A Corner in Women, and Other Follies

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Moffat, Yard, 1905 - American wit and humor - 332 pages

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Page 38 - It is the evidence of things unseen, the substance of things hoped for, and it always turns out the opposite from what you expected.
Page 32 - OLD Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard, To get her poor dog a bone: But when she got there The cupboard was bare, And so the poor dog had none.
Page 141 - Gracious ! I don't want to be one, pa, and I want you to help me. Will you tell me about geography?" "Of course, my dear boy. Just ask me what you want to know." "Well, pa, where is New York?" "It's situated on the first floor of the Waldorf-Astoria." "What's that? A country?" "No, it's a caravanserai." "Oh, my, what a word ! What is a caravanserai?
Page 141 - It's a small hamlet, located at the foot of Wall Street." "Why, I thought it was a glorious capital." "Yes, every four years — on inauguration day — it's the most glorious capital in the world. On other days it is what I have said." "How nice to know that. Now, pa, what part of the world is the United States in ?" "It is in that part, my son, known as the Rockefeller belt, which extends from latitude 32 north to 32 south. "Is it very far from Boston ?" "What? The United States?
Page 142 - Is it very far from Boston ?" "What? The United States?" "Yes." "Oh, no! It's just south of Boston. Boston people often visit the United States — when they come to New York." "And how about Chicago, pa? That's a place I have heard of." "Yes, my boy, everyone has heard of Chicago, except the people who live in St. Louis. Chicago occupies the rest of the country." "How is that?" "I will explain. Tammany Hall, the Waldorf, Wall Street and the Standard Oil, together with Mr. Carnegie's house, occupy...
Page 77 - You pay him to come and tell you there is no danger, and if he thinks there is, you drop him and move up one. You began at the foot of the class, and now you rush off and consult a specialist. A Specialist is a man who lives in town, either on the first floor of a smart apartment house, or in a home of his own. When he lives in an apartment house you pay him fifteen dollars to shake hands with him, but when he lives in his own home you place a first mortgage on all the property in your wife's name.
Page 142 - A State is a large piece of wooded and cleared land, almost entirely covered by mortgages and owned by politicians." "And what is a country?" "Oh, any place where an Irishman or a Jew hails from.
Page 232 - ... Hard and Firm. It has Sugar sprinkled over it. It is full of Hard Green Apples, half cooked. Here comes a Man. Will the Man eat the Pie ? He is a thin, Nervous Man, and Does not weigh more than Ninety pounds. His Face is Hard and Drawn. Yes, We are sure He will eat the Pie. THE TEMPERANCE REFORMER.
Page 140 - Well, I haven't got my geography lesson right, and the teacher says I should study it more at home." "Your teacher is right. You musn't be an ignoramus, my boy, no matter what else you are." "What is an ignoramus ?" "Oh, anyone who doesn't know his lesson. A doctor may be an ignoramus, or a member of the Senate, or even an expert in a popular murder case.
Page 37 - Operators are divided into two classes — bulls and bears. When you first go into the Street you are a bull. After you have been there a little while you are a bear. Then you become a looker-on. A looker-on is anyone who has seen better days. A margin is the money you put up when you first go into the Street. Increasing your margin is what you do after you have bought any stock. "Going short...

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