put upon much serious reflection, and earnest prayer to be led to, or established in, the truth, concerning the nature and reality of the atonement by the death of Christ: for hitherto I had been in this respect a Socinian, or very little better.

But, to counterbalance this advantage, Dr. Clarke's Scripture-Doctrine of the Trinity,' and the controversy which ensued upon its publica, tion, became a favourite part of my study. The Arian scheme is so inconsistent with reason, that when reflecting men, in order to avoid those mysterious and, as they imagine, unreasonable conciusions, which, according to the true meaning of words, the Scriptures contain, have become Arians, it is wonderful they do not, for the same cause, embrace the Socinian system. This is the natural progress of unhumbled reason; from Arianism to Socinianism; from Socinianism to Deism; andthence to Atheism. Many and awful have been the examples of reasoning and learned men, who, under the name of Philosophers, arrogating to themselves the prerogative of superior discernment, have manifested the propriety with which they claimed this pre-eminence, by treading this down-hill road, almost, if not quite, to the very bottom.

But, when a man has fallen so low as Socinianism, not merely for want of information, or by blindly and implicitly adopting the sentiments of other men, but by leaning to his own understanding, and preferring the conclusions of his own reason to the infallible dictates of the Holy Ghost; it is not common for him to return gradually, by the retrograde path, first to Arianism, and then to the received doctrine of the Trinity. Yet, this was my case.-Dr. Clarke appeared to me so undeniably to establish his argument by express scriptural evidences, and so plausibly to defend. his system on both sides, and to back his cause with so many seeming authorities; that I found

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myself unable any longer to maintain my Socinian principles, and was constrained to relinquish them as untenable: at the same time I was not aware of the flaw in his reasoning, and the unavoidable consequence of his middle doctrine; namely, that the Son and Holy Spirit, however exalted, or dignified with names and titles, must either be mere creatures, or that otherwise there must be three Gods.' Not perceiving this, and my newly acquired reverence for Scripture, and my old self-confidence and fondness for reasoning, being, by this conciliating scheme, both humoured; I cordially acceded to his sentiments, and for a long time could not endure any other doctrine.

Nothing further of any consequence occurred, till about December 1776, when carelessly taking up Mr. Law's Serious Call,' a book I had hitherto treated with contempt, I had no sooner opened it, than I was struck with the originality of the work; and the spirit and force of argument with which it is written. I mean merely as to his management of the subjects he treats of: for there are many things in it, that I am very far from approving; and it certainly contains as little gospel, as any religious work I am acquainted with. But, though a very uncomfortable book to a person who is brought under a serious concern for his soul, and deep convictions of sin; it is very useful to prepare the way, to shew the need we have of a Saviour, and to enforce the practice of that holy diligence in the use of means, which the important interests of eternity reasonably demand. This was its use to me. By the perusal of it, I was convinced that I was guilty of great remissness and negligence; that the duties of secret devotion called for far more of my time and attention, than had been hitherto allotted to them; and that, if I hoped to save my own soul, and the

souls of those that heard me, I must in this respect greatly alter my conduct, and increase my diligence in seeking and serving the Lord. From that time I began to study in what manner my devotions might be rendered more fervent and pertinent; I transcribed, and committed to memory, scriptural petitions; I employed some time in reading manuals of devotion; made attempts to compose prayers myself, and became more frequent and earnest, and, I trust, more spiritual, than heretofore, in my secret addresses to the Majesty of heaven.

About this time, after many delays, I complied with the admonitions of my conscience, and disengaged myself from all other employments, with a solemn resolution to leave all my temporal concerns in the hands of the Lord, and entirely to devote myself to the work of the ministry. Being thus become master of all my time, I dropped every other study, and turned the whole current of my reflections and enquiries into another channel; and for several years, I scarcely opened a book which treated of any thing besides reli gion.

The first step I took, after this disengagement, was, to keep common-place books; one I had for noting down remarkable passages out of other authors; and another for collecting into one view every text I could meet with in Scripture, respecting the most important and controverted doctrines of the gospel. Though I held this but a short time, (for when my engagements multiplied I dropt it;) yet I found it very useful, in bringing me acquainted with many passages of the word of God, to which I had not hitherto much attended; and it prepared the way for writing my sermons, on doctrinal subjects, with the scriptural testimonies concerning the point in hand, in one view before me.

In January, 1777, I met with a very high commendation of Mr. Hooker's writings, in which the honourable appellation of Judicious was bestowed upon him. This excited my curiosity to read his works; which accordingly I did with great profit. In his Discourse of Justification,' (Edit. 1682, page 496,) I met with the following remarkable passage, which, as well for its excel lency, as for the effect, it had upon my religious views, I shall, though rather long, transcribe.'If our hands did never offer violence to our brethren, a bloody thought doth prove us murderers before him [God.] If we had never ⚫ opened our mouth to utter any scandalous, offensive, or hurtful word, the cogitations is heard in the cars of God. If we cry of our secret did not commit the sins, which daily and hourly, in deed, word, or thoughts, we do commit; yet, in the good things which we do, how many defects are there intermingled! God, in that 6 which is done, respecteth the mind and intention of the doer. Cut off then all those things wherein we have regarded our own glory, those things which men do to please men, and to satisfy our own liking; those things which we do by any respect, not sincerely, and purely for the love of God: and a small score will serve for the number of our righteous deeds. Let the holiest and best thing we do be considered:-we are never better affected unto God than when we pray-yet, when we pray, how are our af'fections many times distracted! how little reverence do we show unto the grand Majesty of 'God unto whom we speak! how little remorse ' of our own miseries! how little taste of the sweet influence. of his tender mercies do we feel! Are we not as unwilling many times to begin, and as glad to make an end, as if in say"Call upon me," he had set us

ing,

very

'burdensome task? It may seem somewhat ex'treme which I will speak; therefore let every 'one judge of it, even as his own heart shall tell him, and no otherwise. I will but only make a ' demand: if God should yield unto us, not, as unto Abraham, if fifty, forty, thirty, twenty, yea, or if ten, good persons could be found in a 'city, for their sakes the city should not be de'stroyed; but, and if he should make us an offer 'thus large-Search all the generations of men, since the fall of our father Adam; find one man, that hath done one action, which hath 'passed from him pure, without any stain or ble'mish at all; and, for that one only man's action, 'neither men nor angels shall feel the torments which are prepared for both: Do you think that this ransom, to deliver men and angels, 'could be found to be among the sons of men? 'The best things, which we do, have somewhat in 'them to be pardoned; how then can we do any thing meritorious, or worthy to be rewarded? 'Indeed God doth liberally promise whatsoever appertaineth to a blessed life, to as many as sin'cerely keep his law, though they be not exactly able to keep it. Wherefore we acknowledge 'a dutiful necessity of doing well, but the meritorious dignity of doing well we utterly renounce. 'We see how far we are from the perfect righte'ousness of the law; the little fruit which we have in holiness, it is, God knoweth, corrupt and unsound: we put no confidence at all in it; we challenge nothing in the world for it; we dare not call God to reckoning, as if we had ⚫ him in our debt-books. Our continual suit to ' him is, and must be, to bear with our infirmities, and pardon our offences.'

I had no sooner read this passage, than I acquired such an insight into the strictness and spirituality of the divine law, and the perfection