The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour
This is a doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more ...' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, this is a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. It includes these gems from Britain's finest comedians: 'I was delighted to learn that my friend's "schadenfreude" was not as satisfying as mine' - Armando Iannucci. 'I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West' - Zoe Lyons. 'For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off' - Jenny Eclair. 'My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that' - Jack Dee. This title also includes: 'Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them?' - Harry Hill. 'I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria'. I said, 'Not that as well" - Tim Vine. 'I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge' - Spike Milligan. 'When someone close to you dies, move seats' - Peter Kay. 'My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden' - Eric Morecambe. 'My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen' - Jimmy Carr. This title also contains: 'Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot' - Vic Reeves. 'Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave' - Sarah Millican. 'My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended' - Ricky Gervais. 'If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes' - Milton Jones. 'Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert' - Simon Amstell. 'We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left' - Ronnie Barker. 'A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, 'Well, I can clearly see your nuts' - Tommy Cooper.