« PreviousContinue »
Midwife. Now stand to your tackle, old Harry, have-at-you; I will drive it home, chock and block, and belay; I warrant you a quart
of excellent sauce; your business is ang swered, I will be bound, neck or nothing; Old Nick hates cripples, therefore you see what an old woman can do.
Hoft. Here it comes, thick and threefold, Hothing but brains. I understood the brains belonged to the head; but I find the reverse of the new philosophers of our enlightened age and northern hemisphere are in their fundament, This accounts for the new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere, Indeed,
Mad dogs they are, puppies of the age,
Midwife. Here are brains enough to enlighten an army of philosophers, if they fed as hearty as that old rascal Voltaire. See here, Hoft, what a phenomenon, and the most wonderful sight, a crab for all the world; there is her legs complete, with the mouth champing in the centre, frothing and vomiting out its brains.
Hoft. Or new philofophical God, of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere; the face is dreadful, and if one may pass his verdict, this beast has suffered the rigour and un
abashed luft, the innate principle on which the new philosophy is built and grounded.
Midwife. If I had positive proof, my lord as you are pleased to call him, should this instant be taken cacked as he is, to the seat of justice; is this bearable, chat our trade should he put to shame by a set of Sodomites; implacable enemies to their God, and to their own nature : they tell me, in every capital town they have their clubs and places where they revel in obseurity and hateful pleasure; and this your new philosophy, of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere; nasty unnatural beast, I have a thousand minds to one, to leave you stinking as you are, with your God, as you call your filthy brains, to be an example to your brethren.
Lutber. Philosophy is the science where no other but truth receives the palm ; truih is subftantially and corporally proved by the five senses, which brings it under the sanction and cloak of the new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere. Let us per example set the case, or the like of that, suppose the matter thus as I was saying, do ye mungey, as I proved, or the like of that, that materialism is truth, and reversed truth is materialism.
Hoft. What whispering at this midnight watch, the door beset with robbers, who are you at this late hour?
Luther. I am frightened to death, O mywhere shall I hide myself; they, whoever they be, understanding the great bilhny is here,
thinks they will have a large booty, but explain to them host that I am no bishop, neither have I any money, and that you are, out of charity, obliged to defray my charges ; this being the naked truth perhaps may satisfy them, when we Thall be delivered from our exceeding great teri tor and frighc.
Club. Our lord bishop of Canterbury, metropolitan, cardinal, priest and priinate of Great Britain, and all and every part, parcel, thing or things, whatsoever, or whertsoever, locally and generally, with appendages thereunto belonging or appertaining, we your eminence's most loyal members and subjects
, do with heart-felt joy and due deterence, vouchsafe ourselves the liberty of approaching your throne; praising your heroic and great feats of chivalry, raising yourself to the pinnacle or summit of the new philosophy, of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere ; praying your eminence will look with a propitious eye on your faithful herd, and place your eminence like one common father at our head, to give rule, and be our great link to unite and make one herd of your two flocks, our heretofore, and now present societies, that we may become one herd, and one stye'of fatted pigs, and you our common father, the old Sire in the midst of us. We farther pray your eminence, to do away and set free the remaining fragments which hang round about the hearts of your more an
eient herd, that being delivered from fpiritual malady, which chain down the filly urchin with fears, dreads, remorse, frights, with many dreadful calamities, which dismay, prevent free action and intercourse of enjoyments, drowned and ingulphed in all sensual and freling pleafure. It is this insatiable and luftful guft we mutually are stretched forward to grasp, and bear away the prize. To conclude, we in body compact, your dutiful pigs and kids, in imitation of the sublime council of Athens (Areopagus) made use of the midnight to presenç our obedience, duty and submission, craving your acquiescence to be Lord paramount of the new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere. We, fariher intreat your parental indulgence to accept with clemency the title we here beg to instal you. Most emi. nent Cardinal, chief, leader, head, centre, and grand LINK, that ties and couples the pro testants, the first-born kids, with us your stye of fturdy pigs, and, thould your Eminence think meet, for peace and good agreement becwixt your herds, kids, and pigs, to insert the few Jines fet down, which your dutiful underlings have, with great humility, deigned to offer with themselves downcast at your sublime feet,
That Spirituals may be done away,
Luther. That you may be freed and delivered from doubts or scruples, that might by and by arise, touching the premises, of appointing me
Sire, Chief, and Head of the new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere, Be it known to the Great World at large, and our northern hemisphere in particular, that your appointment, as aforesaid, proceeds not from you, but as instruments made choice of by our great mother, source and origin of our new philosophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere, egged and pushed on, as - it were, by an unknown hand; for observe, we are never to express spiritual influences, being
new philosophers of this our enlightened age * and northern hemisphere, whose whole and fole terminate and rest in materialism. I, therefore, repeat, by an unknown hand, to appoint this worthy subject, our dearly beloved in God. I beg forgiveness for expreflions as heretoforé, or the like of that, as the faying is, our sifter and help-mate, Mrs. Midnight, as if by a prophetic spirit, another bye-word which I humbly crave pardon, or the like of that; but, supposing the case true, this our fifter, as I was saying, elpied two strange mysteries in the act of delivery, and this atteftation is affirmed and confirmed also by this our dearly and most beloved brother, Mr. Host, who are living and faithful witnesses to these great phenomenons, and, as by inspiration, another bye-word, I crave forgiveness, or the like of that, as the saying is, de ye inungey, our sister, as soon as the nature of the malady required disclosing and laying the lower face bare, she cried, as if in extasy, a prodigy! the crab! I hold it is impossible that an illitera'e old woman, unless inspired by fupernatural