Page images

fort, that their Satisfaction will be as great in this Way, as in the ordinary and coarser Communication with Man; which indeed the Fondness that Ladies have always expressed for Zepbyrs, abundantly proves, though hitherto they have been ignorant of the Cause of the agreeable Senfations excited by that amorous Wind.

But the most capital Advantage of all remains yet to be told, and in describing of this I must exalt my Style;

, Major rerum mihi nascitur trdo, Maj us opus movet. There is a certain Distemper most fatally epidemic, which has much employed the Speculation, and more the Practice, of Mankind. Whether with Physicians we call it the Lues Venerea, with 'Pothecar-ies the Venereal Disease, with Ladies the French Distemper, or with fine Gentlemen the Ip—x; it is known by all these Denominations, besides an infinite Number of inferior Titles, that mark the several Stages of this puisfant, destroying Pestilence.

,' Nomina mil/e,

Mille nocendi artes. Some tell you that Columbus brought it over from his new American World in a Ban-box; and that it is nothing more than the Yaws operating differently upon European Constitutions \b]. O


[h] However some People may contend for the modern Introduction of this Distemper, I am persuaded it is as old as the Days of Hercules, and that this illustrious Giant-killer was infected with it. The envenomed Shirt thers are contented to go no farther for it than France; and very confidently assure us, that it was imported hither among other elegant Accomplishments, for which we have been indebted to that Land of Luxury and Refinement. But though its Origin be doubtful and uncertain, its Achievements are unquestionably sure; and, oh, that I had the Pen of Fracajlorius to describe the Ravage it commits upon a human Body! Lend, lend me Assistance, all ye battered Rakes, whilei with blackest Ink I undertake to paint the Havocks of . that honourable Disease, of which thoufands of your Fore-fathers have died, and whereof yourselves so vain-glorioufly boast in Taverns and Coffee-houses, to the great Advancement of Virtue

and Morality. Say, illustrious —• and and

■ , for ye know, with what fatal Rapidity its Venom over-runs the Constitution, how it undermines the Teeth, unhinges the Nose, soddens the Flestv, strikes Rottenness to the Bones, and poisons the very spinal Marrow. Say, farther, most enviable Sons of Pleasure! for this also Ex'perience may have taught you, how it spreads by Contagion, and operates by Communication. Some. Husbands give it their Wives, and some Wives* give their Husbands. Nor does the Evil end with Life, but revives again in the Posterity, is entailed . on the Heirs of great Families, inherited in sure Succession, and oftentimes, too often, proves the

os Nessus, and the Torments he suffered by putting it on, are plainly a Poetic Allegory, which I interpret in

the following easy Manner. Nessus p~x'd his Whore,

and she p—x'd Hercules.

only thing that is inherited by Heirs of noble, but corrupted Blood. Hence arises an enervated Progeny, weak in their Persons, and weaker in their Understandings; a puny, ill-compounded, un- • manly Race, who bear about them the Marks of their Fathers Wickedness in most legible Charasters; and though liable to be blown away by every Blast of Wind, have the Arrogance to strut through the Mi// with 'Swords by their Sides, and fancy themselves Men. Alas! their < Mothers Chambermaids would make better Mefl." . Nanbisjmicntus ortapar-entibuf^'. '"• Iflsttit teqiiarsanguine Gallico. Now this Distemper, so terrible in its Effects, and so pernicious in its Consequences, has been. attacked for many Centuries, by all the Esculapian Art in vain; [/] Merairy has exhausted all it§ fruitless Powers; Salivations exerted theircleansing Influence without Effect; and the mighty Ward, with his illustrious Pill, sits despairing in an Elbow-chair at Whitehall, to find himself defeated by this invincible Disease. But what neither physical Prescriptions, nor chirurgical Operations, what neither Empirics with their Pills, nor Graduates of the Faculty with their Purges, have been able to accomplish; I pretend to perform in a fafe, easy, effectual Manner, abjit superbia dicto) and for ever to drive out the P-—x from his Majesty's Dominions. If all in female

[i] Gesar tells us our old British Ancestors worshiped Mercury above all the Gods, Deum maxime Mercurium rolunt, &c. Their modern Descendants still worship the fame Deity.


Shape (for I dare not call them all Women) will agree to seclude themselves from- the foul Embraces of Men for one Year (which I account Sli very modest Propofal, as I offer, them, a better. Gratification in lieu of what they.are tOi forfeit) this .ruinous Plague must cease from among us. And I humbly recommend it, with all due Submission, to the Jadgment and Consideration of the most honourable the L—ds of the P. C. whether a R—1 Edict would not be well employed, to forbid all Copulation throughout the Kingdom for the Space of one whole Yeari beginning from Lady-day next, in order to slop the Growth and Increase of a Contagion much more fatal than that which now sweeps away our horned Cattle, and equally deserving the Interposition of Authority. 1 ,r, - '{ 'i -'

But Objectors still may be apt to question, whether your double-diJliWd Children, who pass through the seminal Vessels of both Sexes in the old Way of Generation, are not of Course more healthy and vigorous, than your Jtngle-diJiiWd Infants will be, who are to'receive only the Nurture of a female Womb? In Confutation of which silly Prejudice, though I could produce several very cogent Arguments from the Depth of Philosophy, yet I choose to answer this Query by another; Whether the present Race of Fathers, especially those in high Life, under the Circumstances I have described, are qualisyed to beget Children at all? But when Women are left to breed of themselves, and the Venereal Disease is banished from among 115, we may then hope to


see an Offspring robust and healthy i British Valour will then recover its ancient Glory ; new CreJJys, new Agincourts, new Blenheims succeed to grace our Annals,

Nor Henry be the last that conquers France. Wherefore, not doubting but my Scheme will immediately take Place, I shall apply very soon for a Patent to secure to myself the sole Ad van-" tage of this Discovery ; and in the mean Time I have taken a House in the Hay-market, dans la marchi au Join, where I shall give Attendance to all Women desirous of breeding, from the Hours of Seven or Eight in the Evening, till Twelve at Night; and if they will quietly submit themselves to my Experiment, I will ensure their Pregnancy at the proper Time, calculating from the Hour they did me the Favour of their Visit. Let them consider that the Glory and Interest of Great-Britain are now incumbent upon them, that it is in their Power to raise our Vigour, and, as I may fay, to mend the Breed of Englijbmen. In so doing, their Names will be recorded in History, as the illustrious Propagators of Heroism, the Founders of a new Sect of Men, and be handed down to Posterity equally famous with the Spartan and Roman Ladies, whose many gallant Achievements for the Good of their Countries, in Times of Distress, engaged Poets and Historians in their Praise.

But principally and earnestly I address myself to you, Gentlemen of the Royal Society, wbo jbine in the Dignity of F. R, S. and I hope you will re

S commend

« PreviousContinue »