The Works of Shakespeare

For certain ducats: he with none return'd.

Then fairly I bespoke the officer,

To go in person with me to my house.

By the way we met

My wife, her sister, and a rabble more

Of vile confederates: along with them

They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-fac'd villain,

A mere anatomy, a mountebank,

A thread-bare juggler, and a fortune-teller,

A needy, hollow-ey'd, sharp-looking wretch,
A living dead man. This pernicious slave,
Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,

And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no face, as 't were, out-facing me,
Cries out, I was possess'd. Then, altogether
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
And in a dark and dankish vault at home

They1 left me and my man, both bound together;
Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gain'd my freedom, and immediately

Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech
To give me ample satisfaction

For these deep shames, and great indignities.

And careful hours, with time's deformed hand,
Have written strange defeatures in my face:

But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
Ant. E. Neither.

Æge. Dromio, nor thou?

Dro. E. No, trust me, sir, nor I.
Æge. I am sure thou dost.

Dro. E. Ay, sir; but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to believe him.

Æge. Not know my voice? O, time's extremity!
Hast thou so crack'd my voice, split my poor tongue
In seven short years, that here my only son
Knows not my feeble key of untun'd cares?
Though now this grained face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,
And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
Yet hath my night of life some memory,
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
My dull, deaf ears a little use to hear:
All these old witnesses (I cannot err)

Ang. My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him, Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.

Duke. But had he such a chain of thee, or no?

Ang. He had, my lord; and when he ran in here,
These people saw the chain about his neck.

Mer. Besides, I will be sworn, these ears of mine
Heard you confess you had the chain of him,
After you first forswore it on the mart.
And, thereupon, I drew my sword on you;
And then you fled into this abbey here,
From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.

Ant. E. I never came within these abbey walls,
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me.
I never saw the chain, so help me heaven!
And this is false you burden me withal.

Duke. Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
I think, you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
If here you hous'd him, here he would have been ;
If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly :-
You say, he dined at home; the goldsmith here
Denies that saying.--Sirrah, what say you?

Dro. E. Sir, he dined with her, there, at the Porcupine.
Cour. He did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.
Ant. E. 'T is true, my liege; this ring I had of her.
Duke. Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?
Cour. As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

Duke. Why, this is strange. - Go call the abbess
hither.-

I think you are all mated, or stark mad.

[Exit an Attendant.

Æge. Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word.
Haply, I see a friend will save my life,
And pay the sum that may deliver me.

Duke. Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
Æge. Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus,

And is not that your bondman Dromio?

Ant. E. I never saw my father in my life. Æge. But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy, Thou know'st we parted. But, perhaps, my son, Thou sham'st to acknowledge me in misery.

Ant. E. The duke, and all that know me in the city, Can witness with me that it is not so.

I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.

Duke. I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years

Have I been patron to Antipholus,
During which time he ne'er saw Syracuse.
I see, thy age and dangers make thee dote.

Enter Abbess, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and
DROMIO of Syracuse.
Abb. Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.
[All gather to see them.
Adr. I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me!
Duke. One of these men is Genius to the other;

And so of these which is the natural man,
And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?

Dro. S. I, sir, am Dromio: command him away.
Dro. E. I, sir, am Dromio: pray let me stay.
Ant. S. Ægeon, art thou not? or else his ghost?
Dro. S. O, my old master! who hath bound him here?
Abb. Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds,
And gain a husband by his liberty.-
Speak, old Ægeon, if thou be'st the man
That had a wife once call'd Æmilia,
That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.
O! if thou be'st the same Ægeon, speak,
And speak unto the same Æmilia!

Æge. If I dream not, thou art Æmilia.
If thou art she, tell me, where is that son
That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

Abb. By men of Epidamnum, he, and I,
And the twin Dromio, all were taken up;

Dro. E. Within this hour I was his bondman, sir; But, by and by, rude fishermen of Corinth

But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:

Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.

Æge. I am sure you both of you remember me.
Dro. E. Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;

For lately we were bound, as you are now.

You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?

By force took Dromio and my son from them,
And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
What then became of them, I cannot tell ;
I, to this fortune that you see me in.

Duke. Why, here begins his morning story right.

These two Antipholus', these two so like,

Æge. Why look you strange on me? you know me And these two Dromios, one in semblance,

well.

Ant. E. I never saw you in my life, till now.

Besides his urging of his wreck at sea ;-
These are the parents to these children,

There: in f. e. 2 Dyce reads, "as," and puts a period after "chain." 3 crack'd and splitted: in f. e.

Which accidentally are met together.

Antipholus, thou cam'st from Corinth first.

Ant. S. No, sir, not I: I came from Syracuse.

Duke. Stay, stand apart : I know not which is which.
Ant. E. I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
Dro. E. And I with him.

Ant. E. Brought to this town by that most famous

warrior,

Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

That by this sympathized one day's error
Have suffered wrong, go, keep us company,
And we shall make full satisfaction.

Twenty-five years have I been gone in travail
Of you, my sons; and at this present hour
My heavy burdens are delivered.-

The duke, my husband, and my children both,
And you the calendars of their nativity,
Go to a gossip's feast, and go with me:

Adr. Which of you two did dine with me to-day? After so long grief such nativity!

Ant. S. I, gentle mistress.

Adr. And are not you my husband?

Ant. E. No; I say nay to that.

Ant. S. And so do I, yet did she call me so;

And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,

Did call me brother. - What I told you then,

I hope, I shall have leisure to make good,

If this be not a dream I see, and hear.

Ang. That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
Ant. S. I think it be, sir: I deny it not.

Ant. E. And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
Ang. I think I did, sir: I deny it not.

Adr. I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,

By Dromio; but I think, he brought it not.

Dro. E. No, none by me.

Ant. S. This purse of ducats I received from you,

And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.
I see, we still did meet each other's man,
And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors all arose.

Ant. E. These ducats pawn I for my father here.
Duke. It shall not need: thy father hath his life.
Cour. Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

Ant. E. There, take it; and much thanks for my

good cheer.

Abb. Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains

To go with us into the abbey here,

And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes;

And all that are assembled in this place,

1 are: in f. e. 2 till: in f. e.

Duke. With all my heart: I'll gossip at this feast. [Exeunt Duke, Abbess, ÆGEON, Courtezan, Merchant, ANGELO, and Attendants.

Dro. S. Master, shall I fetch your stuff from ship

board?

Dro. S. Your goods, that lay at host, sir, in the
Centaur.

Ant. S. He speaks to me. ----I am your master, Dromio :
Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon.
Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.

[Exeunt ANT. S. and E., ADR., and Luc.

Dro. S. There is a fat friend at your master's
house,

That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner :
She now shall be my sister, not my wife.

Dro. E. Methinks, you are my glass, and not my

brother:

SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S House. Enter LEONATO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others, with a Gentleman.1

Leon. I learn in this letter, that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this night to Messina.

Gent. He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off when I left him.

Leon. How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

Gent. But few of any sort, and none of name.

Leon. A victory is twice itself, when the achiever brings home full numbers. I find here, that Don Pedro hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine, called Claudio.

Gent. Much deserved on his part, and equally remembered by Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing in the figure of a lamb the feats of a lion: he hath, indeed, better bettered expectation, than you must expect of me to tell you how.

Leon. He hath an uncle, here in Messina, will be very much glad of it.

Gent. I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much joy in him; even so much, that joy could not show itself modest enough without a badge of bitterness.

Leon. Did he break out into tears?
Gent. In great measure.

Leon. A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer than those that are so washed; how much better is it to weep at joy, than to joy at weeping?

Beat. I pray you, is signior Montantos returned from the wars, or no?

Gent. I know none of that name, lady: there was none such in the army of any sort.

Leon. What is he that you ask for, niece?

Hero. My cousin means signior Benedick of Padua. Gent. O! he is returned, and as pleasant as ever he

was.

Beat. He set up his bills here in Messina, and challenged Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged him at the bird-bolt.-I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he killed? for, indeed, I promised to eat all of his killing.

Leon. Faith, niece, you tax signior Benedick too much; but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not. Gent. He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

Beat. You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it: he is a very valiant trencher-man; he hath an excellent stomach.

Gent. And a good soldier too, lady. Beat. And a good soldier to a lady; but what is he to a lord?

Gent. A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all honourable virtues.

Beat. It is so, indeed: he is no less than a stuffed man; but for the stuffing,--Well, we are all mortal.

Leon. You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt signior Benedick and her: they never meet, but there's a skirmish of wit between them.

Beat. Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict four of his five wits' went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one; so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a reasonable creature.---Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

1 Messenger: in f. e. 2 Throughout the Scene: Mess.: in f. e. 3 A term of the fencing-school. 4 A long and light-feathered arrow, used for objects at a distance. 5 A short and thick arrow, for near aim. 6 Stored. 7 Chaucer uses the five wits for the five senses. A similar enumeration, referred to in the text, was made of the intellectual powers. 8 In heraldry, a distinction.

Gent. Is 't possible?

Beat. Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it ever changes with the next block. Gent. I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.1 Beat. No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young squarer now, that will make a voyage with him to the devil?

Gent. He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

Beat. O Lord! he will hang upon him like a disease: he is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere he be cured.

Gent. I will hold friends with you, lady.

Beat. Do, good friend.

Leon. You will never run mad, niece

Beat. No, not till a hot January.

Gent. Don Pedro is approached.

Enter Don PEDRO, JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BAL

THAZAR, and others.

D. Pedro. Good signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble? the fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

Leon. Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace; for trouble being gone, comfort should remain, but when you depart from me, sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave.

D. Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly. I think, this is your daughter.

Leon. Her mother hath many times told me so. Bene. Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her? Leon. Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

D. Pedro. You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this what you are, being a man. -Truly, the lady fathers herself.-Be happy, lady, for you are like an honourable father.

Bene. If signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.

Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, signior Benedick: no body marks you.

Bene. What, my dear lady Disdain! are you yet living?

Beat. Is it possible disdain should die, while she hath such meet food to feed it, as signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.

Bene. Then is courtesy a turn-coat. But it is certain, I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for, truly, I love none.

Beat. A dear happiness to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God, and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me.

Bene. God keep your ladyship still in that mind; so some gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratched face.

Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, an 't were such a face as yours.

Bene. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

Beat. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of

yours.

Bene. I would, my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way o' God's name; I have done.

Beat. You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

D. Pedro. That is the sum of all. --Leonato,-signior Claudio, and signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month, and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer: I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

Leon. If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.-Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty. John. I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank you.

Leon. Please it your grace, lead on?

D. Pedro. Your hand, Leonato: we will go together. [Exeunt all but BENEDICK and CLAUDIO.

Claud. Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of signior Leonato ?

Bene. I noted her not; but I looked on her.
Claud. Is she not a modest young lady?

Bene. Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

Claud. No; I pray thee, speak in sober judgment. Bene. Why, 'i faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise: only this commendation I can afford her; that were she other than she is, she were unhandsome, and being no other but as she is, I do not like her.

Claud. Thou thinkest, I am in sport: I pray thee, tell me truly how thou lik'st her.

Bene. Would you buy her, that you inquire after her? Claud. Can the world buy such a jewel?

Bene. Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad brow, or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take you, to go in the song?

Claud. In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on.

Bene. I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter; there's her cousin, an she were not possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty, as the first of May doth the last of December. But I hope, you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

Claud. I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

Bene. Is 't come to this, i' faith? Hath not the world one man, but he will wear his cap with suspicion ? Shall I never see a bachelor of threescore again? Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it, and sigh away Sundays. Look; Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

Re-enter Don PEDRO.

D. Pedro. What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonato's?

Bene. I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

D. Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegiance.

Bene. You hear, count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb man, I would have you think so; but on my allegiance,-mark you this, on my allegiance. He is in love. With whom?-now that is your grace's part. -Mark, how short the answer is:--with Hero, Leonato's short daughter.

Claud. If this were so, so were it uttered.

Bene. Like the old tale, my lord: it is not so, nor

1 This phrase is derived, says Knight, from books of credit. 2 Quarreler. 3 The old copies read: you are. 4 Old cop.: This. 5 Join.

Claud. If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be otherwise.

D. Pedro. Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

Claud. You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.
D. Pedro. By my troth, I speak my thought.

Claud. And in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

Bene. And by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I Any hard lesson that may do thee good. spoke mine.

Bene. That a woman conceived me, I thank her: that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat2 winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick3, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is, (for the which I may go the finer) I will live a bachelor.

D. Pedro. I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love. Bene. With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with love: prove, that ever I lose more blood with love, than I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen, and hang me up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of. blind Cupid.

D. Pedro. Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument.

Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat, and shoot at me; and he that first hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder, and called Adam.5

D. Pedro. Well, as time shall try:

"In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.""

Bene. The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns, and set them in my forehead; and let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they write, "Here is good horse to hire," let them signify under my sign, -" Here you may see Benedick the married man."

Claud. If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be

horn-mad.

D. Pedro. Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly. Bene. I look for an earthquake too, then.

D. Pedro. Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the mean time, good signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's: commend me to him, and tell him, I will not fail him at supper; for, indeed, he hath made great preparation.

Bene. I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage; and so I commit you

Claud. To the tuition of God: from my house, if I

had it.

D. Pedro. The sixth of July: your loving friend, Benedick.

Claud. Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

D. Pedro. No child but Hero, she's his only heir.

Dost thou affect her, Claudio ?
Claud.

O! my lord,

When you went onward on this ended action,
I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
That lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand,
Than to drive liking to the name of love;
But now I am return'd, and that war-thoughts
Have left their places vacant, in their rooms
Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
All prompting me how fair young Hero is,
Saying, I lik'd her ere I went to wars-9

D. Pedro. Thou wilt be like a lover presently,
And tire the hearer with a book of words.
If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
And I will break with her, and with her father,
And thou shalt have her.10 Was't not to this end,
That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

Claud. How sweetly do you minister to love,
That know love's grief by his complexion!
But lest my liking might too sudden seem,
I would have salv'd it with a longer treatise.

D. Pedro. What need the bridge much broader than the flood?

The fairest ground11 is the necessity.

Look, what will serve is fit: 't is once, thou lovest, And I will fit thee with the remedy.

SCENE II.-A. Room in LEONATO'S House.
Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO.

Leon. How now, brother? Where is my cousin, your son? Hath he provided this music?

Ant. He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange12 news that you yet dreamt not of. Leon. Are they good?

Ant. As the event stamps them; but they have a good cover; they show well outward. The prince and count Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in my orchard, were thus13 much overheard by a man of mine: the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my niece, your daughter, and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance; and, if he found her accordant, he meant to take the present time by the top, and instantly break with you of it.

Leon. Hath the fellow any wit, that told you this?

1 An old tale, resembling in its horrors and incidents that of Blue Beard, and containing a frequent repetition of the passage in the text, is given in Boswell's ed. of Malone, and in Knight. 2 A recall. 3 Belt. 4 The word "first": not in f. e. 5 Shooting at a cat in a bottle was an old popular sport; Adam, probably, alludes to Adam Bell, the famous archer of the Robin Hood fraternity. 6 Quoted from Act II. of Kyd's Spanish Tragedy; the play is in Dodsley's Col. Trimmed. 8 The formal conclusions of old letters, often ending in the words used by Don Pedro. 9 The dash, implying the interruption of a narrative, is an addition by Collier. 10 This passage, from "with her," is from the quarto ed. 1600 11 grant: in f. e. 12 13 Only in the quarto, 1600.

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