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MRS. BROWN AND THE WINTER.
next night, I was woke up through 'earin' a noise like droppin' all
over the room. I'm sure it's a wonder as I'm alive to tell it, for of all the winters as ever I remembers it certainly 'as beat 'em. Not as I can recolleet as will only give a grunt and turn over agin. So I gets out of bed for
As to wakin' Brown, you might as well 'ope to wake a milestone, that one as froze up even the Rooshuns theirselves, as all perished in a to light a caudle, but 'adn't gone many steps, for I felt I was a-steppin' single night through a-settin' fire to their own place for to spite Bony in pools ice cold, and when I'd got a light, if the place wasn't deluged PART, and the Thames froze over with a bullock roasted whole all over through the ceilin' a-droppin' water like a shower bath. the place, as is shameful waste I've heerd say, though never see it I wakes Brown by hollerin', and when he see wbat was up, he says, myself, as muatismell fearful I should say, with all the fat in the fire, "It's the gutters as is stopped and overflowin' through the thaw, as as the sayin'-isa. But certingly shall never forget that frost when the you did ought to 'ave 'ad 'em looked to." I said, “ 'Ow was I ever Royal Exchange were burnt to ashes, and Mrs. MUDrord's uncle, as
to know as it was a-goin' to thaw ?" But I says, “Let's go into the were one of them beadles as did used to stand in a cocked ’at, took to other room, and not lay 'ere to be drownded like rats ;" and so we did, 'is bed through the chill as that fire give 'im, and never was the same but, bless you, I got a chill as throwed me back for days. man agin, asa'ad a chime of bells as played beautiful all the time it
I did think as I should 'ave gone mad when I got about agin, and were a-burnin', and struck up the Old ’Undredth to the very last, as
Bee the way as our water-pipes 'ad busted all over the place; but I I well remembers a-hearin' myself in spendin' the day on Cornhill with says, “Thank goodness as it's over.” Says Brown, “Don't you a party as was a old friend of my dear mother's, and took care of holler 'till yon're out of the wood.” offices and never went out of that place for a holiday not for forty year, as lived over seventy, and shows as fresh air can't be no use for the for
a thaw is always a chilly feelin' to me, when in who should come
Three days arter that, and a Tuesday, I was a-settin' over the fire, 'ealth. But law bless you, that was a flea-bite to last winter, and, as I but ALF #ED, for to say as 'is little sister wasn't expected to live through". was a-saşin', it's a wonder as ever I lived through it, that it is, for I the night, and as, 'is mother wasn't able for to do nothin' through 'er took cold Christmas Eve as is a unlucky day for a cold to set in, and cold bein' that bad. I says, “Why ever didn't you go to your Aunt I knowed as I should, all through that gal a-goin' out on a errand and TAPWELL?" He said as he did, but she couldn't wenture out. a-forgettin' the key, and mea-goin' to the door to let 'er in all of a Well, I didn't know what to do; but I sends ALFRED for a caby and 'eat through bein' busy in the kitchen.
goes with him to'is mother, as is livin' near the Westminster-road. I didn't feel the thing not the last day of the old year, and says I don't think as ever I was more savage in my life when I see that to Brown as I'd rather not go out through 'avin' promised to drink gal; why
she wasn't 'arf as bad as me. I says to 'er mother, "Why tea along with 'is sister, as, as boon in Indy and only come.'ome in ever did you send for me ?” “Oh," she says, “I'm such a bad ’and , November with two as sickly children as ever I set eyes on, as is com in illness, and thought as 'er cough sounded croupy." fortable off through a pension, but a deal too genteel for me, a-givin'
“Rubbish; at 'er age, as is jist on eleven!” only a cup of tea and a bit of thin bread-and-butter as tasted of the
I was that tired as I felt as though a cup of tea would do me good, knife, and the butter salt and rayther rancid, and a sandwich for supper,
80 waited for to 'ave one, as wasn't worth the waitin' for, through and 'er gals a-showin' off on the pianer, as is all werry well now, but bein' smoky; but thought as I'd go 'ome as soon as it was over. won't never do when 'er 'ouse is full of lodgers as 'as took a 'ouse That ALFRED, he went out afore tea, a-sayin' as he'd be in directly, down Camberwell way for to let lodgin's.
so I waited for 'im to see me in the 'bus, for them cabs do run into I didn't feel well when I left ’ome, and says to the gal for to 'ave money frightful. I waited and waited, but no ALFRED came in, so I some bilin' water, a-thinkin' as I'd put my feet in 'ot water with a says, “I must go;" and off I started; but, law bless you, I 'adn't 'andful of mustard, as will draw the cold out, not as I 'olds much with 'ardly got off the doorstep when away went my 'eels, and I must 'ave them bilin' water ways. We come away quite early from Mrs. Tap-slid
two or three feet, and down I come on my back that crash as I WELL'S, as is Brown's sister, for I was precious sick of all that rubbish, thought I'd broke everything, for if it 'adn't been and froze worse and Brown a-getting cross at 'er foolishness a-talking of 'er daughters than ever. marryin' gentlemen. As the eldest ain't but just sixteen, and a poor A very nice gentleman as was passin', he stops for to lift me up, mealy thing as ever you see; and as to the young one, she's a object, but, bless you, we was both down together in a jiffey, and if two 80 as we wasn't werry, jolly, I said as I'd got a bad cold and would parties, as come out of the 'ouse next door but one to Jane's didn't rather go, and go we did.
come and tumble slap over us. I managed for to crawl to the iron It was a-sleetin' fast as we came out of Mrs. TaPWELL'S, $o Brown railin's, and get on my feet; bat, bless you, move I dursn't, for the he got a cab and 'ome we went, and who should we find a-sittin' place was like lookin'-glass; and every body a-tumblin' about like mad. waitin' for us but Mr. and Mrs. LUKEIN, as is the oldest friends as
Well, I stood there a-'oldin' them iron rails ever so long. At last, Brown ’ave got, and 'ad stopped through the gal a-sayin' as we should
some parties come by, a-walkin' arm in arm to 'old one another up, as be in early for certain.
says to me, "Join us, old lady." Well, I didn't much fancy their I was glad to see Mrs. LUKEIN, and set to work for to get 'em some
ways, but didn't dare move without 'elp, so I ketches 'old of a party's supper, as was a cold meat pie and some of the plum pudding fried, arm, but, law, the moment as I moved, down I goes, and dragged the and a bit of toasted cheese, as did werry well at a pinch, and arter others along with me, as certingly broke my fall. supper we 'ad a drop of 'ot punch for to drink the old year out and the
So one of them young fellers he come and picks me up, and says, new year in, and Bảown would open the winder for to 'ear the bells
“Let's put 'er in the middle;" as they did accordin', and says, a-ringin', as give me a chill on the chest as a drop more 'ot punch
"Come on, mother, 'old your body up." I says, “For mercy sake, didn't seem for to carry off through it bein' a piercin' cold night and don't go a-walkin' on like this;" for they was, -'urryin' me down the the snow a-fallin'. So I says to Mrs. Lukein as she'd better stop all Westminster-road so as my feet didn't 'ardly touch the ground; and I night through, the spare bed bein' ready, as she was that dead-beat as
was more a-slidin' than a-walkin'. she agreed to, 'avin' left word where they was a-stayin' not to set up
So they says, “ We can't dawdle on sich a night as this ;” and on for 'em arter eleven, as is reasonable 'ours.
they rushes. I says, “Stop;" but, law bless you, if they didn't get Brown and Mr. Lukrin got a-talkin' over some property as he'd into the middle of the road, and join a lot more, and then another lot got left 'im, Mrs. LUKEIN and me went to bed, and arter seein' as she
come behind as kep' a-shoutin', "Now then, keep movin' !" and trod was comfortable, I goes to my own room and there was the kettle still
on my 'eels frightful. I do believe as them wagabones was only 'ot though the fire was out, and though I was dead tired I thought a-makin' game on me, for when they got ever so far along the road if I'd put my feet in the 'ot water if only for a minit or two.
they didn't turn back. I says, “Let me go; I ain't a-goin' back-I don't remember nothin' more arter I'd put 'em in till I 'eard a
this is my way 'ome." They says, “ All right;" and did let me go, 'ammerin' noise as I thought was the workpeople opposite, and and down I went; and there was them fellers a-goin' on shoutin' and a-thinkin' as some one was a-roastin' of my legs and feet as was hagony. singin'. I give a start, and if I 'adn't been and fell asleep with my feet in that
I don't think as I should 'ave lived to see 'ome agin, for I was water as they was froze into, and Brown a-'ammerin' at the door as
a-settin' 'elpless in the middle of the road, only a cab come by as took I'd been and turned the key in, not a-thinkin' what I was a-doin' on. me for five shillin's; and I wasn't out of my bed for ten days, and
Brown he was that savage, a-sayin”, “You're a beginnin' the year everything went wrong in the 'ouse, for the cat was pisoned, and that werry pieely, Mrs. Brown."
I says, " Buown, it's my death as I've gal as I'd took out of charity, she went off and left me in the larch; caught," and so I thought as I 'ad, for no rubbin' would bring the and if it 'adn't been as Mās. PADWICK come to nues me, I should life back into my feet, and I says, “The idea of your a-sittin' up till never 'ave lived through it; and what with the doctor's bill and the near three o'clock a-talkin'.” He says, “It was all about business," plumber's bill, we was pretty nigh cleaned out; and all I got to say is and goes off to sleep; but as to me I was like a mask of icicles, that if that's a old-fashioned winter, I'd rather have a new one a-creepin' from 'ead to foot, and thought as I never should get warm myself. no more.
It's lucky as Mrs. LUKEiv could stop with me a day or two, for I was that bad as never was, with mustard plaisters and a blister that
Con.-By an April Fool. strong as nearly drawed me crooked. I wangettin' a little better and Why is wet weather more ant than dry! Because it is more MRS. LUKBIN and her good gentleman was gone 'ome, and the werry | in-door-able.
(AND Tomkins thinks these quiet little French dinners are so very jolly, s ) and thinks French dinners not quite so jolly as they were.
IMPOSITION) AT PARIS.
Tomkins finds that prices have risen in consequence of the Exposition,
At peace once more the Empire stands,
But arming to the teeth,
That clutch the faulchion's sheath.
May meet in mortal fray ;
Is “ L'empire c'est la paix !”.
THE EMPIRE OF PEACE.
Had peace for thirty years,
To take and keep Algiers.
Was “ L'empire c'est la paix !”
When, see, the conscript goes
Amid Crimean snows.
It might be hard to say;
Was “ L'empire c'est la paix !”.
For, quickly roused again,
Across the Lombard plain.
On Solferino's day ;
Was “ L'empire c'est la paix !”.
About the China Seas,
To cheapen British teas.
Beyond the Mexic Bay;
And “ L'empire c'est la paix ?”
The Strike. The journeymen tailors declare that they will not allow themselves to be starved into submission. Every single man of them would cook his own goose sooner than that. Groups of unmistakable tailorsgenerally in bodies of nine-may be met with in the streets. Some of the first swells of the land are in great distress in consequence of their inability to procure new clothes, and have been obliged to borrow some of their own old suits from their valets.
A Grateful Country. Who says that we forget our benefactors ? Who accuses the Army Departments of dilatorines8 ? No one, we trust, in the fare of the statement made last week that a pension of ninepence a day has just been granted to WILLIAM HUMPHREY8, aged 78, for services in the Peninsular War. He quitted the army in 1817, so that the authorities have been only half a century in settling his claims. And yet men won't enlist!
A Full Stop. DR. CUMMING has just published a book called The Last Woc. After this woh we hope he will pull up.
REMARKABLE EFFECT OF THE LATE EASTERLY WINDS.-All noses not blown off were blew (blue) on.
PAX PACKS. Nap. (to Peace) : “BUT, MADAM, THE EXHIBITION IS ESTABLISHED ENTIRELY TO HONOUR YOU—AND ITIS HARDLY COMPLETED ! REALLY WE MUST TRY TO MAKE SOME ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR FURTHER STAY WITH US!”
THE GREAT CITY.
BLOUNT.—Certainly. Go on.
[C. F. tells him all this, and excit, like a pigeon. ACT I, Scene 1.- Exterior of Charing-cross Hotel.
BLOuXT.—Edith, I love you!
EDITH.–Fiend, be off! Last night you attempted to lead me from Enter ARTHUR CARRINGTON.
the paths of virtue, when I was but a poor wanderer. To-day I am ARTHUR C.-I am here to meet Edith, who is coming by train from rich, and have a house in Belgrave-square, and an extensive circle of Canterbury. I will not go and meet her on the platform, but I will witless Honourables in my train, and you would marry me. Go! wander about in front of the Charing-cross Hotel. What more
[He goes. natural than that I should avail myself of this opportunity to remark,
Enter a DIRTY CONVICT. with much melodramatic action, that I am disinherited by my uncle DIRTY C.-Pip!- I should say, Edith! I am your papa, Magwitchin favour of Jacob Blount, M.P., because I get drunk?
I should say, Mogg! It is 4 a.m., and a more fitting opportunity for [Wanders about the Strand. making this announcement may never occur. 'Twas I who furnished Enter EDITH with large trunk and bandbox.
you with £5,000 a-year ‘ast night. EDITH.—I have just arrived, but where is my Arthur ? I suppose
EDITH.-Ha! I see it ll. "Great Expectations" all over again! the fond youth is drunk as usual. I will sit on my trunk in the middle Mogg.--Here is my address, a thieves' kitchen in Saffron-hill. of the Strand and await him.
[Does so. Happy to see you when you like to call. [Exit, molto agitato. Enter, from the Hotel, JACOB BLOUNT, M.P., MENDEZ, and
BLOUNT.—I have been hidden under a sofa, and I heard all. I will BLOUNT.— A lovely gal? I will deceive her!
[Exit. MENDEZ.-I will help you, s'help me! My grey hairs and false EDITH.-Ha! I may yet warn him of his danger. (To servant.) nose will inspire confidence.
Quick, an opera cloak, I will walk as I am to Saffron-hill. BLOUNT.-Away! (TO EDITH.) Young thing, let me protect you
[Puts opera cloak over ball dress, and walks to Saffron-hill. I see you are alone in the Great City.
ACT III. Scene 1.-The Jolly Beggars' Club.
Enter Morg, drunk, followed by about a hundred jolly beggars, and St. Paul's.
Mendez, in Turkish costume.
MENDEZ.-Ha! ha! Kitchen in Saffron-hill-Belgrave-square, just EDITH.-Under the shadow of St. Paul's ? Then it must be all right!
Such is life, my tear!
Enter EDITH, in ball dress, with her hair down to express Mogg's danger. Mogo.-Ha! The Strand still here, I see; and Trafalgar-square,
EDITH.-Papa Mogg, the crushers are upon you! too! But where, oh, where is my Hungerford-market ? [Weeps.
Mogo.-Ha! I will conceal myself down a trap.
[Does so. SCENE 2.- Street near St. Paul's. Enter BLOUNT.
Enter CRUSHERS, of course with moustachios, and headed by BLOUNT.
EDITH.-Saved! Saved ! BLOUNT.—I have taken the timid young thing to the hotel under
[Faints. the shadow of St. Paul's, and I have stood her a supper of broiled fowl
SCENE 2.- A Board-room. and Moselle, and I have selected this spot--the site of the Holborn Enter Blount, MENDEZ, and some WITLESS HONOURABLES. Improvements as a conveniently secluded place in which to lay my BLOUNT.Gentlemen we will get up a company. plans for the future. Let me meditate before I return to Edith at the ALL. We will ! hotel.
[They get up a company. Then exeunt all but MENDEZ, Enter Mogg.
To him enters his THIN SISTER. Mogg.--All the evening have I been wandering about in search of
THIN SISTER.–Stout brother, your daughter has been deceived by Hungerford-market. Can it have strayed into Holborn-valley ? Blount, M.P. BLOUNT.—Mogg!
MENDEZ.-Ha! Revenge! Revenge! I will denounce him! Mogg.-Blor:nt!
[Comic dance, and off. BLOUNT.-Thief! Mogg.- Forger!
SCENE 3.-Housetop, with view of London by Night.
[Keeps his counsel, and Exit.
Mogg.-I am pursued. How to escape ? Ha! Those telegraph
wires ! SCENE 3.--Waterloo-bridge.
(Pulls down four telegraph wires, calculated to bear a strain of about five Enter Editi and BLOUNT, apparently from the Inland Revenue Office.
tons each, twists them into a rope, and descends ovor parapet.) BLOUNT.- Notwithstanding the Moselle, she still believes I am
Enter BLOUNT and BEARDED CRUSHERS. actuated by the purest motives. Simple are the children of Canter. BLOUNT.-He will escape me yet! I have it. My trusty poeketbury. We are now going to Konnington-I have walked with her to knife will cut through the four telegraph wires in rather less than a this spot to bring it within a shiling cab fare.
twinkling! Editu.-Away, then, to Kennington !
(Cuts wires with pocket-knife. Groans from smashed MOGG. BLOuXT.-Away! [They get into a cab, which has just arrived by a penny steamer. ACT
IV. SCENE 1.-Room in Edith's House. Smashed Moag on couch,
conveniently placed between folding doors. EDITH and ARTHUR CAREnter ARTHUR, drunk.
RINGTON nursing him.
[Plunges. ACT II. SCENE 1.--Drawing-room in Edith's House in Belgravia. EDITH.-But look here; before you die couldn't you contrive to
Acres of rooms with domed and fretted ceilings, suggestive of 'Be- bless us. Arthur has taken the pledge, and won't get drunk three grarian Luxury. Tall ices handed round as usual. Grand saturnalia | times a day any more. of witless Honourables in Berlin gloves and chin tufts. Card tables, MOGG (screams).-Ya-How!
[Dies convulsions. chess tables, 8c., as usually found in Belgravian Ball-rooms. Four Noblemen discovered dancing with four Peeresses in their own Right.
SCENE 2.--Railway Station. “ Profile" train ready to start. Crowds of
Passengers on platform. They object to get into a profile train. EDITA.- Last night I was a wanderer in London-to-day. I am Officials explain that all the "made-out" trains have struck. wealthy, and go into the best society. Somebody has died in Australia, and left me millions. This is a room in my mansion in
Enter BLOUNT and a Young WOMAN. Belgrave-square. It has a domed roof, like the interior of a Mosque, BLOUNT.—Away! Away!
[They away into a carriage. which adds to its effect, but interferes with the arrangements of the
Inter MENDEZ, apartment over it, the floor of which is difficult to walk upon. Witless MENDEZ.Stop him! Stop him! Honourables crowd about me, and seek my hand in regular marriage, (Oficers arrest Blount. Realization of MR. FRITH's Railway Station. notwithstanding the awkward fact that I, a girl of eighteen or so, am
Great joy of everybody who has not woen the picture.) living alone in this mansion, and giving parties without any chaperone.
Have we MENDEZ.-Oh, s'help me, my tear!
deserved this? BLOUNT.-Readily, my friend.
[S'helps him R. "Enter a OOMIC FLUNKEY.
A very Proper Step. Comic F. Mr. Blount, M.P., this appears to me to be a fitting
The church of St. Mildred at the east end of the Poultry is to be reopportunity to tell you the history of my life and my dawning moved. Of course the Poultry is better fitted for a day than for a prospects.
clerical establi ment.