A SENTIMENT.-The Ladies: May their virtue exceed even the magnitude of their skirts, while their faults are still smaller than their bonnets.

'How can you, my dear, prefer punch to wines?'-'Because, my dear, 'tis so like matrimony, such a charming compound of opposite qualities.'-'Ay, I am the weak part, I suppose.' -'No, my love, you are the sweet, with a dash of the acid, and no small portion of the spirit.' In courting, three hard squeezes are better than fifty soft words. Try them.

THE HANDSOME MAN.

They tell me that I am handsome yet,
And all the ladies say,

'Do look at him, the dear old man

Grows younger every day.'

And when each friend asks, 'At your age,
How came you free from ills?

I always answer, 'In my youth
I paid my printer's bills!'

WANTS EXPERIENCE.-A young gentleman, the other day, asked a young lady what she thought of the married state in general? 'Not knowing, I can't tell,' was the reply; 'but if you and I would put our heads together, I could soon give you a definite answer.'

Thirteen objections were once given by a young lady for declining a match, twelve of them being the suitor's twelve children, and the thirteenth the suitor himself.

A pleasant wife is a rainbow in the sky, when her husband's mind is tossed with storms and tempests.

DRESS.

He who a goldfinch strives to make his wife, Makes her, perhaps, a wagtail all her life. There is a good reason why a little man should never marry a bouncing widow. He might be called 'the widow's mite.'

'Sally,' said a young man to a damsel, who had red hair, 'keep away from me, or you will set me afire.'-'No danger of that,' was the answer; 'you are too green to burn.'

THE INCONSISTENCY OF A LOVER. Grateful to me's the fire, the wound, the chain, By which love burns, love binds, and giveth pain, But, for to quench this fire, this chain to loose, This wound to heal, I would not, could I choose: Strange sickness, where the wound, the chain, the fire,

That burns, that binds, that pains, I must desire !

A SMOKER EXTINGUISHED. -An elegantlydressed and aristocratic young lady entered a first-class railroad car at the Paris depot a few days ago. As she opened the door and took her place, she observed that the car was occupied by three or four gentlemen, one of whom at the moment of her appearance was in the act of lighting his cigar. Observing the lady, he made a significant grimace, and with the characteristic politeness of a Frenchman, said, 'Would smoking incommode you, madame?'-'I do not know, sir-no gentleman has ever yet smoked in my presence.' He put out his cigar.

TEETH AND TONGUE WEAR EACH OTHER.

Scylla is toothless, yet when she was young,
She had both teeth enough, and too much tongue.
What shall we then of toothless Scylla say,
But that her tongue has worn her teeth away.

DESPERATE LOVE.-Joe Jinks was fishing, and Sally Squares was sitting on the log beside him: 'Sally,' said he, 'I wish I was a fish, and you a bait; how I'd bite!'

THE BACHELOR, THE BABY, AND THE BELLE.— Joe Phelps was nursing his sister's baby, which in the absence of its mother had woke up before its time, and driven him desperate. He commenced singing

Women are all a fleeting show,

For man's delusion given:

When fill'd with bran and stuff'd with tow,

They look

A tap upon the door stopped Joe in the midst of his suggestive song. The door was opened, and a roguish, laughing pair of eyes peered in upon him. 'Your sister is not at home, is she?' chirruped the visiter.-'No, ma'am,' stammered Joe, growing very red in the face; 'and I have turned nurse.'-Miss Hayes laughed; offered to relieve him of his charge, which he willingly consented to, sitting near by, the while, intently watching her. She managed baby to a charm, and Joe was captivated. Joseph Phelps married Fanny Hayes-upon our word he did.

'What do you ask for this article?' inquired Obadiah of a young miss.-'Fifteen shillings.''Aint you a little dear?'-'Why,' she replied, blushing, 'all the young men tell me so.'

ON A RED-HAIRED BEAUTY.
When Nature's pencil drew this piece,
With so much skill and artifice,
She, for its greater worth and fame,
Thus set it in a golden frame.

If in these outward parts we find

Such wealth, what bears her richer mind?

A NERVOUS BRIDEGROOM.-A bridegroom, who had twice bolted from the altar, was recently induced to make a third attempt, but predicted that his timidity would tempt him to run away again, and begged that some expedient might be adopted to animate his nerves. A little music, he thought, might give him courage. The bride, profiting by the hint, retained the organist, who played a vehement voluntary during the operation, and galvanised the poor fellow into matrimony.

A celebrated wit was asked why he did not marry a young lady to whom he was much attached? I know no reason,' replied he, 'except the great regard we have for each other.'

STREPHON AND BLOWSALIND, OR THE AMOROUS
SQUIRE.

Strephon in vain pursued a rural fair,
The rosy object of his tender care!
The nymph, who long had loved a jollier swain,
Still view'd the amorous Strephon with disdain.
Provoked, hestrove by force to storm her charms;
She raised her hand, and dash'd him from her

arms.

'Oh, cease!' he cries, 'subdue that barbarous spite !

Though doom'd to love, I was not born to fight! You've stolen my heart, deprive me not of breath: Those frowns are cruel-but that fist is death!'

EVILS OF MAKING LOVE.-'I say, mister,' said one Yankee to another, 'how came your eyes so crooked?'-'My eyes?'-'Yes!'-'Why, by st ting between two girls, and trying to make love to both at the same time.'

Ï HAVE returned from an evening party. The clock is striking two at this moment -indeed, reader it is. My soiled gloves lie upon the table; I have not yet taken off my dress boots. My room presents the same hateful confusion in which I left it. Half-a-dozen hours ago I reduced it to its present heterogeneous condition. I was then unconsciously creating the agents of my present torture. My coat lies where | I left it-the coat of which I am so proud when pursuing the even tenor of existence, but which (unhappy instance of human inconstancy!) is treated with disrespect in the prospect of an evening party and at the sight of a dress coat. My waistcoat, I do not know where it is. My boots lie prostrated at several yards from each other. My; no, gentle reader, I shall not be more minute. Only the disorder of my room has scared from my thoughts the shadowy unrealities which were possessing them: it has conquered the influences of splendour and beauty which, on my way home, had made me their own. Ay, retain your disorder, till I am once more reminded when I awake that I have to do with commonplace, and that the ideal only lives in a dream!

On the 19th day of December, 1855, I found upon my table a scented note. I broke open the envelope with trepidation. It was sealed with white wax; and I feared lest it should contain the marriage cards of her for whom I would Reader, I have been deceived so often! I was relieved to find that it only concealed an invitation to the party from which I have just returned. The pleasure of my company on Wednesday evening, the 9th January, at eight o'clock,' was requested. Mr and Mrs- looked forward to that pleasure for three weeks. Of course I knew well that the prospect of such a gratification was too great to allow Mr and Mrs ever to mistake

At

the moment which should realise it. the same time, as I was equally assured that I by no means reciprocated their

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ardour, and as I feared lest I should forget the auspicious moment, I rang for my landlady (who is a kind of second mother to me), and informed her that I would use my pass-key on Wednesday evening, the 9th January, and requested her to lay a pair of dress gloves, 8 size, upon my dressing-table on that evening. After observing these precautions against forgetfulness (my memory is very treacherous), I became absorbed in the cares of an arduous life.

Wednesday, January 9, came. I made a careful toilet; persuaded myself that I looked well; and threw myself into a cab. My reflections as I was carried along were such as are only produced in the circumstances in which I found myself, They were not exclusively centred upon the prospect that awaited me-they were only tinged with a consciousness of the fact. I felt sorry for the cabman, with his great muffler, because he seemed to have no immediate prospect of equal happiness with my own. The passengers on the street shared my sympathy, for the 9th of January was apparently to bring no extraordinary gratification to them. As I approached my destination, my thoughts began to concentrate. I allowed my fellow-men to pass unheeded; my commiseration for the cabman was lost in the dread that he would not stop at the right door. My fears were soon ended; for, with that precision which will always be a mystery to the uninitiated, he drew up at the carriage step of the very house.

In the lobby, which presented a vast accumulation of hats and coats, I found myself waited upon by an unsympathising servant. He assumed the most impatient attitude while I divested myself of my coat and goloshes. Before I had recovered breath, he requested me to walk up-stairs. When I reached the landing, another, and, if possible, more insensate, man asked my name, which I had no sooner confided, than he threw wide the drawing-room-door, and, in a voice of insensibility which I shudder to recall, vo

ciferated my name, and closed the door after me. Reader, I found myself in an Edinburgh drawing-room-in the presence of fashion and beauty-the object of curiosity-the subject of remark. Mrs was seated by the fire; I made my way to her side. To my surprise, I found she was no longer the simple maternal lady who had charmed me on my first interview. She was reserved, stately, grand. Her remarks were formal and frigid-appropriate to the character of the occasion. She led me across the room, and introduced me to a young lady, whose white muslin nearly covered the couch on which she sat. I took my place beside her, and began instantly to talk. Reader, let me confess to you candidly that I cannot remember when my circumstances were more untoward, or when I felt more exquisitely wretched. My companion was beautiful-so was the Venus de Medicis on its marble pedestal in the lobby. With its beauty, she possessed its insensibility. With her white muslin she had adopted a manner entirely distinct from her own, and the consciousness (my analysis is soon made, and is seldom wrong) that I was in the society of a nature spontaneous and happy, heightened my aversion to those conventionalities which destroy what is natural, to produce what is artificial. A quadrille was instituted; my young lady in muslin was my partner; a sparkling conversation was sustained during the performance of the dance; my partner's share being conducted in monosyllables? At its close I led her to her seat, stately, beautiful, and insensible as ever.

The room now held a crowd. Men and women wandered hither and thither; and this confusion was the first natural symptom that was apparent. I was reconciled to the freedom, and wandered in the maze. I know why I had an impaired relish for the entertainment. I was the victim of a cheat. I had repaired to No. 26 with large hopes of enjoyment, and found myself surrounded by elements which rendered me miserable. Each one possessed an air which seemed to express a personal aversion to myself. The men were either stupid by nature, or affected a manner which made them so. They were the most empty and helpless of beings. And yet I am sure each must live in the grateful affections of his tailor; for the efforts of that useful tradesman's art were displayed to the best advantage, and that with a zeal that was too ardent

not to be apparent. The dress coats, especially those with silk fronts, were arresting. The vests were unspeakably gorgeous. I grant that the largest amount of credit was due to the fortitude with which the agony of the 'round collar' was endured; for, reader, my neck was once secured by one of these, and I can attest that the torture it occasioned was exquisite. I believe the highest praise ought to be ascribed to those who can forget personal hardship when the cause of fashion is involved. I never quarrel with a man's investments. If a fellow-creature conscientiously believes that his influence in society will be affected by the shape of his coat or the rigidity of his linen, I should be the last to disturb his convictions. But I must be allowed to protest against the effect which the circumstance of costume exerts over the spirit of a man. Why should a man's disposition become as artificial as his coat? Why should his manner become as starched as his collar? Upon the present occasion nature was subordinate to art; and the subdued expression on the countenances of those men (I am sorry to have to record it) provoked my contempt rather than engaged my sympathy.

The women were lovely, but they looked like beautiful things remote from human sympathy. Each was so self-conscious and uncongenial, she seemed the very impersonation of fashionable propriety: each movement was obedient to rule; every word was subordinate to the restrictions of convention. At twenty I dared not have approached them: it required all the courage that additional years had given to support me in their presence. Disconcerting as circumstances were, I was surprised at my success on each occasion that I solicited a partner, and these occasions were not few. I believed that it was my duty to dance, so I danced vigorously. I should be sorry to mislead my reader into the supposition that I am an odd or eccentric man; indeed, I am by no ways singular. I am a man of the world; I daresay almost a man of fashion; and yet I cannot be reconciled to what is unnatural, or affect to derive satisfaction from what is absolutely morbid. I was surrounded by beauty and intelligence; but the former only laboured to wear conspicuously the efforts of artifice; the faculties of the latter were monopolised in the service of art. The eye never sparkled but at the bidding of the will;

every dimple of the smile was the result of care. I threw myself upon a couch, and looked with irritation upon the scene. My first partner was standing opposite to me; she was engaged in a quadrille. Her attention was arrested; anxiety was on her features; she had lost her diamond bracelet. I never appreciated her beauty till that moment-her expression of alarm was perfect, simply because it was natural. Her jewels were found; her manner was resumed.

I do believe that Mrs was read ing my thoughts at that moment. She approached me where I sat, and, after a few remarks, which were more genial than usual, begged I would be introduced to a young lady, who, she told me in confidence, was very clever, had written beautiful poetry, and, in short, was quite a blue-stocking.' I thanked my hostess, and obtained an introduction. I took my seat by the side of my fair femme des lettres. I confess I relished her society much-it .possessed novelty and interest. Her conversation was arresting, her remarks were all excessive; they could not be modified; each sentence was a fiat. She adored Goethe, and admired his 'Mephistopheles:' she knew every proverb of Tupper; she was charmed by Humboldt; she abhorred Scott, because he delighted in the physical; she doated upon Tennyson, because he was ideal. I only felt uncomfortable when she quoted from Horace, and appeared familiar with Euripides. Nor did literature alone monopolise her faculties. She entered the regions of science, and was at home. She told me what would be the Pole-star 24,000 years hence; she had a passion for geology, and knew 'Siluria almost by heart; she was intimate with the Flora of Scotland, and informed me that she had gathered Cystopteris montemeo with her own hands! I confess I took a whimsical pleasure in being carried on by the flow of her conversation. The effect of her remarks was greatly increased by the ardent and euthusiastic manner in which these were enunciated; for my fair litterateur was a consummate artiste. As she discoursed, the expression of her features was as changeful as the cloud-shadow on a sunny landscape. At one moment the dream of abstraction lay in her deep blue eye, in another it kindled with a flash that looked like genius. And yet inwardly I resolved never to wed a 'blue-stocking. My wife must have cultivated tastes. She must

be able to talk French and German; she must be competent to sing broad Scotch and Italian. A knowledge of Latin, Greek, and mathematics will not be essential. Í shall be satisfied if she gazes on the midnight heavens only to

'Guess what star should be our home, when love

Becomes immortal.'

If she admire the outline of rocks, I shall not ask their formation. I shall expect her to call the little flower with blue petals, not Myosotis palustris, but simply 'Forget-me-not.'

Let this parenthesis be in confidence, reader. To return.

I recollect I was involved in a discussion upon the existence of sexes in the sphere of the psychological, when a hush ran through the room. There was perfect silence; a brilliant prelude was performed upon the piano, and a young lady, in an attenuated voice, sang Beethoven's 'Adelaide.' It lasted long. O reader, I should have died of mental inanition, had my attention not been arrested by the attempts of a young man, in the extreme of fashion, to turn the leaves of the music. When he was not too late, he always turned over more than enough, and it was hard to tell who was most confused-the artiste or himself. I know who looked most foolish. The echo of 'Adelaide' had hardly ceased, when a second song was sung. The performer was a very young lady, who had not recovered from the effects of the boarding-school. She sang 'Excelsior' in an intonated whisper, and conducted herself with as much finesse as if she had been engaged under the eye of Herr Somebody.

At the close of the song, dancing was resumed. I was torn from the side of my erudite companion, and was immediately involved in the intricacies of the Lancers. Once more was my hostess successful in her choice of a partner for me. My present companion was beautiful, and extremely handsome. But the charms of face and figure were by no means rare in the drawing-room of No. 26 It was the rich, wornanly nature she possessed that captivated my heart, and made her more beautiful than any I had yet encountered. Her very adornments were indications of the simple, unaffected tastes she possessed. Her dark brown hair was wreathed with a few of the simplest flowers, and the very artlessness of her

attire gained that admiration which more elaborate efforts failed to secure. I loved her earnestness. The full, arresting look of her dark eyes, and the ardent, almost serious, tone of her voice, indicated that she felt what she uttered, and that what you said she believed to be as true as her own spirit. I confess I felt particularly happy during the performance of the dance, and of the quadrille which succeeded, in which I retained the same partner. I shall not tell the reader whether I am in love with this lady or not. It by no means follows that I should be. It is only another illustration of the fact, that truth always obtains homage, and that nature never makes her appeals in vain.

Forced to be inconstant, I had to relinquish my partner, and to solicit others. Polkas, schottisches, waltzes, galopades, mazurkas, followed in rapid succession. The summons to supper was the only interruption that was again permitted.

Now, reader, I have no intention of describing the scenes of the supper-room. I shall believe that you are already familiar with its details; all such occasions are precisely alike, and to recall one, is to describe each. There was the table, with its profusion of dishes, and fruits, and flowers. There were the regular alternations of lady and gentleman round the walls. There were the younger men, who felt bound to utter nothing but what was smart, and who, seizing upon plates and dashing at spoons, assisted the ladies, though they themselves should perish with want. And there were the old-young men, who had turned thirty, and who, inwardly despising their younger brethren, quietly drew upon their capital of ready jokes, and enjoyed an easy superiority; they said all their good things of past years, and the ladies were so amused. One good-natured little man sang a comic song, which threw the company into fits of laughter. A young lady near me declared, with tears in her eyes, that 'it was quite a vulgar song.' I suppose that it had forced her to laugh too heartily! There was a young man, who had his hair parted in the centre, and who looked as if he had something on his mind, sang 'Annie Laurie.' Whilst he uttered its plaintive cadences, and expressed his readiness to lay himself down and die, he gazed intently at the cornice of the ceil

ing; which was fortunate, inasmuch as it prevented him from observing the palpable tittering of the young ladies. And now, crackers were drawn; the ladies were frightened to death by the explosions, and a great deal of laughing and talking, and flirting and blushing, took place when the mottoes were read aloud. By and by, and in the merriest of humours, we ascended once more to the drawingroom, and then the music recommenced, and every one managed to be included in the quadrille, and all felt happy. That supper had wrought a wonderfully humanising effect. Good-nature had banished ceremony; reserve had given place to confidence. The spontaneous expressions of happiness that were now on every face showed how poorly artifice had hitherto laboured to imitate them. Each one seemed suddenly to have discovered that his neighbour was really a very agreeable individual, and to wonder why he had not made the discovery earlier. For my own part, I felt like a new being. I fraternised with the men, and was in love with each lady I met in the circle of 'the sixth;' for, would you believe it, reader, we were so determined to enjoy ourselves, that we performed that supplemental figure, even at the risk of being charged with vulgarity! And, further, I assure you that a Scotch reel was subsequently instituted, without, so far as I could ascertain, eliciting one word of disapprobation! But, alas! our pleasures were short-lived. Carriages were ordered at half-past one, and towards that hour it was fast approaching. We had occupied four hours of the early part of the evening in being as fashionable as possible, and in labouring to be as disagreeable to one another as we could, and we had only a very short time indeed to fulfil the purpose for which we had met—namely, to enjoy each other's company. It is curious to reflect, that had each one of that party met the other on the next evening, in precisely the same circumstances, the true elements of enjoyment would be excluded as carefully and as long. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you must not be incredulous about what I have said. My remarks are by no means exaggerated; indeed, if you honour me with an invitation to your next party, I shall be too happy to give you a demonstration of its truth!