"General, I hunderstand you 'ave the letting hov the contract for 'eating the State 'Ouse, and I desire to get the job.'

heating the building. Almost the first applicant, | sided in one of the principal towns a certain Judge, after it was known, was an old gentleman, a thor- celebrated for his hospitality and generous mode of ough-bred Englisher, who addressed the General, living; but, like many others in those early days, while he was somewhat busily engaged with some he suffered his expenses to exceed his income-conarchitects, as follows: sequently he was always in debt, and constantly annoyed by dunning tradesmen and mechanics. He at last got so accustomed to being dunned that he paid little attention to it, his only aim being to rid himself, for the time being, of his troublesome duns by promising payment to-morrow or next week. Among his creditors was an eccentric and plainspoken shoe and boot maker-a man who feared no one, and made himself familiar with all, generally

66

The General (pointing to the building) answered, blandly, as follows: There is what is done, and you can eat just as much as you want of it.'

The old gentleman never began the job."

AN excellent clergyman in one of the Southern calling people by their Christian names. The Judge States, writing to the Drawer, says:

had run up a long account with this worthy cord

"We have a genuine, live edition of Mrs. Part-wainer, and, although of long standing, the only ington, a member of my church. This good sister makes very large pretensions to literary taste, which alone renders her blunders exceedingly amusing. Speaking of good omens and evil omens, she remarked, one evening:

"Well, I don't believe in omers, but I had an omer the other evening. A little bird floone into the room, and floone up agin the winder pane, and wounded its pericardium, as the doctors say!'

payments made were in the shape of promises. Becoming impatient at the delay, he resolved to try a bold experiment. Learning that the Judge had one day invited a large party of gentlemen to dinner, he waited until near the dinner-hour, when he repaired to the mansion of his debtor. He was met at the door by a servant, who informed him that the Judge had company, and could not be seen; he replied that he knew there was company, but that his business with the Judge was so very urgent that he must see

"Giving a friend of mine some consolation in his sickness, she said, 'Well, try and submit; and re-him immediately. The servant reluctantly called member that the children of Israel all had to go through the fiery furnace.'

the Judge, who met the shoemaker in the hall. The latter then told him that his account had been long "Speaking of the motives which prompted one of standing unsettled, and having no money to pay for our citizens to do something, she remarked, 'Well, his boarding, he had concluded to come and board I reckon he wanted to get a little more of the "un-out the account, as he supposed this would be as righteous mammoth!'" convenient a way for the Judge to pay as any other; and as he intended to commence immediately, he re"A MAN named Bosturch was elected Justice of quested that a plate might be set for him and a room the Peace. The first case tricd under the jurisdic-prepared, as he would also lodge there during his tion of his court was that in which one man sued stay. The Judge remonstrated, and at first was inanother for damages for cutting timber on his land. clined to get angry; but finding this useless, he tried The evidence was against the defendant. The Jus- to put him off with fair promises. But this would tice had but one law book, and it was an old English not do; he had already received such; and he, in a work. He read a long time in it, when he turned firm and pretty loud tone of voice, declared that his to the defendant, and remarked, 'Well, Sir, the law mind was made up to board out the account, and is very strict; you must be hung immediately. No commence by taking his dinner. The Judge, fearing power on earth can save you!' and he ordered the that his company might overhear the conversation, constable to hang the prisoner. It is needless to say prevailed upon his obstinate friend to step to the that he had but few more cases, and soon resigned front door and wait a few minutes, when he would his office in disgust, saying, at the time, 'I am a rejoin him. He retired into the house, and shortly law-abiding executive; I am for juridical proceed-returned with the money and paid the shoemaker ings forthwith, always.'"

AN incident occurred in one of our city courts a few days since which certainly should not be lost to the world, and the Drawer must record it:

The plaintiff, in a suit against the city, had been injured by a fall caused by what is termed "a Corporation hole;" and during the trial Dr. Willard Parker being upon the stand in behalf of the plaintiff, the associate counsel for the city cross-examined him, and elicited from him the remark that "the plaintiff was so injured that he could lie only on one side." The answer was no sooner given than the counsel (Judge Bronson's associate in charge of this case) says, "I suppose, Doctor, you mean he would make a very poor lawyer!" The Court did not maintain its gravity.

A WESTERN correspondent communicates to the Drawer a brace of humorous stories illustrative of life and manners in his new region of the country

years ago:

his bill. He received the money, and left the house without inquiring whether the Judge had the money by him, or whether he had borrowed it from some of his guests. It was the last account the Judge ever made with the eccentric cordwainer."

"In the early days of Wisconsin's existence as a Territory the judicial department was supplied by judges appointed by the President of the United States. These appointees were generally imported from abroad, it being supposed that the Territory contained nothing of capacity or legal acquirements worthy of being appointed to the bench. It sometimes happened that, in making these judicial appointments, the President, influenced by the representations of political friends, or to reward brawling politicians for services rendered, appointed men to these high stations more distinguished by those characteristics than for legal talent or moral worth; sometimes the ermine fell upon second or third rate or superannuated lawyers who had to be provided

for.

"Many years ago, when Michigan and Wisconsin "Some years since a somewhat novel decision was were united and formed but one Territory, there re-made in one of the District Courts of the Territory.

pro

"CAUGHT ON THE JURY."

THERE once lived a man-and I'll call not his name—
Who lived in the country with Polly, his dame;
He was fond of indulging too freely at times,
And if ever he tasted away went the dimes.
For several days he would frolic and spree
Away at the tavern, "a-takin' o' tea;"
Though she knew that the town was not more than a
But Polly at home was uneasy the while,

mile;

She knew that if ever he tasted a “drap,"
He soon would be fixed off for taking a nap,
Then he'd trade 'round and "swop," and always get
"bit,"

Though he never could "man-up" the courage to quit.
A week nearly spent, then homeward he'd start,
But when Polly would meet him, he'd say, with a cough,
With his eyes looking red and a pain at his heart;
"I was caught on the Jury, and I couldn't get off."

It happened that a certain man of the name of O'D kept a kind of groggery and gamblinghouse near the town where the seat of justice was then located. The house and its keeper had become notorious. On the morning of the first day of the session of court the Judge, who was obliged to pass by the house, heard a great deal of noise and coarse language, and determined to make its keeper answerable to the statute in such case made and vided. Accordingly, in charging the Grand Jury, he especially called their attention to this particular establishment, and in no sparing language animadverted on the character of the landlord, as well as on the conduct of his lady. In the evening of that day, while the Judge was sitting in company with some friends at his boarding-house, he was informed that a lady wished to see him in his parlor. After a few moments' absence a loud and angry conversation was heard in the Judge's room. Soon he was seen But autumn came 'round, and he gathered his corn coming out into the hall, pushing gently from his All up in a heap, and he wanted a "horn;" door an infuriated female of large stature, making And a little wouldn't do, for the neighbors around violent gesticulations with fists and arms. It was Would shuck "nary ear" unless they were found. the Irish landlady, who, after abusing the Judge On occasions like that, of a corn-shucking night; Their fathers declared that to drink it was right in profane terms, took her leave, threatening to pros-"It cooled them in summer, it warmed them when cold, ecute him for her characther,' the Judge exclaim-'Twas good for the children, 'twould strengthen the old." ing, Leave, woman! leave!' On the second day of the session an indictment was returned by the The old man had swigged it since first he was wed, Grand Jury against O'D for keeping a disorderly And had spent nearly all but the old negro, Ned: house. A warrant was issued, the defendant arrest- A faithful old servant he always had beened, tried, and found guilty of the charge. The pun-Though sometimes, like "massy," was tempted to sin. ishment under the statute was fine or imprisonment, or both, at the discretion of the Judge. After the verdict the defendant was arraigned, and the Court proceeded to pass sentence, which was fine and imprisonment, and that he should stand committed until the sentence was complied with; with the addition that the sheriff should suspend service of the execution for forty-eight hours, and if after that time the defendant was found in the county he be arrested and suffer the penalty.'

"After hearing the sentence the counsel for the defendant rose, and in a quizzical manner addressed the Judge, saying, 'Do I understand your Honor to have banished my client?'

"Yes; and his wife too.'

"And what place will your Honor name?' "I care not where, so he leaves the Territory.' "Then I would suggest Turkey River [an obscure spot on the west side of the Mississippi River] as a fit place.'

"Then let it be Turkey River.'

He told Uncle Ned to saddle up "Tug,"
The old sorrel mule, and take the big jug,
And go to that tavern where oft he had been,
And bring home a gallon of No. 1 gin;
And if you can find it, now just understand,
You must bring home a gallon of Tennessee brand.
But Ned was afflicted with massy's disease,

And, thought he, “I'll drink now as much as I please;
I'll see if it's good, and it's flavor I'll test,
To prove I'm not cheated in buying the best."
But Neddy kept tasting and guzzling down,
Till de wurl' an' de trees war all a-turnin' aroun"."
Then he thought to himself that 'twas time to be cool,
So he let go all holds, and dropped off of his mule.
He quickly looked 'round him, in search of a place.
To hide, for the turnpike had dirtied his face;
Behind some thick bushes he endeavored to creep,
To take a short nap before going to sleep.

The night had set in, and 'twas cloudy and dark,
And to strike up a fire he hadn't a spark;
To go through the woods till the light of the day.
So he rested in silence-he knew not the way

Then he picked up his jug, and he found 'twas too light,
And he swore, "Now, by jingo, there sumfin not
right!"

His mule had absconded, and had left him alone,
But the worst of it all was-his liquor was gone.
He felt then so scared up for what he had done,
That "foot-back" he started, and homeward he run;
And when he arrived there his breakfast was o'er,
So he slipped around slyly to find the back-door;
And he thought to himself he'd enjoy the fun
Of telling a "yarn," as old "massy" had done.

His master then entered the kitchen, and cried,

"Just look-a-here, Ned, I am good for your hide! You black rascal, tell me now where have you been Since I sent you to town for that gallon of gin?"

"JOURNEYING in a foreign country, S, then
six years old, became a great favorite with an
English lady, who was staying at the same hotel;
and who, in order to draw him out, was constantly
plying him with questions, one of which was, what
we did without a sovereign in America? As he
seemed somewhat puzzled, she all the more pertina-"Jist hole on a minit!" now cried Uncle Ned-
ciously insisted on an answer; and taking him on
her lap one day, she said, 'Now, S- I shall not
let you go till you tell me what you do without a
king in America.' Suddenly looking up into her
face with his large, dark, thoughtful eyes, he an-
swered, Why, Mrs. M, we have the Saviour
for our king, and we don't want any other!'"

As he stood there thinking and scratching his head-
"De fac is, ole massy, I tell you de troof,
If I dy de nex' minit here under dis roof,

To buy you some sperits I went to de town,
And when I got dar I war a-steppin' aroun',
And de fus thing I node I war up in de loff,
Dun kotch on de Jury, an' I couldn't git off!"

VERA.