JOPKINS'S GHOST. AN IRREGULAR BALLAD. OUNG JOPKINS A waiter good was One greater sedater You never did see. or sure He wore a suit of OUR LIBRARY TABLE. THE four worthies who figure on the wrapper of Macmillan's Magazine must have been puzzled to account for the interest they have excited this month. They must have wondered what there was behind them to bring so many fresh faces to bend over the pages they preface. It is not that there is a neat little essay on "The Prophet of Culture," in which MATTHEW ARNOLD gets a few well-earned raps on the knuckles. Nor is it because HENRY KINGSLEY'S "Silcote of Silcotes" is so vividly told. No! It is because the magazine contains a paper called "Shooting Niagara and After!" The writer is grand old THOMAS CARLYLE, the Philosopher of Chelsea, the man to whom so many of us owe so much. Past and Present is one of the best books one would give to a young man beginning the struggle of life. Sartor Resartus-The French Revolution-Heroes and Hero Worship-there are many more in the list of noble books he has written for us. But what about "Shooting Niagara ?" Well, it really But he was quite un- pains us to write it down, but it is mere rant. Rant! But it is a thing not to be laughed at-rather to be pondered over as showing how a grand intellect may be thrown out of gear by a great sorrow. From Berlin came able To overcome his He loved a maid called BETTY A pleasing damsel too! He pined and grew so thin, he Till one day on the table, Dead suddenly he drops! In the Mulliga- (Twasn't grammar)-"This is me!" But soon there was a talking That his ghost was seen at night, An attenuated sprite! But when the cock doth crow, It answers, "Coming-coming!" Adding, "Youths, be warned, and know A Query. AN antiquarian of our acquaintance writes to inquire whether the patron saint of the showery season is called St. Swithin because he keeps us (S) within doors? We think our friend is a little out, as well as (S) within. A Devout Wish. MISS GRYMALKIN, spinster, aged forty, on seeing it announced that MR. M'LEAN, of the Haymarket, is selling engravings called "Man Proposes," said she should like to have an impression of it in her present frame of mind. INTERESTING TO AGRICULTURISTS.-The cattle disease has not yet affected the Alpen-stock. This number is arrived at by doubling the age at which she states she has arrived. The long-promised Broadway is out. First numbers, as has been before remarked in these columns, are not fair things to judge from, and this is a first number. The best things in the magazine are "Dramatic Critics Criticised" (we reserve the point of the propriety of naming the critics,) and "Flo's Fortune," which is capital. The leading story, "Brakespeare," promises to be full of stirring events. "Charmian" is musical, but not as deep as MR. BUCHANAN's best moods. The "International" papers-an English writer on American poetry, and an American writer on English stabilities-will, I suppose, answer their purpose. "Holland House" is mere inventory work. In "Falling in Love" the writer has fallen into error. He doesn't know his THACKERAY (why didn't he avoid that inelegant "like MR. THACKERAY did "). The Fotheringay did not marry "My Lord Pan,' or "My Lord" anybody. "In the Season" is a sparkling paper by a shrewd observer, though the disguises of some of the characters are, perhaps, a trifle too thin. The turn-out of the whole magazine is good-clear type in pleasantly-sized pages, and a telling cover, augur well for Broadway. There are four illustrations, one from the skilful pencil of MR. PASQUIER, four pages full of MR. GRISET'S oddities, a view of Holland House, and a scene in the Park by G. B., who only wants a knowledge of drawing to be an artist. Altogether, the Broadway is a big sixpennyworth, and not a bad first number as first numbers go. A PROVINCIAL paper the other day informed its readers that during the recent storm Three fine horses which had been turned out to graze upon the land of Mr. John Hart, of Newington, were struck by the electric fluid, and killed. On discovering them soon after, one of them was found to have been very severely injured. This extraordinary animal, we believe, came into the hands of its present owner after the melancholy end of its original proprietor, who met with an accident by which he was killed on the spot, and died shortly afterwards! A Decided Bore. is described as consisting of a steel ring thickly set with diamonds, A NEW machine, invented by M. PICHET for the piercing of rocks, which is made to rotate rapidly, being at the same time pressed against the surface it is intended to perforate. Our lady-readers will no doubt protest against such a misapplication of diamonds. We beg to the ground that he encourages burglaries by thus perfecting an insuggest that they may, if they wish, proceed against M. PICHET, on strument known to housebreakers as the "Gem-my."" Horrible, if True! A FRIEND implores us to memorialise the Cattle Plague Commissioners on the following grounds. The well-known "Spotted Dog in the Strand has been recently undergoing repairs, and our informant assures us that the animal has been painted in distemper. OUR NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY.-No. 2. CHARLES DICKENS. Its weight of woes; How many a tear hath melted in a smile How many a selfish sigh and sorrow, Diverted from our own distress, Hath pow'r been given thee to borrow Sam Weller, Pecksniff, Quilp, and Richard Swiveller, Are all before us where to choose a favourite. Sweet Nelly, and that grand-paternal driveller, Whose name requires a sea of scents to savour it ;- Yes, well may one excuse us, On sunny days about the Temple Garden, Who could think of stopping single Who can watch the coming coldly We will not blame you if your pen is idle, Or goes to sleep on such a reputation; The fault is Time's if Time has put a bridle Upon your faney and imagination. We leave it for the critics to complain, And say your early novels were the greater ones; But, as you cannot give us those again, We wish to see the latest of your later ones. Door, e mi, fa, sol, etc. THE gentleman who inserted the following advertisement in the Times the other day must have strange tastes and habits: A BED ROOM WANTED, a little way out of town, with breakfast and dinner on Sundays. Folding-doors preferred, as the gentleman would take a friend home occasionally. The advertiser would like to hear a little sacred music on the pianoforte before retiring to rest. From 21s. to 30s. will be paid weekly. Apply, by letter only, to Mr. A. G., &c. Thank goodness we are not Mr. A. G.'s friend to be taken home occasionally on Sundays when he prefers folding-doors for dinner. Is he any relation to the voracious party who bolted his own front door every night of his life? However, it seems music has charms to soothe his savage and peculiar appetite, for he wishes to have a few sacred tunes played to him ere he retires to rest. But is it not rather too much to expect to pay only from a guinea to thirty shillings a week for such unusual requirements-unless his landlord is permitted to take money at the folding-doors from those who wish to see them eaten? DITES LUI! "DITES LUI," a trifle from La Grande Duchesse, I seem to hear the matchless SCHNEIDER Singing, Flinging one fancies which I'd dare express, If cloaks of OFFENBACH were round me clinging; If I could sit again in cosy stall, Round me a sea of girls, and music swelling, Sweet fascination's wand would on me fall, And this is what I think one would be telling. "Dites lui!" if he would think to win my hand, To bring me powder for my face, and washes, For either fore-arm a dead golden band, And be prepared for kettle-drums and squashes. Bid him remember I don't care a rap If women sigh and clever people fête him, For so that I may guard against mishap, I'll ruin him and after that I'll hate him." "Dites lui," another with simplicity, Would lisp in tones as mild as bread and butter, "I've only just left boarding-school and I Have got ideas 'twere far best not to utter. My head is full of poems and romance, My mind diseased with Ouida's books and folly, No man I tolerate if he can't dance, Unless his whiskers curl he can't be jolly." "Dites lui," another with a horsey air, Brazen of face, in grating tones would bellow, "I'll wait awhile to hear if he can swear, Before I say if he's a plucky fellow. If he can box, and bet, and chaff and slang, Would sneer in tones sarcastic and unpleasant, THERE are complaints from the Natal Caffres that they cannot purchase wives, owing to the rise of prices in the matrimonial market. Formerly they could purchase wives at ten cows a-head-a superior article only costing fifteen. Now, twenty cows are the minimum cost. A married friend of ours is of opinion that this prohibitive price is a blessing that the untutored savage ought to recognise. He says he wouldn't give one cow for a wife, but would gladly hand over a herd of cattle to anybody who would get rid of the one he has. Not quite so Black as they are Painted. We believe there is no foundation for the report that the late Jamaica Committee has revived, and that it is taking steps to prosecute LORD STANLEY if he takes any steps to persecute or threaten that amiable and Christian black, the EMPEROR of ABYSSINIA. We would, however, suggest that the gentlemen forming the Committee in question, who were so hard upon GOVERNOR EYRE's policy, should be sent out to see what an easy task it is to deal with rebellious and bloodthirsty blacks. Now, then, Gentlemen of the Jamaica Committee, which of you will go as envoy to the benignant THEODORUS? Don't all speak at once! "H." PEOPLE troubled with disease of the respiratory organs are sent to Ems. Could not those who suffer from defective aspiration be sent to Aitches-if there be such a spot. Answers to Correspondents. by a stamped and directed envelope.] [We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied S. J. L. (Bristol.)-You are not too presumptuous when you "presume that the following is not up to the standard of excellence looked for in our columns." As Shakespeare says, or rather doesn't say "Thou wretched, rash"-presumptuous party-" farewell." A CORRESPONDENT (whose envelope bears the official stamp of the Court of Bankruptcy) sends us a joke about "property." Of course people are accustomed to trifle with property there, but we can't award him a first-class MAXWELL (Belfast).-What does the bard remark? "Maxwell- brays are not bonny." certificate. A. R. (Moorgate-street).-We cannot waste time or space on mere misprints. thought it would do you, or us, any good. C. M. (Bloomsbury).-We should be glad to encourage you, if we H. W. C. (Terrace, Worcester).-No, thank you. AN ANXIOUS MOTHER.-We never heard of such a place. J. W. H. (East Sheen).-The ideas are good, but the execution isn't. R. H. (Lowestoft).-We may be able to make something out of the suggestion, for which thanks. Declined with thanks:-W. G. W.; F. K., Edinburgh; J. H. McR.; J. T., Penzance; B.; H. E. H., Jersey; D.; I. C.; J. L., Liverpool; P. F. D., Sheffield; Peter Q.; R. M.; C. F. C., Brighton; Typo; F. G. H. (H. R.); W. R. B.; R. M., Hercules-buildings; 'Arry, 'Ackney; Stiggins, Bishop's Waltham; J. S.; D. F., Dalston; Photo WHAT is the secret of MR. ROBERT CHAMBERS's success?-He has grapher; A Wren; Crab (be); J. J. F., Blairgowrie; Mister Brown; always worked with a "WILL." J. W., Liverpool; Horseshoe; H. P.; W. G. T., Deptford. |