their own body, but in any promiscuous company into which they may chance to be thrown; and this, not by the trite path of stale dogmatical precepts, but by the more uncommon and striking method of example. And to shew how successful is this plan, I will venture to assert, that any one who should hear but a single jest of a genuine Apathist, would, for at least a week afterwards, be thoroughly convinced of the impropriety of being facetious. But as in this tenet I perfectly agree with the Apathist, that "example strikes where precept fails," it will perhaps more clearly than any description of mine, illustrate the true character of what is called in the phrase of our citizens a dead lounger, to lay before them a second favour of my old friend and correspondent Narcissus. It is a journal of his Sunday's employment; and if I may judge from the compleat system which it contains, must be the production of a profound adept. He desires my decision on his plan of life; but as I am not yet grown callous in the office of a censor, I consign him to the customary method of trial by a jury of his Peers. 66 "To dissipate vapeur what remedy d'ye think have cho sen? To write journal, He! He! He! Want to know. how I kill time; your opinion, "Your's, "NARCISSUS." "Sunday Morning, half past nine. Yawned;-execra bly sleepy. "Tep. Read half your bill,-Head ach. 止 7 1 3 "Half past ten. Too cold for church.-Head ach in"creased by bell.-N. B. To change my apartment that İ 26 may avoid that noise. "Eleven to twelve. Took my chocolate.-Read half a page of Henrietta Harville.—Mem. Never to read Sen"timental Novels after the 1st. of May, or before 1st, of "November. "Twelve. Terrace,-not a soul.-On my return saw cocked hat with man under it. Half past one. Dinner.-No appetite. Two. Froth called.-Argument with Froth on long quarter'd shoes.-N. B. Froth dismally in the wrong. "Three to four. Slept.-Dreamt of Butterflies. "Half past four. Lounged with Froth to castle prayers. -'Stonishing Rou.—Man in buzz wig.—Fribble in thread "stockings.-Mem. Froth and self to drop his acquaintance.-Mem. Broke little boy's head.-Mem. Gave the "dog a shilling. 66 "Half past five. Sipped my tea with Feather.-N. B. "His silk stockings.-N. B. The pattern seen last winter "in town.-N. B. Not to tell him till he has worn them. Six to half past. Yawned and rou'd. "Half past to seven. Rou'd and yawned. Seven to eight. Got vapours by looking out Microcosm. "Eight to nine. Wrote my journal.-Buckled my shoe. "Nine to ten. Intolerable vapours.-N. B. Vapours -46 greatest bore in universe. 66 Ten to half past. Lounged to Dapper's room.-Caught him reading Latin.-Smoked him.-Rou'd him.-Mem. "Dapper in covered buttons.-0 imitatores, ser, ser, ser, "Lud, my memory! Do you remember the line in Virgil, "Greg? 66 Half past ten to eleven. Put on slippers and night gown.-Picked teeth. "Eleven to twelve. Went to bed." As an acknowledgement for the assistance Narcissus has afforded me, it is but reasonable that I should, as far as lies in my power, comply with the concluding request of his first billet. There is at present a vacant seat in the lounging club, occasioned by the expulsion of one of its members for explaining a passage in Horace. As far as mental qualifications have any weight in the scale, he is perfectly adapted to fill the chair. The honour of being a candidate, was, by the unanimous votes of the society, conferred on the Microcosmopolitan; and an evening accordingly fixed for my examination. Having received timely notice of their intentions, I prepared myself accordingly; and about half past four was ushered into an apartment, in which at a molest distance from a tea equipage, were seated five respectable personages. Now, gentle reader, before I proceed in the account of my reception, it is necessary that I premise, that it is not the mere mechanical qualities of an author, which have induced me to assume the character of a MICROCOSMOPOLITAN; but that as my predecessor with the short face, derived perhaps more dignity from that distinguishing feature which was to set him apart from the rest of mankind, than from any observation in his own work, so nature seems to have cut me out for a periodical writer, by endowing a long nose of mine with so strange a predilection for my chin, as on most occasions to form no very harmonious cadence in my organs of elocution. "IIinc mihi prima mali labes: Hence the first origin of all my ill:" For when in return to the extravagant polite ness of the whole room, I began to attempt something like a compliment, it had so visible an effect on the nerves of my audience, that forgetting the etiquette of receiving a stranger, they with one accord applied their hands to the offended seat of hearing. Nay, so violent were the emotions of one of them, that he sprung across the table with the agility of a monkey, articulating, as well as the chattering of his teeth would allow him, "I hope in Gad the animal is ta-a-ame." An universal titter was the immediate consequence of this ejaculation, when the president turning to me with a self complacent apologizing simper, observed, that "I must excuse Mr. Tinsel's oddities, as I should find him upon the whole a lounging creeter." Upon my bowing, a general silence ensued, till one of the company, in a voice which left me to doubt whether he was broad awake, yawned out," Tinsel, you have wetted my stocking." The whole room, except Tinsel, (whose late alarm had forced him to have recourse to an adjacent lavender bottle) as if they had preconcerted a reply, reiterated twaddle. So general an exclamation in a term which came nearer to waddle than any thing I had any idea of, I mistook for a personal application to me, till I saw the harmless creatures unanimously applying their white handkerchiefs to the injured stocking. As soon as this important concern was adjusted, the president, addressing himself to me, told me, he had perused the title page of my work, and was much pleased with the style; that the design, as explained there was exquisite; that having, by an unfortunate accident' lost one of their number, they had unanimously agreed to make me the offer of his seat; and that should I myself start any objections to the proposals, they wished to make my paper the medis um for publishing this vacancy to the world; "One thing, added he, Mr. Griffin, this society and myself have been whether your plan is groundHaving made my acknow ineffably puzzled on, which is, ed on personal satire or no?" ledgements to the company in general for the intended honour, I replied, that when it should be convenient to him to favour my first paper with a perusal, his objection would answer itself: That at present I should only assure him, that on my side, nothing more than general allusions were intended, and on that of my fellow-citizens, “ Qui capit ille facit: Let the gall'd jade wince." I had scarce pronounced these words when I became sensible of my carelessness by the significant looks of the company. The conversation immediately turned on stockings; when, as I was got out of my element, I sat for some time totally silent; and upon a proper opportunity took my leave, and ritired to reflect on the scene I had quitted. On my coming home I found Narcissus's letters, and divesting myself of all the petulance of a disappointed candidate, șat down immediately to advertize him of this opportunity. Convinced, notwithstanding the plausible arguments of those, who under the immediate impulse of any favourite passion, cannot brook the idea of total listlessness, that an Apathist is as much a real, as a GRIFFIN is an imaginary being. C. NOTES to CORRESPONDENTS. Availing myself of the permission of OCTAVIUS, I shall adapt his letter to the limits of my work, and shall take the same liberty with that of MUSIDORUS. My visionary friend, who signs himself AN ETONIAN, has express'd himself in such a strain of encomium, as I could not insert without incurring the imputation of vanity. |