THE RAT-CATCHER AND CATS.
THE Rats by night such mischief did,
Betty was ev'ry morning chid:
They undermin'd whole sides of bacon;
Her cheese was sapp'd, her tarts were taken;
Her pasties, fenc'd with thickest paste,
Were all demolish'd and laid waste.
She curst the cat for want of duty,
Who left her foes a constant booty.
An Engineer, of noted skill,
Engag'd to stop the growing ill.
From room to room he now surveys
Their haunts, their works, their secret ways;
Finds where they 'scape an ambuscade,
And whence the nightly sally's made.
An envious Cat, from place to place,
Unseen, attends his silent pace:
She saw that, if his trade went on,
The purring race must be undone;
So secretly removes his baits,
And ev'ry stratagem defeats.
Again he sets the poison'd toils,
And Puss again the labour foils.
What foe, to frustrate my designs,
My schemes thus nightly countermines?
Incens'd, he cries: this very hour
The wretch shall bleed beneath my pow'r!
So said, a pond'rous trap he brought,
And in the fact poor Puss was caught.
Smuggler, says he, thou shalt be made
A victim to our loss of trade.
The captive Cat, with piteous mews,
For pardon, life, and freedom, sues—
A sister of the science spare,
One int'rest is our common care.
What insolence! the man reply'd,
Shall Cats with us the game divide?
Were all your interloping band
Extinguish'd, or expell'd the land,
We Rat-catchers might raise our fees,
Sole guardians of a nation's cheese!
A Cat, who saw the lifted knife,
Thus spoke, and sav'd her sister's life:
In ev'ry age and clime we see
Two of a trade can ne'er agree;
Each hates his neighbour for encroaching;
Squire stigmatizes squire for poaching;
Beauties with beauties are in arms,
And scandal pelts each other's charms;
Kings too their neighbour kings dethrone,
In hope to make the world their own.
But let us limit our desires,
Not war, like beauties, kings, and squires;
For though we both one prey pursue,
There's game enough for us and you.
THE GOAT WITHOUT A BEARD.
"Tis certain that the modish passions Descend among the crowd, like fashions. Excuse me then; if pride, conceit, (The manners of the fair and great) I give to monkies, asses, dogs,
Fleas, owls, goats, butterflies, and hogs. I say that these are proud. What then? I never said they equal men.
A Goat (as vain as Goat can be)
Affected singularity;
Whene'er a thymy bank he found,
He roll'd upon the fragrant ground;
And then with fond attention stood,
Fix'd, o'er his image in the flood.
I hate my frouzy beard, he cries;
My youth is lost in this disguise.
Did not the females know my vigour,
Well might they loath this rev'rend figure.
Resolv'd to smooth his shaggy face,
He sought the barber of the place;
A flippant Monkey, spruce and smart,
Hard by, profess'd the dapper art:
His pole with pewter basons hung,
Black rotten teeth in order strung,
Rang'd cups that in the window stood,
Lin'd with red rags, to look like blood,
Did well his threefold trade explain,
Who shav'd, drew teeth, and breath'd a vein.
The Goat he welcomes with an air,
And seats him in his wooden chair:
Mouth, nose, and cheek, the lather hides:
Light, smooth, and swift, the razor glides.
I hope your custom, sir, says Pug,
Sure never face was half so smug!
The Goat, impatient for applause,
Swift to the neighb'ring till withdraws.
The shaggy people grinn'd and star'd:
Hey-day! what's here! without a beard! Say, brother, whence the dire disgrace? What envious hand hath robb'd your face? When thus the fop, with smiles of scorn: Are beards by civil nations worn? Ev'n Muscovites have mow'd their chins. Shall we, like formal Capuchins,
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