Midwife. Now ftand to your tackle, old Harry, have-at-you; I will drive it home, chock and block, and belay; I warrant you a quart of excellent fauce; your business is an fwered, I will be bound, neck or nothing; Old Nick hates cripples, therefore you see what an old woman can do.

Hoft. Here it comes, thick and threefold, nothing but brains. I understood the brains belonged to the head; but I find the reverfe of the new philofophers of our enlightened age and northern hemifphere are in their fundament. This accounts for the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere, Indeed,

Mad dogs they are, puppies of the age,
Blafpheme their God, gnash and pine with rage,
Vagabonds, pefts, men of no repute,
In vice forward, but in virtue mute.

Midwife. Here are brains enough to enlighten an army of philofophers, if they fed as hearty as that old rafcal Voltaire. See here, Hoft, what a phenomenon, and the most wonderful fight, a crab for all the world; there is her legs complete, with the mouth champing in the centre, frothing and vomitting out its brains.

Hoft. Or new philofophical God, of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere; the face is dreadful, and if one may pass his verdict, this beaft has fuffered the rigour and un

abashed

abathed luft, the innate principle on which the new philofophy is built and grounded.

Midwife. If I had positive proof, my lord as you are pleased to call him, fhould this inftant be taken cacked as he is, to the feat of juftice; is this bearable, that our trade should be put to fhame by a fet of Sodomites; implacable enemies to their God, and to their own nature: they tell me, in every capital town they have their clubs and places where they revel in obfeurity and hateful pleafure; and this your new philofophy, of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere; nafty unnatural beast, I have a thousand minds to one, to leave you ftinking as you are, with your God, as you call your filthy brains, to be an example to your brethren.

Luther. Philofophy is the fcience where no other but truth receives the palm; truth is fubftantially and corporally proved by the five fenfes, which brings it under the fanction and cloak of the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere. Let us per example fet the cafe, or the like of that, fuppofe the matter thus as I was saying, do ye mungey, as I proved, or the like of that, that materialism is truth, and reversed truth is materialism.

'Hoft. What whispering at this midnight watch, the door befet with robbers, who are you at this late hour?

Luther. I am frightened to death, O mywhere fhall I hide myfelf; they, whoever they be, understanding the great bishop is here,

1

thinks they will have a large booty, but explain to them hoft that I am no bishop, neither have I any money; and that you are, out of charity, obliged to defray my charges; this being the naked truth perhaps may fatisfy them, when we fhall be delivered from our exceeding great teritor and fright.

Enter Club.

Club. Our lord bishop of Canterbury, metropolitan, cardinal, prieft and primate of Great Britain, and all and every part, parcel, thing or things, whatsoever, or wherefoever, locally and generally, with appendages thereunto belonging or appertaining, we your eminence's most loyal members and fubjects, do with heart-felt joy and due deference, vouchsafe ourfelves the liberty of approaching your throne, praifing your heroic and great feats of chivalry, railing yourself to the pinnacle or fummit of the new philofophy, of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere; praying your eminence will look with a propitious eye on your faithful herd, and place your eminence like one common father at our head, to give rule, and be our great link to unite and make one herd of your two flocks, our heretofore, and now prefent focieties, that we may become one herd, and one ftye of fatted pigs, and you our common father, the old Sire in the midst of us. We farther pray your eminence, to do away and set free the remaining fragments which hang round about the hearts of your more an

eient herd, that being delivered from fpiritual malady, which chain down the filly urchin with fears, dreads, remorfe, frights, with many dreadful calamities, which difmay, prevent free action and intercourfe of enjoyments, drowned and ingulphed in all fenfual and feeling pleafure. It is this infatiable and lustful guft we mutually are stretched forward to grafp, and bear away the prize. To conclude, we in body compact, your dutiful pigs and kids, in imitation of the fublime council of Athens (Areopagus) made ufe of the midnight to prefent our obedience, duty and fubmiffion, craving. your acquiefcence to be Lord paramount of the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere. We, farther intreat your parental indulgence to accept with clemency the title we here beg to instal you. Moft eminent Cardinal, chief, leader, head, centre, and grand LINK, that ties and couples the proteftants, the first-born kids, with us your ftye of fturdy pigs, and, fhould your Eminence think meet, for peace and good agreement betwixt your herds, kids, and pigs, to infert the few lines fet down, which your dutiful underlings have, with great humility, deigned to offer with themselves downcaft at your fublime feet,

That Spirituals may be done away,
And mutual harmony rest in clay.

Luther. That you may be freed and delivered from doubts or fcruples, that might by and by arife, touching the premises, of appointing me

Sire, Chief, and Head of the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere, Be it known to the Great World at large, and our northern hemisphere in particular, that your appointment, as aforefaid, proceeds not from you, but as inftruments made choice of by our great mother, fource and origin of our new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere, egged and pushed on, as it were, by an unknown hand; for obferve, we are never to express spiritual influences, being new philofophers of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere, whose whole and fole terminate and rest in materialism. I, therefore, repeat, by an unknown hand, to appoint this worthy fubject, our dearly beloved in God. I beg forgiveness for expreffions as heretofore, or the like of that, as the faying is, our fifter and help-mate, Mrs. Midnight, as if by a prophetic Spirit, another bye-word which I humbly crave pardon, or the like of that; but, supposing the cafe true, this our fifter, as I was faying, espied two strange mysteries in the act of delivery, and this atteftation is affirmed and confirmed alfo by this our dearly and most beloved brother, Mr. Hoft, who are living and faithful witneffes to these great phenomenons, and, as by infpiration, another bye-word, I crave forgiveness, or the like of that, as the faying is, do ye mungey, our sister, as soon as the nature of the malady required difclofing and laying the lower face bare, fhe cried, as if in extafy, a prodigy! the crab! I hold it is impoffible that an illiterave old woman, unless infpired by fupernatural