For thee no virgin hands the myrtle bough prepare,

Nor twine the purple hyacinth, nor beautiful geranium,
The night-shade's deadly tendril is wreathed in thy hair,

And poppy and mandragora surround thy pericranium.
Thy subjects are the fenny snake, and cavern-loving toad,
And in thy cloister'd dungeon, thou rul'st with power
despotic,

And all around that dungeon, where'er thy foot has trod,
Waves the soul-dead'ning plant, and blooms the flower
narcotic.

ARIA.

Goddess! o'er thy votary's head
Soporific influence shed;

By the hall, where, round thy throne,
Flits the bat and hums the drone-
Descend, thou slumber-soothing guest,
To eyes with idleness opprest.
Silence! silence! she is near,

Let no profane one enter here;

Her soothing tongue shall cure our ills,

The tongue that laudanum distils :

She comes, she comes, (beware! beware!)
Lolling in an easy chair;

The chair that drowsy donkies draw,
Hark! I hear them, he he! haw!

At this moment the arrival of the goddess was announced by the barytone modulations of Mr. Lernill's olfactory organ; the company hailed the omen with as much satisfaction as the ancients did another faculty of the same organ, viz., sneezing; and in a short time the melodious diapason included every nose in the company, except Mr. Bouverie's; who, being a bit of a wag, when the fit was on him, though dull enough at other times, winked to the fiddlers and drummers who were in attendance, and in a minute Haydn's Surprise Symphony was begun softly and soothingly did the music steal upon the minds of those members who were not already fast

asleep. Every head nodded in cadence; suddenly out thundered the Surprise, the Chairman started upon his legs, overturning the punch-bowl into Mr. Sloman's lap ; Mr. Dolton tumbled backwards in his chair upon the leg of a fat turn-spit, the property of the Club; Mr. Lernill rushed to the door, followed by as many of the Club as were on their legs; and such a squeeze took place among these corpulent patrons of inactivity, as had not been known since the first institution of this Society.

When the tranquillity was restored, which was not for a considerable time, on account of the vis inertiæ of the Club, to speak scientifically, the President again rose, and after lamenting the unfortunate circumstance which had disturbed the usual tranquillity of the meeting, proposed the following toasts:

"The March of Dulness and the Muses' Town-house."

Song."Such a genius I did grow."

"The Pleasures of Society."

Song.-"We're a' nodding, &c."

"Mr. Bartholomew Bouverie, the Editor of the Eton Miscellany."

Mr. Bouverie returned thanks in a neat and appropriate speech:

Gentlemen; I feel it the more incumbent upon me to declare my sentiments upon this occasion, as I am now about to conclude a work which has conferred upon me the distinguished honour of a seat on your benches. If in the conduct of that work I have satisfied the members of this honourable Society, why should I regard the opinion of the rest of the world?

"Satis est equitem mihi plaudere."

(Cries of "Order! No Latin !") If I have ever deviated from the line of dulness, I assure you that I did it by mistake, and not from any desire of currying favour with the vulgar, in opposition to the interests of this Club; and in conclusion, I beg leave to return thanks to the members here present, and to assure them that my most listless apathy, and my most strenuous inertness shall always be devoted to their service. Gentlemen, allow me to propose the health of your honoured President, Mr. Ignoramus.

Mr. Ignoramus.-Gentlemen; if I were to thank you as you deserve, I should exert more energy than is consistent with my dignity, therefore, as in duty bound, I must suffer the laws of the Club to curb the impulse of my heart. I, Gentlemen, am an example of the true "otium cum dignitate." (Cries of "What? What?") I beg pardon of the Club-of a President sitting in an easy-chairsome Presidents there are who sit upon thorns, through the violence and ungovernable spirit of their members, but I, to your credit be it spoken, have never even been awakened, except on that memorable occasion when Mr. Lernill's nose was so deplorably out of tune.

But with respect to the general interests of the Club, I have to congratulate you all on the prospect of its becoming fashionable. I collect this from the following signs Firstly, that we are to have three universities instead of two, portending an increase of dulness by onehalf Secondly, that one of the greatest writers of the age has published a dull novel; a new and portentous prodigy Thirdly, that one of the greatest orators of the present time writes about what he does not fully un

derstand; a sure promoter of ignorance in those who read him. These are the signs that lead me to suppose that dulness will at length have its day, in spite of the vain endeavours of the literati, and of those whose abilities are even now directed to the ruin of our cause, while their own seems daily verging to destruction.

Gentlemen, I have nothing more to say, except to inform you, that I have received the following donations for the use of the Club:

1. Twenty-five pounds of Opium from the Porte, the present of a Russian gentleman.

2. Ten green Night-caps, made up in the form of Turbans, the gift of Lieut. R. Ignoramus, R. N.

3. Five Egyptian Hammocks, very narcotic, with Smyrna Coverlets, from the same.

4. One dozen pair of blinkers, of Russia leather, designed to promote sleep, by excluding the view of side objects. Soon after the speech of the President, the company separated.

ΤΟ

Oh! sweetly bloom the hopes of youth

While joy is on the wing;

While Fancy wears the garb of truth

In Pleasure's revelling ;

My spirit had a gentle dream,
That threw a visionary gleam
Upon my young life's spring;

It was a bright and gladd'ning view,
Alas! and I believ'd it true.

I know not when that cheering thought
First dawn'd upon my mind;

My young remembrance tells not aught
But hath that thought combin❜d :