Mamma :-" MY DEAR CHILD, YOU REALLY MUST NOT TAKE NOTICE OF SUCH RUDE BOYS AS THAT!" Eleanor (who has just been talking to Butcher-boy) :-" OH, MAMMA, I'M SURE HE'S NOT RUDE, HE'S SUCH A KIND BOY,-WHY HE LET ME DRIVE HIS PIG ALL DOWN THE HIGH-STREET THE OTHER DAY!" THE SILLY THING! NELLIE trembles for her hold on the affections of her darling Willy-as dapper a little clerk as ever asked you "Hard or soft ?" at the Bank of England. She has heard that there are "transfer days" at that establishment. THE DEVELOPMENT OF SPECIES. PROFESSOR DARWIN must read with intense satisfaction that the portfolio of the Minister of Public Works in the new Spanish Government has fallen to Senor Gorilla. A HOARSE WHISPER. IT is astonishing how small a foundation rumour requires. It was reported the other day that there was a screw loose in Rawbone's affairs, but it simply arose from the fact that he had turned his saddlehorse out to grass. WATCH YE UP TO? WHAT is the difference between a Co. and a Chronometer?-The former stops in order to take the benefit of the Winding-up Act, and the latter takes the benefit of the winding-up act in order not to stop. - When A SCREW. the Money Market is suffering from the effects of a drain, it is not strange that it should be described as tight. ORNAMENTAL WATER.-A Bride's Tears. March, xxxi Days. April, xxx Days. 1 M St. David 17 Wt. Pati'k 1 T All Fools 17 S 2 T 8 W 4 T 5 F 2 F Cobden d. 18 3S.af.Eas. 18 T Pri. Lou. 19 F [b 1848 21 S Palm Sun 22 M Goethe d 6 T 24 W 7 8 48 in Lat 23 T 8 9 T 8 T [b. 1853 24 S 25 T Lady day 9 FLd.Bacon 25 848.af.Eas. 12 F 11 8 28 8 Easter 8. 12 M 29 M (1789 15 [b. 1856 31 W Vap.1282 15 T [den 1746 GARDENING OPERATIONS. BARK your shins now if you intend doing it at Look out for your grubs now. The best plan Never purchase a roller without trial. If you get someone to run it over your toes once or twice you will be able to judge approximately of its weight. If you wish to raise celery, you might see how a crane fixed at one of the top windows would answer. We don't know. PREDICTIONS. SPAIN may or may not be in a disturbed state during these months. So may Italy. So, in short, may many countries, although May does not commence this year until after the 30th of April. Great events may be looked for during these months. If they do not turn up that is no fault of ours. The Queen will be in London or elsewhere at this time, and if the Conservative Ministry still exists, Mr. Disraeli will govern the affairs of the country. There will be grave discussions in Parliament, if it happens to be sitting, and violent speeches may possibly be made. There will be signs of great discontent among the cabmen. WHAT EVERY BRITISH SOLDIER SHOULD POSSESS.-An Alma-knack. The Petition of the Fairies to Father Christmas. Petition of the Fairies HUMBLY SHEWETH MAY it please your Highness, In our wish expressing, When Pantomime, By Burlesque outshined, Has (the fact's distressing) Constantly declined. Once we fairies sprightly Were the Lords of Yule, At the playhouse nightly Used the roast to rule. Then the children hailed us, Just returned from school; Harlequin ne'er failed usClown aye played the foolPantaloon availed us For our ridicule. Now Burlesque the cunning, Takes up all the running- Utterly outstripping. Virtue aid no more, Help in its des vite, Weaker against stronger, Listen to our rhyme, Lord of mirth and chime! Of the olden time, Mad Burlesque, And restore his sway! |