As he bolted away without paying his shot, We saw him again at dead of night, All bare, and exposed to the midnight dews, "The doctor's as drunk as he can be," we said, And we managed a shutter to borrow; We raised him, and sigh'd at the thought that his head We bore him home, and we put him to bad, Loudly they talk'd of his money that's gone, But little he reck'd, so they let him snore on We tuck'd him in, and had hardly done We heard the rough voice of a son of a gun Slowly and sadly we all walked down. From his room in the uppermost story; THE APPLE DUMPLINGS AND GEORGE THE THIRD. ONCE in the chase, this monarch drooping, From his high consequence and wisdom stooping; Where an old crone was hanging on the pot; -WOLCOTT Like lightning asked, "What 's here? what's here? what? what? what? what?" Then taking up a dumpling in his hand, And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple ; *'T is monstrous, monstrous, monstrous hard," he cried; But Goody, tell me, where, where, where's the scam?" Sire, there's no seam," quoth she, "I never knew That folks did apple-dumplings sew!" "No!" cried the staring monarch with a grin, AMERICAN ARISTOCRACY.-J. G. Saxe. Of all the notable things on earth, F The queerest one is pride of birth Among our "fierce democracy!" A bridge across a hundred years, English and Irish, French and Spanish, So subtle a tinge of blood, indeed, Depend upon it, my snobbish friend, Or, worse than that, your boasted line JACK AT ALL TRADES.-ANON. CALEB QUOTEM, MRS. QUOTEM AND DICK. Quotem. Wife! where are you? Mrs. Quotem, I say! look to the shop! Silence in the school, there. Be good boys— mind your writing and cyphering, I'm coming in directly. Here, Dick! Dick Drudge, where are you? Dick. Here, sir. Quot. Come here, then, as the poet says. been doing these four hours? What have you Dick. As you ordered me, sir. After helping you to chime the bells for prayers, I drove out the dogs and boys playing in the church-yard. While you were singing psalms, I carried the drugs and drenching-horn to old Leach, the farrier. Coming back, I met the vicar, who bade me run to Ben the barber, for his best wig, as he was going to the wedding-dinner. Quot. A good lad; try to please everybody. Dick. I do sir. I thrashed young Master Jackey just now, handsomely. Quot. For what? Dick. He was making fun, sir, of Blind Bob, the fiddler, who comes to our shop for a hap' worth of rosin. Quot. Oh, he mustn't offend a customer. Well, what else? as the poet says. Dick. Why, sir, I filled the drawer with yellow-ochre, ground the green paint, bottled the red ink, blacked the shoes, and whitewashed the chimney-corner. Quot. Talking of whitewashing, puts me in mind of Swilltub, the great brewer, now a bankrupt-has he sent for the hand-bills we printed? Dick. Yes sir; and desired you to put a new light into his dark lantern! A job for you, too, in the glazing line, over the way, at the public house.-Sam Solid, dead drunk, turning round, broke three squares of the bow window. Quot. That must wait till to-morrow. Have mixed up the medicine for the mad Methodist parson? Dick. Yes sir, but there's no more bark. you Quot. Talking of bark, puts me in mind of my little terrier dog-have you fed him? Dick. Oh, yes, a terrible good one for vermin-he'll kill all the rats in the parish. Quot. Oh, hang it, then kill him, or he 'll hurt the sale of arsenic. Dick. Ecod, right master-we sell as much poison as all the doctors in the parish. Quot. Talking of poison, have you taken the last new novel out of the girls' school-room? as the poet says. Dick. Yes sir, dang it, I wonder how you spare your time for poets and books-so much business! but there you be often painting and writing poetry at the same time. Yes Quot. Poetry and painting are nearly the same thing, Dick. Dick. That be what I thought myself; so, as I mixed up colors for one, I'd a mind to try my hand at the other. terday, I set to, with a bit of chalk, and got on famously. I finished the first line in a crack, but when I got to the end of the second, I could not think of a rhyme, and so I stuck fast Quot. (Aside.) Confound the fellow, if he takes to poetry I shall get no work done. Don't try again, Dick-one poet's enough in a family. Duck. That be what mistress do say, sir. She complains that poetry has spoiled you! and that you don't do half what you used to do. Quot. She's mistaken-I only change about-don't stick so much to the same job. Now, Dick, for business. done all the jobs I set you about? Dick. Yes sir, you may be certain of that. You've Quot. Why, I believe you're pretty punctual, tho' not always so expeditious as I could wish. Sure, though somewhat slow, as Swift says. Dick. Oh, you may depend upon me. Quot. Did you run with the articles I wrapt up this morning? Dick. Odd rabbit it, no- -I quite forgot. Here they be. (Brings forward two parcels.) What's this? (reads.) ForDang it, sir, I can't well make out the directions-you wrote in such a hurry. Quot No! mine's a good running hand. Dick. Running! I think it be galloping, the letters seem to scamper away from one another so fast, there's no catching them. Quot. Let me see; that's for Squire Fudge-this for the attorney's clerk in the next street.' Dick. Squire Fudge! Oh, the old married his smart young housekeeper. sir? gentleman who lately What be the articles, Quot. Essence of hartshorn, a pair of spectacles, and a quire of large foolscap |