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Midwife. I don't fear, my Lord, when you have renewrd the clyfter, but you will favour us with a hearty poop, it will much relieve you.
Hoft. Your brethren, the new philosophers of this enlightened age and northern hemisphere, understanding that your lordship's life is in jeopardy, from a group of voracious, greedy, and ravenous animals, who have huddled themselves clandestinely with secret craftiness into your lordship’s belly, being farthered by information that you were seated on the summit of their new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere, dictaring and dirplaying surprising fears of chivalry, have deputed this good woman, Mother Midnight-cap, to your delivery; craving for the honour and love you distinguish yourself in greatness of heroism and generalship in your new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern Hemisphere, that you will vouchsafe the acceptance of a draught to alleviate and set free your abdominous from the danger that threatens your lordship
Midwife. My lord, it is a perfect nofegay ; I intreat your lordship’s condeicension; it will bequeath great harmony to the parts; pray do it, I beseech your lordship.
Luther. Nincompoop, you are beseeching to make a meal, but in what manner am I to receive it? I am as sharp set as you would wish, if you would make ready.
Hoft. All is ready prepared, nothing is deficient, if your lordship will put yourself in a proper posture.
Midwife. Pray, your lordship, the matter is just the thing, neither hot nor cold, a proper warmth.
Luther. But then, and suppose, and the like of that, do you mungie, as the saying is, will you have me eat as a pig, with what am I 10 cut up the haggis ? Jackanapes, why don't you lay the cloth and put the bowl, with plates, knife, fork and bread, as is usual? You know I am particularly fond of a Scotch haggis.
Hoji. My lord, you are under a mistake; you Aand not in need of either plate, knife, fork or bread. A napkin under your chin, I grant, may be proper, to prevent drivelling on the bed.
Midwife. I lhall be careful to catch the drive), my lord, so that your bed will receive none of its contents.
Luther. Are you mad or drunk, Nincomnoddy? how dare you bring hither an old BedJamite to produce from the royal philosophers of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere one of the most delicious haggeses my eyes, ever beheld, and yet will not prepare the table for my meal, as usual. I have a great mind, Sirrah, but am a priest, and must not give scandal. My zeal is unfurmountable.
Hoft. My lord, you mistake; the composition is not a haĝges; it is a clyfter, to be administered, as the saying is, or the like of that.
Midwife. My lord, there is no longer time to parley; now or never, as the old women say.
Lutber. Ninny-hammer, you have thrown the lawyer into this old woman, to evade our agreement, according to your solemn promise,
to pass receipts and bear my expences and perfon, living or dead, until I arrive safe in good Old England, in lieu of which you fofter an old witch, with gim-cum-crack, that cannot be banquetted upon, tantalizing without fruit. I fhall take no Atep until the agreement is signed, the quicker the better; for I will not promise that I shall not lose my wind, and then you look to it. See what a navel you have made me with your cat's head. . Hoft. My Lord Bishop, I beg you will
prop and poize yourself in a proper accitude on your quadrupedes, so that Mother Midnight, I beg ten thousand pardons, Mrs. Mid-cap, Nightcap; what numberless mistakes man is subject £0; among the number I stand foremost. Madam, lay the cloch secure. !
Midwife. All things are now ready for admipiltration. Pray, my lord, endeavour to rouze yourself, that you may be placed in a favourable and palite ftare, that
The pofern exbibit its native dress,
Hoft. All things in our concerns shall be seco tled by the lawyer as soon as the operation or onlet is over and a calm ensue.
Luther. Bear ceftimony, Mother Midnight, or Night-cap, that the Host and I now pass receipts, in full, from the creation, and that he will discharge your bill, and all and every bill, noce, account, and expence, already, or may hereafter be incurred for any matter, cause, or
thing whatsoever and wheresoever, local or general, from the commencemeut of my travels, breaking ground from England, until my fafe arrival, living or dead, to my native and wellbeloved country; and according to these presents we, Hoft and Luther do interchangeably and with mutual and good fellowship of our and each: of our free, cordial, and voluntary will, in this present year 1785. So be it, or the like of that. Now do your will, when the Hoft has agreed.
Midwife. I know not your family connection; but, to all appearance, the poor man finds it hard to fcuffle through life, with two naked hands, a wife, and fix children. I will only put this fimple question. Is it conscientious, that a poor man that can scarce keep soul and body together, should bear the heavy charges of a travelling Lord, and a Bishop forsooth? Aye, marry, so we will, and a thankey, ha, ha, ha.
Host. My account against is here stated, with my receipt in full, provided you receive the clyfter, and when delivered, quit my house; either accept or reject.
Lutber. And pay my passage and expences to England.
Midwife. I shall split my old sides, laughing at the miserly poverty of the old Bishop, who should fix his thoughts on his grave, and not in other mens pockers. For shame; fie upon it, ha, ha, ha.
Lutber. But then, and suppose, and the like of that, as the saying is, do you mungey, and
as I was going to say, Nincompoop, ninny: hammer, fiddle-dee, dee.
Hoft. Let it be lo; I will bear you harmless to England, provided you sail in the next packet.
Midwife. My patience is worn out at so much misery under a Bishop's garb. I pity the wretch that is under your roof, or subje&t to your mean, low, niggardly, covetous, and fordid will; however, I will act the christian part, turn up topsey-curvy, bottom up; you are big enough to run away with the gates of the city, as Sampfon. Old Hoge is not so unwieldy but he can, upon an emergency, rest upon all-fours. Bring hither, Mr. Hoft, the bag-pipe and bowl, and, if you please, to lend a hand; bring the receiver near.
I suppose a large eruption, according to appearances, will burst forch ; give me that fafeguard, for fear a mis-hap, as I put on my beft bib and tucker, and Sunday gown to appear in the presence of his lordship. Remove shirt, that master may display the most tremendous face; the delivery is forward, quick, put the cloth close under its chin.
Hoft. Bod-dy-kins, one foot of the raven, or Muscovy drake, is out; a happy omen, harbinger of a plentiful and rich harvest.
Midwife. Your surmise is erroneous; the matter, whatever it may be, is a fixture, representing five fhanks or fingers, (I suppose the mother longed for some favourite or sweetheart's hand) that is most likely.
Luther. They are plesant to the feel. I often spend an idle hour in play with them, it causes a titilation which is pleasing.