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open a Scene, which hath Novelty, that powerful Charm, to recommend it.

But I must beware of growing serious again; I am affraid my Gravity may have disobliged fome of the Beau monde already.

He who intends t' advife the young and gay,
Muft quit the common Road—the formal Way,
Which bum-drum Pedants take to make Folks wife,
By praifing Virtue, and decrying Vice,

Let Parfons tell what dreadful Ill's will fall
On fuch as liften when their Paffions call::
We from fuch Things our Pupils to affright,
Say not they're Sins, but that they're unpolite.
To fhew their Courage, Beaus would often dare,
By blackeft Crimes, to brave old Lucifer :
But who, of Breeding nice, of Carriage civil,
Would trespass on good Manners for the Devil;
Or, merely to display his Want of Fear,
Be dam'd hereafter, to be laugh'd at here?

It cannot be expected from me, that I should particularly criticife on all thofe Foibles through which Men are. offenfive to others in their Behaviour: Perhaps too, a Detail of this Kind,, how-ever exact, might be thought tedious; it may be construed into a Breach of thofe Rules, for a ftri& Obfervance of which I contend. In order therefore to diverfify a Subject, which can no other Way be treated agreeably, permit me to throw together a Sett of Characters I once had the Opportunity of feeing, which will afford a juft Picture of thefe Marplots in Converfation, and. which

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my Readers, if they pleafe, may call the Affembly of Impertinents.

There was a Coffee-houfe in that End of the Town where I lodged fome Time ago, at which feveral Gentlemen ufed to meet of an Evening, who, from a happy Correfpondence in their Humours and Capacities, entertained one another agreeably from the Clofe of the Afternoon, till it was Time to go to Bed.

About fix Months this Society fubfifted with great Regularity, though without any Restraint. Every Gentleman who frequented the Houfe, and had converfed with the Erectors of this occafional Club, were invited to pafs an Evening, when they thought fit, in a Room one Pair of Stairs fet apart for that Purpose.

The Report of this Meeting drew, one Night when I had the Honour of being there, three: Gentlemen of Distinction, who were fo well known to moft of the Members, that Admittancecould not be refufed them. One of them, whom I choose to call Major Ramble, turned of threefcore, and who had had an excellent Education, feized the Difcourfe about an Hour before Supper, and gave us a very copious Account of the Remarks he had made in three Years Travels through Italy. He began with a geographical Defcription of the Dominions of his Sardinian Majefty as Duke of Savdy; and, after a Digreffion on the Fortifications of Turin, in fpeaking of which he shewed himself a perfect Engineer, he proceeded to the fecret Hiftory of the Intrigues of that Court, from the Propofal of the Match with Por

tugal,

tugal, to the Abdication of King Victor Amadeus. After this, he ran over the general History of Mi lan, Parma, and Modena; dwelt Half an Hour on the Adventures of the laft Duke of Mantua, gave us a hafty Sketch of the Court of Rome. transferred himself from thence to the Kingdom of Naples, repeated the Infurrection of Maffaniello, and, at a Quarter before Ten, finifhed his Obfervations with the Recital of what happened at the Reduction of that Kingdom to the Obedience of the prefent Emperor. What contributed to make this Conduct of his the more out of the way, was, that every Gentleman in the Room. had been in Italy as well as he; and one of them, who was a Merchant, was the very Perfon at whose House the Major refided when at Naples. Poffibly he might imagine the Knowledge they had in thofe Things might give them a greater Relifh for his Animadverfions; or, to speak more candidly, the Defire of displaying his own Parts, buried every other Circumstance in Oblivion.

Juft as the Major had done speaking, a Gentleman called for a Glafs of Water; and happen ed to fay, after drinking it, that he found his Conftitution, much mended fince he had left off Malt Liquor. Doctor Hettick, another of the Strangers, immediately laid hold of this Opportunity, and gave us a large Account of the Virtues of Water; confirming whatever he advanced from the Works of the most eminent Physicians. From the main Subject, he made an eafy Tranfition to medicinal Baths and Springs. Nor were his Searches bounded by our own Country; he

conde

condefcended to acquaint us with the Properties of the Springs of Bourbon, particularized the genuine Smell of Spaw Water, applauded the wonderful Effects of the Pyrmont Mineral; and, like a true Patriot, wound up his Difquifitions with preferring Aftrop Wells (within three Miles of which he was born) to them all. It was now turned of Eleven; when the Major and Doctor took their leave, and went away together in a Hackney-coach.

The Company feemed inclinable to extend their ufual Time of fitting, in order to divert themselves after the Night's Fatigue. When Mr. Papilio, the third New-comer, after two or three fevere Reflexions on the Oddity of fome People's Humours, who were for impofing their own idle Conceits as Things worthy the Attention of a whole Company; though, at the fame Time, their Subjects are trivial, and their Manner of treating them infipid: For my Part, continued he, Gentlemen, most People do me the Honour to fay, that few Perfons underftand Medals better than I do. To put the mufty Stories of thefe queer old Men out of our Heads, I'll give you the Hiftory of a valuable Medallion, which was fent me about three Weeks ago from Venice. Without ftaying for any farther Mark of Approbation than Silence, he entered immediately on a long Differtation; in which he had fcarce proceeded ten Minutes, before his Auditors, lofing all Pati ence, followed the Example of an old Turky Merchant, who, taking up his Hat and Gloves, went directly down Stairs, without saying a Word.

Animad

Animadverfions on what I have related, would but trefpafs on the Patience of my Readers; wherefore, in the Place of them, let me offer a few Remarks in Verfe, where my Genius may be more at Liberty, and Vivacity atone for want of Method.

Who would not chufe to foun the gen'ral Scorn, And fly Contempt?a Thing fo bardly borne.. let not Tales be long;

This to avoid

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The endless Speaker's ever in the wrong,.
And all abbor Intemperance of Tongue.
Though, with a Fluency of eafy Sounds,
Your copious Speech with every Grace abounds;
Though Wit adorn, and Judgment.give it Weight,
Difcretion must your Vanity abate,

Ere your tir'd Hearers put Impatience on
And wonder when the Larum will be down..
Nor think by Art Attention can be wrought;
A Flux of Words will ever be a Fault..
Things without Limit we, by Nature, blame;
And foon are cloy'd with Pleasure, if the same.

Hitherto we have dwelt only on the Blemishes of Conversation, in order to prevent our Readers committing fuch Offences as abfolutely destroy all Pretences to Politenefs. But as a Man cannot be faid to discharge the Duty he owes to Society, who contents himself with barely doing nothing amifs.; fo Lectures on Polite Philofophy, after removing thefe Obstacles, may reasonably be expected to point out the Method whereby true Politenefs may be obtained. But alas! that is not to be done by Words; Rocks and Tempests are easily painted, but the Rays of Phoebus defy the Pencil..

Methinks

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