the shield, declared their assent to this latter opinion, and desired Cornelius to be comforted; assuring him it was a sconce, and no other. But this, instead of comforting, threw the Doctor into such a violent fit of passion, that he was carried off groaning and speechless to bed; where, being quite spent, he fell into a kind of slumber. The Nutrition of SCRIBLERUS. Cornelius now began to regulate the suction of his child: seldom did there pass a day without disputes between him and the mother, or the nurse, concerning the nature of aliment. The poor woman never dined but he denied her some dish or other, which he judged prejudicial to her milk. One day she had a longing desire to a piece of beef; and as she stretched her hand towards it, the old gentleman drew it away, and spoke to this effect: "Hadst thou read the ancients, O nurse, thou wouldst prefer the welfare of the infant which thou nourishest, to the indulging of an irregular and voracious appetite! Beef, it is true, may confer a robustness on the limbs of my son, but will hebetate and clog his intellectuals." While he spoke this the nurse looked upon him with much anger, and now and then cast a wishful eye upon the beef." Passion (continued the Doctor, still holding the dish), throws the mind into too violent a fermentation: it is a kind of fever of the soul; or, as Horace expresses it, a short madness. Consider, woman, that this day's suction of my son may cause him to imbibe many ungovernable passions, and in a manner spoil him for the temper of a philosopher. Romulus, by suckling a wolf, became of a fierce and savage disposition: and were I to breed some Ottoman emperor, or founder of a military commonwealth, perhaps I might indulge thee in this carnivorous appetite."What! interrupted the nurse, beef spoil the understanding! that's fine indeed---how then could our parson preach as he does upon beef, and pudding too, if you go to that? Don't tell me of your ancients; had not you almost killed the poor babe, with a dish of dæmonial black broth ?---" Lacedemonian black broth, thou wouldst say (replied Cornelius); but I cannot allow the surfeit to have been occasioned by that diet, since it was recommended by the divine Lycurgus. No, nurse, thou must certainly have eaten some meats of ill digestion the day before; and that was the only cause of his disorder. Consider, woman, the different temperaments of different nations! What makes the English phlegmatic and melancholy, but beef? What renders the Welsh so hot Play-Things. But Here follow the instructions of Cornelius Scriblerus concerning the plays and play-things to be used by his son Martin. 66 Play was invented by the Lydians, as a remedy against hunger. Sophocles says of Palamedes, that he invented dice to serve sometimes instead of a dinner. It is therefore wisely contrived by nature, that children, as they have the keenest appetites, are most addicted to plays. From the same cause, and from the unprejudiced and incorrupt simplicity of their minds it proceeds, that the plays of the ancient children are preserved more entire than any other of their customs. In this matter I would recommend to all who have any concern in my son's education, that they deviate not in the least from the primitive and simple antiquity. "To speak first of the whistle, as it is the first of all play-things. I will have it exactly to correspond with the ancient fistula, and accordingly to be composed septem paribus disjuncla ciculis. "I heartily wish a diligent search may be made after the true crepitaculum or rattle of the ancients, for that (as Architus Tarentinus was of opinion) kept the children from breaking earthen-ware. The China cups in these days are not at all the safer for the modern rattles; which is an evident proof how far their crepitacula exceeded ours. "I would not have Martin yet to scourge a top, till I am better informed whether the trochus, which was recommended by Cato, be really our present tops, or rather the hoop which the boys drive with a stick. Neither cross and pile, nor ducks and drakes, are quite so ancient as handy-daddy, though Macrobius and St. Augustine take notice of the first, and Minutius Fœlix describes the latter; but handy-daddy is mentioned by Aristotle, Plato, and Áristophanes. "The play which the Italians call cinque and the French mourre, is extremely ancient; it was played at by Hymen and Cupid at the marriage of Psyche, and termed by the Latins digilis micare. "Julius Pollux describes the omilla or chuck-farthing: though some will have our modern chuck-farthings to be nearer the aphetinda of the ancients. He also mentions the basilinda, or King I am; and mynda, or hoopers-hide. "But the chytrindra, described by the same author, is certainly not our hotcockles; for that was by pinching, and not by striking; though there are good authors who affirm the rathapigismus to be yet nearer the modern hot-cockles. My son Martin may use either of them indifferently, they being equally antique. 66 Building of houses, and riding upon sticks, have been used by children of all ages, Edificare ceasas, quitare in arundine longa. Yet I much doubt whether the riding upon sticks did not come into use after the age of the centaurs. "There is one play which shews the gravity of ancient education, called the acinetinda, in which children contended who could longest stand still. This we have suffered to perish entirely; and if I might be allowed to guess, it was certainly lost among the French. "I will permit my son to play at apo didascinda, which can be no other than our puss in a corner. "Julius Pollux, in his ninth book, speaks of the melolonthe, or the kite; but I question whether the kite of antiquity was the same with ours: and though the Opruyoкoría, or quail-fighting, is what is most taken notice of, they had doubtless cock-matches also, as is evident from certain ancient gems and relievos. "In a word, let my son Martin disport himself at any game truly antique, except one, which was invented by a people among the Thracians, who hung up one of their companions in a rope, and gave him a knife, to cut himself down; which if he failed in, he was suffered to hang till he was dead; and this was only reckoned a sort of joke. I am utterly against this, as barbarous and cruel. "I cannot conclude without taking notice of the beauty of the Greek names, whose etymologies acquaint us with the nature of the sports; and how infinitely, both in sense and sound, they excel our barbarous names of plays." Notwithstanding the foregoing injunctions of Dr. Cornelius, he yet condescended to allow the child the use of some few modern play-things; such as might prove of any benefit to his mind, by instilling an early notion of the sciences. For example, he found that marbles taught him percussion, and the laws of motion; nut. crackers the use of the lever; swinging on the ends of a board, the balance; bottle-screws, the vice; whirligigs, the axis and peritrochia; bird-cages, the pulley; and tops, the centrifugal motion. Others of his sports were further car. ried to improve his tender soul even in virtue and morality. We shall only instance one of the most useful and instructive, bob-cherry, which teaches at once two noble virtues, patience and constancy; the first in adhering to the pursuit of one end, the latter in bearing a disappointment. Besides all these, he taught him, as a diversion, an old and secret manner of stealing, according to the custom of the Lacedæmonians; wherein he succeeded so well, that he practised it to the day of his death. MUSIC. The bare mention of music threw Cornelius into a passion; "How can you dignify (quoth he) this modern fiddling with the name of music? Will any of |