talking. Some years ago, while conversing with a | couple of British officers at Vancouver, he dilated largely and eloquently on the changes he had witnessed since he came to Oregon. One of the officers, thinking he saw something rather green, asked him, with affected seriousness, whether he had seen any changes in Nature itself-whether the rivers had deflected from their accustomed channels, or the mountains had changed their configuration? The Colonel saw that the officer had mistaken him, and resolved to follow the sage advice of answering a fool according to his folly. 'Oh certainly, Sir,' said the Colonel. 'You see that mountain!' pointing to Mount Hood, whose snow-clad summit, some fourteen thousand feet above sea level, stood only some sixty miles distant. The officer replied that he did. 'Well,' resumed the Colonel, 'when I first came to Oregon Mount Hood was nothing but a hole in the ground! "COLONEL MEEK, like every one of the earliest pioneers, was obliged to choose his helpmeet from among the dusky maidens of the forest. During the early settlement of the Territory the Cayuse Indians were quite menacing in their demonstrations of hostility to the little band of pioneers-so much so indeed, that at a meeting of the settlers assembled to consult the means of safety, it was resolved to send two of their number across the mountains, to implore aid from the parent government. Colonel Meek and Squire Eberts were appointed, and they accordingly set out for Washington, across the mountains and the deserts, and in due time reached their destination. While there the Colonel was invited to a levee given by some one of the notables of the Administration. During the evening the Colonel was introduced to a fascinating lady, who, naturally enough, made inquiries about Oregon, the hostile Indians, etc., etc., which gave him a great chance to indulge in his favorite spread-eagle style, which he did to the best of his ability. During the conversation the lady inquired if he had a wife; to which he replied affirmatively. "Why,' said the lady, 'I should think she would be so afraid of the Indians!' 'My wife afraid of the Indians!' exclaimed the Colonel. " Why, madam, she is herself a squaw!" "YOUR-no, our-Drawer, a few months since, contained an anecdote of Judge Williams, of Iowa. The Judge, like a good many other old Iowan politicians, 'crossed the plains' and settled in Oregon. During our Territorial pupilage he worthily served us as Chief Justice. Just before the State was admitted, at the last sitting of the Court in Portland, after the last case on the docket had been disposed of, and there was nothing to do but adjourn, a loquacious member of the bar suggested to his associates that it was incumbent on them to return thanks to the Court for its services, and professed himself willing to act as spokesman. Accordingly, just prior to adjournment, he took the floor,' and held it quite a while too, pouring out his adulations to the Court until he had thought of every thing he could say; when, after suggesting to the Court the fact that if it had any remarks to offer the bar would be pleased to hear them, to the great relief of all he took his seat. The Court arose to its feet, seized its hat in its hand, and with a comical smile said, in effect, 'Gentlemen, the remarks which I am assured the bar would be most pleased to hear would be an invitation to the nearest grocery to take a drink. Come on, boys!' The Judge led the way, the profession followed close at his heels, and the loquacious lawyer scarcely recovered his equilibrium in time to bring up the rear." IN the county of Anderson, in the good old State of Kentucky, lived a very eccentric old man by the name of Nicholas Leathers, known far and wide as "Old Nick Leathers." Having some land business, which called him to Frankfort in the dead of winter, he went to the house of the Secretary of State, who happened not to be in just then. The wife of the Secretary undertook to entertain him in the interval, and being a devoted Episcopalian and greatly interested in the distribution of tracts, she asked him about the religious condition of the people of his neighborhood, whether they were supplied with tracts, etc. "Oh, yes, Madam, hog tracks, coon tracks, deer tracks, all sorts of tracks; I expect my boys are tracking rabbits now." The peculiar voice and earnest rough manner of the old man contrasted with the refinement of the lady, imparted a flavor to the blunder which greatly amused her, and without wasting more time on her guest she made tracks from the room. BOURBON County, Kentucky, has a Paris in it, and Paris has a famous hotel, of which old Mr. Talbott is mine host. During the French Revolution in 1848, an intelligent stock-dealer from Mason County went to Bourbon in pursuit of his calling, and staid all night with a farmer living within a few miles of Paris, the county-seat. During the evening the trader and farmer talked freely of weather, crops, stock, etc.; but those themes were exhausted, and a pause ensued, which was broken by the tradcr's remarking that there was dreadful news from Paris. "You don't say so! What in thunder is it?" inquired the astonished farmer. “Why,” said the trader, "there has been war and bloodshed; the people of Paris have risen and driven the Bourbons off the throne." The thunder-struck farmer replied, "Well, that is just what I expected; and I will bet a horse that old Charley Talbott is at the head of it!" I'm a short word, 'tis true, but I waddle about In a rustic school, just outside of the town of Shakopee, which I happened to visit, I found inscribed upon the fly-leaf of a school-book the following, which illustrates, if nothing more, the pedigree Americans are most desirous of perpetuating and tracing out. The book was presented by the father of the child, who was, probably, by virtue of Revolutionary services, the recipient of a tract of land in the district. "Richard, William Henry, and Rebekah are the chil dren of William H. Thompson; the grand-children of Jo- | court-house was a fire-engine house, to which was seph Thompson, a man, while living, whose honesty, hu- attached a bell, which in tone resembled the townmanity, piety, humility, and liberality were proverbial; clock very much. Just after dark a fire broke out the great grand-children of William Thompson, a Revolutionary patriot; the great great grand-children of Rich-in town, and the fire - bell began to ring, which ard Thompson; the great great great grand-children of aroused him from his slumbers. Supposing it to be William Thompson; the great great great great grand- the town-clock striking, and being desirous of knowchildren of Richard Thompson.' ing the time of night, he commenced counting. He was heard counting nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, and stopping, said to himself, "Well, I declare, it's later than I ever knew it before!" "Upon another white leaf was the following: companied by two brothers, John and Joseph. One of their descendants Secretary of the first Congress. All patriots in the war of the Revolution."" "One night, as my vessel lay in the river (Rumney Creek), I came down to it in a skiff later than usual-ten or eleven at night-and saw a bright light aboard. Rather late for cooking, I thought (only the cook and one of the hands had been left on board); there's some mischief up. It happened that the scow had been left lying under the stern; so rowing up carefully, I soon fastened the skiff to the scow and crept into the vessel through the cabin window, thinking to frighten them a little. On listening I found that the precious pair of negroes had been out on a foraging excursion, stolen a fat goose, which they had cooked and basted well, and were now on the tip-toe of expectation, jubilant as only a darkey, with the savor of roast goose in his nostrils, can be. Feeling happy, they were of course very polite to each other; for your true well-bred African does love dignity. "Mr. Casey, am de table set?' "Yas, Mr. Thompson; bring on de goose--all ready.' "Goose brought on. Then C. went up for the gravy, and requested T. to go and get the pepper. The table was set in the cabin, where I had been lying unobserved, and now seeing my opportunity, I seized and instantly secreted the goose and myself. Old Noah Webster hasn't the word in his Dictionary that would adequately express the surprise, horror, and consternation of Mr. Thompson and Mr. Casey as they re-entered, sat down at the table, and simul THE following is an exact copy of a written "Notus," posted by the author, in a Western dis-taneously reached out a fork for the bird, at sight trict of our enlightened country: "the under assigner having quit the practice of medison takes this methud too inform thee peeople that tha nede not cum nur send fur him onteel tha se his cuard "ONE of our citizens," says a correspondent in a Southern State, "had the chills and fever, and was of a temperament ill able to bear the shakes. A physician was called in, who prescribed a tonic. The sick man wished to follow instructions implicit ly, and fearing something wrong, wrote to the druggist who put up the prescription, and made the following inquiry: "How long am I to wait before I take the medicine? The doctor told me to "shake well before taking it :" and I have been waiting all day to shake, and not much sign yet!" NEAR the town of F, in Kentucky, there lives a man by the name of Watson, who is in the habit of indulging too freely in the use of "old Bourbon," and on a certain occasion being too drunk to "navigate," he was taken into the court-house yard, where he lay sleeping till after dark. The court-house had a town-clock on it, and at a short distance from the and realization of the dread vacancy where, but a moment before, had steamed a hot roast goose. The white orbs were fearfully dilated. "Where goose? goose was here when I went for de gravy!' "De goose here when I go for de pepper!' "The voices now had a thrilling tone of superstitious horror, and the eyes glared around the cabin as if in fear of meeting the dread presence. "I told you no good eber come o' stealin'; now de debbil's aboard o' dis boat, sure!' "Their eyes met, and each realized the dreadful fact. Beelzebub was fond of roast goose, he might like negro better-particularly the stealing kind; and both at once rushed up on deck, then plunged overboard, where the scow did lie, and my voice calling after them only added speed to their 'striking out' for shore. Probably they didn't steal again, but I had to hire two new hands." "As the Drawer has embalmed some of the memories of Kentucky's great Commoner, it may not be amiss to commit to such good care an incident of the immortal statesman, as told by Thomas II. Marshall, whose wit was as keen as the blades of Toledo. "There was an important suit before the Court of Appeals. Clay was counsel upon one side, and Mar- | with Jerry is very limited, else I might fill the shall upon the other. Marshall spoke first, and at- Drawer with anecdotes of him, for an odd fish he is. tacked with all his energy the positions he supposed An unflinching Democrat, he is proud of his alClay would assume. 'You can barely imagine,' legiance, don't bother himself about Squatter Sovsaid he, my intense mortification when Clay con-ereignty or Congressional intervention, but votes for cluded a splendid speech, without even alluding to any thing I had said.' "IN that county of Kentucky where the rats spoiled some of the finest sheets of Audubon's portfolio, there once lived an eccentric individual named Hooker, who was blind in one eye. Hooker was residing with a friend; and one morning, while the woman of the house was getting breakfast ready, Hooker was sitting at one side of the fire-place, with a fishing-line and hook baited, angling for a rat in a hole in the hearth. The rat caught at the bait, and Hooker jerked sufficiently hard to bring the rat out and land him in the skillet frying the meat upon the coals before the fire. The fall was so sudden that the grease flew in various directions, and, among others, a small quantity into the sound eye of Hook er. "There!' said he, I'm blind now! If it had only been my other eye I would not have cared a snap! Oh, I wish I could die! Yes, I'll give BOOT to die!" A WASHINGTON correspondent, from whom we expect good things, writes: "We had a very exciting night session in the House of Representatives the night before last. At three o'clock in the morning the Sergeant-at-Arms was sent out for absentees. Among other calls he went to the room of an Hon. Member who boards, as many others do, at the National Hotel. Thundering at the door, he awoke the legislator, and announced his errand. Not liking to be disturbed, the Hon. Gentleman gruffly and briefly directed the official to journey to a place quite too warm for a summer residence. Returning to the House the Sergeant-at-Arms made his report thus: "Mr. Speaker, I summoned Mr. told me to go to hell; and I have come-' "Here he was interrupted by a shout of laughter which prevented the completion of his sentence, and left us in doubt whether the Member or the officer had most affronted the dignity of the House." and he the nominee of his party, hit or miss. The time was when a citizen of Ohio could vote for President any where in the State by swearing that he had neither voted nor would vote at any other poll. At some Presidential election Jerry found himself at Cincinnati, a hundred miles from 'Twin,' having come down the river in a flat-boat. It wouldn't do to lose his vote; so he went up to the polls, and, after being sworn, one of the Justices asked him, 'Are you a native-born or a naturalized citizen?' This was beyond Jerry's comprehension, for he knew more of hoop-poles and tan-bark than he did of the dictionary. With a puzzled countenance he turned to a friend who had accompanied him: 'Which is it, Puntney? I was born on Twin.'" "Nor many months ago, in a quiet neighborhood of one of our Eastern counties, a rumor came that a man had been found dead in the woods. On repairing to the locality designated we found some fifteen or twenty men assembled near the corpse, and awaiting the arrival of the magistrate of the beat, one Squire B, who was 'ex-officio' coroner. "Pretty soon his Honor' made his appearance, mounted upon a raw-boned Rosinante. The horse and his rider were in perfect keeping, however; and the long legs, lank form, and lantern jaws of the latter, combined with the cadaverous appearance of the former, presented a tout ensemble strikingly picturesque. Now the worthy Squire had a strong partiality for old rye: and on the occasion in question he carried behind him a pair of leathern saddle-bags, open at top, from one side of which was visible a corner of the New Code of Mississippi,' and from the other, by way of equilibrium, protruded the blue neck of a gallon jug. "Having dismounted and hitched his 'nag' to a sapling, he seated himself at the foot of a tree and called for the 'law.' A son of his, the very miniature of 'pap,' instantly handed him the jug, from which he took a long pull of the article known in the Southwest as rifle whisky; after which he proceeded to freshen his memory with regard to the duties of coroner, as laid down in the Revised Code. "In the mean while the body had been dragged up from the ditch in which it was found, and the natives were quietly seated around it. The Squire, having examined. the 'law' apparently to his satisfaction, named certain of the persons present to act as a jury, and having asked a few questions, told them they might make up thar verdic.' PROFESSOR B is a matter-of-fact man, whose grave aspect is generally considered proof against the assaults of the most inveterate joker. He is a man of exemplary piety; and while occupying a professorial chair in college, as he did for many years with distinguished ability, his voice was often heard in the morning exercises of the chapel. It happened, during this period, that a great Revivalist held a "protracted meeting" in the place. One evening, while passing through the aisle, and questioning those who appeared to be interested, as was his custom, his attention was attracted by Professor B, who seemed to be regarding him earnestly, and he at once approached him with the question, "Sir, are you a professor ?" The sharp gaze of the reverend gentleman was returned with a glance of equal penetration, mixed with no little surprise at the assurance of the inquisitor; and, after a momentary hesitation, "Yes, Sir," said he; "Professity. or of Mathematics and Civil Engineering in the University of this city." "You don't know Jerry Cooper, born and bred upon Twin Creek, Ohio? My own acquaintance "From what had been said it was apparent that the man had died from the immoderate use of strychnine whisky, and they all agreed upon this being the tenor of their 'verdic;' but when they came to expressing it upon paper, they had the greatest difficulty in doing so to their satisfaction, but they finally succeeded in producing the following: "We the gury sumunsed to set on the boddy of a unknown ded man, do find him to be Jim Beers. We are also of a pinon decesd cum to his deth by his own im oralSigned' etc., etc." THERE is a world of good counsel to parents in the thrilling incidents below, for which we are indebted to an excellent lady: "About half a century ago Mrs. Manvers lived in a small country town in one of the Northern | write they were both alive and opposing candidates States. "She had several small children, and lived in a large three-story house. There was a scuttle-door in the roof of the house, with a convenient stairway leading to it, and this door was often left open in pleasant weather. "Mrs. Manvers had a good old neighbor living opposite, or nearly opposite, in just such a position, however, as to command a good view of Mrs. Manvers's garret windows. "One beautiful summer afternoon, as Mrs. Manvers was seated in the large cool hall rocking her babe to sleep, neighbor Green came running in out of breath and pale with affright: 'Oh, Mrs. Manvers! your Willie and Geordie are a-teetering out o' the garret window! they have put out a long board and one is on the outside and t'other "Mrs. Manvers waited to hear no more, but made her way as best she could up those long, long stairs, and putting on an appearance of calmness as she entered the garret, said, 'Sit still, Geordie; I only want Willie.' And taking hold of the end of the board where Geordie was sitting, 'Come in, Willie; mother wants you, now.' "What she did with the boys when she had them safe, I won't say; but she was an excellent woman, and whatever she did was right. "It might have been two or three years afterward, the same Mrs. Green made her appearance at Mrs. Manvers's door in pretty much the same way, only with a face rather more terror-stricken: "The Lord have mercy upon us, Miss Manvers! little Annie (who, by-the-way, was a special favorite with the good neighbor), your little Annie is walking on top of the house; I saw her just now walk out to the end, lean her hand against the chimney and look over!' Merciful God, preserve my child!' said Mrs. Manvers. "What shall we do? what shall we do, Mrs. Manvers ?' for a circuit judgeship. This was before men had learned to bring politics into a canvass for a judicial office, and our candidates were forced to resort to wit, repartee, anecdote, and pun, in order to show themselves off before the sovereigns. But they were both masters. It so happened that a great mass-meeting was held in one of the river counties of their district, at which both our candidates were present and addressed the people. But before the hour of speaking arrived T-, who was one of the finest looking men of the State, moving among the masses, met a jolly, independent voter named Miller, who seized his hand and accosted him thus: : "And this is Pat T-! Well, Pat, I am glad to see you; and Intend to vote for you." T replied, "I am happy to hear you say so, Mr. Miller. Being a candidate, of course I desire to be elected, and I shall need the vote of every friend I have." "Well, Pat," said Miller, "you may depend on my vote. You are a large, portly, good-looking man, like myself, and I like to see such men in office-especially on the bench." "Oh!" said, "if that is your only reason perhaps you had better not make up your mind till you see Mr. D and hear us speak, for you may regret it." Miller answered, "No-I won't regret it. I am told D is a little, shriveled up, weazen-faced fellow, not strong enough to carry a pumpkin on his shoulders, and I'll never vote for such a man. I'm determined to vote for you." Treplied, "It is true Mr. Dis not very large, nor very good-looking; but he is an able lawyer and an estimable gentleman; and I shall deem it an honor to be beaten by him, and a victory worth boasting of to beat him. But I will not electioneer for him. I shall need your vote and will thank you for it, whatever may be the cause of your support. But Mr. Dis speaking; let us hear him." "Mrs. Manvers stepped to the door where the D occupied his hour in his usual felicitous child could hear without seeing her and called as manner, electrifying the crowd with his eloquence nearly in her usual voice as she could, and convulsing it with his wit. T's reply was "Annie, come in now, dear! Mother wants equally happy, and closed with a spirited report of you.' his conversation with Miller, which brought down "You could almost see the throbbing of her heart the crowd in thunders of applause. As soon as the as she listened. uproar ceased D-sprung to his feet, and asked "Ha, the little feet come pattering down, and T for an introduction to his friend Miller. The now the child stands by her side. "Thank God!' "Thank God!' echoed Mrs. Green, and don't let's be too hard upon the dear child, Miss Manvers.' "I don't recollect whether Annie was very severely punished for her temerity, but I do know that she never ventured to take walks upon the top of the house again. "These facts I can vouch for, as the little Annie of fifty years ago now occupies the same chair and writes with the same hand that I do." SELDOM has any thing livelier than this (from a new contributor) found its way to the Drawer: Pat T and Jim D. —were both distinguished lawyers and favorite orators of the Gourd State. Alas! they are both now defunct-one having been taken off by death, and the other by a dispensation of the General Government making him Chief Justice of New Mexico. But at the time of which I latter being on the stand arose to receive the introduction, when D took his hand, and in his blandest and gravest tones addressed him thus: "Mr. Miller, I owe you ten thousand thanks. You have relieved my mind of a weight that has been oppressing me all my life. When I was a school-boy the teacher told me I had a pumpkin head, and I have been laboring under that impression from that day till this. You are the first man to lift it from my soul, and I most sincerely thank you. But now, Sir, let me ask you-as a man, as a citizen of this great State, as a sovereign of this glorious republic, which would you rather vote for, a little, shriveled up, weazen-faced fellow like me, who is not able to carry a pumpkin on his shoulders, or a great big booby like my friend Pat there, who never carried any thing else?" The effect may be imagined, it can not be described; and I will only add that, if the story itself raised a thunder-storm, the retort created a perfect earthquake. |