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between two bodies ; that I would immediately deliver to all who could produce legitimate testimonials of their pretensions, the spirits which I at present held under my magic thraldom.
They pressed upon me on every side with increasing violence; those, who had Spirits in my hands, eagerly asserting their claims to them; and those who had not, declaring that they would revenge themselves on me, and lacerate me limb hy limb, till each had obtained his legal share of me. In how piteous a manner I was mangled, I will not relate, till I have gone through the list of those whose demands I was able to satisfy, by parting with my stock in hand.
GEORGE AUGUSTUS Selwyn led the van, and conducted this formidable array of duns to the attack. He held in one hand the Second Number, and with the other pointed to the character of ANTONY HEAVisiDE. While, by a tremendous exertion of his voice, he convinced me of the propriety of his claim to that gentleman's lungs ; he threatened me, in case of a refusal on my part to do him justice, with à most positive and palpable proof of his possessing his “ physical force ;" and, to tell the truth, my own sense of justice, such as it is, directed my attention to the “ Art of Conversation,” the “ London University," and many other excellent contributions, and hereby convinced me of his full title to all the encomniums which had been pronounced upon the abilities of the person, whose spirit he came forward to claim.
Accordingly, I performed the magic ceremony, and dismissed the spirit of Mr. Antony Heaviside. It migrated, with as much regularity as if Pythagoras himself had directed the movement, into the body of its lord ; leaving behind it none of its appurtenances mentioned in the description of it, and specially taking care not to lose one single scruple or grain of Mr. H.'s “Hatred to the Pope.”
The soul of Mr. Ap Rice was no where to be found, notwithstanding the “handsome reward offered. * This shows, at least, that whoever has found him, considers him too valuable to be parted with, even for a “ handsome reward."
Next, therefore, in order to the last-mentioned individual, came u FRANCIS HASTINGS DOYLE. “ Am I not Jermyn?” quoth he'Hath he not an unpolished superficies ? And is this my neckcloth tied by y mathematical ordination? Doth he not love Mamaluke and PegaÝ ( 13
* See Advertisement, No. VIII.
sus? And do I not alternately admire and mount the one and the other? He has an unhappy constitutional risibility; and did not I, in days of yore, by laughing in my preceptor's face, double the force with which the birchen rod descended on me? He was not intended to carry messages,' and was I ? did not I, when thon didst give me the manuscripts to convey to the publishers, deliver them to the housemaid? And when thou desiredst me to correct the proof-sheets, transfer the office to my fag ?” My excellent friend's modesty prevented his proceeding to remind me that “The Prediction,” “ The Victim," and their companions, invested him with a far more brilliant claim to all the commendations which poor Bartholomew did, or could, confer on the spirit which he now demanded.
Next, therefore, was dismissed Mr. Francis Jermyn. With a species of regular irregularity, the representative pursued its somewhat circuitous course towards the represented. They appeared perfectly well acquainted, and Mr. J. migrated into Mr. D., without the slightest difficulty. It was found, however, that the portrait was scarcely a fair substitute for the original, and that sundry great and conspicuous merits had been omitted in the former, which acted with peculiar efficacy in the latter.
After a short interval had elapsed James Milnes GASKELL commenced an eloquent address; in which, he said, he hoped to prove to the satisfaction of the House, within the space of a few hours, his legitimate claim
Mr. Quincy's spirit here interrupted the hon. Gentleman. Legitimacy was a mere bug-bear-it had been the source of much evilthe people ought to choose a sovereign-the British ConstitutionMr. Q. was at length stopped, after having disregarded my repeated cries of “ Order "
Mr. Gaskell proceeded. He could afford us ocular demonstration of his inability to feather an oar or handle a bat. He would, if we pleased, offer a few observations on Sir Robert Walpole and his successors, down to the present day. He did not mean to depreciate Homer or Virgil. The former, in fact, had reported the debate between Achilles and Agamemnon, and the latter, that between Turnus and Drances, extremely well-except that they had not been careful to observe in what parts of the speeches there was cheering from one, and disapprobation from the other side of the House. This was wrong. Virgil's speeches smelt of the lamp. But Homer, he realiy thought, would do credit to St. Stephen's.
During the whole of this time, MR. WILLOUGHBY evinced an ardent desire to embrace the speaker. He became unmanageable ; he cheered furiously; he clapped his hands in ecstasy; and when released from my custody, rushed immediately across the room to Mr. Gaskell, and became merged and hidden in his body.
MR. JOHN HALSEY Law came forward, and said, that he would exercise his privilege as a citizen, and lay claim to Mr. Quincy. He thought the Ode to Wat Tyler worthy of an American Laureate ; the feeling allusion to the immortal Ings had delighted him inexpressibly. He had never bowed to a despot. His voice was for the people. He had taken bis passage by the next packet for America. He had broken a constable's head. Robespierre was an injured man: HeWe assured Mr. Law that his case was most invulnerably complete ; and immediately delivered over Mr. Quincy's spirit. The “vox populi vox Dei” of the one, was answered by the other with
ita Di jubeatis, et istum Nulla dies a me, nec me seducat ab isto.
They joined in the most amicable manner.
The now sole remaining spirit, that of Mr. PhilIP MONTAGUE, was unanimously declared to belong to FREDERIC ROGERS. The acquaintance did not, however, appear so intimate as might have been expected. The former had not any thing in which the latter was deficient, but was wanting in many of his attributes. My beliefs have been confirmed, and my assertions established, by the test of time. The spirit recognized the substance-and, a reciprocal recognition not immediately following, classically began
'ω πόποι, ή μέγα θαύμα του οφθαλμοίσιν ορώμαι. On our adding, however, to the spirit, a large portion of Humility and Good Temper, with a 'scruple or two of Idleness intermixed, freeing at the same time from a good deal of his exclusive attention to classies, the resemblance appeared complete, and the junction, or in Mr. Willoughby's language, the coalition, instantly took place
Neutrumque et utrumque, videntur.
Many, however, the chief of whom was ARTHUR HENRY HALLAM, still remained unprovided for. The as yet unsatiated reader (if such there be) may consult my list of contributors for an account of them.
My angry assailants resolved to satisfy their rapacity at the expense of my unhappy person. Mr. Hallam seized a leg, Mr. Pickering an arm, and so forth ; and, what was worse than all, they vowed that the greater part, if not the whole, of my brain belonged to them. Judge then, gentle reader, how wretchedly my hastily-formed and illcompacted body was lacerated, by the vehement efforts of my merciless enemies ; once con-, now dis-tributors, of poor Bartholomew Bouverie. When each had carried off his limb, or his portion, of the trunk, nothing positively remained, save the fingers of the right hand, which have contrived to write this Conclusion, and a small portion of the brain-perhaps my readers may incline to think, none at all, These three fingers, however, whether accompanied or not so, by any portion of the spirit, taste, genius, or industry, of the great Bartholomew, are the property of William EWART GLADSTONE. It may be said that he is an unworthy representative of the Editor of the Eton Miscellany; and I am confident he will not attempt to deny it. He awaits, with those around him, the sentence of his judges; yet humbly advances this plea, if not a title to acquittal, at least a claim to mitigated punishment-the plea, that his own will did not bring him before the world, or urge him to expose to the scrutinizing eye of all beholders efforts, which, like the mean and lowly plants of the impenetrable thicket, may indeed sustain their obscure existence, and bud forth their humble vegetation, beneath the shade and protection of darkness and oblivion, but which wither, droop, and die, when they feel themselves exposed to the penetrating rays of a noon-day sun.
Such is his apology for his individual offences. The crimes of his companions have not been so extensive, and may not equally require extenuation. Let him, and all who once were mine, retire ; and if their literary efforts be doomed to the grave, let there be said to each at least,
" Sit tibi terra levis." And now, most worthy Public, I have come to the painful, the brief, the necessary duty, of bidding farewell to my foster-parent. If any one should think my Metempsychosis a clumsy machination, let them in common charity attribute it to my orthodox unwillingness to appear too perfect and experienced a Pagan.
My sorrow, in real truth, is too big to find utterance in the flimsy phrase of an Epilogue. The Dying Swan, and Memnon Vespertinus are established and orthodox similies for a Vale. Such I cannot use. We are all aware of the extreme, the almost unequalled, strength and
durability of Parental Affection. Even where the progeny is unworthy of the progenitors, the attachment, on the part of the latter at least, usually remains. As in Nature, so in Literature. I am attached to my literary children, and, indifferent as the public may consider them to be, I dismiss them with unfeigned regret. Let the kindly reader judge, how rapidly and how powerfully that regret is heightened and increased, when I find myself vanishing too from the scene of my early hopes and early joys--their counterparts I need hardly mention, for the fears of an Eton boy are few, and his griefs,
But I am indulging in lamentations which I promised my reader to spare. The feeling, however, which dictates them, is generally allowed to be praiseworthy; and its excess may, from that consideration, be esteemed venial. :. Then, though my benedictions be such as Eton does not stand in need of-though my efforts may have been such as to tinge the cheek of her presiding spirit rather with the blush of shame than with the glow of exultation-still let them be uttered-May Time in his course never deprive her of her present glory, but continually enrich her with accumulated honours. May generation after generation rapidly and steadily increase the proud catalogue of her Generals and Statesmen, her Divines and Philosophers, her Poets and Scholars; may the foundation be Religion, Taste, and Learning-while the Superstructure, rising in splendour equalled only by its stability, shall abound in all that can adorn the mind, in all that can strengthen the faculties, in all that can improve the heart, and command the legitimate veneration, of mankind.
For those whose charge it has been, and is, to train up the denizens of our little world, in true, substantial, and never-fading Wisdom, may it be their destiny to exercise it long, with equal honour to the teacher, and advantage to the taught. It
may be a duty-it certainly is a difficult one-to add a few words regarding Him under whose care, and by whose unceasing exertions and honest solicitude, we have been thus far happily conducted along the path of life. ' It is not to offer praise which it would be in me equally needless and impertinent to pronounce, but to seek a protection which none can despise, and which I for one do not undervalue, that he is here introduced. May the merits, if any, of the Eton Miscellany, bear their fruits, as they owe their origin, to him-may the faults, however great, remain with ourselves. Our course has hither