long in the Family: fo I heartily wish you could get me a Place either at the Squire's, or fome other neighbouring Gentleman's, unless it be true that you are going to be married to Parfon Williams, as Foiks talk, and then I fhould be very willing to be his Clerk: for which you know I am qualified, being able to read, and to fet a Pfalm.

I fancy I fhall be difcharged very foon; and the Moment I am, unless I hear from you, I shall return to my old Mafter's Country-Seat, if it be only to fee Parfon Adams, who is the beft Man in the World. London is a bad Place, and there is fo little good Fellowship, that the next-door Neighbours don't know one another. Pray give my Service to allFriends that enquire for me; fo I reft

Your Loving Brother,

JOSEPH ANDREWS.

As foon as Jofeph had fealed and directed this Letter he walked down Stairs, where he met Mrs. Slipflop, with whom we shall take this Opportunity to bring the Reader a little better acquainted. She was a maiden Gentlewoman of about Forty-five Years of Age, who having made a small Slip in her Youth, had continued a good Maid ever fince. She was not at this Time remarkably handfome; being very short, and rather too corpulent in Body, and somewhat red, with the Addition of Pimples in the Face. Her Nose was likewife rather too large, and her Eyes too little; nor did she resemble a Cow fo much in her Breath, as in two brown Globes which fhe carried before her; one of her Legs was alfo a little shorter than the other, which occafioned her

to

to limp as the walked. This fair Creature had long caft the Eyes of Affection on Jofeph, in which fhe had not met with quite fo good Succefs as the probably wifhed, tho' befides the Allurements of her native Charms, fhe had given him Tea, Sweetmeats, Wine, and many other Delicacies, of which, by keeping the Keys, she had the abfolute Command. Jofeph however, had not returned the leaft Gratitude to all these Favours, not even fo much as a Kifs; tho' I would not infinu- . ate fhe was fo eafily to be fatisfied: for furely then he would have been highly blameable. The truth is, fhe was arrived at an Age when she thought she might indulge herself in any Liberties with a Man, without the Danger of bringing a third Perfon into the World to betray them. She imagined, that by fo long a Self-denial, fhe had not only made amends for the fmall Slip of her Youth above hinted at: but had likewife laid up a Quantity of Merit to excufe any future Failings. In a word, fhe refolved to give a loose to her amorous Inclinations, and to pay off the Debt of Pleasure which The found the owed herself, as faft as poffible.

With thefe Charms of Perfon, and in this Difpofition of Mind, fhe encountred poor Jofeph at the Bottom of the Stairs, and afked him if he would drink a Glafs of fomething good this Morning. Jofeph, whofe Spirits were not a little caft down, very readily and thankfully accepted the Offer; and together they went into a Closet, where having delivered him a full Glafs of Ratifia, and defired him to fit down, Mrs. Slipflop thus began:

Sure nothing can be a more fimple Contract in a Woman, than to place her Affections on a Boy. If I had ever thought it would have been

vours

my Fate, I fhould have wifhed to die a thou• fand Deaths rather than live to fee that Day. If we like a Man, the lightest Hint sophisticates. Whereas a Boy propofes upon us to break through all the Regulations of Modefty, before we can make any Oppreffion upon him.' Jofeph, who did not understand a Word fhe faid, answered, • Yes Madam ;-Yes Madam!' replied Mrs. Slipflop with fome Warmth, Do you intend to refult my Paffion? Is it not enough, ungrateful as you are, to make no Return to all the FaI have done you: but you must treat me with Ironing? Barbarous Monster! how have • I deferved that my Paffion should be resulted and treated with Ironing?' Madam,' answered Jofeph, • I don't understand your hard Words: but I am certain, you have no Occasion to call 'me ungrateful: for fo far from intending you any Wrong, I have always loved you as well as if you had been my own Mother.' How, Sirrah!" fays Mrs. Slipflop in a Rage: Your own Mother? Do you affinuate that I am old enough to ⚫ be your Mother? I don't know what a Stripling may think: but I believe a Man would refer me to any Green-Sicknefs filly Girl whatfomdever: but I ought to defpife you rather than be angry with you, for referring the Converfation of Girls to that of a Woman of Senfe.". Madam,' fays Jofeph, I am fure I have always valued the Honour you did me by your Conver'fation; for I know you are a Woman of Learn⚫ing.' • Yes but, Jofeph,' faid fhe, a little foftened by the Compliment to her Learning, If 6 you had a Value for me, you certainly would have found fome Method of fhewing it me; for I am convicted you must fee the Value I have for

! you.

you. Yes, Jofeph, my Eyes, whether I would or no, must have declared a Paffion I cannot conquer.-Oh! Jofeph!

As when a hungry Tigrefs, who long has traverfed the Woods in fruitless Search, fees within the Reach of her Claws a Lamb, the prepares to leap on her Prey; or as a voracious Pike, of immense Size, furveys through the liquid Element a Roach or Gudgeon, which cannot escape her Jaws, opens them wide to swallow the little Fish; fo did Mrs. Slipflop prepare to lay her violent amorous Hands on the poor Jofeph, when luckily her Mistress's Bell rung, and delivered the intended Martyr from her Clutches. She was obliged to leave him abruptly, and to defer the Execution of her Purpose till fome other Time. We fhall therefore return to the Lady Booby, and give our Reader fome Account of her Behaviour, after she was left by Jofeph in a Temper of Mind not greatly different from that of the inflamed Slipflop.

Sayings of wife Men. A Dialogue between the Lady and her Maid; and a Panegyric, or rather Satire on the Paffion of Love, in the fublime Style.

IT

is the Obfervation of fome ancient Sage, whofe Name I have forgot, that Paffions operate differently on the human Mind, as Difeafes on the Body, in proportion to the Strength or Weakness, Soundness or Rottennefs of the one and the other.

We hope therefore a judicious Reader will give

himself

himself some Pains to obferve, what we have fo greatly laboured to defcribe, the different Operations of this Paffion of Love, in the gentle and cultivated Mind of the Lady Booby, from those which it effected in the lefs polifhed and coarser Difpofition of Mrs. Slipflop.

Another Philofopher, whofe Name alfo at prefent escapes my Memory, hath fomewhere said, that Refolutions taken in the Abfence of the beloved Object are very apt to vanish in its Presence; on both which wife Sayings the following Chapferve as a Comment.

ter may

No fooner had Jofeph left the Room in the Manner we had before related, than the Lady, enraged at her Disappointment, began to reflect with Severity on her Conduct. Her Love was now changed to Difdain, which Pride affifted to torment her. She defpifed herself for the Meannefs of her Paffion, and Jofeph for its ill Success. However, fhe had now got the better of it in her own Opinion, and determined immediately to difmifs the Object. After much toffing and turning in her Bed, and many Soliloquies, which, if we had no better Matter for our Reader, we would give him; fhe at laft rung the Bell as above-mentioned, and was presently attended by Mrs. Slipflop, who was not much better pleased with Jofeph than the Lady herself.

Slipflop, faid Lady Booby, when did you fee Jofeph? The poor Woman was fo furprized at the unexpected Sound of his Name, at fo critical a time, that she had the greateft Difficulty to conceal the Confufion fhe was under, from her Miftrefs; whom the answered, nevertheless, with pretty good Confidence, though not entirely void of Fear of Sufpicion, that she had not seen him