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expecting another should give credit to what he knows impossible for the greatest dunce to swallow.
One of these, who had travelled to Damascus, told his company, that the bees of that country were as big as turkies. “ Pray, Sir,” said a gentleman,“(begging pardon for the question) how large were the hives ?” “ The same size with ours,” replied the traveller. “Very strange,” said the other; 6 but how got they into their hives ?” “ That is none of my business ; egad, let them look to that.”
Another, who had travelled as far as Persia, spoke to his man John, as he was returning home, telling him, how necessary it was, that a traveller should draw things beyond the life, otherwise, he could not hope for that respect from his countrymen, which otherwise he might have. But at the same time, “ John,” said he, “ wheresoever I dine, or sup, keep you close to my chair; and if I do very much exceed the bounds of truth, punch me behind, that I may correct myself.” It happened, on a day that he dined with a certain gentleman, who shall be nameless, when he affirmed, that he saw a monkey in the Island of Borneo, which had a tail three score yards long. John punched him. “I am certain it is fifty at least.” John punched him again. “I believe, to speak within compass, for I did not measure it, it must have been forty.” John gave him another touch. “I remember it laid over a quick-set hedge, and therefore could not be less than thirty.” John at him again. “I could take my oath it was twenty." This did not satisfy John. Upon which the master turned about in a
rage, and said, “ damn you for a puppy, would you have a monkey without any tail at all ?”
Did not the famous Dr. Burnet, whose history is much of the same stamp with his travels, affirm, that he saw an elephant play at ball? And that grave gentleman, Ysbrant Ides, in his travels through Muscovy to China, assures us, that he saw elephants which were taught to low like cows, to yell like tigers, and to mimick the sounding of a trumpet ; but their highest perfection, as he relates it, was that of singing like Canary birds. However, this is not so marvellous, (for Pliny relates wonderful things of their docility) as what a gentleman told a full company in my hearing, within this fortnight; that he had seen a show at Bristol: which was a hare taught to stand upon her hind-legs, and bow to all the company, to each person particularly, with a very good grace, and then proceed to beat several marches on the drum. After this a dog was set upon the table, his master, the showman, made many grievous complaints against him, for high crimes and misdemeanors. The hare knits her brows, kindles her eyes like a lady, falls in a passion, attacks the dog with all her rage and fury, as if she had been his wife, scratches, bites, and cuffs him round the table. till the spectators had enough for their money.
There is a certain gentleman now in Ireland, most remarkably fond of the marvellous, (but this through vanity) who among an infinite number of the like rarities, affirms, that he has a carp in a pond, by itself, which has for twenty years past. supplied him and his friends with a very good dish
of fish, when they either came to dine or sup with him. And the manner of it is thus; the cookmaid goes with a large kitchen knife, which has a whistle in its handle ; she no sooner blows it, but the carp comes to the sluice and turns up its belly, till she cuts out as much as she has occasion for, and then away he scuds; the chasm is filled in a day or two, and the carp is as sound as a roach, ready for the knife again. Now, if he and his cook-maid took the most solemn oath to the truth of this, or the most sanctified quaker should say yea to it, which is made equal to any prelate's oath, I would no more give credit to them, than I would to the colonel, who said he was at the battle of Landen, where his majesty, King William, of glorious memory, lost the day, and this colonel, being in the utmost confusion, fled among the rest; he swore he had galloped above two miles after his horse's head was shot off by a cannon ball, which he should not have missed, if the poor creature had not stopped at a river side to drink.
I should be glad to spend an evening with half a dozen gentlemen of this uncommon genius, for I am certain they would improve upon one another, and thereby, I might have an opportunity of observing how far the marvellous could be carried, or whether it has any bounds at all.
The Insipid, who may not unfitly be called soporific, is one who goes plodding on in a heavy dull relation of unimportant facts. You shall have an account, from such a person, of every minute circumstance which happened in the com
pany where he has been, what he did, and what they did, what they said, and what he said, with a million of trite phrases, with an and so beginning every sentence; and to make a long story short; and as I was saying; with many more expletives.
L- D 's Speech.—“ Why, you made a very foolish order here; can't do't, you see why, you made an order that council shall plead with the attornies—you've no right, you see never sitch a thing was donewhy, I have been a justice thirty years, I never did such a thing no right, you see-can't make me have a council. - Why, now, suppose I'm ill, or I want a glister, I send for the 'pothecary—I won't have a physician--you can't make me, you seemno right at all-must rescind it, you see.-Now, at our house, we are the greatest court in the world.”—Here one of the justices interrupted his lordship, and said, “ You don't hear attornies, but council, at your bar, my L .” And his L— said, “No, no, that's true ; but that's nothing, you see-every man may plead his own cause.—Why, now I shew you a ground-here's a butcher, there's a cow-you bid the butcher kill the cow-he says, he won't-can't make him, you see-must rescind the order--no right at all.”
To the Printer of the London Evening Post. Sir.-At a time when the enormous increase of Popery is connived at at home, and a corrupt
parliament, through the influence of a most flagitious ministry, has established it in its full power, in a great part of the king's dominions abroad, I think, that every thing which has a tendency to open men's eyes, and give them a just abhorrence of that most cruel and slavish religion, should be now set before them; to which end I desire you will publish the following in your very useful paper: it being the genuine copy of a Popish excommunication, found amongst the papers of Philip Dunn, a Popish bishop, some years since deceased, in the county of Wicklow, pronounced by him against Francis Freeman, one of his parishioners, who at that time embraced the Protestant religion; and faithfully translated from the Latin original by Dr. Tooker.
“By the authority of God, the Father Almighty, and the blessed Virgin Mary, and of St. Peter and St. Paul, and all the holy saints, we excommunicate Francis Freeman, late of the city of Dublin, but now of Tuck Mill, in the county of Wicklow; that in spite of God and St. Peter, and in spite of all the holy saints, and in spite of our most holy father the Pope (God's vicar on earth) and in spite of our right reverend father in God, Philip Dunn, our diocesan, and the worshipful canons, who serve God daily, hath apostated to a most damnable religion, full of heresy and blasphemy. Excommunicated let him be, and delivered over to the devil as a perpetual malefactor and schismatic; accursed let him be in all cities, and in all towns, in fields, in ways, in yards, in houses, and in all other places, whether laying, or rising,