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his shirt the next;-benumbed in his joints ;-perhaps without straw in his tent to kneel on ;-he must say his prayers how and when he can.-I believe, said 1,—for I was piqued, quoth the Corporal, for the reputation of the army-I believe, an' please your reverence, said I, that when a soldier gets time to pray-he prays as heartily as a parson—though not with all his fuss and hypocrisy.Thou shouldest not have said that, Trim, said my uncle Toby-for God only knows who is a hypocrite, and who is not. At the great and general review of us all, Corporal, at the day of judgment (and not till then) it will be seen who have done their duties in this world, and who have not; and we shall be advanced, Trim, accordingly.—I hope we shall, said Trim.-It is in the Scripture, said my uncle Toby; and I will show it thee to-morrow. In the mean time we may depend upon it, Trim, for our comfort, said my uncle Toby, that God Almighty is so good and just a Governor of the world that, if we have but done our duties in it, it will never be inquired into whether we have done them in a red coat or a black one. I hope not, said the Corporal.—But go on, Trim, said my uncle Toby, with thy story.
When I went up, continued the Corporal, into the Lieutenant's room, which I did not do till the expiration of the ten minutes,-he was lying in his bed, with his head raised upon his hand, with his elbow upon the pillow, and a clean white cambric handkerchief beside it. The youth was just stooping down to take up the cushion, upon which I supposed he had been kneeling ;-the book was laid upon the bed ;-and, as he arose, in taking up the cushion with one hand, he reached out his other to take it away at the same time.—Let it remain there, my dear, said the Lieutenant.
He did not offer to speak to me till I had walked up close to his bed-side. If you are Captain Shandy's servant, said he, you must present my thanks to your master, with my little boy's thanks along with them, for his courtesy to me. If he was of Leven's said the Lieutenant.-I told him your honor was.—Then, said he, I served three campaigns with him in Flanders, and remember him; but 't is most likely, as I had not the honor of any acquaintance with him, that he knows nothing of me. You will tell him, however, that the person his good-nature has laid under obligations to him is one Le Fevre, a Lieutenant in Angus's;—but he knows me not, said he, a second time, musing; possibly he may my story, added he.—Pray tell the Captain I was the ensign at Breda whose wife was most unfortunately killed with a musket-shot, as she lay in my arms in my tent.-I remember the story, an' please your honor, said I, very well.-Do you so? said he, wiping his eyes with his handkerchief,—then well may I.-In saying this, he drew a little ring out of his bosom, which seemed tied with a black riband about his neck, and kissed it twice.—Here, Billy said he; the boy flew across the room
the bed-side, and falling down upon his knee, took the ring in his hand, and kissed it too, then kissed his father, and sat down upon the bed and wept.
I wish, said my uncle Toby, with a deep sigh, I wish, Trim, I was asleep.
Your honor, replied the Corporal, is too much concerned -Shall I pour your honor out a glass of sack to your pipe? -Do, Trim, said my uncle Toby.
I remember, said my uncle Toby, sighing again, the story of the ensign and his wife, with a circumstance his modesty omitted ;—and particularly well that he, as well as she, upon some account or other (I forget what) was universally pitied by the whole regiment;—but finish the story thou art upon.-T is finished already, said the Corporal,—for I could stay no longer; so wished his honor good-night. Young Le Fevre rose from off the bed, and saw me to the bottom of the stairs; and, as we went down together, told me that they had come from Ireland, and were on their route to join the regiment in Flanders.—But alas! said the Corporal, the Lieutenant's last day's march is over!—Then what is to become of his poor boy? cried my uncle Toby. ...
It was to my uncle Toby's eternal honor,-though I tell it only for the sake of those who, when cooped in betwixt a natural and a positive law, know not, for their souls, which way in the world to turn themselves,-that, notwithstanding my uncle Toby was warmly engaged at that time in carrying on the siege of Dendermond, parallel with the Allies, who pressed theirs on so vigorously that they scarce allowed him time to get his dinner :—that neverthe
less he gave up Dendermond, though he had already made a lodgment upon the counterscarp;—and bent his whole thoughts towards the private distresses at the inn; and, except that he ordered the garden gate to be bolted up, by which he might be said to have turned the siege of Dendermond into a blockade he left Dendermond to itself—to be relieved or not by the French king, as the French king thought good; and only considered how he himself should relieve the poor Lieutenant and his son. -That kind Being, who is a friend to the friendless, shall recompense thee for this
Thou hast left this matter short, said my uncle Toby to the Corporal, as he was putting him to bed,--and I will tell thee in what, Trim.—In the first place, when thou madest an offer of my services to Le Fevre,-as sickness and traveling are both expensive, and thou knewest he was but a poor lieutenant, with a son to subsist as well as himself out of his pay, that thou didst not make an offer to him of my purse; because, had he stood in need, thou knowest, Trim, he had been as welcome to it as myself.— Your honor knows, said the Corporal, I had no orders.True, quoth my uncle Toby, thou didst very right, as a soldier—but certainly very wrong as a man.
In the second place, for which, indeed, thou hast the same excuse, continued my uncle Toby,—when thou offeredst him whatever was in my house—thou shouldest have offered him my house too. A sick brother-officer with us, we could tend and look to him. Thou art an excellent nurse thyself, Trim; and what with thy care of him, and the old woman's, and his boy's, and mine together, we might recruit him again at once, and set him upon his legs.
In a fortnight or three weeks, added my uncle Toby, smiling, he might march.—He will never march, an' please your honor, in this world, said the Corporal.-He will march, said my uncle Toby, rising up from the side of the bed with one shoe off.-An' please your honor, said the Corporal, he will never march but to his grave.—He shall march, cried my uncle Toby, marching the foot which had a shoe on, though without advancing an inch, he shall march to his regiment.--He cannot stand it, said the Cor. poral.--He shall be supported, said my uncle Toby.—He'll
drop at last, said the Corporal, and what will become of his boy?—He shall not drop, said my uncle Toby, firmly. -A well-a-day! do what we can for him, said Trim, maintaining his point, the poor soul will die.—He shall not die, by G-, cried my uncle Toby.
-The accusing spirit, which flew up to Heaven's chan. cery with the oath, blushed as he gave it in; and the recording angel, as he wrote it down, dropped a tear upon the word, and blotted it out forever. ...
The sun looked bright the morning after, to every eye in the village but Le Fevre's and his afflicted son's; the hand of death pressed heavy upon his eyelids, and hardly could the wheel at the cistern turn round its circle-when my uncle Toby, who had risen up an hour before his wonted time, entered the Lieutenant's room, and, without preface or apology, sat himself down upon the chair by the bed-side, and opened the curtain in the manner an old friend and brother-officer would have done it; and asked him how he did,-how he had rested in the night,—what was his complaint,—where was his pain,-and what he could do to help him ;-and, without giving him time to answer any one of these inquiries, went on, and told him of the little plan which he had been concerting with the Corporal the night before for him.
-You shall go home directly, Le Fevre, said my uncle Toby, to my house,-and we'll send for a doctor to see what's the matter;—and we'll have an apothecary; and the Corporal shall be your nurse; and I'll be your servant, Le Fevre.
Before my uncle Toby had half finished the kind offers he was making to his father, had the son insensibly pressed up close to his knees, and had taken hold of the breast of his coat, and was pulling it towards him. The blood and spirits of Le Fevre, which were waxing cold and slow within him, and were retreating to their last citadel, the heart, rallied back,—the film forsook his eyes for a moment;-he looked up wistfully in my uncle Toby's face;then cast a look upon his boy ;-and that ligament, fine as it was-was never broken !
Nature instantly ebb'd again ;-the film returned to its place; - the pulse fluttered; - stopped; — went on,throbbed,-stopped.
SOME BONS MOTS OF STERNE.
Laurence Sterne, who was credited with treating his wife in an ill fashion, was talking to Garrick one day in a fine manner in praise of conjugal love and fidelity.
“The husband,” said he, “ who behaves unkindly to his wife, deserves to have his house burnt over his head.”
“ If you think so," said Garrick, “I hope your house is insured."
Engaged in conversation with Sterne, the Duke of Newcastle observed that men of genius were unfit for ordinary employ. ment, being generally incapable of business.
“ They are not incapable, your grace," replied Sterne,“ but above it. A sprightly, generous horse is able to carry a packsaddle as well as an ass, but he is too good to be put to the drudgery.”
Laurence Sterne sarcastically said: “ The most accomplished way of using books is to serve them as some people do lords; learn their titles and then brag of their acquaintance.”
In company with a friend at a coffee house, Sterne was accosted by a young man who had been railing at the church, and who inquired what might be his opinion on the subject.
Sterne, instead of answering the impertinence, observed that “ it was curious but he had a dog-a very fine dog to all appearance—but the worst of him was that he always would snarl at a clergyman."
“How long has he had that trick?” inquired the would be wit.
“ Oh, sir,” answered Sterne pointedly, "ever since he was a puppy!”