ference as when they were both in his possession: So blind was he rendered to his own defects, by the continued practice of this-amusement. For in no other light than as an amusement or a polite accomplishment can it be considered' by those who practice it. Did they consider it as a vice, they could not I am sure persevere in the indulgence of one, which has not even the common excuse of having for its aim the pursuit of pleasure, or the gratification of a darling appetite. I cannot believe they would so disinterestedly damn themselves, and vent in public company such imprecations, as in darkness and solitude they would tremble to conceive.

As an accomplishment therefore, and as an agreeable indication of youthful gaiety it must no doubt be considered; -and should any one take the hint here offered him, and commence instructor in this noble science, I need not, I believe, caution him against being an Englishman; or (should he have the misfortune to be born in this country) remind him of the easy transformation of our commonest homespun names, into the more fashionable French, or more musical Italian; as for instance, that of Peters into Pedro, Nicholls into Nicolini, or Gerard into Girardot, and so on. -Having thus un-englished himself, let him get his adver tisement drawn up in the Grahamic style, if not by the doctor himself, professing, that

"Having added to the early advantages of a Billings'gate education, the deepest researches, and most inde"fatigable industry, &c. &c, he now stands forth as an "apt and accomplished teacher of the never-to-be-suffi

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ciently extolled, the all-expressive, all-comprehensive, "&c. &c. Art of Swearing. Ladies and Gentlemen "instructed in the most fashionable and elegant oaths:

"the most peculiarly adapted to their several ages, man་ ners, and professions, &c. &c. He has now ready for "the press, a book entitled, The Complete Oath Regis"ter; or, Every Man his own Swearer, containing oaths "and imprecations for all times, seasons, purposes, and "occasions. Also, Sentimental Oaths for the Ladies. "Likewise Execrations for the Year 1786."

Let him, I say, do this, and he may, I believe, assuré himself of no little encouragement among the world at large; though far be it from me to presume to promise him any extraordinary countenance in that smaller circle which comes more immediately under the inspection of the MICROCOSMOPOLITAN. B.

NOTES to CORRESPONDENTS.

TRANSLATICUS's request should have been immediately attended to, had not this number been previously sent to the press. It is not in my power to insert the favour of my never failing" admirer, OBADIAH MEANWELL, as the subject has been before treated of, and his allusions are too local.

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No. 3. MONDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 1786.

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Cessare, et ludere, et ungi.

HOR.

To lounge, and loiter, and perfume.

"DEAR GREG.

YOUR Mic. is dead lounge,—dissipates insufferable

"ennui of tea table,-fills boring intervals of conversazione, -exquisite substitute for switch,-and in short quite the "ton:-By the by, in your next propose some new lounge. "They are all so dingle at present, they are quite a bore. "-Lud, how much I have written!-You charming creature, hint some new lounge.

"Your's,

"NARCISSUS."

Narcissus's billet-doux has led me into some reflections on the tenets of those philosophers, (for I would not speak of so large a portion of our lesser world's inhabitants by a less respectable title) who profess in its different branches the doctrine of apathy.

We find, that the walking and sitting disputants into which the beards of Greece were divided, originated indeed from one root: but afterwards branched into such innumerable little sprays, and so intersected each other, as not only to prevent all possibility of fruit, but when agitated by the least wind of contention, to fall together with a dry, offensive sort of creaking, of that kind which Virgil VOL. I.

C

describes by the Aridus Fragor. Sensible that these disagreeable effects proceeded from a ridiculous notion which each metaphysical innovator entertained of improving on the doctrines of his predecessors, (men much older, and in course much wiser than himself) the founder of the sect of Apathists has condescended to borrow this opinion from the great Grecian Master, that the end of knowledge is to be certified that we know nothing. Upon this tenet be logically and ingeniously builds an argument, which tends to support his main principle, viz. The summit of knowing is to know that knowledge is a non entity. The idea of total ignorance cannot but be grating to the pride of a human creature; Ergo, should we not at once embrace a doctrine which saves us this reflection, by teaching us to believe that we know a great deal? Now this belief is the invariable characteristic of an Apathist; for an attempt at improvement would be in him, what an acknowledgement of conviction would formerly have been considered in the Stoic.

Not however entirely to preclude the idea of study, and at the same time to point out to his followers such a kind of pursuit as should neither impair the delicacy of their external texture, or interrupt their flow of animal spirits by head achs, vapours, and other nervous disorders, (the inseparable companions of intense application) this great founder has adopted the pithy precept of a brother legislator, and enjoins his followers to know themselves.-Themselves therefore, strictly obedient to this injunction, and themselves alone, they study. The vulgar herd of mortals are blinded by ambition, elated by hope, depressed by fear, melted by love, tortured by jealousy, and in short racked by all the vicissitudes of the more violent, or agitated by the quick transitions of the softer passions. There are

those who would hear of the enfranchisement of Greece, and the desolation of the Palatinate, with the same emotion; and distinguish no essential difference in the characters of Alexander and Uncle Toby: but even these would be infinitely disordered to find the economy of their apartments deranged by an unlucky kitten, almost faint at a broken pane, and be absolutely taken ill of an everted coal-box. The genuine Apathist alone, equally superior to the violent attacks of passion, and the teazing impertinence of fretfulness, has, notwithstanding these advantages, condescension sufficient to confine himself to the humbler sphere of the social duties; that is, he eats and drinks with the most refined politeness; and would rather forfeit his existence than be guilty of such a solecism in good breeding, as to drain a tea-pot, or replenish his own cup before those of his companions.

Not but he frequently exercises functions of a different nature, and personates the man of taste, the genius, and the critic; (nay, there have been known those who have entertained certain vague notions of a groveling quality called common sense.) He has in short the reputation of being every thing, with the satisfaction of being nothing. I have known a complete adept in the external forms required on such an occasion, by one short sentence (carefully omitting the articles, pronouns, and verb substantive) establish or destroy the fame of the most capital hosiers. And any one who is acquainted with the signs whereby to distinguish them, may not unfrequently see the most eminent among them in yawning majesty, gaping out the cha racter of an unread author to their astonished retainers.'

Wit indeed is a bagatelle for which they seem to entertain the most aversion, and to discourage not only among