ment; but alas! Honour and Religion soon bade him sever the bond which he wished to be eternal.

He had declared his purpose of again offering himself to the acceptance of the lady who had first shared his love-had promised to meet her in the autumn in New York; and yet in ignorance of her views, had rashly given his heart to another.*

"Into what," he exclaimed in August, 1818, "an ocean of perplexities and sorrow have I precipitated myself and 'friends, by taking a few steps in 1816, without asking 'counsel of the Lord or depending on His guidance. I wish 'to forget myself, and to have my C. forget me also."

From Boston, in September, he wrote: "I sometimes almost wish that I might sink out of existence, and va'nish from the memory of all my friends and the world ' at once and forever. "Tis presumptuous! But what can I 'do? If I live, I fear I shall only widen the breach I have 'already occasioned in the happiness of my friends, and sully 'the character of my God's Religion.-I know not with what 'emotions I shall meet you-or what will be the result of 'that meeting-there is a bottom to this tempestuous ocean, 'where we so often sink below our depth; and God knows, though we may not, where that bottom is. Before me all ist 'dark as the abysses of night, except when Faith catches a 'gleam from the throne of Him who spake the promises."

6

He recognized the sacredness of his early professions, and determined, whatever might be the consequence, to vindicate their sincerity, their truth, and their honour.

His marriage to Miss C. D. Gray, took place in N. York, on the 7th of October, 1818.

Having spent a short time in New York, and visited Philadelphia to solicit funds for the Maine Seminary, it was concluded that Mrs. Ashmun should occupy, for a few months,

-" for love is a flattering mischief, that hath denied aged and wise men a foresight of those evils that too often prove to be the children of that blind father, a passion that carries us to commit errors with as much ease as whirlwinds remove feathers"IZAAK WALTON's Life of Donne.

her former situation in North Carolina, while he discharged the duties of his Professorship at Hampden. But vague and injurious rumors preceded him on his return, and the event of his marriage was found to have alienated his friends and irritated many who stood ready to take up weapons against him. Slander was busy, suspicion was afloat, and his conduct the common topic for remark and censure throughout a large portion of the country. "I have lost my influence, he ' observed, and blotted my character as a Christian in public ' opinion throughout all the Eastern States." The students of the Seminary sought to be excused from attending his Lectures; the confidence of the Trustees in his character,* was, to some extent, weakened, and all his prospects of usefulness blighted. "The Foreign Missionary Society," he remarks, "I am certain, would not at present, admit me into 'their service, should I apply to it. No Society which I 'know, would at present, employ me to preach." Thus cast out from the good opinion of a community so deeply indebted to his labours, he resigned his situation Apri! 7th, 1819, and embarked for the South with no treasure but a lofty mind-no guide but Him who often leads his servants through dark and unknown ways to the honours of His kingdom.

We attempt not to justify, or even excuse Ashmun, for conduct which injured both himself and others, and which excited in his own mind repentance not less painful than sincere. But his sin was rather against prudence than integrity. It sprang from morbid sensibility and an undisciplined judgment, not from the calculations of a hypocritical, or the baseness of a selfish and malicious soul. Young, rash, selfconfident, enthusiastic, a passionate admirer of the graces of the female character, he forgot the precepts of wisdom, and while plunging darkly into a perilous abyss, trusted for safety rather to some remarkable interposition, than to the usual and settled order of Providence.

* See Appendix 2.

CHAPTER III.

ON the 5th of April, 1819, Mr. Ashmun was engaged in preparations for his final departure from Maine. His Journal of this date, shows how deeply and painfully he realized the circumstances connected with this event. He describes himself as "unusually depressed; as undecided and irresolute; 'as without any earthly friend near him; as having no 'definite scheme of future labours or settled prospect be'fore him, to fix his attention and direct his efforts; finally, 'as weak in faith and disinclined to the duty of prayer, and as 'having by the neglect of this duty, greatly multiplied, and 'foolishly retained his burdens."

In the afternoon of the 5th, he left Hampden; and on the 6th of April, arrived at Bucksport; 'from which place, on the 9th, he took passage for New York. The following extracts from his Journal, of the 6th, 7th, and 8th of that month, develope his thoughts and feelings at this time:

"April 6th.-Reading Mather to-day, I was deeply im'pressed with the subject of the first chapter, which is the im

portance of living like dying men continually. The next, ' rekindled in my breast a desire to make God's glory my su'preme pursuit in life. I saw and felt the importance of im'mediately reforming in relation to two besetting sins. I am

sorely borne down occasionally, but derive some support from 'the Throne of God. In reading Colonel Gardiner's Life 'lately, I found good desires and good resolutions considerably strengthened in my mind."

เ

"April 7th. This evening I was invited out to tea with 'Mr. and Mrs. B. and a few of the villagers. I found my pa'tience and humility severely tried by the coolness and pointed neglect or dislike with which I was treated. May I submit 'myself under the mighty hand of God, and be silent. Why 'should a living man complain-a man for the punishment 'of his sins? I know I deserve it from God, and if all my 'guilt were known, should also from my fellow-men."

"April 8th.-I spent the day very agreeably and profitably 'with the Rev. Mr. B. Reading Witsius on Election, Ef'fectual Calling and Faith-Poole on Revelation-Recorder '-several articles in Jeremy Taylor's Casuistry—and Dr. Lynn and Colonel Dunham's Eulogies on Washington; I 'sadly neglected to cultivate intercourse and communion with God, and wanted the comforts of His spirit."

The weather during the earliest days of the voyage, was rough; yet, Mr. Ashmun, while amid winds and waves which at one time threatened the destruction of the vessel, and much afflicted with sea-sickness, found time for reflection, and to record the following observations :

"I know not that I have gained much as a Theologian, or ' a Christian. 'Tis wrong to live so unprofitably. I am relieved that I have left my connexions in Maine; almost every ' object there, brings a painful association. Still I feel con'cerned at the uncertainty of my future condition in life. I go forth, I hardly know where, or to what work, with a des'ponding mind, and a bleeding character. I fear, I shall for

'the first reason, be unable to act to much effect; and for the 'second, be unfit for usefulness in the Church of God., Still 'I have not ceased to hope in the arm of the Lord of hosts."

Alluding to the severe sickness, which confined him for one whole day to his birth, he exclaims: "Ah! what was 'life to me now! I found for some reason which I have not 'yet scrutinized, that during my sickness, my conscience 'wrought more powerfully than is customary, and my whole 'past life seemed in duration a dream--and the world a mere 'show-box of vanities. I was in agony, that amidst so many 'enormous sins, I had done so little in obedience to God, or in the service of the Redeemer. O! how unprepared to die! 'I greatly needed supports which I did not possess. That 'greatest of all temporal afflictions, beset me during my suf'ferings with overpowering severity. I ought to have learnt, 'that if we watch not, to keep the word of our Saviour's pa'tience in seasons of health and exemption from trials, He 'will leave us to burn alone in the midst of the furnace.Though not in despair, perhaps on account of my presump'tion and stupidity; yet, during months past, I have been 'much in doubt of my good estate, and am now far from the 'possession of a comfortable evidence. And did I ever need 'it more?

"To what am I to attribute so serious a calamity, as a state ' of uncertainty, relative to my eternal well-being?

"First, and chiefly. To my neglect of prayer, meditation, 'self-examination, and the reading of the Scriptures. Under 'the general term neglect, I include remissness in the above 'named duties.

"Secondly. To my unsteady mode of life, which has in 'part, caused those neglects since September last.

"Thirdly. To the slight attention bestowed on other and relative duties.

"Fourthly. To the commission of sins of uncommon, if not of unprecedented heinousness.