Bra. Would you tell me, sir, that this wicked lie is being circulated? Spr. Which lie? That you had committed suicide? Bra. Which lie, sir? Spr. Now, don't call me sir. It sounds so formal and unfriendlike. Nobody ever calls Jack Spriggs, "sir," except when he is serving a notice or a distress. Bra. Answer my question. Is the vile fabrication current, that I attempted the abduction of Miss Hardman? Spr. Oh, that it is, upon my word-upon my honor! Had it from all the servants of the house. Slight discrepancy in the evidence, to be sure. The coachman, footman, and groom, say one thing; the cook, both the house maids, and the lady'smaid, say another. Bra. Sir, it is as false as Spr. That's enough, that's enough! Don't trouble your self for a simile. I believe you, my dear Mr. Brandon-I believe you, sir. Your word, that's enough for me. The bestinformed people are sometimes in error. I've known even a newspaper mistaken. But your word, sir-your word-I'm quite satisfied-verdict, not guilty. Allow me to shake hands. with you on your acquittal.-You leave this court, sir, with an unblemished Bra. Psha!-But the scoundrel who has thus dared to assail my character Spr. Oh, don't fret about a little misunderstanding-all will blow over; old Hardy will relent-take you back again Bra. Never! not though upon his bended knees be sued me to return! The wild bird who has chafed so long against the wires, when once his cage is opened, will not be so easily lured back again. Tell him, I only feel that I am free. Spr. I say, though, there's a little trough in the cage where the wild bird finds some seed when he is hungry; I've known him miss that very much when he has flown away. Poor thing! sometimes found starved to death a day or two after-eh ?-Don't take it ill; I take an interest in you-upon my life I do-you've been ill used-very! But, I say, how do you mean to live? You'll forgive my liberty. Bra. I have youth, health, strength, energy—the world before, and heaven above me! Spr. Generalities, my dear sir-pleasing generalities. But people don't live by generalities-must stoop to details. See a good dinner all very clear at a glance-that's a generality but can't fill your stomach except you fix on your dish and take a mouthful at a time—that's a detail, eh? Where will you begin? what's your first dish? Bra. I have not yet given this a thought. Spr. (Aside.) Hem!-I suspected as much.-Professions now are genteel-very; but don't begin to pay till about fiveand-forty. It's a long fast from your age till then. Trade wants capital or credit-afraid you have not got either. Bra. But I have my education-my talents-my pen. Spr. (Shaking his head.) Pen! Pen! Could get you writing perhaps in our office-seven shillings a-week, and find everything yourself, except your stool. Ah! I was afraid you would not like that. Bra. I meant no slavish pen that plies for hire, but that which makes immortal-literature. Spr. Easy writing-very hard publishing though. The booksellers won't, and you can't. Might write, perhaps, for the magazines and annuals, gratis, if the Duke of This, and Lady Agnes That, and the Honorable Mr. T'other, left you any room and if you kept it up well for a dozen years or so, you might begin to get known, and perhaps a bookseller would publish for you, then, and share the profits-when you could find them. Bra. But I have learning, and can communicate the knowledge I have acquired a tutor Spr. Better be a footman. He has companions, the tutor has none. The kitchen is too low for him, and the drawingroom too high and so he flits about by himself in the dusk, like a bat, because he is neither exactly a bird nor a beast. · Bra. Your arguments are sufficiently discouraging; yet I have such a fund of hope and energy within, that, let me but remove this weight of calumny that presses on my name, and all the rest seems light and easy. Spr. Hem! but that's difficult, sir, very; particularly if the papers have got it. Could not undertake to get it contradicted, except as an advertisement-special paragraph-cost a good deal, and nobody believe it, then. You see a bit of scandal is public property, interests everybody. The contradiction is private property, interests nobody but the one person, and spoils a good story besides. Nothing exciting in a contradiction-could not undertake it without-I say, you won't think me impertinent, but have you got any-(Slapping his breeches pocket)-any of the ready? Bra Some ten or twelve pounds. Spr. (Aside) Ten or twelve pounds!-Quite a little fortune! My dear sir, my dear Mr. Brandon, this requires every attention. When Mr. Oddington heard the report Bra. Mr. Oddington! How! Would you tell me it has reached there? Spr. Bless your heart, the very first place it went to! That's what I say, you see; the first report is always interesting. A deputation of Mr. Hardman's servants waited on Mr. Oddington's household Bra. This is beyond endurance! I'll fly there this instant. Spr. (Shakes his head.) No go! Did not I mention it? The doors are ordered to be shut against you. Bra. Condemned without a hearing! I'll Spr. Now stop, now stop! you're so impetuous. I had a thought-but you make me quite nervous. Bra. What is it? Spr. There you go-no patience-you're putting it all out of my head-(Aside.) Ten or twelve pounds! What a comfortable little sum! Bra. But your thought? Spr. Bless me, how it's escaping me! Very odd; but when I want to think, I'll tell you what I'm always obliged to do Bra. This is torture! Spr. First I dine. I never can think, do you know, before dinner. By-the-bye, have you dined yet? That's a capital house at the corner! Bra. (Impatiently.) Psha! I shall go mad! Spr. No, don't! because, when you know what Miss Morti mer said Bra. Miss Mortimer! has she too heard of this villainous invention ? Spr. Did not I tell you? Bless my heart, there's my throat again! The most extraordinary complaint in my throat, when I talk much! I can't speak another word till I've swallowed an oyster, and you have not dined, you say ? Bra. You shall eat, drink, and swill-only tell me what Miss Mortimer Spr. Upon my life, it's too bad; I would not, on any account, let you pay, only it is not a credit house; and changing my trousers, I have left my purse at home. Bra. I will pay anything-give anything! Put me out of this suspense. Spr. It's really extraordinary-hem !-hem !-all here! (Putting his hand to his throat.) All round!-It's only just at the corner. Bra. Tell me, but in one word— Spr. I can't-upon my life, I can't speak a word-my throat is getting in such a state—I can't utter a single syllable, till I've-There, you see-that's the house-I'll introd ace you. (Going. Bra. But, Miss Mortimer Spr. The doctors say it's the uvula. Bra. Hang your uvula! Spr. Oysters, I think, you said, for a whet to begin with? (Exit. Bra. (Following.) Scoundrel!-tell me what Elinorwhat Miss Mortimer(Rushes after him. THE GLUTTON.-ANON. A DUCK, who had got such a habit of stuffing, One day, after eating a plentiful dinner, With full twice as much as there should have been in her, While up to her eyes in the gutter a roking, Was greatly alarmed by the symptoms of choking. Now there was an old fellow, much famed for discerning, In a hole of the dunghill was Dr. Drake's shop, So taking a handful of comical things, And brushing his topple and pluming his wings, "Dear sir," said the duck, with a delicate quack, "I feel so distended with wind, and opprest, "Give me leave," said the doctor, with medical look, |