The CHARACTERS of the PRESENT AGE; Or, MODERN THEOPHRASTUS.

PORCU S.

I of famine and hunger.

AM never in company with Porcuş, that I am not reminded He makes no obfervation, nor introduces no topick, that has not fome obvious relation to ftuffing and eating.

Whenever he paffes the hall of any company in the city, he recollects their days of feafting, and reckons up the intermediate time till the next holiday that company are to keep, which if it happens at an unlucky and unseasonable time of the year, Porcus laments his ill fate that he fhall have neither fish nor venifon for his next dinner there. Here, fays he, paffing by a large hall, we have little company and poor dinners, the foals are never fry'd enough, and are cold and greasy. This company, cries Porcus, paffing another guttling ftye, is poor, and will foon fall to decay; we had neither peas nor strawberries there, though it was the latter-end of April: Aye, continues he, at fight of a third, recommend me here, they know what's what here; a good venifon feast, and the finest trout; but plague take them for crouding fuch numberless ftrangers: A man fhould never have more than five to an haunch, and no man fhould have the first cut at two feveral haunches.

Meet this fame Porcus in a private family, and you'll obferve his eyes on the fide-board and table an hour before dinner: You will fee him fitting where he is likely to be called to the warmest station, and counting nofes to find what proportion of room is left for the guests. When the fervant lays the cloth, he is anxious for every knife and fork he fees placed on the table; and nothing gives him the vapours fo much as feeing two or three strange acquaintance drop in just before dinner, efpecially if the master of the house feems to pay them much refpect, and endeavours to feat them at the upper-end of the table.

He is very angry to obferve madam's partiality to her little brats; and fecretly pleads in his wifhes with the master of the house, that they may be sent to dine in the nursery.

When the victuals are brought to the table he is very uneafy at the long compliments of feating; and be he himself placed where he will, he fancies every one at table has more room than himself. He fixes his eyes on the dish he first intends to attack; and wishes every tit-bit that is carved for another may VOL. I.

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choak them: He is fure to be discontented with the portion that is fent him, and still fancies his neighbour has the best fhare of the fauce. He is often like the Afs in the fable, confounded between two difhes; and while he is greedily fwallowing one plate down, is watching the decrease of fome other dish. He fees more things in the firft course than the time allotted will allow him to tafte of; and when it is removed, he wishes he had left the foup, and ftuck to the fifh.

When the fecond courfe is introduced he begins to fear he has not left room enough for all that he intends to eat: And if the fervants fhould happen to neglect to remove his foul plate in time, his uneafinefs is not to be defcribed, especially if they are prevented by any extraordinary attendance on another perfon. If the leg of a duck, or the pinion of a goofe, only come to his share, he picks them as though he were forced to it as a punishment, and curfes the whole economy of the table, if that plate of victuals, which is placed before him, prevents his better fortune in a different difh. Even at first fight his wishes are, that nobody may like the dish he prefers; and will efteem his best friend a glutton, if he defires to be helped á fecond time to Porcus's favourite difh: At length, by hearty eating, and long prefervance, he arrives at that state that he can hardly go any further, and yet can't endure to leave off; he ftill labours at the feaft, and feeds without any pleasure or enjoyment.

Is the life of man then merely animal, O Porcus! Or if you must live a brute, muft you be a favage brute alfo? Can you not eat without envy or fnarling? And are you a fool enough to catch at the fhadow and lose the substance? Are your feafons only diftinguished by different appetites after different foods? And your holidays your days of debauch? Are the meetings and feftivals then of fociety calculated to breed gluttony and greedinefs? And is the joy of a citizen put upon the fame level with the pleasures of an hog? If so, to increase your beaftly enjoyments, let me, as a thorough-paced Epicure, recommend one more imitation of the brutes you are fo fond to copy. Learn, O Porcus, after your joy in eating is stopped by fullness and excefs, to difembogue the contents of your voracious abdomen, and then to return, like the dog, with new vigour and appetite to thy vomit.

To Mr. Whitworth.

Liverpool, 18 Aug. 1763. I wish you would infert a letter which has for it's title, Virtue Happiness, &c. It is in a collection juft publifbed, called, The Inftructive Letter-Writer, and Entertaining Companion. Indeed it is justly faid to be inftructive and entertaining; for upon examining the book, I found it to be, by much, the beft collection I have feen; and those are, I think, all that have been published. It seems to be, as the editor fays it is, the beft Letters from the most elegant authors, and fuch as are most adapted to inspire noble and manly fentiments, and promote a rational and virtuous conduct.

Virtue Happiness, and Vice Mifery: Pleafure and Pain when only feparable.

I

AM just returned from a fhort tour which I had long promised to make in D------, and find myself doubly in your debt for a couple of letters.------The kind one by mr. R------ brought me welcome accounts of your growing health, and very certain proofs of your good-humour. It was put in my hand juft as I was going to take horse; and the hurry of company that flocks about one in the country left me not an hour's leifure to anfwer it. My journey would have been every way agreeable, but for fome remains of the ill-humour raised in that country by the late election: Families in oppofite interests carry it fo high, that like rival courts, or if you please rival toafts, a vifiter in one is but coldly received in another.

laft

I will frankly confefs to you the vanity (if it be fo) of my wifh, That my friends fhould like me the better the longer they know me; and particularly, that they should ever find me incapable of fo mean a vice as flattery; which at once prostitutes truth and manhood. In confidence of this indulgence, I will venture to tell you, that your epiftle gave me exquifite pleasure. The juft fentiments of men and manners, and that true taste of life, which with high delight I perceive to be growing upon you, will be a conftant fund of entertainment to us both. How elegant is every period of it! and how true! What an honeft indignation it expreffes against your vulgar gentlemen-------unfeel

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ing fouls! incapable of friendship, or of any higher tafte than* bagatelle et brutalite! --- While at the fame time how amiable the contraft! The eafy, well-bred, generous man, enjoying the true relish of life himself, and imparting like the fun a flow of joy and contentment to all about him, Well, mr. ----------, I begin to believe it becomes nobody fo well as a real gentleman to be wife: His genteel manners and polite language gives a grace to wifdom itfelf. They smooth the rugged paths of philofophy, unbend the brow of auftere virtue, lend a new luftre to learning, and polifh every talent in life. Your unaffected reflections upon the most important fubjects, and under very various afpects of things, gave rife to thefe fentiments, and confirmed me in the opinion, That it is not in the retired hermitage or lonely cell, we are to look for the most exalting principles, or the nobleft practice-Worth, Truth, Conftancy, Contempt of Death, Improvement of life, with all the fhining train of genuine virtues. No---I find a gentleman who lives much in the world; who has feen, and, like Solomon, fhares in it's joys, can really believe that the meafure of a happy lot is not the number of days or accumulated years, but a difcharge of the duty of our ftation, be it long or tranfient, with dignity and honour. To fuch a one we may fay with great propriety,

Felix, qui potuit rerum cognofcere caufas,
Atque metus omnes et inexorabile fatum
Subjecit pedibus, ftrepitumque Acherontis avari!

Happy the man, who vers'd in nature's laws,
Can each effect afcribe to it's own caufe;
Trample on terrors and relentlefs fate,
And hear the din of Acheron, fedate!

And now, my dear friend, that the worft is paft, I feel a pleafing ferenity fucceed the gloom that for fome weeks hung over my mind. I can now think of T--- without a figh; or rather perceive a filent fmile fteal upon me at the mention of the agreeable name; and have a strong inclination to imitate the doctor of Derry, who told his patient he must not relapfe for three days until he should return to attend him. You must not have fuch another fit until I can perfuade myfelf

Trifling and Senfuality.

myself to be less anxious about you; for I would not undergo the painful apprehenfions, nor live in the restless agitations that toffed and tortured me during your last fickness, for any confideration. It is, I know infeparable from a real affection: Quis enim fecurus amavit? But then a gentleman of your thorow good-nature, will certainly out of regard to one who loves you take every precaution in your power not to give him pain. I am fure this will have weight with you: Add to it the warning you have had from your conftitution not to trefpafs against it, nor truft it too far to it's fuppofed ftrength. Henceforth, let no perfuafion, no company, no temptation, induce you to risk that without which life and all it's enjoyments are tafteless and burthenfome; and in this refpect-----Fix your firm refolve, wif dom to wed, and pay her long arrear.

Great reafon has a noble author to fay, That it is cowardice, mere cowardice, that deters men from virtue, and plunges them in vice, when one round, hearty refolve would rid them of a train of miferies. 'Tis of a piece with an uncommon phrase employed by a juft and happy writer, if there be one in antiquity, Sapere aude; DARE TO ВБ WISE. No habit or courfe of life, to which we have been accustomed, but requires courage to throw it off: And yet there is not a friend or companion you have, at least none worth keeping, who will like you the worfe for being truly temperate. Let him even be a little loofe himself, in his inmost foul he must approve of you, and esteem you the more for being unlike him; for well knows my friend, there is no neceffity to lay aside pleasantry and good-humour, in order to affume temperance and integrity. We may be as ferene, nay as gay as we pleafe, and have much better reaon to be fo, when once we have come to contemn vice, and all the flavish crew of fears, remorfes, endless pursuits, and infatiate cravings that attend her. It is true, the utterly abandoned, the refolutely wicked, will look upon you as a man of another party, and turn your conduct into ridicule, if they can. But would you wish for their approbation? for their applause------whose friendships are leagues in wickednefs, only cemented by fimiliar vices? To pity the perfon

*Who e'er unanxious lov'd?

[To be continued.].

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