at fit mens recta in corpore curvo, for an upright Mind in a crooked one. And let him frequently apply to himself this Article of Self-examination, [k] Lenior & melior fis accedente fene&ta ? as Age approaches, do your Temper and Morals improve? It is a Duty peculiarly incumbent; for if Beauty adds Grace to Virtue itself, Vice muft be doubly hideous in Deformity. Ridicule and Contempt are a certain Confequence of Deformity; and therefore what a Perfon cannot avoid, he should learn not to regard. He fhould bear it like a Man; forgive it as a Chrif tian; and confider it as a Philosopher. And his Triumph will be complete, if he can exceed others in Plenfantry on himself. Wit will give over, when it fees itself out-done; and fo will Malice, when it finds it has no Effe&t: And if a Man's Behaviour afford no Caufe of Contempt, it will fall upon thofe, who condemn him without Caufe, It fometimes happens, that Perfons, with whom I have a flight Acquaintance, will take notice of me on fome Days, and overlook me on others; well knowing that they ought to treat one of my Shape, with the precife Degree of Ceremony, which fuits their prefent Humour. I will not fay, this is a Pleasure; but I can truly fay, it is no Mortification. It excites in me no Refentment, but only Speculation. And not able to find out a very good Reafon for their Behaviour, I endeavour to find as good a one as I can. I confider with myself, what it is which makes them at that Jun&ture of fuch particular Importance to them. felves; and afk myself many Questions of this Sort. [*] Hor. Ep. ii. 1. 2. Sort. Is his Father dead? Has he written a Play? Has he dined with my Lord Mayor? Has he made a Speech? Has he been prefented at Court ? Has he been spoke to at a Levee? Has he a new Equipage, or Title? Has he had a good Run ? Has he got a Place? Is he going to marry a For tune? Has he been congratulated on the Perfor mance of his French Cook, or his French Taylor? Is he reckoned a Man of Tafte? Is he admitted of White's, or of the Royal Society Such are the Topicks of my Speculations; and though I am a Perfon of no great Penetration, I fometimes hit on the right Cause. Fine Cloaths attract the Eyes of the Vulgar; and therefore a deformed Perfon fhould not affume thofe borrowed Feathers, which will render him doubly ridiculous. He could fcarce expose him felf more by dancing at Court, than by appearing the fineft there on a Birth-day. Ever fince I have arrived at Years of Difcretion, I have worn a plain Drefs; which, for near thirty Years, has been of the fame grave Colour; and which I find not the leaft Inclination to alter. It would be monftrous in me to bestow any Ornament on a Perfon, which is incapable of it; and should I appear in Lace or Embroidery, my Friends might affign it as no unreasonable Pretence for a Commiffion of Lunacy against me-I can scarce forbear digreffing on this Subject, when I reffect, what Numbers, who should know better, fet a Value upon thefe Trifles, which are fit Amusements only for Children. If they are pleafed with the Finery only; they are no better than Children. If it is to gain refpe&; fuch F 3 “་ fuch refpect muft come from the Vulgar, and not from Men of Senfe. Is it to fhew their Quality? it does not, for even Apprentices are fine. Is it to be an Evider ce of their Riches it is not; for the most neceffitous are fineft, as Taylors know to their Coft. Do their Figure or Reputation depend on their Drefs: then they are entirely in the hand of the Taylor. He is the Engineer to guard and defend them; the God to fave or deftroy. Do they drefs to please the Ladies? that is the most reafonable End; yet very few of them but are wifer than to be taken with the Coat instead of the Man; and what can be taking in a Man, who invades their Province, and appears by his Actions to be one of them?-If it is a Lady that is fond of Finery; I ask her why? If fhe is a Beauty, the wants no Ornament; if plain, the cannot be transformed. Her Drefs indeed may. enliven her Poet's Fancy, and fave him a Journey to the Sun and Stars for his Similies and Allufions. If the Lady had not put on her Finery, we might have loft this polite and ingenious Stanza: D 7 11 I.. 1: Tb' adorning thee with fo much Art Is but a barbarous Skill: Tislike the poisoning of a Dart, Too apt before to kill. Every Mother (like her in [ Juvenal) hath prayed in the Temple of Venus, for the most ex [] Formam optat modico pueris, majore puellis Murmure, cùm Veneris fanum videt anxia mater,, Ufque ad delicias votorum. -Sat. X. qu'fite quifite Beauty in her Children. But fince the Goddess hath been thus deaf and unkind, I cannot advife any one of my Sect to be her profeffed Votary; for she will be as little propitious to his Wishes, as she was to his Mother's Prayer. A Helen will run away with a Paris; but where is the Nymph that will liften to fuch a Corydon? In vain will he fummon the Mufes to his Aid, unaffifted as he is by the Graces. His [m] Sachariffa, Myra, Cloe, or Belinda, may, perhaps, tickle her Ear, but will never touch her Heart : [n] Not Words alone pleafe ber. Or if (as [o] Waller expreffes it) her high Pride: fhould defcend to mark his Follies, it is the greateft Honour he can expect; unless, in a merry. Mood, the should take it into her Head to treat. him like [p] Falftaff, or Squire Slender. He will, be the choiceft of Cupid's April Fools; and I will not fay an egregious Afs, but Camel, to bear his, Burthens. But let this be fome Confolation to him, that, while he is not fuffered to regale on the Sweets of the Hive, he is fecured from its Sting. But, not to make ugly Persons out of Love with themselves, I will now exhibit fome Advantages arifing from Deformity.. [m] Sacharifa belongs to Waller, Myra to Lanf down, Cloe to Prior, and Belinda to Pope. [n] Milton's Paradise loft, Book viii. [•] In his Poem on Love. [P] Merry Wives of Windfor. Inftead of repining, a deformed Perfon ought to he thankful to Providence for giving him fuch a Guard to his Virtue and Repofe. Thousands are daily ruined by a handfome Perfon; for Beauty is a Flower, that every one wants to gather in its Bloom, and fpare no Pains or Stratagem, to reach it. All the Poetical Stories concerning it have their Moral. A Helen occafions War and Confufion: The Hyacinths and Ganymedes are feized. on for Catamites: The Endymions and Adonises for Gallants: Narciffus can admire nobody but himfelf; and grows old before he is cured of that Paffion. Who is a Stranger to the Story of Lucretia killing herself for her violated Chastity? or of Virginia killed by her Father to preferve it? In those Circumstances, fays [q] Juvenal, she might wish to change Perfons with Rutila, the only La dy I knew, among the Ancients, celebrated for a Hump-back. The [r] handfomeft Men are chofen for Eunuchs and Gallants; and when they are catched in exercising the last Function, both [s] [4] Sed vetat optari faciem Lucretia, qualem Jpfa habuit Cuperet Rutila Virginia gibbum Accipere, atque fuam Rutile dare,Nullus ephebum [r] Sat. X. Deformem fæva caftravit in arce tyrannus. tem. ibid. ] Hic fe præcipitem teto dedit: ille flagellis mos: Hunc perminxerunt calones: quinetiam illud. Quofdam machos & mugilis intrat. Juv. ib. |