DICK THE APPRENTICE, OR FOOLISH AMBITION.—A NON. THUS far we have run before the wind. An apothecary! Make an apothecary of me! What! cramp my genius over a pestle and mortar! or mew me up in a shop, with an alligator stuffed, and a beggarly account of empty boxes! To be culling simples, and constantly adding to the bills of mortality! No! no! it will be much better to be pasted up in capitals"The part of Romeo by a young gentleman, who never appeared on any stage before!" My ambition fires at the thought. But hold! Mayn't I run some chance of failing in my attempt? Hissed-pelted-laughed at-not admitted into the green-room! That will never do. Down, busy Fancydown, down! Try it again-loved by the women-envied by the men-applauded by the pit-clapped by the galleries— admired by the boxes! "Dear colonel, isn't he a charming creature?" 'My lord, don't you like him of all things? Makes love like an angel! What an eye he has! Fine legs! I shall certainly go to his benefit." Celestial sounds! And then I'll get in with all the painters, and have myself put up in every print shop. In the character of Macbeth" This is a sorry sight!" (Stands in an attitude.) In the character of Richard—“ Give me another horse! Bind up my wounds!" This will do rarely. And then I have a chance of getting well married. Oh, glorious thought! I will enjoy it, though but in fancy. But what 's o'clock? It must be almost nine. I'll away at once. This is club night-the spouters are all met. Little think they I'm in town-they'll be surprised to see Off I go; and then for my marriage with my master Gargle's daughter! me. 66 Limbs, do your office, and support me well; PARENTAL WEAKNESS.-ALLINGHAM. OLD FICKLE-TRISTRAM FICKLE-BRIEFWIT-SNEER-BARBER Enter OLD FICKLE AND TRISTRAM FICKLE. Old Fickle. What reputation, what honor, what profit, can accrue to you, from such conduct as yours? One moment you tell me you are going to become the greatest musician in the world, and straight you fill my house with fiddlers. Tristram. I am clear out of that scrape now, sir. Old F. Then, from a fiddler, you are metamorphosed into a philosopher; and for the noise of drums, trumpets and hautboys, you substitute a vile jargon, more unintelligible than was ever heard at the Tower of Babel. Tri. You are right, sir. I have found out that philosophy is folly; so I have cut the philosophers of all sects, from Plato and Aristotle, down to the puzzlers of modern date. Old F. How much had I to pay the cooper, the other day, for barrelling you up in a large tub, when you resolved to live like Diogenes? Tri. You should not have paid him anything, sir, for the tub would not hold. You see the contents are run out. Old F. No jesting, sir; this is no laughing matter. Your follies have tired me out. I verily believe you have taken the whole round of arts and sciences in a month, and have been of fifty different minds in half an hour. Tri. And, by that, shown the versatility of my genius. Old F. Don't tell me of versatility, sir. Let me see a little steadiness. You have never yet been constant to anything but extravagance. Tri. Yes sir, one thing more. Old F. What is that, sir. Tri. Affection for you. However my head may have wandered, my heart has always been constantly attached to the kindest of parents; and from this moment, I am resolved to lay my follies aside, and pursue that line of conduct which will be most pleasing to the best of fathers and of friends. Old F. Well said, my boy! well said! You make me hap py indeed. (Patting him on the shoulder.) Now then, my dear Tristram let me know what you really mean to do. Tr. To study the law Old F. The law! Tri. I am most resolutely bent on following that profess ion. Old F. No! Tri. Absolutely and irrevocably fixed. Old F. Better and better; I am overjoyed. Why 't is the very thing I wished. Now I am happy. (Tristram makes gestures as if speaking.) See how his mind is engaged! Tri. Gentlemen of the jury— Old F. Why, Tristram― Tri. This is a cause Old F. Oh, my dear boy! I forgive you all your tricks. I see something about you now that I can depend upon. Tristram continues making gestures.) Tri. I am for the plaintiff in this cause Old F. Bravo! bravo! excellent boy! I'll go and order your books directly. Tri. 'T is done, sir. Old F What! already? Tri. I ordered twelve square feet of books, when I first thought of embracing the arduous profession of the law. Old F. What, do you mean to read by the foot? Tri. By the foot, sir; that is the only way to become a solid lawyer. Old F. Twelve square feet of learning !—Well— Tri. I have likewise sent for a barber- Old F. A barber!-What! is he to teach you to shave close ? Tri. IIe is to shave one half of my head, sir. Old F. You will excuse me, if I cannot perfectly under stand what that has to do with the study of the law. Tri. Did you never hear of Demosthenes, sir the Athenian orator? He had half his head shaved, and locked himself up in a coal-cellar. Old F. Ah! he was perfectly right to lock himself up, after baving undergone such an operation as that. He certainly would have made rather an odd figure abroad. Tri. I think I see him now, awakening the dormant patriot' ism of his countrymen-lightning in his eye, and thunder in his voice he pours forth a torrent of eloquence, resistless in its force,―the throne of Philip trembles while he speaks-he denounces, and indignation fills the bosoms of his hearers he exposes the impending danger, and every one sees impend ing ruin―he threatens the tyrant, they grasp their swordshe calls for vengeance, their thirsty weapons glitter in the air, and thousands reverberate the cry. One soul animates a nation, and that soul is the soul of an orator. Old F. Oh! what a figure he 'll make in the King's Bench! But come, I will tell you now what my plan is, and then you will see how happy this determination of yours will further it.—You have (Tristram makes extravagant gestures as if speaking) often heard me speak of my friend Briefwit the bar rister Tri. Who is against me in this cause— Tri. But, as I have justice on my side Old F. Bless me! he does n't hear a word I say!—Why, Tristram ! Tri. I beg your pardon, sir; I was prosecuting my studies. Old F. Now attend Tri. As my learned friend observes,—go on, sir, I am all attention. Old F. Well-my friend, the counsellor― Tri. Say my learned friend, if you please, sir. We gentle. men of the law always Old. F Well, well, my learned friend Tri. A black patch! Old F. Will you listen, and be silent? Tri. I am as mute as a judge. Old F. My friend, I say, has a ward, who is very handsome, and who has a very handsome fortune. She would make you a charming wife. Tri. This is an action Old F. Now, I have hitherto been afraid to introduce you to my friend, the barrister, because I thought your lightness and his gravity Tri. Might be plaintiff and defendant. Old F. But now you are grown serious and steady, and have resolved to pursue his profession, I will shortly bring you together: you will obtain his good opinion, and all the rest. follows, of course. Tri. A verdict in my favor. Old F. You marry, and sit down happy for life. Tri. In the King's Bench. Old F. Bravo! ha, ha, ha! But now run to your studyrun to your study, my dear Tristram, and I'll go and call upon the counsellor. Tri. I remove by habeas corpus. Old F. Pray, have the goodness to make haste, then. (Hurrying him off.) Tri. Gentlemen of the jury, this is a cause-(Old Fickle pushes him off) Old F. The inimitable boy! living. What genius he has! I am now the happiest father day or other, I dare be sworn-I am sure he has talents. Oh, how I long to see him at the bar! (Enter SERVANT.) Servant. Mr. Briefwit, sir. Old F. Ah, my good friend, Mr. Briefwit! Old F. You are welcome to Whimshall. Bri. Whimshall-the locus in quo-good. (Exit. Old F. This is all right; this gives me an opportunity of talking to you a little. Bri. Consult-take an opinion-good. |