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SAID THE OLD JOHN BRIGHT TO THE YOUNG JOHN BRIGHT.

THEN GIE'S A HAND, MY OLD FRIEND JOHN,

AND LOOK ME IN THE EEN,

AND WE'LL TAK A RIGHT GUID WILLIE-WAUGHT (WHATEVER THAT MAY MEAN).

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Right that they're wrecked who so recklessly do,
And that's enough righting for England.

The vexed Deceased Wife's Sister Bill
Has nearly passed the Lords;

The Bright festivities instil

The lesson worth affords.

Some think thought-reading Bishop wise,
Some think him but a muff;
And now, good people, I surmise
Of news you 've had enough.

Quite says the country, (heartily too),
Quite-in the style it's related by you-
Oo!

Quite, and you know it, so get along do,
And remember you're writing for England.

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JUST now there are shows in the fullest of swing
Of every possible genus of thing:

Yet nobody, knowing them, needs to be told
How many the articles left in the cold :-

We view the collection of "Rational Dress,"
And vainly inquire, in a state of distress,
For a certain exhibit which has, we insist,
An absolute right to the head of the list.
We speak of the garment benevolence hurls
At the heads of our fortunate charity gurls;
So full of good taste is the piece of ature-
A vision of beauty, a theme to inspire.
To frenzied invention the subject incites
The local dispensers of Charity's mites;
And charity children (and often adults)
Must glow with delight at the thrilling results.
The guardian shudders in absolute dread
At anything short of the fieriest red,
The brightest of blue, and the vividest green,
And the blazingist yellow that ever was seen.

And Charity's victim, encased in her bag,
Is often mistaken, and used, for a flag;
Being vividly blue from the waist to the head,
With the rest of her blazingly, dazingly red.

All sensible persons will have to confess
That this is the acme of Rational Dress;
In view of its glory, the motley of FUN
Is monochromatic, and dingy as dun!

And now for a growl at another display-
We speak of the "Fisheries," Kensington way;
We'll never believe the committee have shown]
One-half of the fishing contrivances known :

For where is the net that the mongers employ
For netting the fabulous price they enjoy?
And where is their line that we never can break?
And where is their hook we should like 'em to take?

And where is the rod, we impatiently ax,
That's lying in pickle to tickle their backs?
And where's-(we've a gimlet to riddle its skin)-
That precious same boat" they are all of 'em in?

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66

In general matters, the requisite gear

For fishing for compliments doesn't appear;
And they give us not even a glimpse of the tail
Of the sprat that succeeded in catching a whale !

The show that's devoted to "National Health"
Might very decidedly add to its wealth
By showing a few of those national pills,
Sir Wilfrid's fanatical "Optional" Bills.

With ease they'd exhibit, we're perfectly sure,

A far less revolting and violent cure

For the bad epidemic (which nobody blinks),
The terribly wasting consumption-of drinks.

THE good old game of "rounders" is coming into fashion again, and an association is to be formed for its promotion. We are glad to hear it, for there are many flatter games than rounders.

"HOW THE RICH LIVE:" BY SHINY SEAMS AND HAL 'LOW! CHAPTER I.

COMMENCE with the first of this series of papers, a book of travel; I do not care (if I knew how) to commence with any other. An author and an artist have gone hand-inhand, like the Babes in the Woodand sometimes one behind the other for the better protection of one of them-into an inhospitable land, a land hitherto unexplored by them, and a land which has not altogether welcomed them; and I trust the recital of their adventures will be eagerly read, be for the moral benefit of the world at large, and for the pecuniary benefit of one who would corn to do a noble action for gold.

I

I have no squalid slums or criminal-haunted alleys to describe. have no brickbat dangers, no fever hazards, no festering cinder-heaps, to dwell upon; and not much to live upon! It is unpleasant to be mistaken by corpulent ruddy-faced butlers for gentlemen who have "come after the spoons" without legal authority; it is dangerous to be caught by my lord in the act of "pumping" his confidential valet; it is hazardous to perform the same opera. tion upon the plump coquettish nursemaid during the ever-imminent approach of the stalwart cane-armed Life Guardsman who claims her as his own; but these are not adventures of the heroic or picturesque order to be set down in note-books and fondly elaborated, being rather of the kind to be thought of blushingly, and locked for ever in the silent standa-drink-to-your-companion-not-to-say-anything-about-it recesses of your

inmost bosom.

But let the reader wash and shave himself, pare his nails, put on his boots, his overcoat, and (carefully brushing it) his hat, and come along with me. Let him bring his umbrella on the chance of rain, and I will show him whole streets and squares that belong to one man, houses the rental of which would pay his yearly salary and mine ten times over; people who pay twice as much as they need for everything they eat or drink, or wear, or enjoy, from sheer inability of spending their money else; and I will turn round, catch him by the buttonhole, and ask, "Is not this a crying evil?-does it not call for legislative interference and redistribution of property?-why should I not have my share to spend judiciously instead of having to endure the agony of seeing it flung about in this wild and reckless manner?-don't tell me that it 's good for trade." But come, let us begin. Let us knock at this door. If you knew more of me and my companion you would rather wonder at our going confidently up to a door of this respectable appearance and knocking with such assured boldness; but we have made friends Iwith the boy who cleans the knives at this establishment, and his good offices have resulted in permission from the butler to act as our guide through the house during the absence of "the family," on the understanding that we are searched as we leave. We are supposed to be on business connected with the Inland Revenue, and are armed with a pass-word (Tax-collector), which even the richest in the land have grown at last sulkily to acknowledge. This is a comparatively unpretending house, and has been selected to break things gently to an artist who has not hitherto studied character

on ground where I have had many wanderings (napkin on arm, when the regular greengrocer has been engaged).

Our knock creates a sensation. A lady's-maid at an upper window opposite throws it open and leans out, crammed with curiosity; the policeman half stops in his "ker-lumping" pilgrimage, and eyes us doubtfully, and an errand boy ceases his whistle to inquire of his companion if the "brokers is in at No. 26?" At this point our knifecleaning friend appears in the area with the information that we are to enter by that way, which we do to the decreation of our importance, and the restoration of the public faith in the fitness of things.

As we pass through the doorway leading to the lower passages, our nostrils are assailed with an overpowering odour. The family dinner is being prepared, and the mingled scents of every delicacy in season, and many out, strike us in the face with a hot blast of pampered luxury and insolence as we cross the threshold. We peep into the kitchen as we pass. There stands the cook, every article that she can possibly require to her hand, surrounded by satellites, her pots and kettles com. plete to a sherry-burner, her crockery ample, and with no cracked or stitched dish among them, everything clean, in order, disgustingly lavish,-and I lunched off bread and cheese! Now, why should Parliament-but let us get on.

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Reaching the entrance hall, my companion stumbles and falls; it is a lucky stumble, as it makes me cautious on the costly tiles of the floor, which are all of a piece (with the surrounding gorgeousness, I mean). And so we go up, on velvet pile carpets, by broad staircases, through spacious draw. ing-rooms, luxurious dining. rooms, cozy smoke-rooms, and dainty boudoirs, amid palms,

ferns, and exotics, pictures and statuary, and air languorous with a thousand scents. We have reached the nursery at last. Shall we ever forget the sight that meets our eyes?

The room is furnished with the usual lavish waste; but some great commotion appears to have been going on. A doll's house faces us, broken and dismantled; a chair has been flung angrily against the wall and broken, a table has been overturned, some missile has been flung violently through the window-pane. To the right lies a large and valuable doll which has also suffered in the general destruction. In the centre of the room lies a dark nondescript bundle: it is not easy to say what it is; there seems to be a scrap of a cap, a trace of shredded apron, a dark dress, a neat shoe and neater ankle, and on it sits a little child of six. A prettily-dressed but breathless and dishevelled child of six, with traces of unappeased anger on its face. That child has not seen its mother for three months, though living in the same house!

All (More startling disclosures next week.)

How can it be otherwise? When mamma rises languidly at eleven, there are visits to be paid or received, then there is Madame Jane to be visited, then it is time for lunch, after that comes the morning concert or the drive, then we dress and dine. and theatre, opera, and ball carry us on to the small hours, which find "baby" half through her night's rest, and mamma too weary to climb "those stairs." What wonder the little mortal has revolted from the neglect, created wholesale destruction around, and after a severe struggle defeated and sat upon her nurse? Surely our Legisla ture- [half col. deleted].

We insist upon leaving the house by the front door. As we do so we meet its proprietor on the step; with haughty and cold surprise he watches our sneaking departure.

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JOHN BRIGHT.

A TRIBUTE to a man of purest aim

Has been in our great Midland centre giv'n,
To one who has for liberty e'er striv'n,
And who has nobly won an honoured name,

For having e'er been steadfast for the truth,
And helped the cause of freedom from his youth;
Who 'gainst oppression always raised his voice,
And to the poor has been a faithful friend.
'Tis fitting, then, that men should now rejoice,
And in one harmony their greetings blend.
For he was ever valiant for the right,

For charity, and peace, and equal laws, For years has he upheld the people's cause: Should not our nation, then, revere John Bright?

Old Songs Reset.

No. VIII.

AIR-Hail to the Chief who in Triumph Advances.

HAIL to the man who his money advances !

Honoured and blessed for the cash that he lends !

Long may he flourish to solace our glances

With gold and with notes-those most precious of friends. And when a bill is due,

May he at once renew,

Gaily to run, and with interest to grow;
Till with a facile pen

He will renew again

Israel Ben Moses, you know what I owe!

Owe, brothers, owe, for the pride of the pocket,
Stretch out your credit as far as 't will go !

Oh that our fortunes went up like a rocket,
Not to come down like its stick-with a blow!
Loud shall in anger then
Swear in his darkest den

Israel Ben Moses-can't get what I owe!

ADDERS are said to be multiplying rapidly in France. We should have thought addition would have been more in their way than multiplication. It seems a reward of fifty centimes is offered for killing an adder. This promises to be a profitable occupation, if the viperous brood keep(s)on-teeming so.

PROFESSIONAL PRIDE.

Doctor's Boy (to Chemist's Boy).-"GET OUT WI' YER! AIN'T YER GOT NO RESPECT FOR A MEDICAL MAN?"

THE INTELLIGENT FOREIGNER IN PARLIAMENT.

OUT AT LAST

ME

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In ze Commons Sir Harcourt tell Mr. Elliot zat alzo Milor Rasberry -pardon, I go say Rosebud-no, diable!I mean Rosebery-is resigned, he is quite dear old pal vit him. Belle idée for Mr. Mill A for tableau-Ze Merry Family, or Happy Harcou rt and Resigned Rosebery. Encore Randy and ze G. O. M. Ze question is, vy is Mr. Errington so long at Rome? but I demand vy do Randy so long roam from ze qvestion?

Friday.-Ze Lord O'Neill take his seat. C'est bien étrange. How can he sit as ze lord who kneel?

SO

also ze Oh! Kelly; but ze whole lot altogezzare vonaftare ze ozzareSir Lawson by his own self is som sink awful, also for Randy, so mort de ma vie! as your song say, "Ze gentlemens of England, zat reside at home in ease, ver' little do you sink upon ze sorrows of M.P.s." Quel malheur zat Sir Lawson, so much toteetellare, sould be sometime malheur so intemperate. Ven ze Bill to revard Milors Alcester and Volseley is move to go in Committee, Sir Lawson insult ze heroes of whom ze nation is proud; he insult also ze nation because he try to poison vit venom an

act of grace. Il semble Sir Lawson does not mind if ve sink him clown so long as ve sink him funny. To-night ve do not sink him funny, mais nous sommes bien sûr qu'il est paillasse-zat he is clown. As for ze Rowdy Randy, il ne faut pas for Churchill to kick up row ven a soldier is revarded-Marlbrook did not go to ze var for glory only.

Monday.-"Vat is ze matter, dear boys?" I say to ze bishopr, for zey veep so much, and von of zem say it is passed at last, ze second reading of ze Bill to let a man marry his deceased vife's sistare, and zey veeper. I demand how can he marry his vife's sistare if she is deceased? Zey explain-it is ze sistare of ze deceased vife. Zen I say "N'importe, old chappies. You see, if a man marry his vife vich is deceased's sistare, he vill have had two vife, and only von mozzare-in-law, voilà! Zey dry up ze veeps and ve go have drinks.

In ze Commons ve have Lord Randolph ad nauseam on Sulieman Sami. Ze G. O. M. slap him! Ze paltry amendments of Sir Lawson and Mr. Labouchere to ze Bills for ze grants to Milors Volseley and Alcester are chuck out as zey deserve.

Tuesday.-Ze Lords make room for zeir uncle, c'est à dire ze Earl who is born to sell, and also sellare of chances, bring in ze Bill of ze broker of pawns. Mr. Campbell Bannerman-I suppose he is somesink in ze pantomimes or ze Lor' Maire show-can tell ze House of Commons nozzink of ze lively time zey have had on ze Lively. Ze Irish Land Act, comme oiseau, is to have its clause seen to. Milor Hamilton have scheme for making ze tenant landlord. Bien! mais j'espere ze tenant vill not shoot himself if he vill not reduce his own rent to ze valuation of ze safe man, M. Griffis!

Vennisday.-Ze Poor Law Bill of Mr. Ochone-I mean McCoan-is read two time;-mais, ze Bill of Mr. Burt to prevent ze employer conze ze

tracting himself out of his liability is rec'est passe, te contract of te

steeck up for free contract; mais, est ce que poor man vit ze rich master?

CORRUPT PRACTICES "BILL."-What some Conservatives consider the G. O. M.

TO CORRESPONDENTS.-The Editor does not bind himself to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case will they be returned unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.

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