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Gent. And you!
Hel. I do presume, sir, that you are not fallen From the report, that goes upon your goodness; And therefore, goaded with most sharp occasions, Which lay nice manners by, I put you to
The use of your own virtues, for the which
Gent. What's your will?
Hel. That it will please you
To give this poor petition to the king,
And aid me with that store of power you have,
Gent. The king's not here.
Gent. Not, indeed:
He hence remov'd last night, and with more haste,
Wid. Lord, how we lose our pains!
Though time seem so adverse, and means unfit.-
Hel, I do beseech you, sir,
Since you are like to see the king before me,
Let the justices make you and fortune friends; I am for
Hel. And you shall find yourself to be well thank'd, Whate'er falls more.-We must to horse again;Go, go, provide.
Par. I beseech your honour, to hear me one single word.
Laf. You beg a single penny more: come, you shall
Par. My name, my good lord, is Parolles.
Laf. Out upon thee, knave! dost thou put upon me
Par. I praise God for you.
And I beseech your majesty to make it
I have forgiven and forgotten all;
SCENE II.—Rousillon. The inner court of the Coun-Though my revenges were high bent upon him,
Enter Clown and PAROLLES.
Pur. Good monsieur Lavatch, give my lord Lafen this letter: I have ere now, sir, been better known to you, when I have held familiarity with fresher clothes; but I am now, sir, muddied in fortune's moat, and smell somewhat strong of her strong displeasure. Clo. Truly, fortune's displeasure is but sluttish, if it smell so strong as thou speakest of: I will henceforth eat no fish of fortune's buttering. Pr'ythee, allow the wind.
Par. Nay, you need not stop your nose, sir; I spake but by a metaphor.
Clo. Indeed, sir, if your metaphor stink, I will stop my nose; or against any man's metaphor. Pr'ythee, get thee further!
Par. Pray you, sir, deliver me this paper!
Clo. Foh, pr'ythee, stand away! A paper from fortune's close-stool to give to a nobleman! Look, here he comes himself.
Here is a pur of fortune's, sir, or of fortune's cat, (but not a musk-cat,) that has fallen into the unclean fishpond of her displeasure, and, as he says, is muddied withal. Pray you, sir, use the carp as you may; for he looks likea poor, decayed, ingenious, foolish, rascally knave. I do pity his distress in my smiles of comfort, and leave him to your lordship. [Exit Clown. Par. My lord, I am a man, whom fortune hath cruelly scratched.
Luf. And what would you have me to do? 'tis too late to pare her nails now. Wherein have you played the kuave with fortune, that she should scratch you, who of herself is a good lady, and would not have knaves thrive long under her? There's a quart d'ecu for you.
And watch'd the time to shoot. Laf. This I must say,
But first I beg my pardon. The young lord
King. Praising what is lost,
Laf. All that he is hath reference to your highness. King. Then shall we have a match. I have letters That set him high in fame.
Enter BERTRAM. Laf. He looks well on't. King. I am not a day of season, For thou may'st see a sun-shine and a hail In me at once: but to the brightest beams Distracted clouds give way; so stand thou forth, The time is fair again.
Ber. My high-repented blames, Dear sovereign, pardon to me!
King. All is whole;
Not one word more of the consumed time!
For we are old, and on our quick'st decrees
Steals, ere we can effect them. You remember
Ber. Admiringly, my liege: at first
That she, whom all men prais'd, and whom myself,
King. Well excus'd!
That thou didst love her, strikes some scores away
Hath not in nature's mystery more science,
Ber. She never saw it.
King.Thou speak'st it falsely, as I love mine honour, And mak'st conjectural fears to come into me, Which I would fain shut out. If it should prove That thou art so inhuman, - 'twill not prove so ; And yet I know not: — thou didst hate her deadly, And she is dead; which nothing, but to close Her eyes myself, could win me to believe, More than to see this ring. Take him away![Guards seize Bertram. My fore-past proofs, howe'er the matter fall,
From the great compt. But love, that comes too late,Shall tax my fears of little vanity,
Like a remorseful pardon slowly carried,
Crying, That's good, that's gone: our rash faults
Or, ere they meet, in me, O nature, cease!
I saw upon her finger.
Ber. Her's it was not.
King. Now, pray you, let me see it; for mine eye, While I was speaking, oft was fasten'd to't. This ring was mine; and, when I gave it Helen, I bade her, if her fortunes ever stood Necessitied to help, that by this token
I would relieve her. Had yon that craft, to reave her
Of what should stead her most?
Ber. My gracious sovereign,
Howe'er it pleases you to take it so,
The ring was never her's.
Count. Son, on my life,
I have seen her wearit; and she reckoned it
At her life's rate.
Laf. I am sure, I saw her wear it.
Ber. You are deceiv'd, my lord, she never saw it: In Florence was it from a casement thrown me, Wrapp'd in a paper, which contaiu'd the name Of her that threw it: noble she was, and thought I stood engag'd: but when I had subscrib'd To mine own fortune, and inform'd her fully, I could not answer in that course of honour, As she had made the overture, she ceas'd, In heavy satisfaction, and would never Receive the ring again.
King. Plutus himself,
That knows the tinct and multiplying medicine,
Having vainly fear'd too little.-Away with him! We'll sift this matter further.
King. I am wrapp'd in dismal thinkings.
Whether I have been to blame, or no, I know not;
Who hath, for four or five removes, come short
King. [Reads] Upon his many protestations to marry me, when his wife was dead, I blush to say it, he won me. Now is the count Rousillon a widower; his vows are forfeited to me, and my honour's paid to him. He stole front Florence, taking no leave, and I follow him to his country for justice. Grant it me, King; in you it best lies; otherwise a seducer flourishes, and a poor maid is undone. DIANA CAPULET. Laf. I will buy me a son-in-law in a fair, and toll him: for this, I'll none of him.
King. The heavens have thought well on thee, Lafeu, To bring forth this discovery.-Seek these suitors :Go speedily, and bring again the count!
[Exeunt Gentleman and some Attendants.
I am a fear'd, the life of Helen, lady,
Was foully snatch'd.
Count. Now, justice on the doers!
Enter BERTRAM, guarded.
King. I wonder, sir, since wives are monsters to you, And that you fly them, as, you swear them lordship, Yet desire to marry.
What woman's that?
Re-enter Gentleman, with Widow, and Diana. Dia. I am, my lord, a wretched Florentine, Derived from the ancient Capulet;
My suit, as I do understand, you know,
And therefore know, how far I may be pitied.
Wid. I am her mother, sir, whose age and honour
Both suffer under this complaint, we bring,
And both shall cease, without your remedy.
King.Come hither, count! Do you know these women?
But that I know them. Do they charge me further?
Dia. Why do you look so strange upon your wife? Ber. She's none of mine, my lord.
Dia. If you shall marry,
You give away this hand, and that is mine;
You give away heaven's vows, and those are mine;
That she, which marries you, must marry me,
Laf. Your reputation [To Bertram] comes too short
Dia. Good my lord,
Ask him, upon his oath, ifhe does think,
King. What say'st thou to her?
Ber. She's impudent, my lord,
And was a common gamester to the camp.
Dia. He does me wrong, my lord; if I were so, He might have bought me at a common price. Do not believe him! O, behold this ring, Whose high respect, and rich validity, Did lack a parallel; yet, for all that, He gave it to a commoner o'the camp, If I be one.
Count. He blushes, and 'tis it:
Of six preceding ancestors, that gem
King. Methought, you said,
You saw one here in court could witness it.
He's quoted for a most perfidious slave,
With all the spots o'the world tax'dand debosh'd;
King. She hath that ring of yours.
Ber. I think, she has: certain it is, I lik'd her, And boarded her i'the wanton way of youth: She knew her distance, and did angle for me, Madding my eagerness with her restraint, As all impediments in fancy's course Are motives of more fancy; and, in fine, Her insuit coming with her modern grace, Subdued me to her rate: she got the ring; And I had that, which any inferior might At market-price have bought.
Dia. Imust be patient;
You that turn'd off a first so noble wife,
(Since you lack vírtue, I will lose a husband,)
Send for your ring, I will return it home,
Ber. I have it not.
King. What ring was yours, I pray you? Dia. Sir, much like
The same upon your finger.
Is this the man you speak of?
King. Tell me, sirrah, but, tell me true, I charge you, Not fearing the displeasure of your master, (Which, on your just proceeding, I'll keep off,) By him, and by this woman here, what know you? Par. So please your majesty, my master hath been an honourable gentleman; tricks he hath had in him, which gentlemen have.
King. Come, come, to the purpose: Did he love this
Par. 'Faith, sir, he did love her. But how?
Par.Hedid love her,sir,as a gentleman loves a woman.
Par. He loved her, sir, and loved her not. King. As thou art a knave and no knave. - What an equivocal companion is this?
Par I am a poor man,and at your majesty's command. Laf. He's a good drum, my lord,but a naughty orator. Dia. Do you know, he promised me marriage? Par. 'Faith, I know more than I'll speak. King. But wilt thou not speak all thou know'st? Par. Yes, so please your majesty. I did go between them, as I said; but more than that, he loved her, for, indeed, he was mad for her, and talked of Satan, and oflimbo, and of furies, and I know not what: yet I was in that credit with them at that time, that I knew of their going to bed; and of other motions, as promising her marriage, and things that would derive me ill will to speak of, therefore I will not speak what I know.
King. Thou hast spoken all already, unless thou canst say they are married. But thou art too fine in thy evidence; therefore stand aside!- This ring, you say, was yours?
King. Know you this ring? this ring was his of late.
Dia. Ay, my good lord.
King. Where did you buy it? or who gave it you? Dia. It was not given me, nor I did not buy it. King. Who lent it you?
Dia. It was not lent me neither.
King. Where did you find it then?
Dia. I found it not.
King. If it were yours by none of all these ways, How could you give it him?
Dia. I never gave it him.
Laf. This woman's an easy glove, my lord; she goes off and on at pleasure.
King. This ring was mine, I gave it his first wife.
Dia. I'll never tell you.
King. Take her away!
Dia. I'll put in bail, my liege.
King. I think thee now some common customer.
Dia. Because, he's guilty, and he is not guilty;`
[Pointing to Lafeu.
King. She does abuse our ears; to prison with her! Dia. Good mother, fetch my bail!-Stay, royal sir; [Exit Widow.
The jeweller, that owes the ring, is sent for,
Re-enter Widow, with HELENA.
Beguiles the truer oflice of mine eyes?
Hel. No, my good lord:
"Tis but the shadow of a wife you see, The name, and not the thing.
Ber. Both, both; O, pardon!
Hel. O, my good lord, when I was like this maid, I found you wondrous kind. There is your ring, And, look you, here's your letter: this it says, When from my finger you can get this ring, And are by me with child, etc.-This is done: Will you be mine, now you are doubly won? Ber. If she, my liege, can make me know this clearly,
I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.
Laf. Mine eyes smell onions, I shall weep anon:Good Tom Drum, [To Parolles.] lend me a handkerchief. So, I thank thee; wait on me home, I'll make sport with thee. Let thy courtesies alone, they are Scurvy ones.
King. Let us from point to point this story know, To make the even truth in pleasure flow!
If thou be'st yet a fresh uncropped flower, [To Diana. Choose thou thy husband, and I'll pay thy dower;
For I can guess, that, by thy honest aid,
Thou kept'st a wife herself, thyself a maid. —
Of that, and all the progress, more and less,
All yet seems well, and if it end so meet,
The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet. [Flourish.
The king's a beggar, now the play is done?
CHRISTOPHER SLY, a drunken tinker.
suitors to Bianca.
servants to Petruchio.
CATHARINA, the Shrew, daughters to Baptista.
Tailor, Haberdasher, and Servants attending on
SCENE,- Sometimes in Padua; and sometimes in Petruchio's house in the country.
SCENE I.-Before an ale-house on a heath.
Sly. I'll pheese you, in faith.
Host. A pair of stocks, you rogue!
Sly. Y'are a baggage; the Slies are no rogues! Look in the chronicles, we came in with Richard Conqueror. Therefore, paucas pallabris; let the world slide:
Host. You will not pay for the glasses you have burst? Sly. No, not a denier. Go by, says Jeronimy; Go to thy cold bed, and warm thee. Host. I know my remedy, I must go fetch the thirdborough.
Windhorns.Enter a Lord from hunting,with Hunts-
Lord. Huntsman,I charge thee,tender well my hounds:
He cried upon it at the merest loss, 1 Hun. Why, Belman is as good as he, my lord; And twice to-day pick'd out the dullest scent: Lord. Thou art a fool; if Echo were as fleet, Trust me, I take him for the better dog. Sly. Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I'll answer But sup them well, and look unto them all!' [Exit. I would esteem him worth a dozen such. him by law: I'll not budge an inch, boy; let him come, To-morrow I intend to hunt again. and kindly.[Lies down on the ground, and falls asleep. 1 Hun. I will, my lord.
Lord. What's here; one dead, or drunk? See, doth | Lest, over-eying of his odd behaviour, he breathe?
2 Hun. He breathes, my lord. Were he not warm'd with ale,
This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.
Lord. O monstrous beast! how like a swine he lies!
1 Hun. Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose.
Lord. Even as a flattering dream, or worthless fancy.
Full of rose-water, and bestrew'd with flowers;
For yet his honour never heard a play,)
1 Play. Fear not, my lord! we can contain ourselves,
And say, Wil't please your lordship cool your hands?
And, when he says he is, say, that he dreams;
1 Ilun. My lord, I warrant you, we'll play our part,
Lord. Take him up gently, and to bed with him ; And each one to his office, when he wakes!
And then-with kind embracements, tempting kisses,
[Some bear out Sly. A trumpet sounds. Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds![Exit Servant. Belike some noble gentleman, that means, Travelling some journey, to repose him here. — Re-enter a Servant.
How now? who is it?
Serv. An it please your honour,
See this despatch'd with all the haste thou canst!
Lord. Do you intend to stay with me to-night?
1 Play. I think, 'twas Soto that your honour means.
2 Serv. Will't please your honour taste of these conserves?
3 Serv. What raiment will your honour wear to-day? Sly. I am Christophero Sly; call not me-honour, nor lordship: I never drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef! Ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear; for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet; nay, sometimes, more feet than shoes, or such shoes, as my toes look through the
Lord. Heaven cease this idle humour in your honour!
Sly. What, would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher Sly, old Sly's son of Burtonheath; by birth a pedlar, by education a cardmaker, by transmutation a bear-herd, and now by present profession a tinker?