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when you may
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch:Ant. E. Go,fetch me something, I'll break ope
the Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for gate. such store,
Dro. S. Break any thing here, and I'll break your When one is one too many? Go,get thee from the door.
knave's pate. Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master Dro. E. Aman may break a word with you, sir; and stays in the street.
words are but wind; Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. catch cold on's feet.
Dro. S. It seems thou wantest breaking: out upon Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door.
thee, hind! Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell
Dro. E. Here's too much, out upon thee!I pray thee, me wherefore.
let me in. Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish din'd to-day.
have no fin. Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again, Ant. E. Well, I'll break in; go, borrow me a crow!
Dro.E.A crow without a feather;master, mean you so? Ant. E. What art thou, that keep’st me out from For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a the honse I owe?
feather: Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my name Ifa crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together. is Dromio.
Ant. E. Go, get thee gone, fetch me an iron crow!
Herein you war against your reputation,
Theluviolated honour of your wife.
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
Aud doubt not, sir, but she will well exense,
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be rul'd by me; depart in patience,
Aud let us to the Tiger all to dinner:
And, about evening, come yourseli alone,
with a proverb. Shall I set in my staff? To know the reason of this strange restraint!
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
And that supposed by the common rout
That may with foul intrusion enter in,
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead :
For slander lives upon succession;
Ant. E. You have prevail'd; I will depart in quiet,
Aud, in despight of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,-
Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle ;-.
There will we dine: this woman that I mean, Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door My wise (but, I protest, without desert,) down.
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;
And fetch the chain; by this, I know, 'tis made.
For there's the house; that chain will I bestow
Upon mine hostess there! Good sir, make haste! Ant E. Are you there, wife? you might have come Since mine own dvors refuse to entertain me, before.
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
SCENE II.- The same. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with Enter Luciana and AntiPOLCs of Syracuse. neither.
Luc. And may it be, that you have quite forgot Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them A husband's office? shall, Antipholus, hate, welcome hither!
Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness : It would make a man mad, as a buck, to be so bought Let not my sister read it in your eye; and sold.
Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger:
myself. Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted; Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides thyTeach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
self? Be secret--false! What need she be acquainted ? Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a
What simple thief brags of his own attaint? woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one 'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed,
that will have me. And let her read it in thy looks at board.
Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee? Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Dro. S. Marry, sir, such claim, as you would lay to Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
your horse; and she would have me as a beast : not Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she, Being compact of credit, that you love us; being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me. Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; Ant. S. What is she?
We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Dro. S. A very reverent body; ay, such a one, as a
man inay not speak of, without he say, sir-reverence: /
drous fat marriage. When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. Ant. S. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? Ant. S. Sweet mistress, (what your name is else, IDro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and all know not,
grease; and I know not, what use to put her to, but to Nor by what wonder you do hit on mine,)
make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. Less, in your knowledge and your grace, you show not, I warrant, her rags, and the tallow in them, will burn
Than our earth's wonder; more than earth divine. a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll buru
Ant. S. What complexion is she of?
Dro. S. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing
Ant. S. That's a fault, that water will mend.
Dro. S. No, sir, 'tis in grain ; Noah's flood could not Transform methen, and to your power I'll yield.
do it. But if that I am I, then well I know,
Ant. S. What's her name? Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Dro. S. Nell, sir;- but her name and three quarNor to her bed no homage do I owe;
ters, that is, an ell and three quarters, will not meaFar more, far more, to you do I decline.
sure her from hip to hip. O, train menot, sweet mermaid, with thy note, Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth? To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears!
Dro. S. No longer from head to foot, than from hip Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote:
to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, countries in her. And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie,
Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland ?
Dro. S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it out
Ant.S. Where Scotland?
Ant. S. Where England ?
by the salt rheum that ran between France and it. Luc. That's my sister.
Ant.S. Where Spain? Ant. S. No;
Dro. S. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it, hot in her
Ant. S. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
Dro. S. 0, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, Give me thy hand!
this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, called me Luc. O, soft, sir, hold you still !
Dromio, swore, I was assured to her, told me, what I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will. (Exit Luc. privy marks I had about me, as the mark on my shoulEnter, froin the house of AntiphoLUS of Ephesus, der, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left Dromio af Syracuse.
arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch: and, I Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio? where run'st thou think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my
heart of steel, she had transformed me to a curtailDro. S. Do you know me, sir ? am I Dromio? am I dog, and made me turn i’the wheel. your man? am I myself?
Ånt. S. Go, hic thee presently, post to the road ! Ant. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art And if the wind blow any way from shore, thyself.
I will not harbour in this town to-night.
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carrat;
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion ;
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more,
Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
Ant. S. There's none but witches do inhabit here; Ant. E. I am not furnish'd with the present money;
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof!
Perchance, I will be there as soon as you.
Ang. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
Ant. E. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.
enough. Enter AngelO.
Ang. Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
Ant. E. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
Ang. You hear how he impórtunes me; the chain -
Ant. E. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your
money! For fear you ne'er see chain, nor money, more.
Ang. Come, come, you know, I gave it you even now;
Come, where's the chain ? I pray you, let me see it.
Mer. My business cannot brook this dalliance:
Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no;
Ant. E. I answer you! What should I answer you?
Ant. E. I owe you none, till I receive the chain.
Ang. You kuow, I gaveit you half an hour since.
Ant. E. You gave me none; you wrong me much to
Mer. Well, oflicer, arrest him at my suit!
of. I do; and charge you, in the duke's name, to To Persia, and want gilders for my voyage:
obey me. Therefore make present satisfaction,
Ang. This touches me in reputation :
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had !
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st. He had of me a chain ; at five o'clock,
Ang. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer!
I would not spare my brother in this case,
off. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit. Enter AxtIPHOLUS of Ephesus, and Deomio of Ephe- Ant. E. I do obey thee, tiill give thee bail:
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear, off. That labour may you save; see where he comes. As all the metal in your shop will answer. Ant. E. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not. Among iny wife and her confederates,
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
Dro. S. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum,
And then, sir, bears away: our fraughtage, sir,
[Exit Dromio. The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae. Ant. E. A man is well holp up, that trusts to you.
The ship isin her trim; the merry wind I promised your presence, and the chain ;
Blows fair from lavd. They stay for nought at all,
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
sheep, Ang. Saving your
merry humour, here's the note, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
Dro. S. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. Adr. Why, man, what is the matter?
Dro. S. I know not, at whose suit he is arrested, well; Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure, But he's in a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that can And teach your ears to listen with more heed.
I tell. To Adriana, villain, hiethee straight;
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
in the desk? That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
Adr. Go fetch it, sister !~ This I wonder at, There is a purse of ducats ; let her send it!
(Exit Luciana. Tell her, I am arrested in the street,
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt:-
Dro. S. Not on a band, buton a stronger thing,
Adr. What, the chain ? Dro. S. To Adriana! that is where we din’d,
Dro. S. No, no, the bell: 'tis time, that I were gone. Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband : It was two ere left him, and now the clock strikes one. She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Adr. The hours come back! that did I never hear. Thither I must, although against my will ;
Dro.S. O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns
Adr. As if time were in debt! how fondly dost thou
Dru. S. Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more, than Adr. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
he's worth, to season. Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye, Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say, That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
That time comes stealing on by night and day? Look'd he or red, or pale; or sad, or merrily? If he be in debt, and theft, and a sergeant in the way What observation mad'st thou in this case,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
And bring thy master home immediately! -
Conceit, my comfort, and my injury.
[Exeunt. Luc. Then pleaded I for you.
SCENE III.-The same.
Enter Antiphorus of Syracuse.
Ant. S. There's not a man I meet, but doth salate me,
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
Some tender money to me, some invite me ;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses.; Adr. I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
Some offer me commodities to buy: My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
Even now a tailor call’d me in his shop, He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
And show'd me silks, that he had bought for me, Ill-fac'd, worse-bodied, shapeless every where;
And, therewithal, took measure of my body.
Sure these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse. No evillost is wail'd when it is gone.
Dro. S. Master, here's the gold, you sent me for: Adr. Ah! but I think him better, than I say, What, have you got the picture of old Adam new And yet would herein others' eyes were worse :
apparell'a? . Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
Ant. S. What gold is this? What Adam dost thou
Dro. S. Not that Adam, that kept the paradise, but Dro. S. Here, go; the desk, the purse ; sweet now, that Adam, that keeps the prison :'he, that goes in the make haste!
calf's-skin, that was killed for the prodigal; he, that Luc. How hast thou lost thy breath?
came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you Dro. S. By running fast.
forsake your liberty.
like a base-viol, in a case of leather ; the man, sir, One, whose hard heart is button’d up with steel; that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough ;
'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
and gives them suits of durance; he, that sets up his A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one, that coun- rest to do more exploits with his mace, than a mortermands
ris-pike. The passages ofalleys, creeks and narrow lands; Ant. S. What! thou mean'st an officer? A hound, that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot Dro. S. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that well;
brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band; one, One that, before the judgement, carries poor souls to that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, God hell.
give you good rest!
Ant. S. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is That I should be attach'd in Ephesus:
Ant. E. But where's the money?
Dro. E. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
Ant. E. Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
Dro. E. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. Enteru Courtezan.
Ant. E. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? Cour. Well met, wellmet, master Antipholus ! Dro. E. To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now :
returned. Is that the chain, you promis'd me to-day?
Ant. E. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. Ant. S. Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not !
[Beating him. Dro. S. Master, is this mistress Satan?
off. Good sir, be patient ! Ant. S. It is the devil.
Dro. E. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in ad-
Ant. E. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and
Dro. S. Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, or be- long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nati-
vity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for Ant.S. Why, Dromio?
my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me Dro. S. Marry, he must have a long spoon, that must with beating: when I am warm, he cools me with beateat with the devil.
ing. I am waked with it, when I sleep; raised with it, Ant. S. Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from supping?
home; welcomed home with it, when I return: nay, I Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
bearit on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone.
I think,when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from Cour. Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
door to door.
Pinch, and Others.
Dro. E. Mistress, respice finem, respect your end;
rope's end. Master, be wise; an’ if you give it her,
Ant. E. Wilt thou still talk ?
Good doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer ;
(Exeunt Ant. S. and Dro.s. Luc. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks ! Cour. Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad, Cour. Mark, how he trembles in his ecstacy! Else would he never so demean himself.
Pinch. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse! A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
Ant E. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. And for the same he promis'd me a chain;
Pinch. I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight;
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
Ant. E. Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
Ant. E. You, minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
And I denied to enter in my house?
Adr. O, husband, God doth know, you din'd at home,
[Exit. Where 'would you had remain’d until this time,
Free from these slanders, and this open shame! SCENE IV.-- The same.
Ant. E. I din’d at home! Thou villain, what say'st
Dro.E. Perdy, your doors were lock'd, and you shut
Ant. E. And did not she herself revile me there?