ALICE Well, in our country you'd generally get to somewhere else if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing. RED QUEEN A slow sort of country. Now here you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that. ALICE I'd rather not try, please! I'm quite content to stay hereonly I am so hot and thirsty. I know what you'd like. RED QUEEN [She takes a little box out of her pocket.] Have a biscuit? [ALICE, not liking to refuse, curtseys as she takes the biscuit and chokes.] RED QUEEN While you're refreshing yourself, I'll just take the measure ments. [She takes a ribbon out of her pocket and measures the map with it.] At the end of two yards I shall give you your directions have another biscuit? ALICE No thank you, one's quite enough. RED QUEEN Thirst quenched, I hope? At the end of three yards I shall repeat them for fear of your forgetting them. At the end of four, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of five, I shall go! That Square belongs to Humpty Dumpty and that Square to the Gryphon and Mock Turtle and that Square to the Queen of Hearts. But you make no remark? ALICE I-I didn't know I had to make one- just then. RED QUEEN You should have said, "It's extremely kind of you to tell me all this," however, we'll suppose it said. Four! Goodbye! Five! [RED QUEEN vanishes in a gust of wind behind the portieres. Rabbit music. WHITE RABBIT comes out of the fireplace and walks about the room hurriedly. He wears a checked coat, carries white kid gloves in one hand, a fan in the other and takes out his watch to look at it anxiously.] WHITE RABBIT Oh the Duchess! the Duchess! Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting! ALICE I've never seen a rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch! And a waistcoat pocket! If you please, sir WHITE RABBIT Oh! [He drops fan and gloves in fright and dashes out by way of the portieres in a gust of wind. ALICE picks up the fan and playfully puts on the gloves. The portieres flap in the breeze and a shawl flies in.] ALICE [Catches the shawl and looks about for the owner; then meets the WHITE QUEEN.] I'm very glad I happened to be in the way. WHITE QUEEN [Runs in wildly, both arms stretched out wide as if she were flying, and cries in a helpless frightened way.] Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter. ALICE Am I addressing the White Queen? WHITE QUEEN Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isn't my notion of the thing, at all. ALICE If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can. WHITE QUEEN But I don't want it done at all. I've been a-dressing myself for the last two hours. ALICE Every single thing's crooked, and you're all over pins; may I put your shawl straight for you? WHITE QUEEN I don't know what's the matter with it! It's out of temper. I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it. ALICE It can't go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, and dear me, what a state your hair is in! WHITE QUEEN The brush has got entangled in it! And I lost the comb yesterday. ALICE [Takes out the brush and arranges the QUEEN'S hair.] You look better now! But really you should have a lady's maid! WHITE QUEEN I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure. Two pence a week and jam every other day. ALICE [Who cannot help laughing.] I don't want you to hire me and I don't care for jam. It's very good jam. WHITE QUEEN ALICE Well, I don't want any today, at any rate. WHITE QUEEN You couldn't have it if you did want it. The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday - but never jam today. ALICE It must come sometimes to " jam today." WHITE QUEEN No, it can't, it's jam every other day; today isn't any other day, you know. ALICE I don't understand you, it's dreadfully confusing! |