Besides, her intercession chaf'd him so, Val. No more; unless the next word that thou speak'st, Have some malignant power upon my life : Pro. Čease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st. Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make haste, and meet me at the north gate. Pro. Go, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. Val. O my dear Silvia! hapless Valentine! grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come: try me in thy paper. Laun. There; and Saint Nicholas2 be thy speed! Speed. Item, She brews good ale. Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale. Speed. Item, She can sew. Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed: Item, She can knit. Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? Speed. Item, She can wash and scour. Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured. Speed. Item, She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices. Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kiss'd fasting, in respect of her breath. Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on. Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep. Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. Speed. Item, She is slow in words. Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't; and place it for her chief virtue. Speed. Item, She is proud. Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her. [Exeunt Valentine and Proteus. Laun. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think, my master is a kind of knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman: but that woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid: yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel,-which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cat-log|| [pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only car-bite. ry; therefore, is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands. Speed. Let me read them. Speed. Item, She hath no teeth. Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts. Speed. Item, She is curst. Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: If she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberal.3 Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults. Laun. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: rehearse that once more. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit,— Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and read. therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs,— Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gra (3) Licentious in language. cious: well, I'll have her: and if it be a match, as || By aught that I can speak in his dispraise, nothing is impossible,Speed. What then? She shall not long continue love to him. Laun. Why, then I will tell thee,-that thy It follows not that she will love sir Thurio. master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me? Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! [Exit. Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: an unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets!—I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's [Exit. SCENE II-The same. A room in the Duke's palace. Enter Duke and Thurio; Proteus behind. correction. You must provide to bottom it on me : Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this Because we know, on Valentine's report, Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love But you, sir Thurio, are not sharp enough; you, Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. You must lay lime,3 to tangle her desires, Thu. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most, Should be full fraught with serviceable vows. Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure Pro. Gone, my good lord. Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here. Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine Duke. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in hate. Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken Duke. Ay, much the force of heaven-bred poesy. With some sweet concert: to their instruments ance. This, or else nothing, will inherit her. Duke. This discipline shows thou hast been in love. Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in prac tice: Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver, To sorts some gentlemen well skill'd in music: Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper, ACT IV. Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. SCENE I-A forest, near Mantua. Enter Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do: 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman; Especially, against his very friend. Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage Your slander never can endamage him; Being entreated to it by your friend. Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, (1) Graceful. (2) Cut. (3) Bird-lime. certain Out-laws. If not, we'll make you sit, and rifle you. Val. My friends, 1 Out. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies. 2 Out. Peace; we'll hear him. 3 Out. Ay, by my beard, will we; For he's a proper1 man. Love thee as our commander, and our king. 1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. 2 Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd. Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; Provided that you do no outrages On silly women, or poor passengers. 3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Val. Then know, that I have little wealth to lose; Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, A man I am, cross'd with adversity: Val. To Verona. 1 Out. Whence came you? Val. From Milan. 3 Out. Have you long sojourn'd there? Val. Some sixteen months; and longer might have staid, If crooked fortune had not thwarted me. 1 Out. What, were you banish'd thence? Val. I was. 2 Out. For what offence? Val. For that which now torments me to rehearse: 1 Out. Why ne'er repent it, if it were done so But were you banish'd for so small a fault? Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 1 Out. Have you the tongues ?2 : And show thee all the treasure we have got; Exeunt. SCENE II-Milan. Court of the palace. En- Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine, She twits me with my falsehood to my friend; The least whereof would quell a lover's hope, But here comes Thurio: now must we to her win- Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; And give some evening music to her ear. Or else I often had been miserable. 3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction. 1 Out. We'll have him: sirs, a word. It is an honourable kind of thievery. 2 Out. Tell us this: have you any thing to take Val. Nothing, but my fortune. 3 Out. Know then, that some of us are gentle men, Such as the fury of ungovern'd youth 2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, But to the purpose-(for we cite our faults, With goodly shape; and by your own report As we do in our quality much want;— 2 Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd man, Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you: Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity, And live, as we do, in this wilderness? 3 Out. What say'st thou? wilt thou be of our Say, ay, and be the captain of us all : Host. I perceive, you delight not in music. Jul. Not a whit, when it jars so. Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music! Jul. Ay; that change is the spite. Host. You would have them always play but one thing? Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on, Often resort unto this gentlewoman? Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, he loved her out of all nick.1 Jul. Where is Launce? told me, You'd quickly learn to know him by his voice. Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant. That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows? (1) Beyond all reckoning. (2) Holy dame, blessed lady. Sil. Say, that she be; yet Valentine, thy friend, Survives; to whom, thyself art witness, I am betroth'd: And art thou not asham'd Pro. I likewise hear, that Valentine is dead. Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. Sil. Go to thy lady's grave, and call her's thence; Or, at the least, in her's sepulchre thine. Jul. He heard not that. [Aside Sil. I am very loth to be your idol, sir; But, since your falsehood shall become you well To worship shadows, and adore false shapes, Send to me in the morning, and I'll send it: And so good rest. Pro. As wretches have o'er-night, That wait for execution in the morn. [Exeunt Proteus; and Silvia, from above. Jul. Host, will you go? Host. By my hallidom,2 I was fast asleep. Host. Marry, at my house: Trust me, I think 'tis almost day. Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night That e'er I watch'd, and the most heaviest. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The same. Enter Eglamour. Egl. This is the hour that madam Silvia Entreated me to call, and know her mind ; There's some great matter she'd employ me in.— Madam, madam! Sil. Egl. Silvia appears above, at her window. friend; Who calls? Your servant, and your One that attends your ladyship's command. Sil. Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good-mor row. Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself. I am thus early come, to know what service Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman (3) Injunction, command. (4) Pitiful. Upon whose grave fhon vor det pare chastity. I do desire thee, even from a heart As fall of sorrows as the sea of sands, Ez Madam, I pity must your grievances: I give consent to go along with you; S Thes evening commning. A: friar Patrick's cell, Erl. I will not fall your ladyship: Good-morrow, gentle lady. Sil Good-morrow, kad sir Eglamour. [Exeunt. SCENE IV-The same. Enter Launce, with his dog. I served me, when I took my leave of madum Stvia; and not 1 bed thee smirk me, and do as I do? When did thou see me beate up my leg, and make water against a gentiem oman's fartingale? didst tou ever see me do such a trick ? When a man's servant shall play the cur with hirn, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a peppy: one that I saved from drowning, when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it: I have taught him-even as one would say precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent. to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from my master; and I came no sooner into the dining chamber, but he steps me to her trencher, and steals her capon's leg. O, 'tis a foul thing, when a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! It! would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think venly he had been hanged for't: sure as I live, he had surfered for't: you shall judre. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemenlike dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there bless the mark) a pissing while; but all the chamber smelt him. Out with the dog, says one: What cur is that? says another; Whip him out. says the third: Hang him up, says the duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before. knew it was Crab: and goes me to the fellow that! whips the dors: Friend, quoth I, you mean to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do I, qnoth he. You do him the more wrong, quoth I: 'twas I did the thing you wot of. He makes me no more ado. but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for their servant? Nav, li.j| be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed: I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed,! otherwise he had suffered for't: thou think'st not of this now-Nay, I remember the trick you (1) Caring. (2) Restrain. (3) In the end. Enter Proteas and Julia, Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I Eke thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please :—1 will di what I can. Fra. I hope, that wit-How now, you whorei's Launce. son peasant? Where have you been these two days itering? Lawn Marry, sir, I carried mistress Suvia the de voc bade me. Pra. And what says she, to my Entle jewe!? Lawn Marry, she says, your dog was a cur; and wells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present. Pra. But she received my dog? Lava. No, indeed, she did not: here have I brocht him back aria Pre. What, didst the offer ber this from me? Lan, Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by the baneman's boys in the marketplace: and then I offered ber mine own: who is a 3g as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the great. Pro. Go, get thee bence, and find my dog again, Pro. token: Jul. Alas! Not so; I think, she lives. Pro. Why dost thou cry, alas? As you do love your lady Silvia: Pro. Well, give her that ring, and therewith:1 Erit Proteas Jul. How many women would do such a mes sage? Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd |